Chapter 11

A/N: I'm very sorry for not updating sooner. Exams got in the way. I hope to update more in the next few days. Don't give up on me. ;) Thank you for reading.

Amelia was stuck in surgeries almost 'till the end of her shift. Saying she was tired wouldn't even start to explain the real feeling. 24 hours without sleep and a lot of coffee could make a person a little cranky, and with everything that's happened she was more than a little cranky. And she needed something more.
Amelia craved for a drink.

She needed something to make her brain slow down. All day she distracted herself with surgeries and paperwork, but when her shift was over she knew she had to go to a meeting. As soon as possible.

Luckily, she came just in time. Richard was already there. She waved him, signaling to save her a seat. Almost a week ago, when she first came to a meeting in Seattle, she walked in just in time to hear Richard's confession about his daughter, he never knew he had, coming to work in the hospital. Amelia was a bit shocked. Finding out her sister-in-law has a sister and she doesn't even know it, and having to keep that a secret. That wasn't an easy burden to carry, especially for Amelia. She was somewhat famous for not having a filter.

But she was a grown-up now and she would never talk about something she heard on a meeting outside of one. She met Maggie Pierce few days ago in the cafeteria and she seemed very nice. Amelia decided they could be good friends since they were both new ones around. And Richard, even though he was a little hesitant about Amelia knowing everything at first, appreciated her support. Right then he could not even imagine what kind of secret Amelia had kept for so many years.

Amelia found her way to the seat Richard saved for her and the meeting started. As the meeting proceeded, people talking and confessing their fears and weaknesses, Amelia argued with herself. She knew she needed to talk, but the fear took over her mind and she just sat there trying to look as calm as possible. Almost an hour later the meeting was closer to its end and Amelia still couldn't find the courage to walk in front of them all and spill her biggest secret. Richard noticed Amelia's fingers restlessly circling. He could feel the nerves radiating from her tense body.

''Talking will help you Amelia. Each minute you keep silent you're closer to walking to Joe's and buying a drink. Believe me, I've been there.'' – he whispered with fatherly concern.

Amelia was very well aware that he was right. She was trying to shush every single cell in her body that was screaming for a glass of wine, or a bottle for that matter. Triggers were on each corner every day. Even the good things could push an addict to relapse. And this secret brought its own storm of emotions, all over again. Even the good can be a curse for an addict.

Few deep breaths later, Amelia stood up and walked up to the front. She cleared her throat and and said – ''Hi. I'm Amelia and I'm an addict.''

''Hi Amelia'' – everyone greeted.

She was busy trying to gather her thoughts that she didn't notice at first that she just stood there silently.
''I was 16 when I took my first pill. My best friend and I were foolish enough to think that being a nerd wasn't as cool as being a drug addict. We grew up together and were always the best versions of ourselves with each other. 'Till one day we've seen each other at our worst. I can't even remember those days clearly now. We were lost in that foggy space for months. We slept together few times, I think. One day we took everything we had. I crashed my brother's car and was dead for three minutes. And he...he went home, fell asleep and never woke up. I found out about that a month later when I was in rehab, trying to get myself together because...'' – she stopped, tears sliding down her face. Her throat constricted so much that the words were stuck, not wanting to get out. But Amelia knew she had to say it.

''...because...I found out I was pregnant.''

Little sob escaped her mouth. Richard just swallowed hard and kept looking at her with so much support in his eyes.

She continued – '' I don't even know how my baby wasn't already messed up. I never prayed and believed in God, but for that I thank Him or the Universe or whatever it is up there.
I gave birth to a healthy little girl and gave her away to save her from myself.
Almost nobody knew about it. Only my mother and one of my friends.
My family was always so perfect and I just couldn't tell them.
But I am here today, 18 years later, sober, thinking about my little girl every day. Only to be shocked, because she's here in Seattle. She came to find me and we talked last night. The whole world fell on me when she said ' All these years I wondered how you could choose to let me grow up without you.'
We both cried a lot and I think she doesn't hate me. But will she ever be able to forgive me? Will she ever love me or call me mom? Do I even deserve that? I' m not sure if she's going to stay, because she won't be able to avoid me every day in the hospital...'' – Amelia realized what she said in that last sentence.

She looked at Richard, shock written all over his face. He figured it out. He put together the pieces. The initial 'S' in the name, the confession that her mother left her, running away from the ICU, Amelia's strange reaction, similarities in their features. It all made sense. He wasn't surprised anymore by all that intelligence. Shepherd genes were definetely strong. Richard sighed and thought for himself ' what an impossible situation'.

