"The harder you fight to hold on to specific assumptions, the more likely there's gold in letting go of them."
John Seely Brown
The trip back to La Push was painful.
She didn't ask why I had her drive, just hopped up and adjusted the seat. I hurt so bad I wanted to puke, and the pains in my shoulder and knee weren't helping any. I'd be a fool to believe the tense calm between us now would last, but she seemed to take me at my word. I would help her, and she would let me. That was the only agreement between us.
"Momma!" I called out from the doorway, dropping Red's bag on the floor lightly and rubbing at the muscles pulling in my neck. I was in agony; pain burning up and down my side. I wouldn't be phasing, wouldn't be running and I needed it, needed the escape. I needed the purpose; my boys would be out hunting, and I'd be in bed. There would be no escape for me tonight.
"Boy," she hollered back, and I could hear her bare feet padding down the hall. "What did I tell you about yelling in my hou- Oh. Well, hello there," she said to Red, while giving me a look. I felt her eyes roam over me, cataloging any injury. She'd grill me later, I was sure.
Red stared; they all did at first. Although, very few people knew the real reason behind my momma's scars. I could feel the weight of it settle down in the room, tense as ever, but my momma never flinched. She just smiled, mouth half-twisted and scarred, and waited it out like she always did.
Shaking my head minutely, enough to let momma know that this wasn't meet-the-parents interrogation time, I pressed on. "This is Bella," I explained, though it was hardly needed. "Charlie Swan's daughter. Bella, this is my momma."
"Helena," my momma replied, taking Bella's un-offered hand and squeezing it. "Look just like your daddy, you do. 'Cept that mouth, that's your momma's."
"I get that a lot," Red replied, awkwardly. "Um..."
"I scented a leech while at Charlie's house," I explained, cutting through the silent tension. Better just to get to the point anyway, before the mutual lack of animosity faded to our usual level of hostility. "Bella thinks she knows the vampire, and it isn't a Cullen. We're in the process of relocating Charlie at the moment, and Bella needs a place to stay until the situation clears. I thought my old room would do nicely."
"Oh really?" Momma replied, raising one brow. "Well, there's a bed in there, I suppose it will do. What are you going to do about Charlie?"
Ignoring Red's curious look, I explained that too. "I'm going to call a meeting with the Elders about releasing the legend bonds to include Charlie. He's honorary brother here anyway, and he's been coming to the Rez forever. His safety must be taken into consideration, if he doesn't know, he might not listen."
"Sounds reasonable," she agreed, rolling her eyes. "Which means Quil'll probably fight you tooth and nail. Why you don't just-"
"Why don't you go take your shower Bella?" I cut momma off rudely, for which I earned a slap, and addressed Red. "Bathroom is the second door on the left, towels are in the linen closet. That's the smaller door across from the bathroom."
"Why?" Red asked, abrasive. "So you can talk about me?"
"Yes. But nothing you don't know, I promise."
She scooped up her bag and stormed off, nearly-but-not slamming the bathroom door behind her. The post-confessional calm had all but dissipated and Red was dealing with her emotions as she always did. By getting angry.
"Girl smells like a blow job gone bad," momma commented, looking me up and down. "What? You can't aim? And shouldn't you be in bed?"
"Taha Aki!"I huffed, turning my head to stair up at the ceiling. "It wasn't me."
"Gets around, does she?" she asked, handing me a muffin from the counter. Always feeding me, my momma was. "That what got your panties in a bunch, baby? Why isn't she staying with you?"
"No...no. I just...I don't know. I'm done with trying to help her, I'm done yelling. If she wants my help, she can ask." I was one step from turning into Josh; all I had to do was walk away. Loser. Nothing. Nobody.
"Oh you're never done when it comes to this," momma said, a little sternly. "It's for life, baby boy. You know that."
"I think I've done enough," I all but snarled. "I've tried, momma, I really have. I want to help her, of course I do, but she just...fights me, every step of the way and I'm tired." So damn tired. "She's burned the fight right outta me."
Giving me an appraising look, Momma nodded shortly. "So you've said your piece, done your thing and now you give her some space. Girl don't know how much you mean to her, yes, you to her, because it works that way too, so let her realize it. Let her see you at a distance." She smiled, patting my hand. "When she ain't spending her time trying to not look at you at all, she's so used to you up in her face yellin' like an ass. She hasn't seen the whole of you, yet. You're a good man, Sammy, but she can't possibly know that, all things considered. Give her time to see. "
"I don't know if I like who I am with her," I confessed. "I've never been so angry momma. I've never been so mad."
"Love's got a funny way of doing things, baby boy," she said softly. "It might bring out the best in us, but first it's gotta bring out the worst. You might be showin' your ass now, but you're a good boy, and she's a good girl. You're just not their yet."
We spoke for a while, waiting out Red's shower. When at last she emerged, freshly washed and dressed, I kissed my momma on the cheek and let her be about her business. "Come on then. I'll get you settled."
My old room was little more then a bed these days, used on the rare occasion that one was needed on the Rez. Red dropped her bag in the corner and gave me a nervous look. "Please let me stay with you." Back to that, it seemed. She must have done some thinking in the shower.
"No," I said firmly. "I think this is better. You said it yourself; we're not even friends. You made I perfectly clear how you felt about me. I'm sorry I wasn't clearer about how I felt, Bella."
Red sighed. "Bella?" she asked, looking at me over her shoulder. "What happened to Red?"
"Nicknames are presumptions," I replied shortly, all to ready to sink down into bed, any bed, and sleep. Not that sleep was on the menu. "I'm trying not to make any more assumptions where you're concerned. It isn't fair to you."
She nodded, eyes closing for a moment. "I kind of liked it," she admitted with a self-deprecating smile.
"Nicknames assume a kind of intimacy we don't have," I replied flatly, looking out the little bedroom window. "I don't think it's a good idea."
"I've been more intimate with you than I've been with anyone," she said. "No one makes me..." She shook her head. "No one makes me angry like you do."
"I hardly think that's intimate," I snorted, shaking my head. "I don't feel-"
"You shouldn't feel anything for me," she said, frowning. "I'm not any nicer to you. It still doesn't make any sense. You shouldn't like me Sam. No one else would, in your position."
Silence ticked between us. I could tell her, right here and right now, put it out all in the open. But no. Not after tonight. That would only be cruel.
"So it's stalemate," I said with a sigh. "We'll take care of vampire Bella, and I'll let you be on your business. I'm sorry I ever got it in my head you might need a friend."
"You were never my friend."
I nodded, because she wasn't wrong. "Maybe not the kind you wanted. But I'm still there for you, if you need it; the pack, my momma, even Billy if you're desperate, we're all still there for you."
"Then let me stay." Her eyes were pleading, as was her mouth, but I chose to ignore both. "I'm sorry! Please let me stay with you."
"No," I sucked in a breath because the selfish, empty apology hurt almost as bad as the words. "You're not sorry, and you did mean everything you said. You're only sorry about how it's affecting you now. Maybe you need to start considering how your actions will effect you long term, Bella. I'm sorry too, but I meant what I said, every word. I'm done being playing your savior; it wasn't my place to assume I could in the first place. You're safe here on the Rez, beyond that, I won't bother you unless you ask…"
"Sam-"
"I have tribal business to take care of. I'll swing by later on tonight," I explained, pausing at the door. "And Bella? You better think twice about the way you treat my momma. You think I was hard on you? You ain't got no idea. After all, that is the woman who raised me."
As I left, closing her door behind me, I promised myself that I would do my best to make no more assumptions. From this moment on, Red and I were on a brand new square-one.