Chapter 18

Without Derek in the room the silence took over. Amelia was still in disbelief for what has just happened and Alison's brain started catching up with her mouth. It wasn't planned and maybe the timing wasn't the best, but there was no going back. For a minute the two of them where just standing next to each other, their brains in full speed, both silently trying to figure out what to do or say. When Alison realized how huge that moment was, not only for both her and Amelia, but for Derek and her family too, her eyes widened and her hand flew through the air to cover her blabbing mouth.

''Oh my God! What have I done? What are we going to do now?'' – Alison's panic written all over her face.

''Just breathe. Okay?'' – Amelia responded, trying to sound assuring – '' For now, let's just breathe. Come here, it'll be alright.''

They sat on the couch for some time, both replaying the scene in their heads. There was so much to talk about and Amelia knew she had a lot of explaining to do, but in that moment the silence was comforting enough.
Alison moved closer and leaned on Amelia's shoulder. It was a genuine moment of peace, full of understaning and love on both parts. Amelia kissed her daughter's forehead and sighed in relief. Her baby girl was still by her side and it was the first time she felt truly needed by someone. And the first time she realized that she was finally capable of being there.

''I know you have a lot of questions.'' – Amelia started – ''And you deserve answers!'' – she paused to look Alison in the eyes – '' I should've told you everything before, but... It's very hard for me, you know. It's hard to deal with my past over and over again. I always try to run, but it eventually catches up with me. Like it did three days ago in the ER. It was so humiliating. And it was even more hard because I knew you were there, listening her every word. I wanted to dig up a hole and bury myself in shame right then and there.''

Alison was carefully listening. She wanted the answers to her questions, but she realized that firstly she wanted Amelia to be okay. Better said, she needed Amelia to be okay. So she just listened, without interrupting or judgement.

''But all I could do was to remove myself from the situation. I tried to continue my day as normally as I could, but every person I encountered was whispering something about me. Few of them even shouted 'junky' after me. And after talking with Derek and Hunt I was devestated. Derek wanted my job and Hunt was okay with giving it to him. I talked to Richard and he said I needed to go to a meeting. Through the day I was drowning more and more in that black space where I used to live before. I just couldn't find the strength to face you. To see how dissapointed you were in me. It would've killed me.''

As she was speaking, Amelia's pain was palpable in the air surrounding them and Alison could feel it. It pressed so hard on her, so much that she wasn't angry or disappointed anymore. She was worried for her mother.

''So, I'm really sorry for running away. I'm sorry for breaking my promise. I didn't think properly. All I wanted was to save my sanity, to stay sober... to stay on the track. For you...''

Amelia didn't know what to say anymore. It was everything she had. She was trying really hard to read the look on Alison's face. But, there was nothing. It seemed like a blank page. She expected anger, judgement, disappointment or tears. But she's got what she was least expecting.

''I understand!'' – Alison mouthed and looked at Amelia with so much compassion, that it made Amelia tear up. They hugged and Alison added – ''I'm not angry anymore, but I was so worried. You were nowhere to be found and I got really scared that you left. I spent last three days here, waiting for you. And when I heard you came back I came here to find you, but then your brother found me, and well...we both know the rest of the story.''

''I didn't want to scare you. I'm sorry!'' – Amelia frowned a bit – ''But I really meant it when I said that I will never leave you again. Trust me on that...please.''

''It'll take me some time to get over my trust issues, you get that, right? But I'm really trying. I'm here. And I'm sorry for what that woman did to you.'' – Alison responded.

''I didn't help with those issues at all in the last three days...'' – Amelia glanced at Alison and cought her nodding.

''And I still have questions. You don't have to tell me everything right now, but I need to know who was she talking about. Was that dead boyfriend in your bed my father?'' – Alison inquired gently.

''No, it wasn't. It was Ryan. We were using togehter and we even got engaged. It all happend about three years ago. But please...can we talk about it some other time?'' – Amelia pleaded tearfully and Alison agreed.

Like every time they tried to spent some time togehter in the hospital they were interrupted by a buzzing pager. It was Amelia's this time. So they parted ways and agreed to meet before 6:30 and their meeting with Derek and the kids.

Time couldn't pass fast enough for Alison. The excitment made her cheerful and happy, so much that everyone around her noticed huge change in the mood. In comparison to the days before and not only days, but that morning too, Alison was a different person. She wasn't distracted anymore. And after not leaving the hospital for three whole days, Zack was relieved to see her finally go to her hotel room. Few times he made a mistake by calling the hotel her home, and she was fast to point out that her home is in NYC and that the hotel was just a temporary sleeping place. After the explanation he got, Zack carefuly avoided even mentioning something slightly connected with home. It wasn't really hard to figure out that home or family were some kind of taboo topics for Ali.

Around 6pm Alison went to change from her scrubs and then headed in the direction of Amelia's office. On her way she ran into Derek.

''Heey, I was just looking for you. Amy finished earlier, so I asked her to pick up the kids from daycare. I promised to find you.'' – Derek said.

''Oh, great then... Let's get going.'' – Alison smiled.

''Let's go. They're probably waiting for us already.'' – he paused for a second to see if Alison would start a conversation, but as she didn't he decided to continue – '' Bailey adores Amy. Zola does too, but I think she's Bailey's favourite person in the world. When Meredith or I say something there is no chance he would comply, but if Amy tells him he acts like the best behaving child ever. That drives me crazy sometimes.''

Alison chuckled at his last statement, then added – ''I saw her interact with children few times when I was on peds cases. They all seemed to really like her.''

''And what about you two? How are things between you?'' – Derek was curious.

''Straight to the point, ha?'' – Alison smirked – ''I guess we're getting to know each other. It's all new for both of us.''

Just as Derek wanted to ask his next of many, many questions he had, Amelia, Zola and Bailey appeared. Amelia tickled two tiny humans, who were walking next to her, and their laughter was uncontrollable. The sight of the three of them looking so happy and relaxed was very endearing. But it made Alison a little bit sad and maybe, just maybe a little bit jealous. She would never openly admit it, but Derek saw the look on her face. She smiled, but that smile didn't really catch her eyes.

Alison never had that; mom or aunt to tickle her and laugh with her, to take her home after work. And now, when she was finally finding that in Amelia, seeing her play with her niece and nephew made Alison very jealous, actually.

A/N: I know I didn't post anything for almost three weeks and I'm really sorry. I didn't abandon this story! I just needed some time away from the electronics to spend it with my family. I hope you understand and I hope you'll keep reading. Next chapter is already in the workings, so it should be done very soon.

I'm glad to be back. :)

Thank you for reading!