''Thank you for listening.'' – Amelia decided that was more than enough talking for one day.

''Thank you for sharing.'' – few people responed, including Richard.

After the meeting Amelia rushed outside, got in her car and drove away. She couldn't talk to Richard. No more talking for the day. Only shower, food and sleep sounded good at the moment.
Richard knew Amelia was a runner. Derek and her weren't that much different, as they thought and liked to point out to everyone. So he could understand what a big step for her that confession was. He figured he would let her be for some time. Pushing her would only have a counter effect.

First part of her shift Alison spent on peds. She was excited to meet Dr. Robbins, one of the best pediatric surgeons and a Carter Maddison Grant winner. Alison read a lot about her Malawi program and admired her greatly. So getting to work with her so soon made Alison's day even better than it was before.

She was a bit nervous before the rounds, even Zack noticed, but she loved peds and wanted to become a pediatric surgeon one day. So that's where all those nerves came from. It would mean the world to her if her work was acknowledged by Robbins.

Edwards and her five interns stood near the nurses stations and went through charts when Dr. Robbins finally joined them.
''Okay... I know this is the first time you're on peds rotation with me and I want you to understand that I run my peds unit a little differently than you're maybe used to. This is not general surgery in miniature. These are the tiny humans. These are children. They believe in magic, they play pretends, there is fairy dust in their IV bags. They hope and they cross their fingers and they make wishes and that makes them more resilient than adults. They recover faster, survive worse. They believe. In peds we have...miracles...and magic. In peds...anything is possible!'' – she smiled, took the first chart from Edwards and walked in the room.

Alison was in awe after that little speech. Everyone praised Dr. Webber's speech, but this one made her remember why she loved medicine in the first place. Sometimes it really seemed like it was some kind of magic.

The first one to present the case was Zack. Alison thought he wasn't bad, but one could see he wasn't that interested in peds and that he felt pretty uncomfortable around children. After him came Polly Young, James Campbell and Daniel Garcia, presenting in that order. Alison was the last one and after seeing her colleages scaring the kids and parents with all that big medical talk, she decided to go with a slightly different approach.

''Dr. Jean, would you mind'' – Robbins said gently.

''Of course Dr. Robbins'' – Alison answered and stepped closer to the little girl's bed.

She presented all the medical stuff to her resident and attending and then turned to the little girl. She could see the tears forming in her eyes so she came closer and said – ''Don't worry, Bonnie. Dr. Robbins will now check you stomach and she will fix it tommorow. I promise you.''.

She just nodded, still trying not to cry, so Alison continued – ''You have a pretty doll here with you. What's her name?''

''Sarah.'' – she answered without hesitation.

''What would you say if you and I check Sarah's stomach just like Dr. Robbins will check your's?''

Bonnie's eyes opened wider and Alison could see a little bit of excitment behind the tears.
''I can help? Can I listen to her heart first?''

''Of course you can.'' – Alison chuckled at such a fast change in the mood and gave the stetoscope to her new little helper.

While Bonnie listened to her doll's heart, Alison looked at Robbins and saw her smiling with approval. She even looked impressed a little bit.
After the check-up on her doll, the little girl didn't mind Dr. Robbins checking her abdomen and that nasty appendix. She flinched few times in pain, but was very brave.

Ten patients later the evening rounds were over. Alison was truly enjoying herself for the first time. Edwards sighed with relief because her interns didn't make fools of themselves and of her, which was even more important.
Before sending them to the ER Robbins asked them few more questions and added looking at Alison – ''You handled that little girl really great. Did you ever consider peds for a specialty in the future?''

''Thank you.'' – Alison grinned and continued – ''It's still early for that, but I love children, so who knows.''
Arizona nodded and left.

Alison felt like she was on top of the world and couldn't stop grinning.
''Stop grinning so much. It's annoying.'' – Zack teased her.

''Stop being so jelous. It's annoying...AND flattering.'' – Alison teased back.

Zack just gave her a look and continued – ''Let's check on your John have some spare time''

Alison's grin faded quickly. ''He's not John Doe anymore. He goes by Robert Daniels now. Let's do that later. We should go to the ER anyway.''

The rest of the shift they spent in the ER, doing sutures and trying to catch some sleep. Alison spent some time thinking about Amelia. She wasn't sure what will happen with them. But what worse could happen than their first conversation, she thought to herself.

A/N: I've always loved that Arizona's little speech about peds, so I had to use it. I hope you don't mind. Please review if you have time. It would mean a lot to hear some feedback.