She busied herself sorting and filing medical scrolls and journals. Her day was winding down at a steady pace. There was comfort in bringing order to chaos around her small desk. Her hand landed on a particularly interesting piece on chakra molding for joint repair in the field. Her eyes skimmed some lines regarding how most practitioners found muscle and tendon reattachment troublesome. Her mouth quirked in a half smile at the word, troublesome.
Ever since he had stopped by her place a few nights ago, certain things would bring him to the forefront of her thoughts. It was nice to hear his analysis of the situation. It was easier to bear in some ways. He listed things she accomplished all on her own. He helped her see her worth as not only a ninja but also a friend. She was certain she would not have arrived at his conclusions left to her own devices. After all, that is why he found her sitting alone in her dark apartment as if the life was sucked out of her. She did not was to face the shame at failing Sasuke, again.
Her face scrunched to a scowl. She had not failed Sasuke. He had failed her. There was still a painful sting in her heart that he could so easily be swayed away by another's affections. That same sting became a painful burn when it was her so-called best friend's affections.
The news of the whole ordeal had eventually spread through the village. No one had dared ask her for any specifics. She just knew the cat was out of the bag when she felt second glances and whispers were heard behind her back as she walked from the hospital to the tower each day. She assumed Tsunade knew because Sasuke was sent away on a lengthy mission, and Ino had been given a lot of back to back medic assignments taking her away from the village as much as possible. She really did not know if Sasuke and Ino were a thing or just a fling. She could not clearly determine if she cared. She would rather not linger on those thoughts.
Her mind drifted to Shikamaru again. He was seemingly handling it better than she was. She had not seen him since his visit, but during said visit he seemed decided and almost at peace with how things played out. Then again, he was always 20 moves ahead of the game. She assumed he always knew there was a possibility that Ino would cheat. He could probably break down the probability statistic and standard deviation of the likelihood of the occurrence.
She openly chuckled. She, then, reasoned he could do that with most people he knew well. She realized he was spot on with his assessment of Sasuke's interest in her being directly tied to her self worth. Realistically, anyone that knew her could probably arrive at the same conclusion. Sasuke had always been her primary objective. However, Shikamaru was more of a mystery despite being a friend. He was a complex puzzle she had never had the insight to solve.
Now though, where did that leave her, she wondered. What had Shika said? She possessed selfless dedication. She did. It was selfless because her goals were for Sasuke and not her own agenda. Though he had gone on to say that dedication was for the village and her friends. She knew she was deeply convicted toward her duties to serve The Hidden Leaf Village. She took pride in her home. She took pride her capabilities. She smiled smugly. She also took pride that she could level small building with a single blow to its foundation. Lastly, she did love her friends fiercely and would gladly level a building to rescue one of them.
Her thoughts turned. It was clear that Shikamaru had been thinking about her. That their situation was a joint endeavor to him. She had felt so isolated and devastated. She sadly did not even considered him or what he must have been feeling. That was anything but selfless dedication to friends. She made no ventures to comfort him. Though she had always considered him a friend, she had forgotten him in her pain. He had analyzed the situation from four very different angles and arrived a sound conclusion. He shared that with her. All she had been doing was drowning in her misery, no end or conclusions in sight.
It did not sit well with her. He had helped her get back up again. He had helped her. She vowed to be a better friend to him. She wanted to be closer, to know him well enough to see his point of view. Then, if he was ever in need of her, she would be there. She would return his sentiments and be what he needed her to be. She would begin cherishing him on a deeper level because he saw her when she could not even see herself for what she really was. It felt as if she owed some great debt to him. She at least owed him another bottle of whisky.
She no longer wanted to be so troublesome and inconclusive.