Chapter 13

A/N: This one's a bit longer and you may recognize some of the dialoges i used from the show. I hope you don't mind. I'm not taking the credit for it, I just wanted to complement my story and it fit great. Enjoy. Thank you for reading.

Amelia bought them sandwiches and as they ate they chated about Seattle, the weather, their favourite books and movies. They commented on people passing by and laughed so hard. There was nothing forced about it. On the contrary, it was easy and fun.
After they finished their breakfast they walked through the Market, watched and admired street artists and performers, they even bought few books.

Two hours later Amelia suggested that they go to the park to talk and relax in the peace and quiet a bit. Alison agreed. They found the perfect spot with the best view and sat down.

''I had a lot of fun. Thank you for showing me this place. It really does feel like home.'' – Alison smiled.

''Don't thank me. Thank you for wanting to go anywhere with me. I'm not sure I deserve that.'' – Amelia replied with a touch of sadness and guilt.

Alison wasn't ready to comment on that, so she stayed quiet and looked at the water. The sound of the small waves was soothing. It calmed both of them. They spent few minutes in the comfortable silence, when Alison spoke – ''Are those ferry boats?''

Amelia smiled and immediately thought of her brother. '' Yeah, they are. Have you ever been on one?''

''No. I haven't even seen one 'till now.'' – Alison exclaimed, grinning from ear to ear – ''They look like fun.''

''I'm beginning to think that Derek and you are going to get along just fine. He loves ferry boats. He even has them on his scrub cap.'' – Amelia chuckled at how excited Alison seemed about seeing the ferry boats for the first time. ''Maybe he could take you to ride one some time.''

Alison looked at Amelia confused. '' Didn't you tell me that noone knows?''

'' Only my mom and Addison know you exist. I never dared to tell Derek before. But I want to.''

''Who's Addison?'' – Alison asked.

''She's Derek's ex-wife. She was always like a sister to me. The best one I have. I lived and worked with her when I was in LA. I think you'll love her.'' – Amelia asnwered and continued – ''But...well...they're not the only ones that know about you... Last night I was at the meeting and I was struggling, so I talked and I told them about you. Richard was there...''

''And who is Richard?''

''Dr. Webber.'' – Amelia looked at Alison, afraid of her reaction.

''Oh.'' – was the only thing Alison could mouth.

She didn't know what to think about the fact that people will find out who she really is. It was hard enough to earn respect and to live with all the staring and gossiping in the hospital, because she was younger.
What would it be like if people knew she was a Shepherd? She was struggling with that thought, not knowing whether to be mad at Amelia for telling the truth or to be happy because she's not running from it.
Last few hours were so easy when they were alone, away from the people that know them. But, it seemed to get way more complicated when they had to include other people. And Alison felt like she still wasn't ready for everyone to know.

24 hours later...

Amelia's shift began only few hours ago and her day was already a nightmare. It wasn't only her that was having it rough. Everybody seemed to struggle from the very morning, like the hospital halls were cursed or something. Whatever it was, there was definetely something in the air driving people to the edge that morning.

After finishing her rounds Amelia tried to look for Alison, but the girl was nowhere to be found. Either they were missing each other in just passing by or Alison was avoiding contact with Amelia. It was pretty obvious which of the two it was, but Amelia didn't want to accept it.

Just when it seemed they started to make some kind of bond and a relationship Alison suddenly backed off. Maybe it was fear of everybody finding out and she wasn't ready for that. And Amelia jumped to the conclusion that it was ok to talk about it, but now she was sure she might have made a huge mistake and scared her daughter off. All those thoughts made her crazy and she again, for the hundredth time in her life, started feeling like a failure.

To distract herself she decided to update few of her patient's charts. When she found the changes that were made in the course of treatment on some of her patients, her building anxiety turned into pure rage in a second. She couldn't believe Derek was so disrespectful of her position. It wasn't her fault he decided not to go to DC, but she was now the head of the department, not him and she expected at least a little respect and support from her own brother.

