This is almost a completely Derek centric chapter. Uncomfortable thoughts and embarrassment make up the rest of it.

Derek assesses his life through memories about the past and worries about the future.

Derek left the loft and went to the house. He needed some alone time, and it was way too crowded up there.

It had been almost a week since the full moon, and Stiles had been holding court every day. Everybody was eager to know how he was doing, and he'd been the center of attention. That he enjoyed it wasn't hard to understand; he'd been more or less ignored during the two weeks between the bite and the full moon. Derek knew that Stiles was aware that it had nothing to do with him per se, but he'd been slightly annoyed.

Derek had really tried to be there for him, but he had to go to the house almost every day. Scott had been working overtime with the dogs from the puppy-mill, and Allison had her own struggles. Isaac and Alex had lived in their own little world. Partially because of the news about Alex' mother, but they had also been excited about finding furniture for their room.

Tonight, Stiles had invited everybody over for game-night. Even Lydia showed up, and the reunion scene between her and Stiles would have made a less confident man than Derek extremely jealous.

A couple of the attendees were people Derek didn't even know, but he didn't really care. These guys went to school together, and wanted to hang out before they had to get back to the mill. Derek could perfectly well understand that. He was actually more jealous of the fact that they were all going to get a diploma, than he was of Stiles paying more attention to them than him.

Derek slipped out of there without anyone noticing, and he was actually happy about getting away. There were bigger issues coming, and he didn't want to be a party pooper. The High school reunion thing was just too much for him at the moment.

At the Hale-house, Derek got out of the car and stared at the facade of the building. Except for a few minor details that had to be fixed, it looked perfect.

He'd never wanted it to be a replica of the old house, and even if it resembled it, the difference was acceptable. He'd always been afraid that the childhood memories would haunt him too much if he'd tried to make it look the same.

Chris had been very helpful. The guy had presented a blueprint that Derek was perfectly satisfied with. That the he'd practically built it also, was never in Derek's plans; he'd thought he he'd have to do it all by himself. It would probably have taken a year, and he would have had to spend a more significant amount of money. Having Allison in the pack turned out to be an economical gain that Derek hadn't even thought of.

-o-o-

Allison left the loft early to go to bed. She had to get up at the crack of dawn to have this horrible meeting with Melissa McCall. It wasn't that she really had to do it, but Melissa pretty much knew about this secret already, and needed to know for sure.

She also knew that she had to have a long conversation with Derek. A new life was growing in her belly, and she still had to try to concentrate on getting her diploma. How to accomplish that in her current situation she didn't even know yet, but she knew for sure that she couldn't be a pack leader. After their previous little chat, she knew that Derek would understand.

Derek was certainly willing but was he able? Allison didn't really know how it worked; if Derek could just take over the pack just like that, or if there had to be some kind of ceremony or something. She felt extremely stupid for not knowing these things, and knew that she had to address it when she eventually talked to Derek. It would possibly be slightly embarrassing, but had to be done.

-o-o-

Indulged in his own thoughts, Derek walked through the house. There was still a lot to do on the inside, but with running water and electricity it wouldn't take long before they could move in. Embarrassed by the fact that he got a little emotional about it, he hurried to wipe his eyes. He thought about what his parents would have said about all this, and he hoped they would have been proud of him.

The fall from being a favorite son in a loving family, to become orphaned had been tougher than Derek had ever cared to admit. Hiding his emotions behind a tough exterior came naturally after he finally accepted his fate. He'd shied away from people who wanted to help him, and he'd eventually ended up as a recluse.

Young and inexperienced, he had thought that the money he inherited would save him from any troubles that came his way. School became a drag. Education was for sissies. In hindsight, he knew that the reason for him skipping school so much was because somebody there actually cared about him.

Derek didn't need the fake attempts from his teacher to 'help him' and 'be there for him'. The humans of Beacon Hills could never understand how he felt. None of them would ever be able to grasp how his loss was more than just a loss of family.

The bond that the werewolves shared was so special, that he'd thought it would be impossible for him to form that bond with anybody outside the pack.

With nobody to hold him back, he'd left Beacon Hills for a time. Lying trough his teeth and faking signatures, he'd attended other high schools, but restlessness had kept him moving around. He never earned his diploma, and it wasn't for the lack of trying. The fact was that when he felt that someone got too close, he'd moved on, and eventually it became too difficult to catch up.

Ever so often he came back to his hometown. He knew now that it was of sentimental reasons, but he never admitted it back then; not even to himself.

Scott McCall changed everything. It didn't happen over night, but the boy's fate had everything to do with Derek's choice to stay in Beacon Hills a little longer than he'd planned. Back then he'd looked at Stiles as Scott's annoying sidekick.

