Chapter 5

A/N: This chapter is a little look in the past. I hope it will help you understand why Amelia did what she did. Life is never black or white. Thank you for reading!

Only her mom and Addison knew about what happened with Amelia 18 years ago after she overdosed and crashed Derek's car. They were the ones who helped her through it.
Her sisters came to the hospital after the car crash, but when they saw that she would be fine they all headed back to their lives, not wanting to worry anymore about their screw-up-little-sister.

Not even Derek stayed. He never came to visit, at least when she was awake. She knew she had messed up pretty bad. She crashed his car, after all, but she needed her big brother so much and he was nowhere to be found. Derek was so, so mad at Amelia. At that time he was so blind-sided by anger that he coudn't even look at her. His little sister was dead in his arms for almost three minutes. For years he couldn't get over that.
Amelia's mom was very angry too, but she found in her heart to forgive her teenage daughter for all the mess she had caused. Her little girl was struggling and she just couldn't leave her.

After Amelia had spent few days at the hospital she didn't feel better at all. Drugs were wearing off and she was yearning for them. She cried and felt sick. But doctors found that that wasn't the only reason she felt so sick. Amelia was pregnant.
She couldn't believe in what she got herself into, but she decided that there was no getting out of that mess. She knew that she had hurt so many people with her actions and that she would not be able to live with herself if she killed or destroyed a life of an innocent little human that was growing inside her.

When her mother found out, Addison was the only one she could think of calling. Of course, Addison came right away. She loved Amelia and she would do anything for her 'little sister'.

''I'm so scared Addie. I don't think that I can do this. What if I do something that messes my baby up? What if I hurt the baby just like I have been hurting everybody else? Please help me.'' – Amelia was sobbing on Addison's shoulder.

Addison tried to calm her down – ''Shhh shhh... Everything's going to be okay. We're going to figure this out together.''

''But how? What am I going to do? I'm a mess Addie. I'm already destroying my baby's life and it's not ever born yet.'' – Amelia poured her soul – ''I'm 16. A drug addict and an alcoholic. What good could ever come from me? This baby didn't do anything to deserve to have me for a mother.''

''First you're going to the rehab center. You're going to get clean, so that your baby can grow and be healthy. It's going to be very hard Amy, I'm not going to lie, but your mom and I will be by your side. We should call Derek and tell him everything. He can help, you know he can''- Addison said, but when she mentioned Derek Amelia cut her off immediately.

''Noo, please don't call Derek. Noone else can know about this. I'll get clean. For the baby. I promise. But please don't say anything to Derek.''- Amelia begged.

Normally, Addison would've never agreed, but only that time she bent and said – ''Fine!''

Months have passed. Every single day was a struggle and a huge fight for Amelia to stay away from drugs. Being extremely hormonal didn't help her either. She wanted to escape from her own skin. But in face of everything, she pushed through.

As her baby grew bigger and healthier, she felt stronger. She was determined not to screw up this time. Feeling of happiness washed over her when Addison told her that she was carrying a little girl. She already loved her baby girl with all her heart.
And out of pure love and selflessness she made the hardest decision that she would ever have to make in her life. Amelia decided to put her baby girl for adoption.

She cried for days, but she knew deep down that she made the right choice for her baby. She wanted her to have everything this world could give and she knew that she couldn't give her all she deserves.

On May 15th at 4:50am, Amelia gave birth to a beautiful healthy little girl. She was so relieved that her baby was fine and that she didn't screw her up somehow. Tears of joy were pouring down from her deep blue eyes. The same blue eyes her little girl stole from her that day. And even tough Addison and the social worker said it would be harder to give her away if she named her, Amelia decided to name her Alison.

It was so hard to let go of this little copy of hers. Alison resembled her so much. Big blue eyes, dark hair, sweet fat cheeks and freckles... The universe had a cruel sense of humor.
For a minute there she wanted to change her mind and keep her. In a way Alison saved her life. She was her reason to fight and to be stronger. But, she knew that those reasons weren't good enough. They were too selfish.
Altough Amelia's heart broke into millions of pieces that day, she gave her baby girl away.

''I hope this world will never let you down. Be better than I could ever be. I want you to have your best chance, baby girl, so I'm giving you one. I love you...''

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All those memories came back in an instant. They came rushing back to collect an 18-year-old debt and to take one more piece of her still broken heart. Amelia didn't know what triggered all those blasts from the past, but there was something about that new intern. It wasn't just about her name or her age...It was something in her eyes that looked so familiar.

After running through the hallways and her emotional roller-coaster ride, Amelia felt drained when she got to the OR. But the patient's life was more important than her feelings. While scrubing in she composed herself as best as she could and went into that OR with only brain bleeds, that had to be repaired, in her mind.