She jumped from her office desk like she was burned and went to find Derek. As she approached the nurses station she could hear Arizona, Derek and Jackson arguing about some meeting and Jackson putting it to end by saying that the meeting would be happening no matter what. Luckily for Arizona and Jackson, they were too busy to stick around so when she came closer to Derek he was alone.

''Derek!'' – she exclamied in a higher voice than usual – ''Why is it that I find a changed course of treatment in tha charts of MY patients? You can't just go around writing orders on my patients!''

''I'm doing my job.'' – Derek said with a smug on his face that irritated Amelia even more.

''No. You're doing my job. I am chief of neurosurgery. If you have a problem with that you should take it up with the board. Until then...I will call you when I need you.'' – she finished with a more calm voice and marched through the hall.

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Alison wasn't in a specificly great mood since Amelia told her about Richard knowing everything and since her shift has started she successfully avoided both of them. She didn't think she would be mad about it, but it made her feel vulnerable and extremely uncomfortable, and those feelings brought back some of the anger she tried to bury. Last few days were overwhelming and she just needed some time to process.

As Zack and her were following Dr. Edwards around, there just wasn't a way to not listen on her and Dr. Bailey's conversation. Alison caught something about Edwards moving Dr. Bailey's surgeries for her to prepare for some kind of presentation to the board later that day.

''Look, Edwards...'' – Bailey stopped walking and continued talking – ''I'm going to walk in there and tell the truth. I deserve this. And if any one of them has the misguided impression that there is any choice at all in this matter I will send that person on the righteous path before he or she can reveal him or herself as a moron!'' – she finished with pleasure.

Edwards couldn't help but smile and she nodded approvingly. Then Bailey's pager started buzzing.

''Ohh, pile up on a I5, trauma coming in.'' – Bailey informed – '' Hey, why are they paging me? Isn't Grey on the pit today?''

Edwards just shrugged her shoulders and turned to Zack and Alison – ''Mitchell, Jean! Why are you just standing? Move! Big trauma is coming.''

With that, the three of them headed after Bailey to the ER.

They got there at the same time as Dr. Webber and Dr. Pierce. They looked very awkward to Alison, but she couldn't concentrate on what was going on between them. She was too focused on hiding from Dr. Webber's sight. Not for long, though.

When the crowd around the patient, trying to photograph him, got their attention they couldn't believe what they saw. A tree branch was penetrating the patient's abdomen and got him stuck in his driver's seat. Alison's eyes were wide open, as she murmured – ''How did he survive that?!''

''Let's go people. This is the ER, not some tv show. Move away from the patient!'' – Bailey jumped into the crowd, followed by Pierce, Edwards, Zack and Alison.

''We need to stabilze him fast. His airway is in danger.'' – Pierce shouted. Then the man started coughing blood and they knew there was no time to lose. She ordered – ''Intubation tube! I'll need to go nasaly.''

As they worked on the poor man trying to stabilize him, the technicians were cuting parts of the branch and the car seat. Alison was busy herself, with the IV line.

''Okay. BP's coming down. Great work everybody. Let's get this man into the OR.''

''Jean, Mitchell. Run and get ready the OR1. You can observe.'' – Edwards said.

They nodded and did what they were told. As much as Alison was excited for the opportunity to observe such an extraordinary surgery she dreaded the hours she had to spent in the same room with Dr. Webber.

At the same time the drama was happening in the trauma room 2 with the Shepherd's crashing heads again. Derek continued to step the boundries with his sister.

''ABC intact.'' – Kepner tried to stop the bickering and get their attention.

Derek pushed Amelia of the way and began assesing the patient's head injury.
''He's got a depressed skull fracture. It's pretty deep. We'll need to do the CT and, considering the position, an angio.''

''I can make that decision if you give me room to look.'' – Amelia tried to push back.

''I don't think he's going to make it and it's going to be ugly, so let me do it.'' – Derek told quietly with conviction.

''Ahh...because only you can save him now? Screw you! I've got him'' – Amelia snapped. She couldn't tolerate her brother interfering anymore.

''Maybe you can both have him. You know...like a team or a family.'' – Kepner tried to save the situation.

Amelia had enough and said – ''I have him. Let's get him to CT. Kepner, you'll assist.''

