Chapter 14

The surgery on the patient that had a tree branch penetrating his abdomen went very well. Pierce was able to avoid heart failure after repairing the pericardium, and Webber and Bailey did the splenectomy, diaphragm repair and stopped all the bleedings. The patient was stable and everone was very optimistic about his recovery.

Alison was amazed by everything she saw and learned during the surgery and she couldn't help but admire greatly her superiors. Even though at first she wasn't so eagar to spend that many hours in the same room with Dr. Webber, she had to admit she enjoyed every minute and didn't mind the pain in her back after standing for so long.

Half way through Alison even managed to forget about everything that was happening outside that little bubble in the OR. She felt so lost in the situation with Amelia. She was torn between so many intense emotions.
When she first decided to come to Seattle to find and confront Amelia it was because she was looking for some kind of closure. All she wanted was the truth about why she was given away, she needed the confirmation that it wasn't her fault. It was irrational to think that it could be her fault, but she needed to hear it.

For years Alison suffered and terribly missed her mother, but at some point it got a little easier. Maybe it was because of Nana, David and her brothers and sisters and maybe it was just time doing its thing and making people forget, but it got easier. Of course, that didn't mean she forgot or forgave her mother. The pain was always there, but she thought she didn't need a mother anymore.

So she came to Seattle to look for answers and not for her mother.

And now when she had her answers she was torn. She found herself needing Amelia. That discovery scared the hell out of her. Alison knew she couldn't afford to be left and hurt so deeply again. It would destroy her. But at the same time she felt a strong pull towards Amelia, she wanted to get to know her. So she did, and she found herself feeling sad about Amelia's past and she didn't even know the half of it. It made her sympathize a little.
And those feelings made her anger surface again, but this time she was angry at herself for letting it get to her like that. She couldn't believe that her defence wall was down so fast and that she started to love Amelia after only few days. So yeah, Alison was in total and complete mess. Her emotions going form high to low in a matter of seconds, just like her mood.

By the time the surgery was over her shift was over too, so she went ahead in the locker room to change and hopefully get out of the hospital without being seen. After getting out of the elevator Alison bumped into Richard.

''Good evening, Dr. Webber.'' – she said politely, avoiding his eyes.

''Good evening, Little Shepherd!'' – he answered quietly with a half smile on his face.

Alison froze when she heard how he named her and then she quickly turned to face him. Mix of emotions showing on her face, from shock to rage.

'' It's Jean, sir.'' – she looked away and added – ''Now, would you excuse me...''

''Don't do that to yourself. Avoiding her or me for knowing won't change a thing. It won't make everything disappear.'' – Richard said softly trying to stop her.

''With all due respect, sir, I wasn't looking for advice.'' – Alison hated feeling this vulnerable in front of someone.

''I know you weren't, but you need one. Believe me I can understand what you're going through and I know it's not easy to face what's going on.''- he paused for a second – '' She loves you and wants what's best for you. That's the reason she did what she did. And that's the reason why she won't pressure you now. She'll give you space even if it's killing her inside. So approach her. You can't deal with this alone...and she's your mother...'' – he said with so much concern in his voice. It almost sounded like a plee and a fatherly advice in the same time. Alison wondered if he did that with everyone, but for some reason she believed him.

''I'm not sure I can do that.'' – Alison sttutered – ''I came here for answers. I grew up without a mother and I think I don't need one now.''

Richard could see the struggle behind her eyes. He could see how much she wanted to believe that what she just said was true, but it wasn't and he knew that.
''You and I both know that isn't true. Don't be scared to admit it. You need her. And let me tell you something...She needs you too.'' – he looked at her with compassion, hoping he opened her eyes enough to see the truth.

''Everything is happening so fast...I don't know what I think or what I feel anymore. I want to run, but at the same time I want to stay.'' – Alison sighed desperately.

'' She's in her office I think and from what I've heard she had a horrible day. Now go and tell her what you told me. It'll get better...'' – he smiled at her and started walking away when he added – ''See you around, Little Shepherd.''

Little smile escaped on Alison's face – ''Sir?''

He turned around slightly and she continued – ''Please don't tell anyone... Not yet.''

He just nodded and walked away leaving Alison with a lot to think about.
But she had enough of analyzing every little detail. Before she could change her mind she started running to Amelia's office.

Alison took few deep breaths before she knocked on the door. No answer. She waited few seconds and knocked again a bit louder.

