Chapter XVIII
Night had fallen and the group was gathered around the campfire enjoying a meal together. Well, enjoying is stretching it as that would seem to imply some feeling of comradery or happiness. This meal consisted more of silent glares of disapproval and the unspoken tension of mutual annoyance at everyone and everything- for the most part. Jack, Azula, and Aang seemed to be enjoying things to an extent, exchanging hushed conversation and laughing at stories they swapped. Zuko and Mai sat together but Zuko had returned to a brooding mood ever since the afternoon. Mai, no matter what she had tried, couldn't seem to get him to open up.
"What's going on? Why are you being so closed all of a sudden?" she pestered.
"I'm not being closed you're just being paranoid. I've got a lot on my mind and I'd like to get it all sorted out in peace," replied Zuko.
Mai threw up her hands in defeat and stood up, walking away in a huff. Zuko, on the other hand, continued to mull things over in her head, barely aware of his girlfriend's ire. His mind was wrapped up in a dangerous web of thought. He balanced from one thread to the next, searching for that which would not catch him and lead him to his prey, but it was an arduous task. Every step he foresaw himself taking would end in disaster. If only there were a clear route through the mire, a sure and straight path which would allow him to arise victorious. But then again when has something like that ever come around for him? His life had been one of arduous trial and desperate endeavors; what made this any different? He had succeeded most times before, he would simply have to throw the dice once more. All he had to do then was settle on a course of action, and there in lie the rub.
If he were to act in the way he purposed he would put not only his sister at risk but the rest of the group as well. There was the possibility that they would be overwhelmed or that Torment would turn on them and give them over to Joshua. Furthermore, he knew that several people in the group would not approve of his plan and would ardently oppose him. But it was not his duty to make his subjects happy it was his duty to look after their well-being. He was their leader and he knew what was best for them…didn't he?
A nagging doubt gnawed at Zuko's conscious. He felt guilty for taking the spirit's advice and pledging service to him. He knew it wasn't right, down in his heart, but he couldn't resist the allure of grandeur. So desperately he desired to be great, greater than any of his predecessors, that he was willing to do it by any means. But what made him different, then, than his ancestors who started the war in the first place? Hadn't they sought to advance the Fire Nation through any means possible? If the ends truly justified the means then why had he stood up against his father during the war? He should have been his chief supporter and yet he had become a turncoat and switched sides to help the avatar stop his father, and in turn he was rewarded for his effort by being installed as the new Fire Lord over his sister (who of course really wasn't an option as she was a total psycho). He had done the right thing and been rewarded for it, shouldn't he continue that line of progress?
Zuko shook his head, still uncertain of what he ought to do. He looked up at his friends as they sat around the fire, noticing the smile spread across Azula's lips as she spoke with Jack and Aang. His heart skipped a beat as he saw the genuine glow of joy on her lips. When had he seen that smile last? Two years? Three? Four? No, it wasn't since they had been small children, when Azula had come into his room during a thunder storm afraid of the lightning. He still remembered the terrified look on her small chubby face when she awoke him, barely tall enough to look at him over the edge of the bed.
'Zuzu. I'm scared,' she had said. He had looked at her, sitting up in bed.
'It's okay Azula, nothing's going to hurt you,' he had replied. He had invited her up into his bed, helping to hoist her little frame onto the mattress where he had held her close.
'You know something Azula?'
'What?'
'The storm isn't allowed to hurt you.'
'Why Zuzu?'
'Because I told it so.'
'You can do that?'
'Ya, big brothers can do that. It's because we love our siblings so much that even the biggest storm can't hold us back or get through our arms. We're always going to look after our siblings. Always'
Azula had looked up at him, her eyes wide in amazement at Zuko's proclamation. She had smiled then, joyful and innocent, untainted by the corroding touch of power.
'You're the bestest big brother Zuzu. I love you.'
'I love you too Azula.'
It was one of the last fond memories Zuko had of his sister. After that she had grown increasingly distant as their father took greater and greater interest in her firebending abilities. Eventually they came to the point that they were totally estranged; two people living beneath the same roof with no commonality which eventually led to the relationship which they now possessed. An older brother willing to dangle his little sister out as bait for a shark to snatch between its teeth.
He hung his head, holding his face in his hands. What was he doing?
Zuko was interrupted in his contemplation by someone sitting next to him. He looked up to see Katara, her face troubled.
"What is it?" he asked.
"It's Sokka. Something's happened."
Zuko sat up. "What do you mean something's happened? What's wrong with him now?"
"It's easier if you just come and look," replied Katara. She got up and led him over to Sokka's tent. After Zuko's conversation earlier with Torment he had the spirit dismissed to Sokka's tent where he sat bound and watched over by Ty-Lee (who detested her role but didn't argue).
"Ty-Lee has been watching him all afternoon so I figured I'd come in and give her a break for the evening but as soon as I walked into the tent he collapsed," said Katara, drawing back the flap of the tent.
