Chapter LXIX: The Best

June 30, 2542 (UNSC Calendar)/one month later

UNSC Inconvenience, Slipspace

Shit. Fuck.

My life wasn't all that great right now. I still hadn't been diagnosed with any particular disease of any kind, instead I was repeatedly told to take my pills every few hours and tell the ship psychologist every time I saw Schitzo milling about. The problem is, those pills didn't seem to be working right, one moment I would take a pill, the next minute I would spot Schitzo on the other side of the room staring at nothing in particular.

It was getting to me.

On top of it all someone had decided that Pavel and I had been a two-man outfit for just a little bit too long and we were being sent on a fucking journey around the galaxy to pick up our replacements. Why? Because it was simpler to send on ship to three different planets than send three different ships to one planet, never mind that we were previously quartered in Paris IV, where ships come to all the fucking time. Someone up there really hates my guts and there was nothing I could do about it.

"Frank? Are you feeling well?"

The question was a different one, what Marina really meant to ask me was if I was hallucinating someone right now. Coincidentally, I was. Schitzo was sitting on a bench three treadmills away reading some sort of paperback book. The scene was absurd, who the hell even read paperbacks anymore? Besides, the bench he was sitting in was used for barbell exercises.

"Yes, I'm alright," I said, turning up the music volume in my earphones and making the treadmill go just a little bit faster. It seemed like Marina's great idea to get my mind of things through exercise wasn't so great after all. Now my legs were getting tired, my clothes were sweaty, and I was still hallucinating. Oh, and Marina was perfectly aware I was lying to her. She was even looking around to see if she was able to spot anything out of the usual.

Schitzo got of the bench just in time for a huge marine to sit down and start lifting what looked like eight hundred pounds. He started walking towards me and stopped in front of me with a smirk on his face. It was hard to describe the guy, Schitzo looked so average that I would have a hard time describing him, besides, it seemed like his appearance changed slightly every time I saw him milling about. Schitzo placed his hands on the treadmill and started moving his mouth. My music was so loud that I shouldn't have heard him speaking, but this guy was a product of my imagination, so it made perfect sense that I understood Schitzo without problems.

"You know, your girl here has been acting a little bit like a bitch lately, wouldn't you think?" he asked me.

"Fuck off," I thought. Clearly, he understood me as well, as he did an excellent job of pretending to be taken aback by my aggressiveness. In fact, it looked a little bit like what I would've done in his situation.

"No, I'm serious, she did put her knee in your junk with more force than was necessary."

"I grabbed her wrists very hard, it was quick reaction. She is a soldier," I reminded him, or myself. Whatever.

"She's no soldier, she's simply a pilot, I bet that she can barely fire a gun without missing. You haven't even bothered to show her how to."

"I can't go teaching everyone how to shot a pistol," I snapped.

"It wasn't a problem with Layla," Schitzo pointed out.

"Ok, fucking crossed the line," I muttered.

"Excuse me?" Marina asked me.

"Never mind," I said as I stopped the treadmill and hopped down. I walked towards the bag that held all my gym stuff and pulled out my pills, popping one and swallowing it. When I turned around Marina was looking at me with a worried look on her face and Schitzo wasn't anywhere in the room. I couldn't help but smile a little bit to myself. I had some degree of control over this thing, and as long as I knew Schitzo wasn't real, I could live my life as normally as possible. Well, combat would be… interesting.

"Why did you lie to me?" Marina asked me as soon as I hopped back on the treadmill next to her.

Schitzo was right, she is pretty bitchy.

"Schitzo says you're wrong," I said.

"Schitzo is an asshole."

"I am Schitzo," I pointed out."

"Oh, sorry," Pavel said. "You are an asshole."

"Come on man, I can't really be responsible for what my subconscious thinks, does, and says."

"Just take your fucking pill," Pavel ordered.

I shrugged and complied, throwing the medicine into the air and catching it with my mouth.

"Tell Pavel he should break up with her girl right about now," my other half managed to say before I had swallowed the pill.

"You know Frank, it really is creepy that you're making best friends with your schizophrenic hallucinations."

"Hey, he's me, what's not to like?"

"That he's a schizophrenic hallucination," he pointed out. It was a pretty good point, but ultimately Schitzo had been easier to get along with, if that even makes sense. It wasn't because he was less creepy or less of an asshole, it was simply because I was getting used to hallucinating the mystery guy all over the place a couple of times a day. I was adapting to it. Still, I would rather he wouldn't pop up all the time, but it was better to learn to live with my disease, whatever that is.

"Let's change topics," I suggested. "Did you catch Chloe with her hands in the dough yet?" I asked.

"Hands in the-"

"Sorry, Mexican expression," I explained. "Manos en la masa, it means did you catch her in the act."

"Oh, no, not yet."

"You have to do it quickly," I suggested. "Confront her about it before she catches you, shifting all the blame."

"I know, I know," Pavel said.

"Also, pretty dickish move on your part, sleeping all over the place to get back at her," I told him.

"You'd do the same," Pavel replied, dismissing me without even glancing in my direction.

"Oh, most certainly," I agreed. "But with more style."

If Pavel had been a car, his wheels would've screeched as he stopped suddenly. He turned towards me very, very slowly and gave me a glare that failed completely at delivering the desired effect before speaking in a voice that could barely contain his annoyance.

