Punching a giant mouthless-bear-slug might not sound like a walk in the park, but it's even more difficult than it sounds, and Peter was soon wondering if anything they were doing was having any affect, as the creature continued its slow forward movement without seeming the least bit bothered by the mass of superheroes attacking it.

Hulk had dropped in (literally dropped, probably from a plane or the quinjet, but it seemed as if he'd dropped from the sky) and with a "HULK SMASH" greeting, went to work pummeling at the head of the mouthless-bear-slug without the thing even seeming to notice.

Natasha was who-knows-where and Peter had at first also thought that Clint was missing until his Spidey Senses tingled for him to jump six inches to the left, and soon after a long arrow embedded itself into the mouthless-bear-slug right where his arm had been. Peter looked behind and up to find the archer roosting on the top of a somehow still standing telephone pole.

"Sorry!" Clint called down, face expressionless, and voice so neutral that it was obvious he'd done it on purpose.

Clint had seriously just shot an arrow at Peter. "Fuck you!" Peter growled back at the purple-and-black clad man, and didn't turn back to punching the thing fast enough to miss the sly smirk that twisted itself upon Clint's face.

Peter shivered at the implications of what Clint had tried to do. Yeah, everyone knew that Spiderman had awesome reflexes, and the arrow hadn't whizzed into the creature too fast for Peter to move, in fact he'd been given plenty of time to avoid it, but still. Shooting arrows at people is a shitty scare tactic, and Peter really wanted to head-butt Clint because that was just a shitty thing to do.

Maybe Peter would have a talk with Clint about appropriate anger management/revenge skills, which did not involve skewering people with your weapon of choice.

But fifteen minutes later, when Peter had to duck to avoid an arrow aimed at the back of his head, he decided that he would just punch Clint in the face hard enough to break his nose or worse, because he was still human. Those arrows could kill him!

Peter zoned in on Wade where he was hacking at the mouthless-bear-slug out of sight of Hawkeye and Spiderman. He hadn't seen either of the arrows. Good. He didn't want Wade doing something stupid in retaliation against Clint who was doing something STUPIDER!

But Peter also didn't want to become Spider shish kebab just because he wanted to keep his fiancé out of trouble. So, he jumped on the creature's back and switched sides, choosing to use Thor as a barricade between himself and the archer-with-no-self-control.

Only, no, that was a stupid idea, because that also put him next to Wade, which meant that Thor misunderstood the reason for Peter's move, and casually, "accidentally," backhanded Peter towards the front of the beast where Iron Man and Captain America were punching the mouthless-bear-slug. He could tell that he would get a bruise where Thor had hit him, right below his cheekbone. Even with Peter's faster healing ability he couldn't just walk away unscathed when a literal god chose to do some damage.

Seriously, was he surrounded by idiots?

Peter rubbed his cheek, and was about to scooch himself down a bit and get off the creature before trying once more at giving the mouthless-bear-slug the ol' one-two, but then fists were descending on him, the fists of America and Iron respectively, and Peter had to roll away before they too left their mark on him.

He looked up in time to see Steve's surprised and then contrite expression.

At least one person had been about to cause him serious damage on accident. If he'd landed a little farther down he wouldn't have been in any danger.

Peter wanted to think that Iron Man also hadn't meant to get his fist so close to breaking Peter's nose, but he couldn't read Tony's expression with the mask on, and he just wasn't sure any more. He trusted that Tony would make the right decision and not assault the blameless (ish. Again, it wasn't like "Spiderman," if they were taking him as a separate entity, was married or anything, he was just helping someone else commit adultery) person. But he'd also thought that Clint and Thor would take the higher ground, and he'd been seriously wrong about that.

(And ouch. No seriously, ouch. And no, he wasn't talking about his face. Clint was his bro. He was the first to be legit cool with Wade, and then totally approve of their relationship. And Thor was like an actual bro, like a brother. I hurt like hell to think they'd cause him harm out of malice. But he shoved that thought away. He could deal with it when they weren't fighting weird animal hybrid alien things).

And would you look at that. All of Peter's prayers were being answered. (Well, one of them at least.) Because that was the sound of dozens of helicopters and Natasha's voice amplified saying, "Alright boys, move over. I'm bringing in the cavalry."

Peter jumped off the mouthless-bear-slug's back as the Avengers did the same (except for Hulk who had to be coaxed off by Iron Man), and then Natasha was there, sliding down a cable from one of the helicopters. She made quick work of tying the creature up and then the thing was gone, being airlifted away.