Zuko ducked underneath to look in, snapping his fingers to create a little flame and illuminate the room. He caught his breath as he looked at the limp form of Sokka, his skin turning grey. Black veins ran along his whole body sticking out half and inch from his skin; they pulsated with life, at least telling Zuko that the boy wasn't dead.
"What in the world? What's going on?" Zuko asked.
"I don't know. We haven't been able to rose him and he's just getting worse," replied Katara, bending down next to her brother. She stroked his hair back, the once brown strands now pale white.
"This can't be real," said Zuko.
Katara nodded her head. "I don't want to believe it either. Whatever's going on it's that spirit's fault. I need to get it out of him but I just don't have the strength! I'm failing him." Katara took in a deep breath, her shoulders trembling.
"You haven't failed him Katara," said Zuko, laying a hand on her shoulder. "We've still got plenty of fight left in all of us. We'll get your brother back."
"But look at him! He looks like death himself. What if his heart stops? What if he stops breathing? There's nothing I can do to help him!"
Zuko grabbed Katara by the shoulders and turned her to face him. "Katara, get a hold of yourself. This is no time to panic understand me? You will find a way to get the spirit out of Sokka, you will get your brother back, and we will all leave here alive."
Katara was taken aback by the firmness in his voice but she nodded her head. "Yes Zuko."
"Good. Now stop moaning about what might happen and focus on what is." Zuko glared at Katara. "Stay here and watch him. If his condition changes at all you come and get me."
"Yes Zuko," replied Katara, getting small. She sat down next to her brother and took his hand in hers, gently stroking it. Zuko left the tent, his chest stirring with ambivalence. Hadn't he been a bit harsh on her? After all she was just concerned about her brother. What if it had been Azula lying there? How would he have reacted?
Zuko shook his head. No, he had done the right thing. He was her leader first, then her friend. He needed to set the example no matter what the cost. She would appreciate it later on.
Coming back to the campfire Zuko was surprised to find Toph sitting in his seat. The little earthbender sat there huddled away from the rest of her companions munching on her meal all by herself. Her back was to the fire and her hair was cast over her eyes, a clear indicator that she was not in a mood to be disturbed. However, Zuko felt a twang of annoyance at the fact that she had taken his seat.
"Excuse me Toph but you've seemed to have placed yourself in my seat."
Toph snorted. "Didn't see your name on it."
"That's because you're blind," replied Zuko. "Now please, move."
Toph seemed stunned. "Excuse me?"
"You're excused now move." Zuko crossed his arms, staring down at the earthbender.
Toph, however, was not going to be as easily subdued as Katara. She stood up and got right in Zuko's face (though it was more of his chest as she wasn't tall enough to reach all the way up to his face).
"Listen here sparky, I don't care what's been going on or how manly you feel at the moment but you don't come over here and start talking to me like that got me?"
Zuko remained unimpressed by her demonstration. "Are you through acting like a child or should I send you to your room?"
Toph stood flabbergasted for a few moments, totally caught off guard by Zuko's attitude. "Send…send me to my room? Who the hell do you think you are you pompous snob!? I ought to deck you right here and now!"
However, before Toph could carry out on her threat Zuko smacked her with the back of his hand, the motion happening so quickly that he didn't have time to stop himself. The whole camp fell silent at the sound of his hand connecting with Toph's cheek. He could feel the eyes of the others fixed on them. There was no backing down now.
"I'm not going to tolerate this sort of behavior Toph," he said. "Now either get yourself under control or go off by yourself to calm down. This doesn't help anyone."
By this point Toph was totally speechless. Her face was contorted in a shocked expression of shame. Zuko knew that she could blow up on him, right here and now, and that they would get into an all-out brawl (just like back in Goaling). However, he was not going to back down. He was in charge, and he would lead the group as he saw fit. When someone stepped out of line they were going to suffer the consequences of their actions, and he'd be the one there to chastise them.
Toph continued to stand motionless before him to the point that he thought he might have broken her.
"Which one is it going to be Toph?" he demanded, hoping that his voice did not betray the fluster of emotions inside his chest.
Toph mumbled something incoherent, her head bowed low.
"I didn't hear that Toph. What was that?"
"I…I'll stop acting like a child Zuko. I'm sorry," she said. She shuffled over with her head hung low, like a child disciplined in front of the class. She sat down back on the log, leaving Zuko his seat.
Astounded that it had actually worked, Zuko stood still for a few moments. He looked over at the others bewildered expressions and then sat down. A nervous breath which he did not realize he had been holding escaped his lips. Eventually everyone resumed their former conversations, doing their best to go on with their evening as if nothing had occurred.
Zuko felt a rush go to his head over the power he had just exerted. First Katara, then Toph, it was amazing. He did not realize that he could wield such authority over his friends; it was astonishing. Part of him desperately wanted to try it again, to see how far he could push it, but the other half of him warned of danger. He knew what happened when power ran about unleashed. It wreaked havoc and destruction wherever it went like an unchecked force of nature. Like a hurricane in full force it could turn the peaceful tidings of the country side into a holocaust. It was the fire which resided inside of him, the very flames which he had come to respect and restrain by the sagacious teaching of the dragons. He had to hold his power over others in the same respect, lest he let it loose and leave it to burn down the very world as he knew it.