She pushed Derek out of the way. Her day was getting better and better. She hoped to see Alison at least from the distance in the ER, just to make sure she was okay. But she wasn't there or she missed her again. She was pissed at Derek and his atitude. Everything was just great.

As the day went on, the tension in the hospital was getting dangerously high. Callie and Owen were screaming at each other in the hallway even more than Derek and Amelia were, Arizona overwhelmed and streched on so many sides, Kepner in the middle of the Shepherd's clash, Bailey angry because Meredith wasn't at her job so she had to do it instead, Webber didn't know how to tell Maggie the truth and Maggie herself was devestated because her sister rejected her existence.

After Amelia finished the surgery she had yet another verbal duel with Derek. She couldn't believe how full of himself he was, or better said, full of shit. She could remember more clearly why she decided all those years ago not to tell him about Alison and with the way he acted he didn't even deserve to know. Not then, and not now. He always tried to point out how much better he was than her and Amelia was sick of living in his shadow.

But even then Derek wasn't done. When he saw the scans of the patient taken after the surgery he decided once more to step over his sister. Behind her back he took the patient into another surgery and forced Kepner to assist him.

Amelia was more than furious when she found out and rushed to the OR, but when she got there it was too late. The patient was already lost and she wasn't even able to look at her brother. That's how enraged she was. After the patient was taken from the OR she stayed to do the op-note when Derek came in again.

''What?'' – she asked shortly.

''I'll do the op-note if you want.'' – he said bluntly.

''You're going to steal this part too?'' – Amelia stared at the papers.

''Stealing? No. I'm just...trying to help. He was a lost cause.'' – Derek tried to justify himself.

''Whatever he was or wasn't, he was my responsibility and I didn't need your help. And I don't need any more of your bullying.''- she told him matter-of-factly.

''Bullying. I am trying to be nice...''

''Look, I get it.'' – Amelia interrupted him – ''You were king of all neurosurgeonts, right hand to the president and now you can't have that, so you have to be the king of the hospital.''

''You of all the people should understand that this was the future of neuroscience. This is what we would've dreamt of in med school if we thought it was even possible to be done.'' – Derek tried again to explain.

''Then you shouldn't have given it up. But the least you can do is to stop stomping around, punishing people for a choice you made.'' – Amelia stared at him with so much frustration.

''I didn't make a choice. Meredith made a choice and backed me into a corner. And because I love my kids and I love my wife and I only want to do what's best for her. I do. I want to give her everything.''- he stopped and sighed bitterly – '' But something like this will not come again. This is it. This is as high as I go. I have never taken a step back in my career, EVER. I've never felt like this before and I feel like she forced me.''

''Okay, well I know the feeling, because it is happening to me right now.''- she was screaming at him.

''I'm not...I'm not trying...'' – he stuttered.

''I know you're not trying to, but you are Derek. You are doing it to me.'' – Amelia was on a roll now and couldn't stop herself talking even if she wanted to – '' And Meredith...You say you want her to have everything, but not if it interferes with you having your everything and it is not fair. And I am saying NO, too. Because you have to live with the choices you make!'' – she exclamed.

''I am trying to. I...am trying.'' – Derek frowned, tired of the fight.

''I know...We're all trying.'' – then she turned him her back and finished more calmly – '' It's just noone wants to give up or give in...and noone should. Right?''

Oh and was she trying to. Every day Amelia was battling her inner war against all the regret and guilt because of the choices she made. Drugs, alcohol, pushing everyone who was ever close to her away, giving away her baby, relapsing and losing Ryan and her brainless baby boy, running from everything that scared her and hurting so many people in that process.

Amelia was fighting hard to live with so much guilt and when she finally started thinking that maybe, just maybe everything would work out somehow, everything started to complicate again. She just couldn't catch a break. And she didn't even want to admit to herself how much Alison's avoidance hurt her. But on the other hand, she couldn't imagine in how much pain Alison was, not just now, but over all those years.
And Amelia knew that she was the only one to blame for everything, her choice led to all that pain.

Yes, she was trying really hard to live with the choices she made!

A/N: Thanks again for sticking with me. Please review if you have time. I would really, really appreciate it.