Sitting in the comfort of their own home, having shed their spandex and sprawled out on opposite sides of the couch, Peter finally broke the silence.

"What the fuck just happened?" He pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Do you want me to summarize?" Wade asked with a quirk of his lips that Peter could tell was false. It was all bravado. Wade wasn't happy about this either.

"No, I think I got it. The Avengers think that you are cheating on me with me. Why does this keep happening? How is this our life now?"

"Maybe it isn't?" Wade said, trying to sound cryptic, but it was a pale excuse to try and make Peter chuckle and they both knew it.

"I wanted to scream, they way they were treating you," Peter said, and he twisted in his seat, curling his legs beneath him.

"Look on the bright side, Petey-pie. At least they still don't know your secret identity."

"Screw my secret identity!" Peter exploded. He jumped off the couch and began pacing across the room, no doubt wearing a path into their already thinning rug.

"You don't mean that," Wade said calmly, and he reached out and snagged Peter's wrist as he walked past, pulling the younger man into his lap.

"I do!" Peter insisted, and he meant it. He would reveal his true identity in a heartbeat if it meant that the Avengers would trust Wade again.

Wade shook his head, as if Peter didn't know what he was saying. It was a look Peter didn't see often. Peter was a pretty smart guy. But sometimes he would say something Wade took to be naïve, and Wade would shake his head and give a little smile, as if to say that someday Peter would understand.

"It's fine, snookums," Wade insisted, "I know that you weren't prepared to bare your soul like that—"

"But I would have!" Peter insisted.

Wade pulled him flush against his chest. "I know, sexy mama, I know. And that's why I didn't let you. I'm not going to put you out there, make you uncomfortable, force your hand, just to protect lil' ol' me from the big bad Avengers." He ran strong fingers through Peter's hair, and Peter could feel his anger drain out of him.

"Are you sure?" He asked at last, because while Peter was confident that he was ready to tell his secret to the world if need be, just to keep Wade happy, and he would not regret it, he also knew that right now making Wade happy meant letting Wade protect him.

Wade nodded, and Peter smiled at him, and let himself fully relax.

"What do we do then?" Peter asked in an even voice.

Wade kissed the nape of his neck. "Well," he started huskily, "we could finish what we started on the roof."

Peter arched an eyebrow. "No, I mean with the Avengers. It is very sweet of you to let me keep my secret for a little while longer, but I refuse to let them bully you around or kick you off the squad because of my secret identity."

Wade shrugged like it was no big deal. "It'll all work out."

Peter rolled his eyes. "No. We have to start taking precautions."

"We already do that. We only sometimes go on patrol together. You never swing to work. You said we're not allowed to have office sex with the masks on. What more can we do?"

Peter couldn't stop the bark of laughter that fell from his lips. "So much, Wade. There is so much we can do. The first is to make absolutely sure not to have sex in public."

"Awwwwwww!" Wade whined, "But I wanna!"

Peter giggled and slapped Wade's thigh. "No. And, they're probably going to confront me tomorrow about your supposed adultery."

"And?"

"And…well I suppose I should tell them something. I mean, they won't be telling me anything that I don't already know, or at least that I don't already know they're going to say to me. So, I suppose I should tell them that you told me?"

Wade shrugged glibly. "It couldn't hurt, I suppose."

"Yeah, it'll work," Peter said, already warming to this game (because it was safer to think of this as a game than as a worrisome and problematic series of lies). "It'll be good. Because if they know that you told me, maybe they'll find it more likely that you will 'repent?' And of course, I'll say that I'm giving you another chance. I've already put so much into this relationship, I owe you, yadda yadda and myself to keep trying, blah blah blah. Sound good?"

"Peachy keen, Jelly-bean."

Peter twisted his head to look directly into Wade's eyes, and his smile slipped once more from his face. "I don't know why we're doing this. They're going to find out eventually. They aren't that stupid."

"They are pretty stupid."

"They are," Peter conceded, still a little shocked that none of them had figured it out, "but eventually they are going to figure it out, or something, and by then we'll have been lying to them for so long that I'm not sure they won't hate us even more for it."

"They could never hate you, Petey-sweetie," Wade cooed, and bumped his nose against Peter's, "you're their adorable science-guy, intern extraordinaire. There's no reason for them to hate you."

"But they already hate Spidey, and as much as you try and convince yourself that you've actually got two hot guys in love with you, they're both actually me. And they don't trust you anymore, and I hate that."

Wade straightened his shoulders and gave a little salute. "Alrighty. I'll be good, and that'll force them to trust me again. I'll do all of the paperwork I've been setting on fire, and I'll get to work on time and follow directions and everything, if it will make you feel better." He gave a cocky little head shake, "Hell, baby, maybe I'll even convince them that, despite my tryst with the sexy Spiderman being completely over and totally regretted, they should actually take him seriously and invite him to join the Avengers." He waggled his eyebrows in the way that he knew made Peter laugh, and Peter did.

"I'm not sure that'll work Wade. Honestly, it's my fantasy to work with you and the Avengers, but that's all it ever should be: a fantasy. I don't think I could keep my identity a secret working with them both as Peter and Spiderman, and you working with them is more important right now. Alright? Make them like you first. That's our priority."

"Aye-aye, Captain!"

There was something in Wade's voice that made Peter question how compliant the man was being, but he shook it off. Wade wouldn't risk working with the Avengers just to try and make the fever dream of Spiderman being an Avenger come to fruition.

It honestly wouldn't have worked anyway. If he had been asked to be an Avenger, if the good Captain hadn't almost caught them with their pants down, he might have said yes, but he probably would have said no. His life was comfortable, had been comfortable. It would have been too much of a risk to try and fit both of his lives into Stark's tower. And he was happy.

Or he had been happy.

He would be happy again, he decided. They would work through whatever stupid things the Avengers threw at them, and that would be that.