Over time he learned that the bond the two boys shared was more profound than he'd ever thought humans could have. Stiles' commitment to his friend was genuine, and he'd almost been ready to sacrifice himself to help Scott.

Looking back, Derek was abhorred about how he'd treated Stiles in the beginning. Stiles had been scared out of his mind – he'd later told him about that in many, many words – but he'd still challenged Derek on practically everything.

With the weird friendship he'd established with Scott and Stiles through everything that happened later, he'd decided that Beacon Hills wasn't such a bad place to stay. Completely starved for real friendship, it had been a new, and sometimes a little scary experience.

-o-o-

Stiles was extremely disappointed about his own performance when they played this game. He'd been acing it from the moment it was released, but now he was struggling big-time. With Scott and Allison it wasn't such a big deal, but they had other people over, and it was embarrassing.

It was perfectly clear that the others didn't really care who was winning or losing; maybe for a moment, but then it was a new game on.

That Derek just left was not making this evening any better, but Stiles could understand. Video-games were never Derek's favorite pastime, and he also wasn't too comfortable with so many people around.

For years he'd been pretty much living alone, and even if he'd learned to be more sociable, he still preferred smaller groups. Derek really only wanted to hang with his own pack, and didn't care so much about other people.

-o-o-

The attempt to create his own pack, had gone horribly wrong, but the fact that Isaac had stood by him helped a lot on Derek's self-confidence.

Stiles had kept bothering him. Not so much with his words anymore, but Derek knew early on that the guy carried a secret. He knew that Stiles had the hots for him, but he didn't know – and he didn't really care – if it was love.

To this day, Derek was unable to understand his own actions when he decided to get into Stiles' pants. That they did fall in love, and that they were going to live together, didn't change anything. What he'd done to Stiles in the beginning of their relationship was inexcusable. He knew that Stiles had forgiven him, but the creepy nature of the approach was still haunting him.

There was of course nothing to do about that now. Hindsight could be twenty-twenty, but it is still impossible to change the past.

The way he gained his Alpha status wasn't an especially fond memory either. Stealing it from his own uncle wasn't the achievement he was most proud of in his life. He justified it to himself by the fact that Peter had stole it himself. Two wrongs didn't make a right, and as his powers now were withering away, he knew he had it coming. If he wanted to lead this pack, he had to earn it.

Scott had earned his Alpha status simply by his character. Derek knew that it wouldn't be that 'easy' for him. His character flaws was piling up, and becoming an Alpha again seemed completely out of reach.

He'd told Allison that it was possible and he knew it was the truth, but gaining it was not going to be a cakewalk.

The desire he had to lead this pack was overwhelming. When he turned Isaac, Vernon, and Erica, he'd thought it was enough. He thought it was enough to have them.

Reality kicked in, and proved to him that the Beta's under his command didn't see him as a strong enough leader to stick around for.

Derek knew he deserved to lose it. He knew that if he truly wanted to have a pack of his own he needed to step up. He had absolutely no idea how to achieve his goal; at the moment it seemed like an impossible task.

The Hale name and his bloodline should account for something. The family had been strong and closed knit. Talia – his mother – had been a leader for more than her own pack. She'd been someone to count on for other families also. Her words of advice was sought after by other Alphas, and she sometimes acted as an advocate for werewolves that came to her for support.

Derek knew that he could possibly not reach her standards. As the only son, he'd been spoiled and he'd never really learned how to be a strong leader. This pack – his pack – deserved a strong leader, and at the moment he didn't feel that he was.

When he decided to rebuild the house, he'd thought that it would be enough to gather them there and the rest would come by itself. Back then, he didn't feel that unbreakable bond with any of them, but he counted on it to emerge over time. Having Stiles by his side, he'd thought that anything could be possible. His fear of losing Stiles was always there; he wasn't always the best boyfriend, but he chose to believe in love.

During the building process, Derek had felt the bond strengthen, but it wasn't really evolving into the strong commitments that a pack required. He'd still been hopeful that it would change. The change came, but not the way he'd expected.

That fatal night when Stiles almost died, he'd finally felt it. When Allison stepped up and did what had to be done, it had led to a change in the dynamic of the whole pack. By giving up his status, and practically handing it over to the girl, their group had become a real pack. Allison's strength had bonded them on a level that Derek hadn't even dared to hope to achieve.

He knew that the others felt it also. He knew that subconsciously they had accepted her, and would stand by her even if there were a few issues to resolve. Allison was also perfectly aware of this, so it really came as a surprise when she told him that she didn't want to be the pack-leader.