With that thought in mind he began to feel guilty for striking Toph. It was unwarranted and over the top. He turned to the earthbender who sat beside him, rubbing the back of his neck.
"Uhm…Toph? I just wanted to say I'm sorry for hitting you."
"It's okay sparky…I was out of line," replied Toph.
Zuko shook his head. "No, Toph, that's not how it works. I'm supposed to lead by example. Sure I wasn't going to back down, but hitting you was a step too far. I ask for your forgiveness."
Toph let out a heavy sigh. "If you really want it," she said. Without warning she let a punch fly, striking him in the arm and rendering the nerves dead for a few moments.
Zuko rubbed life back into his pained flesh, grimacing. "Thanks."
"Don't mention it," replied Toph.
The pair sat quietly next to each other as they finished their meal. Slowly people began to drift off and go to bed. First was Mai and Ty-Lee, then Jack and Azula. Finally Aang went off to find Katara, leaving Zuko and Toph alone.
The fire crackled in front of them, twigs snapping in its heat. A cool refreshing breeze blew gently across the campsite bringing with it the refreshing smell of pine. All around them small creatures darted about on their own business. Rabbit-squirrels bounded from branch to branch in their search for food while hawk-owls roamed in the night sky, their large eyes ever on the lookout for their next meal. It was life as normal, going on all around them without falter. No matter what plagued the little group on their camping trip the world, for some odd reason, seemed to not stop for them. It kept spinning and everyone kept going about their business regardless of what was happening to them. The realization made Zuko sigh.
"What's wrong sparky?" asked Toph.
"Nothing, just thinking." Zuko set his bowl, long empty, down, brushing his hair back from his eyes.
"You know I hear that's pretty dangerous," replied Toph.
"Ya, ya it is."
Toph tossed her bowl over her shoulder and yawned. She stretched out her arms then proceeded to itch the back of her ear.
"You know, this hasn't been too bad of a camping trip," she said, surprising Zuko.
"What?"
"It hasn't been too bad. I mean, it's not like any of us has died yet, or been tortured. Well, aside from your sister," Toph added. "Compared to how things used to be during the war this is pretty normal."
"Ya, well the wars over. Things shouldn't be like this anymore," replied Zuko.
"Whoever said the war's over?" asked Toph.
Zuko sat stunned. "What in the world are you talking about? You were part of that, on the day of Sozin's comet, we stopped my father and sister as well as their air fleet from burning down the entire Earth-Kingdom. We haven't had any conflict in over a year. How could you think the war's still going on?"
Toph shrugged her shoulders. "Just because the people in charge say the war's over doesn't mean everyone believes it."
"I know there's still a lot of animosity between the nations but you can't really think that there's still people out there who want another war…do you?"
"Joshua clearly does," replied Toph. "And those two airbenders, they seem to hate the Fire-Nation quite a bit. I'm just saying sparky don't put it past people to be content with peace. I've heard too much grumbling to make me think that's really what people want."
"But we can't have more war. There's not enough left in the people to keep fighting," insisted Zuko.
Toph shook her head. "You of all people should know better than that. People are stubborn, and hatred dies hard. Sometimes it's easier to fight than to stop."
Toph let out another enormous yawn and stood up. "But then again I am just the dumb little blind girl, how would I know any better? You make your own decision sparky, I've got your back." With that Toph walked away to her tent, no doubt intent on getting rest.
Zuko continued to sit in silence, his hands clasped beneath his chin. He gazed intently into the crackling fire, the tumult of its flames mirroring the state of his mind. It felt like a hurricane was ripping through his thoughts. Everywhere he turned there seemed to be another problem, another twist, another ploy. What if the people really weren't satisfied with peace? What if they wanted more blood? After all in the first year of his reign he had to put down three different rebellions (though he kept that information repressed). It would seem that the people were not as eager for Zuko's ideals as the gang was.
He sighed, shaking his head. What was he to do? What could he do? He turned his gaze back to Sokka's tent, his thoughts turning to the spirit inside. Sure it was a dangerous move, but if Torment could bring peace to the land then surely it would be worth the price of his conscious? Doing the wrong things for the right reasons…it was permissible. After all it was not the means but the ends which truly mattered. At least, that's what he hoped.
His head was pounding. It was like an angry beehive stirred up inside of his mind, stinging his brain and making thought difficult. He managed to open his eyes but for a moment he could not tell what it was he was staring at. The world around him was a grey shadow, a phantom of what really ought to be. He did not recognize the bleary walls or cheerless air. Merely breathing felt like inhaling ice into his lungs, every breath a painful gasp. Wherever he was he knew it was not somewhere he wanted to stay but he found he couldn't move. His bones felt as if they had been hallowed out and replaced with lead, weighed, tiring. Muscles and tendons which were supposed to lend him strength and vigor were now clamps and shackles on his body holding him to the chilled floor. Every heartbeat which was supposed to give him life brought only the cold fingers of death. Nothing in him could feel the warmth, feel the brightness of his life. He was a specter caught up in limbo forever being haunted by the world he once knew.