"With more style?" he asked. "With more style? For the love of God, I have a list of the girls that have… partaken in my revenge plan here," he patted his pocket, "all of them are certified tens. Tens!"

"Yeah, so?"

"Tens!" he repeated. "All of them!"

"Sure, you only do them one at a time," I said, my face completely expressionless.

"Ok, listen you-"

"Shhh," I interrupted. "We're here."

Pavel looked like he wanted to say something, but I opened Albaf's office door and walked in nonchalantly. Pavel followed me while trying to calm himself down and swallow his annoyance. I won the argument yet again.

"Ah, you're late," Albaf said from behind her desk, barely looking up. We weren't late, not even close, in fact, we were three minutes early.

"Sorry ma'am," I apologized.

"Sure, whatever," Albaf said. "Lieutenant?"

Wilkins, who was standing at ease behind Albaf's chair walked towards a wall and pressed on a console, prompting a holovision to pop up and cover the entire wall. He pressed a couple of other buttons and a holopad appeared from the floor and Eliza promptly popped up. The AI, disturbingly attractive in her chosen avatar, winked at Pavel and me before sitting down on a miniature holographic chair.

"Very well, Staff Sergeant, as you are aware there have been several… casualties under your command," Albaf started.

I still don't know her name…

It was a strange realization, but it was true. I had never learned her name and never bothered to check. Besides, all official documents only had her last name after her rank, as per ONI custom. Those spooks were so paranoid you'd think that the covvies were actively infiltrating us and offing them one by one.

"Yes," I agreed.

"Watch."

I was forced to watch a fifteen-minute montage of every single soldier under my command dying. Most of it was satellite or drone footage, but there were some takes that were obviously recorded by helmet cams. I winced every single time one of my squad mates died. Most deaths were violent and under extreme enemy fire, making them all the harder to watch, to live again. After every death, a small picture of the soldier in question along with his or her name appeared before moving on to the next chronological death. It finally stopped just as I was about to clock the Commander in the face.

"So, what do you make out of this?" I was asked.

That you're a fucking psychotic bitch.

I didn't say anything.

"That none of this deaths was your fault Frank," Eliza said.

My first thought was that it was pathetic that we were using one of Eliza's subroutines to give me a psych evaluation, my second thought was that Eliza was just a machine and that she couldn't possibly relate to human emotion, my third thought was that science was pretty advanced and that it was entirely possible for the AI to have human emotions. My fourth though was that Eliza was sentient, so I was wrong.

"What do you know?" I said before my mind could get carried away.

Eliza replayed a couple of the deaths from the recording while pointing out why there was no possible way I could've avoided any of them, she then went on to say that I had indeed made a few of my squad mates live for a little bit longer than most could've managed.

"Ok, ok," Pavel interrupted. "Frank makes a good sergeant, but that's hardly the reason why you brought us here."

"As you already know, the primary focus of this deployment is to replace any casualties that B and Echo companies might have suffered. More importantly, to restore your unit to full capacity."

"Ma'am," Pavel and I acknowledged simultaneously.

"The armor and equipment testing days of this ship are over, so are the suicide missions and zerg rushes are over. Your squad will be just fine under your command." I wasn't completely sure that Albaf was right, but I simply nodded at her while she resumed talking. "There are several candidates available for choosing, you and I will pick them out Staff Sergeant. Ideally your squad would number eight members, but if you don't find any candidates to your liking the number could be bumped down to seven."

"Yes ma'am," I said. "Do you have the dossiers of the candidates?"

"I have them right here Staff Sergeant," Albaf said, patting a datapad. "Give them a look, that way you'll have an idea of what you're getting into when you interview them.

Interviews? Shit, I'm not built for this. Hell, I didn't even know you could interview someone for the military.

"Interviews?" I asked. I pretty much had to. "Are we seriously doing job interviews?"

"I don't see why not," Albaf said. For the first time I noticed that she was being surprisingly less bitchy than I was used to. Or perhaps Marina's own bitchiness was eclipsing the commander. That would've been a serious dilemma. Then I remembered the video that I had just been forced to watch and I was instantly pissed at her again.

"Very well then, Pavel and I will let you know what we think," I said, letting them know that my friend would take part in the decisions.

"All right Staff Sergeant," Eliza said. "You are dismissed."

I saluted and turned around to leave, Pavel mimicking my motion and taking a couple of long steps so that he'd exit the room first.

"Castillo," Wilkins spoke for the first time since I had entered the room. I turned around without saying anything, instead letting my expression do the talking. "The men and women we are looking to attach to your squad are the best of the very best, they'll be just fine."

"You can't be hiring the best," I said, prompting inquisitive looks from both officers and the AI in the room. Pavel simply rolled his eyes at me. "You can't hire the best," I repeated. "I am the best."

Having said that, I left the room and shut the door after me, walking with a smile that wouldn't disappear for a long while.

Hey guys, first of, I want you to know that it didn't take me four days to write this piece of crap chapter. It actually took me four days to write Chapter 72. I am always three chapters ahead of the posts in case something happens and I can't complete a chapter in a very long time. You know, backup. Well, just let me apologize for the length (or rather the lack of it) of this chapter.

I hope you enjoyed it, as much as you possible could anyways.

-casquis