The only one that had supported Derek unconditionally during this process was Stiles. Scott had been very reluctant to join the pack in the first place until Allison stepped up. Isaac had of course stood by him, but he'd been very verbal about Derek's shortcomings, and had easily embraced the new Alpha.

After getting the bite from Allison, Stiles had tried to convince Derek that he still wanted him to lead the pack, but it was perfectly clear that he was struggling with it. There was a special bond between Allison and Stiles now, and Derek knew exactly how he felt.

How Derek could possibly get the pack back was beyond him. A pack led by a Beta wasn't unheard of but in this case, it could be troublesome.

In his head he knew that his own fear of commitment was partially to blame for this mess. Wanting a pack of his own, required that he made promises and showed them that he would stand by them forever.

After losing his whole family, it had been hard to trust anyone. The relationship he had with Stiles had taught him so much though, and he'd started to believe that he could have a family again. The only thing was that he hadn't even made any real promises to Stiles either. How could the others trust him and support him unconditionally if he didn't even dare to make a real commitment with the love of his life.

-o-o-

Mr Stilinski had no idea what was going on with Melissa at that lunch in the park. She'd seemed enthusiastic and pretty happy when she came, but then it had all been weird and almost uncomfortable.

She'd clearly had something else on her mind, something that she didn't want to share at the moment. Mr Stilinski was confident enough to assume that this had nothing to do with him. She had really made an effort.

He suspected that it could have to do with Scott and his decision to move. They had learned enough about theses werewolves to know that if Scott and Allison wanted a future together, nobody could keep them apart. Stilinski had pondered on bringing it up; he had his own concerns about this big move, but he decided to let her talk about it when she was ready.

That Stiles was going to move in to that house also, had been been hard to accept in the beginning, but Stilinski felt that there wasn't much he could do about it. Putting his foot down and begging him to wait could possibly make things worse.

After a long and hard deliberation with himself, he'd decided to let it happen. If everything went sour, he'd be there for his son. It wasn't like he would be far away; they'd still see each other on a regular basis.

Derek turned out to be an stand-up guy, and there were no doubt that he really cared for Stiles. It had still not been easy to come to terms with the fact that Stiles was in a gay relationship.

Mr Stilinski had had his doubts about Derek to begin with, but it wasn't hard to understand that his son was happier than he'd ever seen him. Still, moving in together was a big step though.

-o-o-

Standing by the window in the room that he and Stiles would share, Derek was thinking about the future. Six people living together could be tough, especially when a few of them had never lived a away from their parents before.

Werewolves or not, there would probably be a few bumps in the road before they all found their place into this 'family'. Stiles was kind of spoiled, but he was really making an effort. He'd practically lived at the loft during the summer, and except for a few moody moments, it had gone really well.

Isaac had been a roommate for a long time already, and even if they bumped heads a couple of times, it had been okay. With Alex thrown into the mix, Isaac had really matured, and the two of them would probably handle the situation easier than most. Alex was acting like a little housewife already.

Derek had been a little concerned about the guy's submissive behavior in the beginning, and wondered if he was just doing it to make amends. Over time Alex had showed that he wasn't such a pushover, and that he also absolutely enjoyed the chores in the kitchen.

Scott and Allison were really the ones that concerned Derek the most. That they had spent a fair amount of time at the loft, and even slept over a couple of times, didn't change anything. The two of them had always been treated as guests. The fact that they also had been quite reluctant to even join the pack to begin with could also have caused problems. They had come around and with Allison's new status, there hadn't been any more discussion about it.

It wasn't that Derek worried a lot about it; he was just trying to be prepared for anything. He hadn't been ready for Allison's news, but he knew that all he had to do was to have a conversation with her about it. Her little 'problem' was going to be an issue, and the housemates had to know about it.

Derek walked through the hall and peeked in to the small room next to Allison and Scott's. Someone had joked about turning it into a nursery. It wasn't a joke anymore. It could happen sooner than anyone would have expected.

Trying to look at this as a positive development, Derek descended the stairs and went outside. He had no idea if Allison would actually go through with it, but he was surprised to discover that he really hoped so.

They could have moved in tomorrow, but Derek wanted to make sure that everything was in order first. The plumbing was almost done, the only thing left was the shower in the guest bathroom upstairs. They had gotten the wrong fixtures, but Mouth promised to come back later to finish it. Dave had also promised to come back. The electric was technically done also, but they needed lights in the attic if they were going to use it for anything. There were also a few minor issues in the basement.

They had talked about what to do down there, and the consensus had been on turning it into a gym or something like that. It would have to wait though.

Derek turned on the porch-light before he left. He walked to the car and as he got in he look at the house. In spite of the dark windows without any curtains or other decorations, it seemed more inviting now when the yellow glow from the lamp lit up the front of it.