Sokka…that was his name. He was Sokka, or at least he used to be. Now he was simply existence, floating in the space between thought and life. No matter what he tried it was to no avail. He could not move, so he tried to think, he could not think, so he tried to be, he could not be, so he did not subsist.
Okay, that was getting a bit ridiculous. He needed to chill a bit on the philosophy, it wasn't going to help him get out of this situation.
Sokka laughed to himself, amused by his own rantings.
"Just like me to make everything more complicated than it need be," he said. He knew that he had spoken the words out loud yet it seemed to him that they were bouncing around in his head like ringing bells. Every word he heard a thousand times over until it fully lost its meaning, leaving him dumbly staring into the void ahead of him.
Focus…that was what he needed, focus. If he could focus and pierce this mire which seemed to plague him then he could devise a scheme, a plan to escape this dismal world. Closing his eyes, or at least he felt as if he were closing his eyes, Sokka tried to train his mind on a single task. His eyelids felt like metal gates, slowly falling shut. They were heavy…so heavy…
No! Focus, he needed to focus. Sokka tried to find something to put all of his cognizance on, something he could hold on to in order to break free of his mental prison. His eyes though; his eyes. They felt cold as death, freezing shut. He was certain he was crying but no tears managed to escape the frigid trap. It crystalized into a blue layer; a crystal with shards forcing their way back into his eyes…his blue eyes. But what if they weren't blue? What if they were actually green? A green pair of eyes…a pair of milky green eyes. Eyes which would light up with joy at a wise crack, hiding behind a sharp smirk. Eyes which would plead with him to stay, ask him to tell another joke, and let him know that everything was going to be okay. Eyes as hard as stone but softer than a spring breeze. Green eyes…milky green eyes…
Toph. Sokka's eyes opened as his friend popped into his head. She looked at him with her arms crossed, her small form staunchly opposed against him but a friendly smile on her lips. Well, almost friendly. It was that smile which let you know that she was in control and was about to lay the smack down on you, but only because she cared. She laughed with that hauntingly taunting laugh of hers, mocking him for his ineptitude. He could hear her know, her jocular voice grating against his ears like a rock to the skull.
"Really Snoozles? You going to just lay there and let an evil spirit run things? You're better than that."
Sokka tried to open his mouth, tried to respond, but the icy air rushed into his lungs and staunched the fire in his soul. He began to fall back into the murky realm of thoughtlessness. Falling…falling…falling.
"Hey! I didn't say you could take a nap you meathead!"
Sokka snapped to, opening his eyes to look at his friend.
"That's more like it. Now shape up! You once carried me on your back out of a spirit infested tunnel with your feet torn to shreds. Where'd that resolve go?"
"It's…it's gone," replied Sokka, his voice as feeble as a babes.
"What type of excuse is that?" snapped Toph. "It's gone," she mocked. "Ya, you lose your pair while you're at it? Come on! Quit mopping around and get back to work. You're not going to win me back by drowning in self-pity."
Toph's words struck at Sokka's heart, breathing fire into his spirit. He could win her back? That was possible? He had always thought it had been too late that he had burned that bridge thoroughly to the ground and then danced upon the ashes. Hope had come back to him when Toph had gained sight, but it was swiftly smashed by his uncouth behavior and surly attitude. However, if there was still chance, even if it were as small as a grain of sand cast about in the wide sea, he would continue to fight. He would get back up on his feet.
"Of course there's still a chance you moron. Now get up, and get to work," said Toph.
Something snapped along Sokka's arms, freeing them from his invisible bonds. The cold which had dampened his soul now gave way to the fires of passion. He could feel his body and mind start to work again like a furnace bellowing black smoke on the warship. With a great roar he pushed himself up to a sitting position, using the momentum to rise to his feet.
"About time Snoozles. I was starting to think that you were just going to lounge around all day." Toph stood in front of him, her form sharp and clear. Her arms were still crossed and her demeanor was that of a disapproving sifu but still there was that hint of mirth, that spark of joy which always sat behind the tough girl attitude when he was around her.
"It's good to see you back to your normal self Toph," he said, reaching out a hand and placing it on her shoulder.
She laughed at him. "Back to normal huh?" In a flash she punched him in the gut, knocking the wind out of him. He bent doubled over sucking at air.
"Ya…ya, you're back to normal," he gasped.
"Well, not exactly. I am only in your mind at the moment, but you can get the real me back to normal as well," Toph said.
"Then that's exactly what I'm going to do, and more," replied Sokka, standing straight.
"And more?" asked Toph.
Sokka leaned down and grabbed his friend by the cheeks, pressing his chilled lips against hers. His flesh tingled against hers as her heat jumped to him. Surprisingly Toph did not fight the action, instead allowing herself to fall into his embrace and for a moment, Sokka enjoyed peace.
Eventually the moment had to end, and Sokka drew back. Toph blinked, out of breath.
"Wow," she managed.
