"So then," Peter yelled across a chaotic baseball field, "I swing around the Empire State Building and Bam! There's Johnny Fucking Storm just floating in mid air, fire burning brighter than the sun, waiting for me!" Peter dodged a chunk of turf that was flying towards his head and punched straight through a flying Doom bot.
"HULK SMASH!" the Hulk said sympathetically, and twisted apart three bots at once.
"I know, right?" Peter exclaimed, and used Hulk's back as a spring board to launch himself into the air to snag two more bots. "Can you believe that loser? I mean, insulting me is one thing, and yeah, I might not be able to fly, but I swear if he—"
A metallic voice from above interrupted him, saying "Web-Head! What the hell are you yammering on about? Are we fighting these things or are we chit-chatting?" Iron Man swung over and repulsor-blasted two bots out of the sky. They fell and crashed into third base with a sickening crunching of metal.
"I'm having a conversation, thank you very much!" Peter exclaimed as he dodged another Doom bot. Doom himself was nowhere to be found, which was a pity, as Peter would have really liked to have shoved his entire face into the ground and super-glued it there for being such an annoying twat.
"With who?" Tony asked and he shot two more bots out of the sky.
"HULK SMASH!" the Hulk exclaimed and tossed a decapitated bot in Tony's general direction.
"Duh!" Peter agreed.
Tony banked hard around the inner edge of the trashed stadium and then flew straight up in order to skewer three bots with his arm. "Are you telling me that you are taking time out of this very important battle in order to gossip about the Human Torch with a man who can't form sentences longer than two words?" Iron Man flipped around and the mangled bits of Doom bots scattered to the ground in an oily gun-metal grey rain. "Not that I'm judging or anything, but really?"
"As far as I'm concerned," Peter said petulantly, as he shot his webs at two flying bots and swung them into each other, making an explosion that would warm the cockles of Michael Bay's heart, "you have no room to talk. Here I was assuming that because everyone had shown up to deal with—Damnit!" he cut himself off as he dodged a Doom bot that was hurtled at him from the direction of the Hulk, "Ok! I'll finish the story in a minute! Anyway, I thought that you all had dealt with Doctor Doom and Gloom. But no! He got away! And that's why I'm spending my lazy Saturday fighting robots too dumb to realize that they can't win!"
"SMASH DOOM!" Hulk agreed from somewhere to Peter's left.
"Well when you put it like that…" Tony said slowly, and Peter could almost hear the smirk.
And then the rest of the Avengers, who had been fighting off a similar attack happening twenty miles off the coast, showed up and the fight got done real fast. Steve's shield ricocheted around the stadium destroying bots left and right, Clint's arrows pierced the bots' armor like it was butter, Thor swung his hammer in arcs large enough to destroy ten to twenty bots at a time, Natasha ran through the throng and used her Widow's bites and pure muscle to bring down the bots, but most importantly Wade was there with his Katanas slicing and his guns blazing and it was beautiful.
Peter hadn't seen Wade in action in a while. After the disastrous roof incident they had kept their superhero interactions to a minimum. They hadn't fought alongside each other since the Mouthless-bear-slug (bless its soul, apparently SHIELD had had it shipped to some facility in Dubai where it had been dissected. Wade had cried) and even then he hadn't been able to watch Wade at all as he was preoccupied with Clint and Thor being dumbasses.
Now, seeing Wade whip through the crowd of green-clad robots, swords glinting in the sun, and guns firing at a rapid pace, Peter's mouth went dry and he had to force himself to concentrate on his own fight lest he get so caught up in the beauty of his boyfriend that he get himself killed.
He swallowed, blinked, and forced his legs to move under him as he ran to fight in the opposite direction. How was he supposed to pretend to be a good, wholesome spider with that hot hot the hotness running around in front of him? He shook his head as he tackled and decapitated a bot. He was going crazy.
Peter spent the rest of the fight trying to focus only on the bots he was destroying to the point that he completely forgot that he was having a conversation with the Hulk. In fact, he was so focused that he didn't even notice the battle was wrapping up until there was no Doom bot to replace the one he had just felled. He glanced around the wreckage that was the Yankee Stadium.
He crouched for a moment in the orange dirt, but seeing the Avengers dusting themselves off, relaxed and not preparing for another attack, Peter felt it safe to rise from the ground. "This is why I'm not a baseball fan," he said to no one in particular as he walked closer to the Avengers who had all, subconsciously perhaps, started to gather together.
"BALL CRUSH?" Hulk asked and Peter shook his head.
"Nah, you toss it, and then you hit it with a bat. Not, like, the vampire kind. Wood. Oak if you have it. Carve it and laquer it…wait a minute! Why am I telling you how to make a baseball bat? I don't even know how to make a baseball bat. Do I look like a carpenter to you?"
"CARPET EAR!" Hulk exclaimed and Peter nodded solemnly.
"Exactly."
"Are you teaching Mr. Big and Green proper grammar Spidey?" Wade crooned as he stepped forward.
Peter shook his finger at Wade. "Don't you go harassing Hulk. Hulk is cool."
"Hulk is cool," Natasha muttered incredulously beneath her breath and shook her head.
