'What's going on? Where am I? It's so dark, am I sleeping, dreaming?'
Rebecca Jaimaison feels lost. Its dark around her, she has no idea where she is and her thoughts are running wild.
'If this is a dream I really want to wake up now'
In a strange way she cannot feel her own body. Her breathing speeds up, she tries to shout but nothing can be heard and it's still dark and completely quiet around her.
Suddenly there is a breathtaking pain in her head and just a second later it seems her body that she couldn't feel at all a few minutes ago, is now in agony. She cannot breathe because of the heavy pain in her chest. Something is now constantly beeping next to her and the sound makes her headache even worse.
'Was that a voice?'
The pain in her head and the rest of her body makes it nearly impossible to think but she heard something. She was pretty much sure that in between this annoying beeping she could hear a voice.
"Ms. Jaimaison, Rebecca. Can you hear me? Can you open your eyes for me?"
Rebecca can hear the voice now clear and out of nowhere there is an overwhelming light in front of her just to go dark a second later followed by the light again. The headache is just getting worse with this sudden overload. She moans and is even surprised at hearing her own moaning. And then there is the voice again.
"Very well that's the right direction to wake up. Now just the last bit to open your eyes!"
Rebecca is more aware now of her own body. Still in pain but she manages to keep her breathing slow so the pain in her chest lessens a bit but her head is still killing her. Anyway she is going to follow this voice and she tries to open her eyes. The first moment the light hits her head again with a massive pain attack but it is lessening a bit as each second passes. Rebecca can hear the voice again and she opens her eyes and can see a face in front of her.
"Hello there! I am Sharon your nurse tonight."
Rebecca feels panic arise and her breathing goes faster and the pain in her chest just increases as well.
"Nurse? Why? Where am I?"
Rebecca does not even realize that she had spoken the words aloud until the person in front of her answers in a soft voice.
"Shhh, calm down Rebecca. You are in the hospital. Breathe slow and lay still. I gave you something for the pain a few minutes ago it should start to work soon."
Rebecca is still confused. She hears the nurse in front of her speaking but cannot work out what all this means. But anyway she calms down a bit after the calming voice and the hand which is holding hers.
"Why am I here?"
"You had an accident but you will be ok. You just need a lot of rest. I will take a look at you regularly. The pain killers should do their job now as well. You will feel better soon."
Rebecca wants to ask more but her eyes get heavy. The pain in her body has gone and her headache ebbs away now as well and she just cannot keep her eyes open. So everything goes dark around her again.
"Jim what are you planning to do?"
Blair comes out of his room and heads directly to Jim who has picked up the phone from the table next to the door.
"I am calling the hospital. Its two days and they still won't let me see her."
Blair gets closer to Jim and puts one arm on his shoulder and takes the phone with the other arm.
"You called them already less than five hours ago. You cannot call again. They told you they will let you know when she is ready for visitors, have some patience."
"I need to see her Blair. I need to talk to her and most importantly I need to apologize to her."
"First and foremost you need to calm down. You barely sleep, you barely eat and your senses are acting up similar to the time we first met. You are no help for anyone at the moment but a complete danger to yourself. "
Jim turns around and walks out on the balcony of the loft. The air is cold against his skin but he does not care about it. Blair follows him and shudders visibly from the cold outside. They are standing next to each other in silence for a while then Jim breaks it.
"I don't think I have ever felt this way before in my entire life. I feel a lot of guilt these past few years since meeting you. I felt guilty every time I got you into any dangerous or even life threatening situations."
Blair lays one hand on his shoulder with a silent "Jim" and shakes his head while doing so.
"I know Blair. We have had this discussion several times now and I don't want to discuss it again. I just want to try to explain how I feel at the moment. Because this feeling is different to my guilt from the past. It's much more intense and I can't think straight. A constant headache is accompanying me and my senses don't seem to be working properly. And the desire to see this woman and just say sorry is beyond all bearing. I am going crazy Blair and don't know what to."
Blair once again lays one hand on Jims shoulder.
"Come on, first we are going back inside or I am going to freeze to death out here. And then let us grab some dinner and call it an early night. And tomorrow morning we will go to the hospital and we will see if we can get any more information or even the chance to see her. Ok?"
Jim nods and pushes Blair back into the warm loft. He walks to the door, takes the phone and throws it to Blair.
"Call for some Chinese and let them know I will collect it in 15 minutes. I think a walk will do me some good."
Jim grabs his keys and his coat and is out of the loft before Blair can say anything else. Blair orders the food and then sinks down on the couch with a worried look on his face.
"If you zone out, out there now Jim you are going to cook for the next two months, I promise!"
Although Jim was already down on the streets as Blair sinks down on the coach he can hear Blair's words and a small smile appears on his face. As he continues walking he answers Blair although he clearly knows that Blair cannot hear him.
"Be prepared Chief. If I zone out, you will need to come and get me."
And although he still has this small smile on his face he knows how serious all this is and how much Blair has to worry about him right now. And he also knows how grateful he can be to have Blair on his side. The last two days he would have been lost without him. "Thank you Blair for everything" he mumbles while walking.
Rebecca slowly opens her eyes. She can see light through the window so it must be daytime but besides that she has no idea which day. She tries to move in her bed but pain radiates through her whole body immediately. She takes a deep breath just to realize that the pain in her chest increases just doing that. She moans silently just as someone steps up to her bed.