"I should've done that a long time ago," said Sokka.
"Well, I'm sure appreciative of it," replied Toph. "But I think you're going to have to build up to that with the real me."
"I will, even if it kills me."
Toph shook her head. "Careful what you wish for."
Sokka looked down at his friend, his dearest friend. She stood oddly on one foot, her ivory cheeks blushing to a bright red tint. Her appearance was so tender right now, so fragile, in a way that only he could ever see. In a way that she would only let him see. This was the real Toph. Get past all the facades and barriers, the obnoxious behavior, the raucous smell, the austere greeting, and this is what you were left with. A beautiful young woman with an aching heart for love. Tender and soft, she desired to be held tightly by someone who cared, someone who was willing to stand by her at all costs and give her their heart. She desired to love and be loved just like any other human. She had been willing to put it all on the line and what had he done? He had stepped on her feelings; no, he had utterly ruined her feelings, her heart. She had laid herself bare before him with her heart held delicately in her hands and he had sneered at it and knocked it out of her grasp. He had then proceeded to squash it beneath his heel time and time again, making sure that he inflicted as much pain as he could while her heart was still beating. Eventually though, after much abuse, he had managed to petrify it, to remove its beating nature and hopeful spirit. A heart of flesh was turned to stone all because of his own selfishness. How could she ever trust him again? How could she ever open to anyone again? With so much pain and weight hanging inside, how could she ever let another come in to help bear that load?
Shame washed over Sokka in waves drowning him in guilt. He could feel it course through his veins like poison, dulling his senses and lulling him back to sleep. It was becoming cold…so cold…
"Hey! Don't you drift off on me now!" Toph slapped Sokka so hard that he thought his teeth were going to rattle out of his head.
"Ow! What was that for?" he asked, holding his welting cheek.
"You were drifting away again. I need you to focus," replied Toph.
"I am focused," he pouted.
"Then put your attention where it needs to be and look around. You ain't going to get out of here by sticking out your lower lip."
Sokka crossed his arms, annoyed by his friend's teasing but at the same time reassured. It had been so long since he had heard that banter from her. A part of him which he had sorely missed and even though he knew she was only a figment of his imagination conjured to give him strength he was certain that he could bring about the same thing in the real world. He would hear her caustic teasing once more.
However, before he got to that point he was going to have to get out of wherever he was currently trapped at. Looking around he found that it wasn't very familiar. In fact that was the only thing which stuck out to him that it wasn't familiar. Everything he looked at seemed to resemble a shape which he could recall, but before he could name it the shape's form fluttered away from him, leaving him confused. The only thing he was truly certain of was that he was standing in the middle of grass. At least, what he believed to be grass as it was sharp and grey, like thousands of tiny steel blades. Suddenly he realized that his feet were hurting. He started to hop from foot to foot, noticing that he had no shoes on.
"Ow! Ow! Ow! What the heck's going on here?"
Toph shrugged her shoulders. "How should I know? I was summoned by your deluded mind."
"Always raring to lend me a hand I see," replied Sokka, finally just settling on both his feet as lightly as he could and embracing the pain. He ground his teeth but after a while he grew accustom to it, reasoning that if he could walk on his torn feet in the spirit tunnel with Toph on his back then he could walk on anything…except fire. He hated fire.
Looking up, Sokka noticed that there was another familiar shape before him. This one started to solidify as he steeled himself against the pain, turning into a slender grey tree. The tree bloomed with black cherry blossoms, reminding Sokka of the bitter time in the garden where he had found Suki's dead body. In fact, know that he thought about it, he was certain that he saw Suki's body still on the rope, swinging in the breeze. Grimacing with each step, Sokka stumbled up to the opaque image. With each step the image took form, solidifying. It was certainly Suki's dead body, though the colors were all gone. He could see her soft pale face and the cuts from the rope on her neck. Tears sprang into his eyes as the grief from her death was rekindled, making him sick. He shut his eyes and turned his back to the image wishing it would fade back into obscurity.
"Don't look away Sokka." Toph stood next to him. "You need to see this."
With trembling hands and body Sokka turned himself back to the image and forced his eyes open. He watched as Suki's body swung gently in the breeze, creaking back and forth on the branch. Suddenly another image developed in front of Sokka. It seemed to be a person huddled on their knees, rocking back and forth. As it became a realization Sokka identified the person as himself. He could hear his mournful cries departing from his lips like a sad Syrian song, piercing his heart and making him weak. All the agony of that moment came back to him and made him tremble in his legs as his strength departed from him. Just as he was about to fall, as the grief was too much to bare a second time, a small forceful hand inserted itself into his, squeezing tight.
"Hang in there Sokka; it's only a memory."
Sokka turned to see Toph standing next to him, her hand intertwined with his. Her face was turned to the image though he knew she could not see it; well, then again she probably could as she was him, but it was just easier to treat her as the real Toph.
Pausing, Sokka suddenly started to laugh. "Did you just make a pun about this?"
Toph smiled sheepishly. "I know it might be a bit crude, but I am from you mind after all."
