Mario Mario, as exuberant as ever, made a running start and jumped into the red pipe. In a maximum of 3 seconds, he then found Earth, regular Earth, as the momentum from his jump into the pipe caused him to fly way above, perhaps even touching clouds. He then realized, due to Earth's gravity, he was going to die.
He closed his eyes and awaited his sure death. "OH SHIIIIIII-" he landed hard and felt air again, then landed and felt less air, and so on. He opened his eyes to see he was bouncing on a trampoline. On his next hop, he leapt off, slightly hurt his leg, and knocked on the backdoor of Reggie's home. After a minute or two, he was greeted by a shocked Reggie.
"Mario Mario?" he asked in a crazed voice. Mario handed him the bag of gold coins. "Will that be enough for you to move out of this house right now?"
This was not an ordinary night for Reggie. "Hell, yeah..." he stared at the wealth, "I can finally start that video game company!"
"Have fun with that," Mario gasped, out of breath, as Reggie ran through his house, getting his kids out and calling a moving truck. 'Kids, your father is soon to be a billionaire! See, I'm going to call it Nintendo...' were the last words Mario heard from his ex-customer. He walked inside and dialed on the wall phone Luigi's number.
Meanwhile, at Luigi's, the poor guy was destroyed by not only the loss of his job, the impossibilities of getting a new job, the partial responsibility of a family's death, but his brother's death too. At that exact moment of self-pity's peak, his cell phone rang. Luigi picked it up after three rings. He sniffled, "Luigi," into the phone.
"Luigi! It's, ahh, me, Mario!"
"Mario?" Luigi broke into a fit of happiness.
"Yeah! I just bought Reggie's house!"
Luigi's fit of happiness then became real life. "Come again?"
"I bought Reggie's house! Get over here!" Before Luigi could reply, the dial tone sounded.
"Are you kidding me..." Luigi muttered as he pushed on his green cap. He stumbled outside and scooched into his car.
I know I'm avoiding the true matters of the story right now, but allow me a moment to talk about Luigi's revolutionary driving technique. Luigi had a brilliant idea that was so safe and so simple, he was surprised no one had thought of it before. You see, to avoid car crashes or speeding, Luigi drove fifteen miles under the speed limit! Every time he hit that gray-rock road, he would receive loud honks in agreement of the intelligence of Luigi's skill. By the time Luigi had reached Reggie's home, or what WAS Reggie's home, 48 minutes had passed.
"What the hell took you so long?" were Mario's first words. The brother was filthy, glops of dirt sticking on him in random places. He was sitting on the porch.
"Traffic," Luigi lied, "now did I hear correctly? I was pretty sure you said you bought that guy's house. Did you buy that guy's house?"
"I bought that guy's house," Mario confirmed.
"Why did you buy that guy's house?"
"I needed the land."
"Why did you need the land?"
"Well, brother, let me show you."
The brothers trudged through the house and back the outside door, a path that was becoming quite familiar to them. Mario walked Luigi to the pipe.
"Hop in," Mario said.
"Wha-?" Luigi was interrupted by a solid shove from Mario and fell directly through the pipe.
"That's what you get for taking so long," Mario murmured and leapt into the pipe himself.
He closed his eyes and awaited his sure death. "OH SHIIIIIII-" he landed hard and felt air again, then landed and felt less air, and so on. He opened his eyes to see he was bouncing on a trampoline. On his next hop, he leapt off, slightly hurt his leg, and knocked on the backdoor of Reggie's home. After a minute or two, he was greeted by a shocked Reggie.
"Mario Mario?" he asked in a crazed voice. Mario handed him the bag of gold coins. "Will that be enough for you to move out of this house right now?"
This was not an ordinary night for Reggie. "Hell, yeah..." he stared at the wealth, "I can finally start that video game company!"
"Have fun with that," Mario gasped, out of breath, as Reggie ran through his house, getting his kids out and calling a moving truck. 'Kids, your father is soon to be a billionaire! See, I'm going to call it Nintendo...' were the last words Mario heard from his ex-customer. He walked inside and dialed on the wall phone Luigi's number.
Meanwhile, at Luigi's, the poor guy was destroyed by not only the loss of his job, the impossibilities of getting a new job, the partial responsibility of a family's death, but his brother's death too. At that exact moment of self-pity's peak, his cell phone rang. Luigi picked it up after three rings. He sniffled, "Luigi," into the phone.
"Luigi! It's, ahh, me, Mario!"
"Mario?" Luigi broke into a fit of happiness.
"Yeah! I just bought Reggie's house!"
Luigi's fit of happiness then became real life. "Come again?"
"I bought Reggie's house! Get over here!" Before Luigi could reply, the dial tone sounded.
"Are you kidding me..." Luigi muttered as he pushed on his green cap. He stumbled outside and scooched into his car.
I know I'm avoiding the true matters of the story right now, but allow me a moment to talk about Luigi's revolutionary driving technique. Luigi had a brilliant idea that was so safe and so simple, he was surprised no one had thought of it before. You see, to avoid car crashes or speeding, Luigi drove fifteen miles under the speed limit! Every time he hit that gray-rock road, he would receive loud honks in agreement of the intelligence of Luigi's skill. By the time Luigi had reached Reggie's home, or what WAS Reggie's home, 48 minutes had passed.
"What the hell took you so long?" were Mario's first words. The brother was filthy, glops of dirt sticking on him in random places. He was sitting on the porch.
"Traffic," Luigi lied, "now did I hear correctly? I was pretty sure you said you bought that guy's house. Did you buy that guy's house?"
"I bought that guy's house," Mario confirmed.
"Why did you buy that guy's house?"
"I needed the land."
"Why did you need the land?"
"Well, brother, let me show you."
The brothers trudged through the house and back the outside door, a path that was becoming quite familiar to them. Mario walked Luigi to the pipe.
"Hop in," Mario said.
"Wha-?" Luigi was interrupted by a solid shove from Mario and fell directly through the pipe.
"That's what you get for taking so long," Mario murmured and leapt into the pipe himself.
Luigi did not stop screaming for the whole, 3-second duration of the freefall, nor did he stop screaming after being ejected from the red pipe. It was only after a harsh slap from Mario did Luigi suddenly hush.
"Good God, man," Mario glared at Luigi, "that mansion...it changed you."
They stood in silence for a minute before Mario shook it off and marched onward.
"Come on, Luigi," Mario hollered. The greener of the brothers scrambled to his feet and quickly followed.