Once again I awoke startled to the sight of a cramped, stone-walled room, sleeping on a bed of straw and hay. It's been two bloody weeks, and I still am not used to my new arrangements. Hell, I'm sure it'll be years, or seasons, before I get used to the damned tail. Still... I suppose it beats the cell. At least the delightful Sparrow wasn't glaring at me here. Even if she seemed to make up for it by shooting daggers at me anytime she saw me outside the room. Lady Steelheart (man that name sounds like it's compensating for something) was gracious enough to not have me room in the same building as any of the rabbits.

Of course, housing comes with a price. Apparently I'm to go out sometime today to a big building out in the middle of nowhere that has red walls and "enjoy their hospitality instead of Salamandastron's". In other words, I'm to stop mooching off them and take a hike. I'm to be given three guards to safely escort me there, and then I can say goodbye to hares forever. Sounds good.

"The journey will take a great many days." She had said that first day, after dragging me up from the cell. The room we were in had a small table, two comfortable chairs, and no hares.

Alright, long travels. Less good, but hey, at least it'll just be three random-

"One of your guards will be Lt. Sparrow."

Damnit, why! WHY! Why for God's sake would you do this to me, you ugly little fur-pig! Why the hell would you do this!

"Uh... why her?" I had asked.

"She volunteered the moment I asked."

Ok, she's here to kill me. I'm going to walk out of this big mountain-city thing, and she's gonna ram a damn spear through me and make me a cat-ca-bob. And then she'll probably spit on my grave... oh wait, I won't even get a grave.

I figured if I voiced my concerns in a careful enough way, I could get the badger lady to see why this wasn't the best idea.

"She's gonna kill me. How about anybody else?"

"On the contrary, that's exactly why she's one of your guards."

Oh wow, blunt and horrifying. I gotta admit, I was not expecting her to just come out and say it. Too bad it was sunny outside, some lightning or thunder would've really capped that one off. Perhaps the noise I'd heard earlier was just my brain pounding against my injured skull. Silly me. I didn't really have much of a retort for that one.

"Let me clarify," she continued. "For the next week we'll house you and give you food, but with lingering suspicions on your intent here, as well as your being a cat, I don't think it's quite the safest place for you to be. So we'll send you to Redwall Abbey. Now, if you are who you say you are, and have no ill will towards anybeast here or there, you'll find that your guards will be nothing but helpful, and will serve as great protection. However, if you do indeed belong the wretched scum attempting to conquer our city, and you plan on going back to them with information on our city, Sparrow will drive her spear through you before you can say fuke."

"Alri- what?"

"Was that not the word you used earlier?"

... Oh my God, I can't believe I took that thing seriously.

So a week later, and I'm donning the armor I was found in, finding myself unable to think of anything other than the fact that I could die in the next 24 hours. Oh joy bunnies. And, speaking of which, I'm off to go meet three of them and the big ol' stubby legged majesty herself.

As I strode through the buildings, I couldn't help but wonder why there's a siege going on for this place. I mean, sure, there's a few cool rocks around, some nice statues, apparently there's good food here, they just only served me bread with a suspiciously spit-tasting sauce on all of it. Maybe there's some sort of treasure hidden in here? Oh well. Who cares? I'm leaving.

I finally arrived at the little meeting place. A small space between two buildings and ending at the wall that surrounded the city. The big one was there, along with the three rabbits. I recognized Sparrow by the scowl, and the frowns of the other two assured me that the upcoming journey wouldn't be too conversation-filled.

"Hiya," I said as I made my way up to them. Might as well try to start cheery.

"Hello Don Juan. Allow me to introduce your guides. This is Colonel Kenwall Whaship Juvial, he knows the surrounding territories like the back of his paw."

Hand.

I extended my own *hand* to him, which he shook, though it seemed to be an inconvenience to him. He was a tad bit shorter than me, ears excluded. He had a rather large patch of fur right under his little pink nose, to which I can only relate to a mustache, odd as that might sound on a rabbit. He sported a large red hat and a green coat, as well as a short sword of sorts attached to his hip. He seemed a bit disinterested in this whole thing, looking about this way and that in a bored manner.

"This is Major Rodie Brushtail Longpike Ferel. She's an expert in ranged tactics, can out-shoot any squirrel with a bow and arrow and can out-throw any otter with a javelin."

I can't help but feel I'm supposed to be impressed by this. I extend my hand to her as well, but this time the rabbit just spat at my feet and nodded at me. She wore the same uniform as the Col., though she seemed to be a bit taller, almost at eye level with me. She also seemed a bit more alert looking than her companion. She seemed to be sizing me up, most likely getting ready to kill me should I go ahead and join with a bunch of other animals I don't know.

"And I believe you're already acquainted with Lt. Sparrow?"

Huh, only one name on that one. They couldn't have thrown in a Sr.? Or esquire? Not even a "the 3rd"?

Before I could extend my hand, she spat in my face.

"Yeah, I'm familiar."

"You three know your mission, and I trust that you all will follow my directions to the utmost degree."

"Yes Milady." The three spoke and saluted in unison.

"You'll succeed in your mission, and return to your post here as soon as you can?"

"Yes Milady."

"You'll start no unnecessary problems?"

"No Milady."

The badger asked yet another question, and I'll admit to sort of tuning out. It's weird how she asked them if they knew what they were doing, and then after they said yes, immediately went into all the things that they were to do and not do. I don't know, isn't that weird? It's like asking someone, 'Did you cook the turkey like I told you?' and them replying 'Yes.' 'Well did you skin the turkey like I told you?' 'Yes.' 'Did you get all the bones out and get the oven to the right temperature like I told you?' 'Yes.' 'Did you-'

...

Oh are they done?

They all seemed to be looking at me.

"Hm?"

"I asked if you're still willing to go forth on this mission?"

"Yeah."

"Are you-"

"Ok, not to be rude, but we're burning daylight here. People have things to do, let's wrap this-"

Sparrow took it upon herself to kindly correct my brash behavior with the personal gift of a clenched fist to my gut. Uncharacteristically, this wasn't followed by a threat, a warning, or any loss of consciousness on my part. Instead, they all waited for me to recover, and then the stubby one continued.

"Are you willing to aid them should they need it during this journey?"

Odd, I thought she picked them out because they were the best of the best, why would they need my he- aw screw it.

"Sure thing. Help them help me get to somewhere not here. Sounds great. Any other questions? If not, we better go."

Sparrow made to strike me again, but the guy rabbit held her back.

"So these don't count as unnecessary problems?" I asked.

"No." The badger said while smirking! Glad to know my pain is amusing!

Badgers have officially tied rabbits on the top of my shit list.

"Good luck on your journey, Long Patrol. Sorry for this final inconvenience, Don Juan."

What, the trip? Why would she apologize for that?

"Wha-?"

Thwap!

I'm sensing a running theme here. I can't wait to hear their excuse for this knock to my noggin. Suppose that'll be my first question when I regain consciousness.

A/N: Meant to add more, but I sort of want to keep these chapters short, easy, readable. Thanks yet again to the great L. Mica for pre-reading this chapter.

(For those wondering why Salamandastron is regarded as more a city than fortress here, it'll be explained later. It was intentional though.