Sokka shook his head. "You've got to be kidding me. I don't know whether to punch you or kiss you."
Toph turned to him, her face grave. "You've already hit me, or don't you remember?"
The joy of the previous moment evaporated like mist as the image of Suki's death was replaced by the scene from outside the tunnel. Only this wasn't the tunnel back in the Fire-Nation, the one where he had saved Toph's life, no, this was the tunnel outside of Joshua's lair. He watched as images of he and Toph shaped in front of him and played out their brawl. In disgrace he watched on as he threw his little friend around like a rag doll, beating on her as if she were some common thug. He could feel each blow that landed as a fiery brand to his gut, burning the ignominy of his actions forever into his soul. It was almost too much to watch, but Sokka would not allow himself to turn away; he deserved this. This is what he had done, and spirit or no spirit, there was no excuse for that.
Eventually the memory faded and left him back in the bleak murky world of the nothingness with only Toph at his side.
"What are the point of these? Why do they keep coming up?" asked Sokka.
Toph shrugged her shoulders. "Why do you keep bringing them up?"
"But I'm not! I'm not the one doing this. You're the one who brought back the memory of me hitting you."
"But I am you Sokka," replied Toph. "Come on, you're smarter than this. What is it you're trying to accomplish? It's obvious Spooky isn't in control otherwise it would be a bunch of horrendous images trying to scare you into submission which means that it's you in control. So why are you doing this?"
Sokka shook his head. "I…I don't know…it doesn't make any sense. Why would I want to just sit here and think about my failures?"
As he spoke another image developed, this one clearer akin to a water painting with greatly diluted color. Sokka watched as his former self yelled at Toph, who in turn yelled back at him. They argued for a while exchanging sharp words before Toph stormed out of his room. Sokka followed her with one last profanity which she returned in kind.
"Oh please no…please don't. Go away memory, go away!" screamed Sokka, but the memory would not relent. It played out the entire scene with Ty-Lee coming up to his door. He watched in horror as his past self threw away his purity, and that of the poor circus girl's, for the sake of his rage. He could feel all the vile hatred seeping through his body, every action a dagger through his heart. The weight of his past sins burdened him like a millstone around his neck. His lungs were filling with water, his heart with fire; he was drowning the depths of anguish, in the very pit of despair, all because of who he was and what he had done.
"Why? Why show me this?" asked Sokka. "Why do I want to remember this?"
"I don't know Sokka, why do you want to remember this?" asked Toph.
"I…I don't…these failures, my greatest burdens. How can I ever come back from them? How can I ever be who I was?"
"Maybe you're asking the wrong question Sokka."
Sokka blinked. "What do you mean?"
Toph sighed, shaking her head. "You keep on wondering how you can recover, how you can improve and become a better you. Maybe that's the problem. Maybe it's too much you, and not enough others. Maybe you're real problem, you're real failure, isn't not being good enough, it's being too self-centered."
"But, I'm not…well, was not, all that selfish. I mean, when Suki was murdered I was looking out for others, I was taking care of them."
"I didn't say that you were being selfish Sokka, I said you were binging self-centered. There's a difference."
"I don't follow," said Sokka.
Toph groaned. "And you're supposed to be the smart one."
"Well technically you are me so I'm just giving myself a lecture on something I already know but simply don't have the consciousness to illuminate to myself at the moment," replied Sokka.
"Okay, okay, geesh. Just knock the stupid psychobabble crap off; it's really irritating."
"Deal. Now can you please explain what you mean?"
Toph crossed her arms. "Being selfish is doing things for the sake of your own gain. That would be something like, oh, I don't know, maybe sleeping around with a bunch of women."
Sokka turned red at the comment, rubbing the back of his neck. "Alright, I deserved that."
"Yes, yes you did. Now, back to my lecture. Being self-centered, while not necessarily doing things with an intention of personal gain, means that you do everything, look at everything, from your perspective. Everything is about you and how events affect you. Being self-centered is looking at someone in need and saying 'I should help them' instead of starting with 'they are in need of aid, I will lend them that aid.'"
Sokka looked at Toph with a new air of wonder. "Wow, you're pretty sagacious. If only the real you talked like that I probably would've never went down the path I did."
Toph smiled. "Well, maybe she really is like this but she just likes to keep it under wraps. So with that thought in mind, what do you think is the whole point of these memories?"
Sokka stroked his chin, pondering. Some time passed with Toph giving him the benefit of silence. His mind churned with a thousand ideas, spinning and puffing its wheels as fast as it could go. Eventually his face lit up as he struck out his finger in a successful gesture.
"I've got it!" he proclaimed.
"About time Snoozles. I was just about to take a nap," said Toph, yawning for effect.
"I don't need to focus on improving myself, I need to focus on taking care of my friends! If I can do that, then I can make up for what I did at least in some small degree." Sokka smiled, proud of his epiphany.
"Well that's a start Snoozles," said Toph. "Making things up to your friends would be a good idea. However, I don't see you doing much of that while you're stuck here."
"Good point," Sokka said as he looked around. "Where do you suppose we are?"