"Are you in pain?"
Rebecca nods her eyes closed because of the high impact of the pain.
"I will give you something for it. The pain should ease in a minute"
Rebecca feels a hand on her shoulder and opens her eyes. A young woman is standing next to her and looks at her with a small smile. After Rebecca has calmed down the woman starts to check the temperature in her ear and then takes a look at the IV in her arm. At the end she is looking at Rebecca again, who feels almost no pain anymore.
"Better?"
Rebecca nods again and speaks a silent "Thank you". Her voice is rough and it seems she has not used it for ages. The woman smiles again and lays her arm on Rebecca's.
"There are some visitors outside. May I let them in?"
Rebecca nods although she has no idea who is going to visit her as she has no family anymore and no real friends in Cascade as she has only been living in the city a few months.
The woman leaves the room and then two man step into it. Rebecca does not know them or at least does not remember them. She feels nervous. She can remember the nurse mentioning an accident but still has no idea what happened. 'Oh god maybe I killed someone'. She tries to calm down a bit as the men come closer to her bed one on each side. The bigger one of them starts talking.
"Hello! My name is James Ellison, this is Blair Sandburg. Thank you very much for allowing us to see you."
Rebecca looks to Blair than back to Jim. She is very nervous and does not really understand what is going on at the moment. Because of her nervousness she is not able to say a word but the bigger man, 'James Ellison' Rebecca repeats in her head, continues speaking.
"We really would like to have a short talk about the accident and I really ah …"
While Jim is looking for the right words, Rebecca gets more and more nervous. Her breathing goes faster and her eyes are open now wide. She looks nervous from Jim to Blair and then back to Jim, who is still talking but Rebecca does not hear a word.
"What have I done? Did I kill someone?"
As Jim looks at her with a surprised look, Rebecca realizes that she has spoken those last words out loud. Her body is trembling now in panic. She can feel a warm hand on her left arm and then there was a voice.
"Shhh, you didn't kill anyone. Please calm down, relax. Breath slowly!"
Rebecca knows this voice, she turns her head and there stands a man she does not know. 'What's his name again?' she thinks but couldn't remember it. While the man is still speaking to her with this calming voice she actually does not understand the words but it was just the voice itself which calms her down. And then she remembers. This is the voice, the last thing she heard before she awoke in the hospital again.
"I remember you. I remember your voice!"
Blair smiles at her and gets closer to her.
"Yeah? I was there holding your hand and speaking with you. You couldn't answer so I wasn't sure if you even heard me."
"What happened?"
She finally wants to know what happened. She looks desperate to Blair who looks to Jim and then back to Rebecca.
"Jim is going to tell you the whole story, ok?"
She nods and then looks back to Jim who starts speaking and tries to explain everything to her in detail. He finishes his speech with "I am so sorry for what I have done. I pushed you right into the truck and I just hope there will be a time when you can forgive me. I am so sorry!" Guilt can be seen in his eyes and he puts his head down.
Rebecca is unable to speak for a moment. She starts to remember. She remembers the long working night and that she was angry at herself as she realized she had fallen asleep at the traffic light. She looks at the man who sits there with his head down. She wants to touch him but she cannot move her right arm where he is sitting, so she just speaks.
"Please raise your head, look at me"
Jim slowly lifts his head up and looks into her eyes and he sees forgiveness in there and he looks deeper into them. 'Such beautiful green eyes' is his last thought before everything around him seems to get cloudy. Blair immediately knows what is happening right now. He walks around the hospital bed and lays one hand on Jims shoulder and speaks while looking to Rebecca in the bed, who is still watching Jim.
"Come on Jim! She needs some rest. We really should go now!"
Jim slightly shakes his head and realizes he has zoned again and Blair is now standing behind him. He does not know what Blair has said or done but Rebecca looks at him and seems to answer him.
"Just one more moment please."
Then Rebecca looks back to Jim, who tries to stay focused on what she is saying instead of her beautiful green eyes.
"This is not your fault and I don't want you to feel guilty anymore. I think there is nothing to forgive you for but if it is what you want then yes I forgive you."
Rebecca suddenly feels very tired, she can barely keep her eyes open while speaking but she does not want to fall asleep. Not now. Jim gets closer to the bed and leans over her. He whispers a "Thank you" and lays his hand on hers giving it a slight squeeze.
"Get some rest now. I will be back later then we can talk more."
A slight smile appears on Rebecca's face and she nods while her eyes are closing and she falls asleep.
Jim stands there for a moment and just watches her sleep till he feels Blair's hand on his shoulder again.
"Come on man, let's go!"
They leave the hospital in silence. When they are settled in Jim's car he speaks again.
"Thanks Blair for doing this for me and helping me out in there again. Man I got totally lost in those green eyes."
"She couldn't take her eyes from you either. I definitely saw something going on there."
Jim rolls his eyes. "Your imagination is running wild again, Chief" he says but deep down inside he can feel something, something that he cannot define at the moment.
Blair sees Jims look getting serious again.
"All jokes aside, you feeling any better now?"
"Yes I do Blair. I knew a visit would help!"
"Ok good! And what now?"
Jims starts his car and starts driving out of the hospital garage.
"Now we are going to find that piece of shit who did this to her!"
Authors note:
Are there readers out there? Would really love some feedback. Everything that is finished writte is posted now. So it may last a bit till the next part will be up.