Chapter 9

Alison's thoughts were a mess. Everything she ran from for years cought up with her. Memories of a little girl praying to God every night to give her her mommy back; her first day of school when she had to say that she didn't have mom and dad like all the other kids; her birthdays without the love and attention that only a parent can give; her first day in a new home, learning how to love David; waking up alone after dreaming of her mom putting her to sleep; the day she stopped praying because she figured that noone was listening; all those times she thought she didn't belong and then the day when she stopped feeling like that and embraced her new family; the day she found out who were her parents and what happened to them; the day when she decided to hide her last name 'Shepherd' behind an inital; and so many tears she had to swallow and not show them to the world. Everything cought up with her and there was no turning back anymore. So she ran from the trauma room and the ER.

When she got outside, fresh air hit her in the face and her eyes couldn't fight and hold the tears. Her legs couldn't hold the weight and they started shaking. She hid in the dark when her legs betrayed her and she fell on her knees. Sobbs that came out of her sounded more like screams. The pain she felt in that moment was unbearable. So she closed her eyes and let it all pour out.

Amelia's heart broke a little more on the sight of Alison kneeling and crying in the dark. For a second she just stood there not knowing what to do or say, but her motherly instincts kicked in in the right moment. She approched Alison slowly, afraid to scare her off. She got on her knees too, got her arms around Alison and took her in an embrace, not willing to ever let go of her again.

At first Alison tried to push her away and move.
''Leave...me...alone...'' – she could barely articulate the words between the sobbs.

Amelia weakend the hug a little, just to be able to look better at Alison and said – ''I will never, EVER, leave you alone again, baby girl! I can promise you that!''

Alison was still very tense, but she opened her eyes to look at Amelia.
Amelia waited, to let her words sink in, and then she hugged her again, even tighter then before. This time Alison gave up fighting. She leaned even more in the hug and cried on Amelia's shoulder for some time.

That anger she felt minutes ago started fading away with every second that passed. The pain was still there, but fading slowly. She couldn't make herself stop crying, though. But she found it very comforting when Amelia started stroking her hair and rocking her in her arms.
''Shhh...shhh...sweety, it's okay. Shhh...shhh...''

Alison could hear Amelia grasping for air between those comforting words and her own tears. She was trying to be strong for her daughter and Alison knew that, but she couldn't say anything. Her own tears were hard enough to control and deal with at that moment. Although, she didn't want to break the hug, she moved away.

Amelia looked at her through the tears confused and afraid at the same time. Alison then stood up. Her whole body was shaking. Then she reached down for Amelia's hand, saying without a word to stand up. When Amelia stood up she was expecting to be left there standing alone. She was afraid that their moment was over. And she could see that Alison was shaking, so she took her hand again and just stood there letting Alison know that she was there if she needed her.

There was something sacred in the tears they shared in the silence. Those tears have spoken louder than words could ever do. They were showing such an overwhelming grief both of them felt, but there was something more...an unspeakable love that was always there inside of them, but never shared before.

Silence was, yet again, broken by Amelia.
''Where are you staying? Let me drive you. It looks like it's going to start raining any second. And you're still shaking...''

''I'm staying in a hotel, just a block away from here. It's close, so no need to drive.'' – Alison said and looked up to see Amelia's disappointment, then continued – ''But...You can walk with me if you want...''

''Only if you want me to.'' – Amelia said, not wanting to force anything.

''It's really close...'' – Alison paused, and Amelia jumped in and said – ''And you look like you could use a hand to hold while walking. You're still shaking pretty bad...''

Alison nodded and for the first time offered a little smile. She brushed away the tears with her sleeve and started walking towards the sidewalk. Amelia followed and took Alison's hand again. The walk to the hotel was quiet. Both of them wrapped in their own thoughts and feelings about the last half an hour. Alison took deep breaths to calm herself, trying to take in everything that happened. Exhaustion hit her again and she sighed.

Amelia's thoughts were interrupted by the rain that was starting to drizzle. It was getting cold and she was only wearing her scrubs. No lab coat, no long sleeves. They got to the entrance in the hotel when the heavy shower started. As much as Amelia didn't want to force anything she had to go inside to, at least, hide from the rain.
Alison surprised her when she said – ''Come upstairs with me. I'll find you something dry and warm to wear''

''It's okay. You don't have to do that. I'll just wait for the shower to pass. And you're very tired...'' – Amelia wanted to give her some space.

''I dragged you here. That's the least I can do. Come on.'' – Alison didn't give in and she pressed the button to call the elevator.

When they got to the room, Alison felt the urge to just curl in the bed and sleep. She showed Amelia where to find the towels and left her in the bathroom. Her clothes weren't dry either, so she decided to jump into her PJ's, since she was alone in the room. She found something for Amelia to wear and left it on the sofa. Amelia was drying her hair in the bathroom, while silence and exhaustion took their tolls on Alison, as she fell asleep.

Minutes later, Amelia got back to the room and found Alison sleeping. She couldn't take her eyes off of her. She looked so peaceful and calm. No tears, no pain on her face. And she couldn't help but smile when she saw her PJ with teddy bears all over. Alison maybe was an intern and very intelligent, but she was still a teenager. After Amelia changed she looked out the window and saw that the raining was slowing down.

She wanted to stay and to watch her baby sleep, but she knew she should go. So, she found the blanket and wrapped it around Alison, because she fell asleep on top of the covers, then stroked her hair and leaned in to kiss her forehead. She cursed herself after kissing her, because she woke her up.

''Go back to sleep. I'm going to go now.'' – Amelia whispered.

Alison rubbed her eyes and bit her lip. One part of her wanted Amelia to stay, and the other one wanted to be alone. She was torn. As Amelia approched the door, she said – ''Don't go...Please.''.

She could feel one tear escaping her again.

Amelia immediately turned around and came back. She wiped that tear off, kissed Alison on her forehead again and gave her a big hug. And without a word she lied down, and Alison put her head on Amelia's chest and in a matter of seconds she fell asleep.
Amelia felt Alison relaxing and her deep breaths were in harmony with Amelia's heartbeat. She couldn't stop the tears of joy and relief falling. Her baby girl was sleeping in her embrace for the first time.
And in that moment something big shifted in Amelia. 18 years ago she gave birth to a little girl, but didn't have the chance to be a mother. And now, while holding her, she finally became a mother.

A/N: Nothing is more comforting than a mother's hand wiping away your tears, right? After a little bit of drama and a lot of tears, I am happy to see these two making a bond. Let me know what you think. I love reading your comments. And thank you all for reading.