Toph shrugged her shoulders, picking her nose. "I dunno. Maybe your head or something."
Sokka watched in horror as Toph pulled out a giant booger and proceeded to flick it out into the empty white vacuum.
"Hey! If this is my head I don't want you leaving your nasty gems lying all around! I'd like to keep it clean in here."
"That's not what the ladies were saying," replied Toph.
Sokka narrowed his eyes, feeling the burn. "Why do I like you again?"
"Because I'm a total badass and hot as hell," replied Toph, punching his shoulder. "Now focus up and get out of here so you can go and start making things right with me. Oh, and remember, I like chocolate."
Sokka laughed. "Alright, I'll remember that." Looking around, Sokka realized that he couldn't see anything. The memories which had passed through were no longer anywhere to be seen. He stood in a formless void, the only thing functioning properly being his sense of direction. It was probably because he was a man.
Toph punched him on the arm. "I heard that."
"Oh come on, it was a good one," he replied, rubbing his tender arm. Toph did not seem amused.
Trying to focus himself once more, Sokka tried calling something to mind. If this was really all in his head then he should be able to control what appeared and what didn't simply by thinking of it. However, no matter what he did he couldn't seem to call a bag of seal jerky to his hands, much to his disappointment. It seemed that if this was his mind he wasn't in full control. Sokka froze. He wasn't in full control, was he?
Closing his eyes, Sokka searched out his soul. It was not an easy task for him, as he was not the avatar and he was not all that into introspection, but he did his best. It was an odd sensation, like a slight hum at the base of his skull. He could tell it was his soul by the bile and bitterness which oozed at every corner of it, tainting his being. Stepping carefully through the potent mire, Sokka searched out his being for that which did not match. He thought of it as a focused point of blackness, similar to what the rest of his soul currently resembled only more intense, like a bottomless void. He found this void, after much concentration, in the very back of his mind (or was it the front?) and called it to himself.
Something began to materialize before him. It started as a black lump in the shape of a crystal. Slowly it spun before his mind's eye. A white dot in the black began to overtake the crystal and spread through it like a virus, turning everything white. However, as soon as the crystal turned all white it changed forms into a man with a black spot where his heart ought to be. This in turn spread and consumed the person until everything about him was dark and void. It was then, as the darkness reached its climax, that a pair of eyes opened in a red flash. The head turned and stared at Sokka with a befuddled look on its face.
"How…how did you regain cognizance?" asked the form.
"I'm guessing that you're Spooky," replied Sokka.
The figure frowned, its skin churning like small blades as it tried to form properly. "Your friends call me Torment, I much prefer that."
"Spooky it is then." Sokka smiled, excitement running through his chest. Spooky was surprised to see him, which meant that whatever spell he had Sokka under was supposed to hold him down. If he could break through that then surely he could give Spooky an eviction notice.
"Sooooo….Spooky. I know that you've been having a jolly good time running around in my body and all, but I've got some business with a certain young earthbender. I've got some apologies to make so I'm going to need my body back."
"Oh? Is that so human? Please, tell me, how are you going to make me give your body back?" asked Spooky. He now stood before Sokka fully formed in the form of a man but filled to the brim with darkness. His skin seemed to be formed of crystalline substance which reflected the roiling evil inside of him. It looked as if someone had taken the recesses of space and bottled it inside of a container. To be honest with himself Sokka was slightly intimidated, but he wasn't here to play nice. He was here to get his body back.
"I'm going to give you two options. The first option is that you do it voluntarily."
"That's not happening," replied Spooky. "I'm rather comfortable in your body. Besides, there's a certain waterbender I've been meaning to get some personal time with."
"Well then, I guess we go for option two," said Sokka, feeling his blood boil.
"And what would that be child?"
"Boomerang."
"Boomerang?"
Sokka smiled. "Yes, boomerang."
Suddenly a boomerang appeared from behind Spooky, crashing into the back of the spirit's head and bouncing into Sokka's outreached hands. Spooky stumbled forward with a cry, holding the back of his head, only to find Sokka's fist connecting with his face in a vicious uppercut. The spirit flew off his feet and a ways off. He landed on the ground with a heavy thud shaking the space of Sokka's mind.
Keeping the advantage, Sokka sprang forward and attempted to pin Spooky to the ground. However, before he could do so Spooky rolled to the side and leapt back to his feet, a sword appearing in his hand. Sokka looked shocked, making Spooky laugh.
"Please, you didn't think you were the only one who could make things appear in this space."
"So we can make swords?" asked Sokka.
Spooky looked offended. "I can make anything I want!" The ground began to rumble as a golden pillar shot out of the ground and lifted Spooky to the heavens. It glittered with precious gems, onyx, ruby, diamond, and sapphire, its form cast as a great dragon with fiery eyes.
"The limits to this place are simply that of the imagination," said Spooky from his perch.
"But, we can make swords? Like any sword?"
Spooky looked disgusted, jumping down and landing on the ground with an earth shattering rumble. "You ignorant fool! Didn't I just say I could make anything I could conceive?"
