Chapter 22 -Lisa

What a first week! Alien invasions, being shot, it was a good job I couldn't tell anyone as nobody would believe me. As I struggle to undress myself in the quarters downing the painkillers Janet gave me I know tomorrow is going to be a tough day.

As soon as my head hit the bed I fell asleep. Dammit Janet, I thought betting that one of those tablets was actually a sedative.

It was late the next morning when I finally woke up, not having natural light really threw me and my routine. Quickly showering I kept my bad arm out of the shower. Much trickier than it sounds. Next was breakfast, toast was the simplest option. Like any healthcare professional will tell you a good filling breakfast is the key to any day.

Full and smelling fresh it was time to dig in and start my job. Captain Samantha Carter. As I arrived in the infirmary Janet came over.

"I heard you were up, we've stopped the sedation, she should be awake soon." Janet warned. I took my place at her bedside ordering Janet to keep everyone out. The last thing a delicate pysche needed was lots of people even if they were concerned.

I sat reading a book until I heard her begin to stir. She wasn't awake fully yet so I waited.

"Did she win?" Sam's voice alerted me to the fact she was awake.

"No Teal'c shot her, through the neck, someone called the NID are collecting the body today, the sarcophagus was also destroyed." I reassured her. Sam nodded.

"Good" she whispered.

"So how are you feeling?" I asked, Sam remained silent for a minute,

"Sore"

"That's to be expected," I replied, glad she was talking, after being conditioned to only speak when asked a question it was important to allow her time to speak and ensure she felt safe.

It was going to be a long process. Months or even years. My first goal had been achieved, getting her to talk, many more were left.

"So Sam what do you want to do?" I asked, my next goal was for her to start making decisions about herself and her life with no consequences. She shrugged.

"I need you to pick" I reinforced.

Sam sat silently, afraid on any consequences if she picked. I waited prepared to sit there all day if I needed to.

"A shower" she whispered so quietly I almost missed it.

"OK" I replied simply waving Janet over. "Sam wants a shower" I emphasised the Sam wants. I wasn't sure if it was physically what was best for her but mentally she needed this.

I was grateful to see Janet nod and begin detaching the wires from Sam. She swung her legs over and we each grabbed an arm walking her to the bathroom.

Once inside I was unsure to stay or go. Janet indicated for me to wait outside. I nodded thanking her.

I sat outside writing my notes. It was important in a case like this to document when you could. Intensive therapy, likely to last for weeks, it was going to be exhaustive.

After 30minutes Sam came out dressed in fatigues. Janet followed.

"OK Sam what shall we do next?" I asked, her stomach rumbled. I laughed with Janet as Sam blushed. "Its OK, your allowed to be hungry"

"Jell-o" she whispered still not use to being allowed what she wanted. "Blue"

"Good choice I will get you some" I left knowing although Sam needed to eat more than Jell-o she had made a choice and part of her recovery was me respecting that.

I brought 2 glasses back one for her and one for me. I was intrigued as to what it taste like. I sat opposite as she dug in, as if she couldn't believe it was really there.

"Can we go to my lab?" Sam questioned quietly once she had finished. I nodded.

"That s a great idea" I supported. We walked up in silence,

"He would never let me choose, not freely" Sam confessed as we walked, "He liked control all the time" I said nothing allowing her to open up. The biggest part of my job was knowing when to stay silent. "I tried to fight him" we'd arrived at her lab by then, I let her walk in first it was after all her lab. She had a seat on her normal chair. Moving a few things around her desk.

"You survived" I reminded her, it was a motto she would need.

"Because he let me" Sam said sadly, "I died more times than I can count, I tried but I lost count."

"But you survived. Your here, with me on earth" I reminded her

"I survived." Sam repeated, "the Knox, they saved me" she whispered

"What happened?" I asked trying to fill in some of the gaps.

"Where?"

"With the Knox, I thought they didn't interfere"

"They don't, but Nefreyu was curious. He came over to where I was kneeling, I couldn't let Aphosis hurt a child. I told him to run but it was to late. Aphosis was going to kill him, I jumped in the way. He killed me. I woke up in the Knox village. They fed me I picked berries and played with Nefreyu. I was there a few days I think when we heard gunfire. We all ran it was SG1, they'd come to learn the secrets of the Knox" Sam admitted glumly. I knew differently but the fact even at her most mentally conditioned she managed to break out to save a child that's what we needed to focus on.

"So you saved Nefreyu that was pretty brave." Sam shrugged. I knew I had to continue

"Tortured for months and you still have the decency and foresight to save a child instead of benefiting you own situation."

"He was a child" Sam defended, I nodded.

"It shows Aphosis never truly broke you, he tried, he tortured you beyond anything anyone can imagine but you still were prepared to go through that all again to save a child." I reminded, "He never broke you not really"

"I thought I would be stronger, last longer"

"2 months" I said it was a long time

"Is that how long I was gone for?" Sam asked "It felt so much longer,"

We sat in silence for a while as Sam fiddled with things in her lab, there was something bothering her, I just needed to wait. Using a tactic they taught us at school I began reciting song lyrics.

It took an hour before Sam spoke,

"Were they looking for me?" she questioned, I looked at her in what I hoped was a quizzical expression. "SG1, I mean we were looking for Sha're and Skara, were they looking for me?" she asked nervously.

"I think we should ask them" I replied honestly not sure. "Shall I ask one of them to pop down?"

"Teal'c" Sam replied, "He won't lie" I reached for the phone calling Teal''c. He arrived minutes later.

"Teal'c Sam has something to ask you. It is important you don't lie to spare her feelings, only the truth will help her to heal" I instructed.

Sam took a deep breath, "Were you looking for me?" she asked,

"Indeed. We undertook 12 missions on slave or prison planets in the search for you Captain Carter," Teal'c replied honestly.

"You came to the planet I was on, to rescue your son but you didn't save me" Sam cried. Teal'c looked horrified and broken.

"We did not know. We went to Chulak to rescue Ry'ac my son and make contact with Master Bray'tac as Aphosis's first prime he promised to inform us if he knew where you were being held. He did not at that time know your location. It was in fact 3 days later he came and reported your location. At which time we came to the Knox planet." Teal'c recited in a strangely hypnotic monotone.

"Aphosis was wrong" Sam said more to herself than anyone else. "How do you get use to being free" she asked.

"It is difficult." Teal'c confessed. "But I have learnt my freedom belongs to me, I chose to be free much like you have"

"I didn't chose" Sam replied,

"But you did when you rescued Nefreyu" I added, Sam sat quietly taking everything in.

"I chose to be free" Sam repeated. This is the moment I knew she was going to be OK. She had chosen to survive she had chosen to win.