Crazy talk, amiright?

The Avengers stood for a moment around the destroyed street in silence before the sound of emergency vehicles approaching triggered them. A quick nod from Captain America and they were off, with Wade lagging behind and the Hulk and Natasha actually not moving at all. Wade gave Peter a questioning glance when he saw that Peter was not alone, but Peter made a shooing motion that had Wade scurrying back after the Avengers.

He shuffled a little on his feet. Punching an unfeeling homunculus-thing had brought some of Peter's common sense back to him, and he could see now how telling off Natasha had perhaps been a truly awful decision that should never be repeated and oh god, why did he call her out?

She said nothing, and her face held a look of such neutrality and expressionlessness that Peter really would have been fine moving to Antarctica right then. No seriously, give him an hour, he could have a bag packed for him and Wade, and they could go live with the penguins forever. It was penguin territory, right? 'Cause that was the line. If no penguins, no deal.

Still Natasha said something, and on reflex (a mini fight or flight instinct) Peter looked to Bruce for support. Well, Bruce as the Hulk, and he hadn't ever been formally introduced to the Hulk, but subconscious-Peter-brain looked to Bruce for support, and to the surprise of everyone except perhaps Hulk himself (and by everyone, Peter obviously meant Peter and Natasha as no one else was there) Hulk petted a giant hand against Peter's face (really awkward) and said, "GOOD SPIDER."

Peter blinked, and tried to duck as the Hulk's hand came once more down on Peter's head, but the hand was gentle, if ginormous, and Peter felt that maybe there was nothing to fear after all.

A glance at Natasha showed a Nat with actual genuine surprise on her face. Her arms had uncrossed and hung limply at her side, and as Hulk went for another patting motion she actually gulped.

Peter wished he had thought to bring his camera, because he would have loved to have proof of her expression at that moment. Prime blackmail material right there. Beautiful.

The Hulk went to grab at Peter once more, like a small child might grab at a dog's ears, and this time Peter skipped away. "That's alright, big guy," Peter said cautiously to the giant alter-ego of his friend. Super awkward, by the way. "I'm doing good. You should go and…uh, chill out or something?"

"GOOD SPIDER!" Hulk roared.

Natasha's eyes widened.

Peter shook his head. It was like talking to a child. Honestly.

"I get it big guy, and I totally agree. Good Spider. Awesome. It's nice to know that I still have some fans out there after that little stunt the other day, yeah?"

The Hulk lunged for Peter, and this time Peter didn't have time to dodge before the Hulk had Peter wrapped up his arms, like a baby doll held tight against an infant's chest. "GOOD SPIDER," the Hulk insisted, "WHY NO ONE NICE TO SPIDER? SPIDER BE NICE TO SPIDER! THUNDER BE NICE TO SPIDER! POINTY BE NICE TO SPIDER! SPIDER FRIEND!"

Peter turned to Natasha, who was still apparently in a state of shock (he hadn't known that was physically possible for the assassin/spy) as she hadn't moved a muscle, and said "We've honestly never met before. I don't think he has any basis for what he's saying."

"SPIDER FRIEND!"

Peter shifted so he could pat Hulk comfortingly on the arm. "Of course we are. Hulk friend. I totally got it. But I think it would…behoove us," (he turned to Natasha to whisper conspiratorially "I love that word,") "…if you let me down and then went off to…I don't know, do you meditate? Do yoga? If you don't I think you should pick it up."

The Hulk roared again before placing Peter on the broken asphalt and lumbering off in the direction that the Captain and his merry men had gone.

Peter picked himself up, brushed himself off, and turned to Natasha. "What was that about?"

She shrugged. "Don't look at me. I'm just as confused. I think that's the nicest I've ever seen the Hulk." It was a testament to how shocked she still was that Peter didn't feel even the smallest inkling of menace from her as she spoke.

"Alright," Peter conceded, "if he was good cop, than I suppose you've been chosen as bad cop?" He fiddled with his web-shooter, becoming more nervous as he remembered that the last time they'd...chatted, he'd made fun of her and the avengers and she could probably kill him in no less than 20 ways without actually having to touch him or move from the spot where she stood.

She visibly pulled herself together and then looked at Peter with her weird intense ex-assassin eyes. "I think we need to talk."