''I'm busy at the moment.'' – the shaky voice behind the door answered – ''If it's urgent page me.''

Alison sighed. From Amelia's voice it sounded she really had a tough day and that she was recently crying and trying to compose herself. For a second she just stood in front of the door, not knowing what to do, to go away or insist.

''It's me. Can we talk?'' – Alison said weakly.

Few moments later she heard Amelia walking and unlocking the door, so she stepped inside and before even looking at Amelia she started talking.

''You cought me by surprise when you told me Dr. Webber knows.'' – she paused and swallowed hard before she mouthed – ''I got scared.''

Amelia finally turned to face Alison. Her eyes red from crying and her whole posture tense.
''I'm sorry. It wasn't my intention to scare you. I thought...'' – she started explaining, but Alison interrupted.

''No. I'm sorry for avoiding you. It was childish. All you did was tell the truth, you didn't deserve that. So, I'm sorry.'' – Alison tried to sound rational and mature, but she really felt like a little child who made a mess and was trying to apologize to it's parent.

''Hey, it's okay. I jumped to the conclusion that it wasn't too early to tell everyone. I made a mistake. I'm sorry.'' – Amelia frowned even more.

They stood there in silence for some time, just looking at each other, both trying to figure out what was the next step.
Alison broke the silence – ''When I get scared I have a terrible habit of running away as far as I can from the thing that makes me scared.''

Amelia smirked at Alison's confession.
''Hmm... Genes are curious little things, ha? Who would've thought...''

Now Alison was completely confused.
''You lost me now.''

Amelia started laughing – ''What I wanted to say was...'' – she paused – ''Like mother like daughter.''

Alison grinned at Amelia and went in for a hug. They both sighed in relief at the same time, then started laughing.
Still hugging her, Amelia whispered in Alison's ear – ''We're both runners, but maybe we could try something knew?''

''What?'' – Alison inquired.

'' Instead or running away from each other, maybe we could run together from now on?''

''I think we could try and do that.'' – Alison smiled and then backed away from the hug – ''But can we run slow for a while, maybe jog or fast walk or something like that?'' – she rambled.

''I think we've taken the metaphore as far as it can go.'' – Amelia laughed – ''But yeah, I get you. Let's get to know each other and hang out, just you and me, no rushing. We're not going anywhere now, right?''

Alison knew what was Amelia asking and said - ''I'm not going anywhere.''

''Neither am I.'' – Amelia smiled, kissed her daughter's forehead and hugged her tightly.

''And I talked to Dr. Webber.'' – Alison suddenly said and Amelia raised her brow in question - ''He won't say anything before we do.''

''Even if he wanted to, he couldn't.'' – Amelia smirked, leaving Alison in confusion again. ''The stuff we share in AA is a secret and he can't talk about it outside the meeting, or at least that's a rule.'' – she explained.

''Ohh, I totally forgot about that fact.'' – Alison felt slightly embarrassed.

Amelia chuckled at seeing Alison's embarrassment for not remembering something.
''Between the two of us, it's totally okay for you to just be a teenager. Let me be a grown up and be embarrassed for not knowing something.''

''Believe me, you don't want to deal with 'the teenager me' for now.'' – she paused and smiled – ''And you know what else happened?''

''What?'' – Amelia asked.

''Dr. Webber called me Little Shepherd.'' – Alison exclaimed with a smirk on her face.

Amelia chuckled and for some reason felt pride. ''It suits you well, MY Little Shepherd.''

''Well...it's not that bad'' – Alison laughed – ''But for now, let's stick with Dr. Jean in public and Alison or Ali between us.''

Amelia nodded with understanding. She didn't even want to mention that Alison didn't call her anything other than Dr. Shepherd and when they were alone she would avoid having to call her anyhow. She craved for Alison calling her 'mom', but she knew that it was way too early for that.

A/N: I tried to be more focused on Alison's feelings in this chapter, because I think it's important to show that even though she's starting to love Amelia and except her as a person and maybe a mother in the future, she still struggles with the anger and resentment for being given away.

Thank you so much for reading!
Please review and let me know what you think. I love reading your thoughts.

P.S. to my guest reader Patsy – I love how involved in the story you are. And don't worry, Meredith and Derek won't break up, but every story needs a little drama. ;) Thank you for reading and reviewing. I really appreciate it!