"Hey, I just wanted to make sure," replied Sokka. The next moment his space sword dropped into his hand, making a smile spread across his face. "Oh ya…this feels right." With a quick step forward Sokka attacked spooky, bringing his sword down with a two handed blow. The spirit was caught off guard by the speed of Sokka's attack and stumbled backwards, barely able to ward of the lethal blow. Sokka kept his advantage, raining blow after blow down on his foe, giving no room, taking every step, always pressing the attack. Of all the things which he had thrown away over the year of being possessed by this spirit swordsmanship was the one thing he held on to. He had trained with the greatest swordsman in all of the earth kingdom, not surpassing any of them but becoming an excellent student and skilled warrior of the craft. Who knew, he might even be able to hang in there with Zuko at the level he was at now.
Spooky continued to retreat, giving ground as he fought back against Sokka's lightning barrage. Sokka twisted his wrist and spun his sword around so that his blade cut at Spooky's forearm. The strike did not hit his opponent's wrist but when the spirit drew his hand back to avoid the blow he accidently left the hilt of his sword open to Sokka's blow. The force of the strike was enough to wrench the weapon from Spooky's grasp and send it scattering across the clear, white, floor, eventually dissipating into a dark mist once it came to a rest.
Sokka almost let out a cry as he rested the tip of his blade against Spooky's throat. He grinned ear to ear happier than a fat kid in a candy store; he had just won, hands down!
"Well, well, well, how do you like that? Looks like boomerang boy just whooped your sorry butt," Sokka said.
"Don't celebrate too soon. I have more tricks up my sleeves than just swords," Spooky replied. The next moment a pillar of earth rose up out of the ground and struck Sokka in the side, sending him sprawling across the floor. He scampered back to his feet, panicked slightly, and faced his foe again.
"Hey, you cheat! This was a sword bending dual and you lost fair and square, just accept it!"
Spooky laughed, crossing his arms. "You rambling fool. Don't you realize this is war? You strike with your sword to kill, not maim. If you have no sword, use a stick, no stick, a rock, no rock, your fists. You fight until either you or your foe is fallen never to rise again."
"Oh please, enough of the euphemisms. You mean that you kill them until they're dead," Sokka said.
"That's one way of putting it. Not as eloquent as mine," Spooky said, frowning.
Sokka did not meet the retort, instead charging in once more and assailing his foe with a flurry of blows. He attacked with short quick cuts, placing two hands on the handle and moving from the wrists, an attack strategy meant to harm a foe though not deal a fatal blow. However, Spooky proved to be an elusive enemy. He sprung on his feet and kept back as Sokka attacked him, making the Watertribe boy make a series of fast turns to keep Spooky in front of him.
Suddenly, an icicle sprung from the ground and tried to impale him. Sokka managed to avoid it by leaping to the side, but that only served to fling him into a blazing column of fire. He rolled forward to avoid that one but by this time Spooky was taking the advantage. Sokka had to stay on his toes as Spooky beat him back with his own assault of icicle spikes and spouts of fire. Eventually Sokka leapt forward and avoided another icicle. He moved to close the distance with his foe only to find a column of fire erupt in front of him, like a geyser of lava. However, he did not let it slow him down, instead he sprinted head on and leapt through the flames, managing to catch only a light scorching. As he hit the ground he rolled and came to his knees, throwing his elbow into Spooky's side and creating a satisfying uhmph.
"I hate fire!" Sokka growled. He extended his left leg for balance and pivoted off his right knee, bringing his sword across the spirit's stomach. Spooky bent doubled over, grasping at the wound as ethereal matter began to pour out between his fingertips.
Not one to waste an opportunity Sokka got back to his feet and followed his attack with a spinning kick. However, instead of finding Spooky's face he found a pillar of metal. His shin came full force into the side of the pillar and cracked as the bone broke. A howl of agony escape from Sokka's lips as he collapsed, writhing on the ground.
"No fair, no fair, no fair!" he screamed, beating his fist against the floor. It boomed like a drum with each strike thundering in his ears.
"I already told you that all is fair in love and war," Spooky replied. The spirit was panting, which was strange as Sokka thought he did not have to breathe, barely able to stand on his own two feet from the injuries he had sustained.
Sokka managed to push himself to a sitting position, leaning on his sword. "Well, if that's true then you won't mind if I do this." A pillar of earth came up between Spooky's legs, hitting the spirit in the groin. Sokka wasn't sure if a spirit had the same anatomy as a male human but the expression on Spooky's face seemed to confirm that they in fact do.
The spirit grimaced as he grabbed at his groin, letting out a slow steady breath. A moment later two boulders came flying into his face, exploding into thousands of little pebbles as they broke against his nose and sent him flying backwards. He flew and hit the ground hard, rolling like a ball down a hill until he thumped into a wall face first, his forehead slowly dragging against the stone until he hit the floor.
Sokka came up behind him, limping on his space sword, stopping right at the spirit's feet. "Landlord. You're evicted."
Spooky rolled over and saw the sword poised above his head "This time boy…this time…"