AN: Hej,

Here's the new chapter. And just to clarify before anyone asks due to this story...I'm not a sadist. I'll go ahead and apologize, because it will seem like I'm a sadist for a while. But it's important to what I'm planning to do with this story.

To those who reviewed:
ThatRandomReview: More than likely both. Get some sleep!

Spamano4ever: I'm so sorry for hurting him..at all.

Enjoy.

A scream filled the air. Lovino immediately regretted not biting it back, because he got backhanded for it. He was in enough pain as it was. He could only withstand so much pain at a time. This had already reached double past that limit.

"Stop fucking screaming, you worthless piece of shit!"

Lovino didn't respond. He didn't cry out, he didn't meet the man's eyes. He didn't look up from where he was kneeled on the floor. He was trash. Worthless. But he was doing this, going through all this pain to keep Feliciano safe. It was worth it.

The man in front of him grabbed a handful of hair and pulled him up harshly, making him want to cry out in pain again. He bit his lip and stood without a sound.

"You're done for the day. Get outta here before I can change my mind."

As soon as he was released, Lovino grabbed his jacket and ran.

He didn't break until that night after Feliciano and his nonno had gone to sleep. Then he let the sobs come out. He felt sick. He was discusted with himself. Worthless.

Lovino snapped back to the present when Antonio touched his shoulder gently.

"You okay, love?"

Lovino gave a fake smile and nodded. It was nearing Christmas day. He hated the holiday. He really did. Mostly because of what happened when he was twelve on Christmas eve. He'd never liked Christmas after that. The pain kept him from enjoying it.

Antonio wrapped his arms gently around him. "Lovi...you're zoning."he said quietly.

They were currently sitting alone by the fire inside while the others were outside playing in the snow. Lovino hadn't felt like being around the others, seeing the pitying looks. He'd gotten a call from his boss saying to miss work for the next few days to recoup from that scare. The restruant was closed until everyone had recovered from the scare. Antonio had opted to stay with Lovino inside.

Lovino didn't look at Antonio as he spoke. "Toni..why do you love me? I'm just some broken kid.."he said, looking over at the Spaniard.

Antonio gave him a soft smile. "I love you because you're you, Lovino. You're my everything. Sure, there's a lot of baggage in your past that still haunts you..but you're much more than just some broken kid. You're my fallen angel. You're my reason to continue through the hard times."he said softly. "I love you because I can't live without you. I don't want to."

Lovino's eyes teared up. That was...the sweetest thing anyone had ever said to him. And it countered everything he'd been told in the past. A few tears fell and Antonio wiped them away silently.

Neither of them could bring themselves to speak again after that, not for a long while.

Then Antonio broke it again. "You don't want Feli to know about what happened to you."he said softly. "Why?"

"He's still innocent. I had mine stolen from me. I don't want the same to happen with Feli."Lovino responded. "He wants to help, and I love him dearly for it, but..I don't want him to lose his innocence."

Antonio nodded. After a long moment, he turned Lovino's head gently so that the Italian met his eyes. "I love you."he whispered before he kissed Lovino softly.

Lovino returned the kiss for a moment before he pulled back. Antonio sighed. Lovino still tasted like blood. He hated that.

"You realize I'd never hurt you, right?"Antonio asked.

Lovino smiled. "I know."he responded. "You're much to sweet to. And you aren't a sadist, thank god."

Antonio scowled. "You shouldn't've had to put up with that, Lovi."he said, huffing. "I wish I could take all this from you. Let you live your life like you want instead of living in shame and fear all the damn time."

Lovino shrugged. "I stopped showing my shame a long time ago, Antonio. Then it just turned into pure discust. It doesn't matter. It'll never change. I wouldn't wish my past on my worst enemy."he said quietly. "By the way..I'm sorry about yesterday."

Antonio shook his head, tightening his arms around Lovino's middle. "No. Don't be sorry. I get it. Just promise me you'll never give up."

Lovino smiled, crossing his heart.

Antonio gently reached up and ran his fingers over the bruising on his boyfriend's cheek. He couldn't stand the sight of it.

Lovino nuzzled Antonio's hand lightly, once again happy that he was so gentle. He kissed Antonio's palm, smiling against it.

Antonio chuckled, withdrawing his hand. "You looked scared when you started acting yesterday."

"I was."Lovino said. "Because I wasn't acting. Not until Feli and Ludwig left. I did go back to how I used to be for a bit. I would go through all that pain again as long as my brother and the rest of you guys are safe. I'm just glad that I could get a good couple shots in before I..."

Lovino trailed off and Antonio nodded. "I know."he whispered. "It's okay."

Lovino sighed. "I am so lucky to have you."he said quietly.

Antonio laughed lightly. "I could say the same."he said. Then his smile fell. "Is that why you weren't keen on physical contact?"

"I was scared you'd hurt me back then."Lovino said. "Back when we first got together...the week before..that was my last...it was the last time they decided to use me."he bit the last bit out. "I didn't want to be hurt anymore, so I didn't want to open up to you."

Antonio sighed. "Well...no matter what, I love you. That will never change."

Lovino nodded and settled against Antonio's side. It had been a long couple of days. He was still terrified from what happened yesterday.

Antonio looked back down at Lovino after a long while of silence to see the small Italian asleep against him. Good. He needs the rest after yesterday.

Fuck! I hate this! I'm so, so, so sorry guys!

And yes. I can't sleep. So I'm writing on new chapters and stuff until I can.