"So, uh, you good to go?" John asked. "Are you ready for the next mission?"
Sherlock blinked a few times as the familiar voice entered his head. He couldn't help glancing away for a moment looking for the source of it.
"Sherlock?" John repeated. Sherlock's gaze immediately turned back to John.
"Uh, yes, sorry, thinking." Sherlock paused, failing to remember what John had said. "What did you say?"
"I said, are you ready to go back out there?" "Ready?"
"Always." "Always." Sherlock exhaled, slowly lowering his hands to his sides. He could almost feel the next word the next word that would come. That... slimy, cold, shivering word that gleamed in only the strangest of lights. "Good." Sherlock could almost see it now, leaking from the man's mouth, slowly, almost as though he was mocking him. But then it didn't.
"You don't have to lie you know." John said, "Not to me. I know you're not. Why don't you go for a walk? Take a breather, alright? Goodness knows you've been drowning lately."
His lungs stung as he struggled against the hand that held him. He knew it wouldn't help, knew it would only weaken him, but panic had overridden his body and for some reason, all he could do was fight. He knew he wouldn't win, it just wasn't possible. But he would fight, he would protest until the the breath left his lungs and never returned.
"Sherlock, are you even listening to me?"
Sherlock's lungs quickly inhaled, and he was left involuntarily gasping, gulping for air as though he could never get enough of it. It was this tone, this desperation, that he spoke.
"Always, never, what's the difference? It's not like it matters anymore." He closed his eyes, tightly gripping a small ring on his finger, twisting it slightly. It was new, or at least John had never noticed it before. Then after a moment, Sherlock spoke more calmly. "What is to come, will. Ready or not."
"Maybe," John said, "but Sherlock, you're freaking out. Not visibly, not physically, but you're a mess. I can tell. I've been around you long enough to see it."
"Look John, just because you're having trouble processing all this doesn't mean everyone else is!" Sherlock cut himself off abruptly. The silence that followed was tense.
"Says the man who was just yelling, closing his eyes, and covering his ears to avoid hearing something that he doesn't want to believe." John said, his usually calm voice taking on a more aggressive note. "But no, of course you're fine. You're the great Sherlock Holmes, how couldn't you be?"
Sherlock didn't move to pull his hands away or open his eyes. No response came from him, no acknowledgement of John's words.
John sighed, irritated with himself now for letting his emotions get away from him. Slowly, he approached Sherlock who had finally moved to sit down in the chair by the table. His hands still covered his face.
"I'm sorry for yelling at you. Just-" John said, "I'm worried about you, Lestrade's worried about you, and Jayden, he's bound to have picked up that there's something going on by now. Something's got to be done about this, I don't know what, and it's not my place to decide. The ball is in your court, Sherlock, but you've got to make a move."
John sat down across the table from Sherlock.
"So," John said, "What's our play?"
Sherlock looked up, the gleam of tears in his eyes.
"I don't know."
"Something's going on." Jayden determined. "Something they're not telling us."
Lestrade shrugged, "What's new?"
"No, it's different." Jayden said. "Because this time, you're in on it."
"Jayden..."
"Why aren't you guys telling me stuff?!" Jayden asked. "What's so important as to keep it a secret from me?!"
"It's not my place to say." Lestrade said.
"Something's up with Sherlock." Jayden said. "Now either you tell me what, or I figure it out myself. And I will."
"I know."
"Good."
Sherlock closed his eyes once again, inhaling gently. When he opened his eyes once again they were calm. But the difference was more than that.
They were cold. There was no passion in his gaze. It was almost as though he had deprived himself of his will.
"Let's just go." He said, standing up and moving to the door. Sighing, John began to follow him.
When they got to the door however, he stopped.
"No."
"Pardon?" Sherlock asked.
"No. We're not going back in there yet." John said. "I'm going to text Greg, tell him that you and I are going for a walk."
"Really John, there's a case, remember?" Sherlock protested.
"Which Jayden has been taking care of by himself just fine. He can handle it for another hour or two." John said. "We're going to get your mind off all of this one way or another. You need some downtime. We both do. Come on."
"Do I get a choice?" Sherlock sighed.
"Nope."
Going for a walk, got to calm him down. Be back soon. -JW
Lestrade slid his phone back in his pocket.
"Looks like we're alone for awhile." Lestrade said. "Sherlock and John've taken off for a bit."
"As usual." Jayden sighed.