Steve gave Peter a long look and Peter's heart rate picked up. He was going to ask. He was actually, literally, going to ask. And Peter didn't know how he was going to turn the guy down. How do you look into the deep blue, puppy-dog eyes of a National icon and say "No," hmm?
He wondered if Wade had been briefed yet on the Spide-venger initiative but with a quick glance at Wade, who was nonchalantly cleaning his ear with the tip of a very short blade, Peter concluded that no, they hadn't talked about it with Wade yet. Peter suddenly wished that he'd left Wade a note that morning before he'd headed off to work detailing everything that he'd done with the eavesdropping thing. And maybe an amended version of the Hawkeye thing. Alas, Peter hadn't really had a heart to heart with his fiancé in a few days. It seemed that they were always busy doing other things. Peter guessed that that was what he got for dating a superhero…and being a superhero.
But, before Steve had a chance to open his mouth and complicate Peter's life even more, Clint stepped forward. "Spiderman, I'd like to make a formal apology. My actions were rash and I didn't understand the consequences of them until it was almost too late. If there is anything—anything—I can do to make it up to you, just let me know." Peter blinked. That was the most sincere that he had ever heard Clint. Even when Clint had thought that Peter was going to kill him he had sounded less serious. This was strange.
"What are you on about?" Wade asked as he sheathed his knife. Peter winced.
So did Clint, actually, which made Peter start to feel bad about confronting Clint in the first place (which was ridiculous, because the man could have killed him, but they were friends after all, and what are a few homicide attempts between friends?). But, where Peter would have immediately fled the area, changed his name, and lived as a hermit the rest of his days way up high in the rocky mountains, Clint actually faced the ex-mercenary like a responsible adult (ew!) and said, "I was taking out my anger at you on Spiderman since Peter ordered us to treat you the same as always."
Peter closed his eyes and waited for the explosion. He could see it now: Wade sputtering in rage (actually sputtering, losing his ability to speak because he was so angry. Unlikely, but possible), drawing his weapons slowly, and attacking Clint. Peter would try to stop him, because he'd already forgiven Clint for being an idiot, but Wade would not back down. Of course, the Avengers wouldn't let Wade just kill one of their own, so they would fight back, and really, six against one is hardly a fair fight. Or, five against two, since Hulk probably wouldn't get between two sets of super heroes, and Peter, while disagreeing with Wade's methods would have to side with him in a fight because duh! It was Wade! And then, after a long battle of intenseness and horror, they would be defeated in a grand, intense, horrifying way and would die in each other's arms because Peter had watched Titanic the previous night when Wade was out and now he was feeling emotionally dramatic.
Instead, much to Peter's happiness (and internal chagrin) Wade burst out laughing.
Peter blinked at his fiancé, realized that his life, while horribly dramatic, could never be Great Gatsby, or Streetcar Named Desire dramatic. Which perhaps, once Peter thought about it, was a good thing.
Peter shrugged, turned to Clint and said, "It's alright."
Clint blinked a few times, and Peter could hear in the background the Hulk tearing through the discarded corpses of Doom bots.
"I… what?" Tony asked, and even Steve looked confused at Peter's easy acceptance.
"I forgive you?" Peter said with a slightly questioning tone.
"That happened really fast," Clint whispered, and in the background Wade's laughter increased. At this point he was doubled over, trying to keep himself from falling down, as he clutched his belly with mirth.
Peter shrugged again. "It's all good. I had my little angry thing, you apologized. There isn't much else to be upset about."
"That isn't normally how anger works," Clint said slowly, as if to a small child.
"Nope," Peter said. "I was angry because you were acting like an ass," Clint blinked, and Tony tried and failed to smother a guffaw, "but then you learned that you were being an ass, stopped being an ass, and apologized for being an ass. My anger is free to fly away into the heart of another person who is plagued by asses."
Natasha had cast her eyes skyward, and now it looked very much like she was trying not to strangle anyone. Tony, who stood with his face-plate up, looked close to tears as he was trying to keep his laughter silent. Wade's laughter had simmered to light giggling with occasional bursts of renewed mirth and mutters of "go after Spidey—to keep Pete safe! Peter and Spidey! Punish! Hah!" Thor looked confused, Steve was pinching the bridge of his nose, and the Hulk was seeing how small he could crush an entire bot. So far he had gotten one down to the size of a sewing machine. Peter was so proud.
Clint was gapping like a big fish. He didn't seem to understand. "I'm sorry."
"I know," Peter said.
"I didn't realize the consequences…"
"I get it."
"I'm…sorry?"
Peter blinked and scratched the back of his head. Coming to a decision, he turned to Nat and said, "When he wakes up from being a complete goner, let him know that it's all ok. I don't blame him anymore. I don't hold grudges. I'm cool. I'm chill. Like Hulk over there," he hooked a thumb back over his shoulder at where Hulk was casually playing with the severed Doom bot heads like dollies.
"Got it," she responded drily.
"Ok, well, I've got to dash!"
"People don't say that anymore!" Wade accused him with a pointed finger. "You're old. Old school. The 90's called, they say you suck!"
Peter shot a web at the lip of the stadium roof. He flipped Wade the bird quickly before swinging up and away.
"Wait!" Steve yelled, as Peter was on his way, "We want to ask you something?"
Peter cupped his ear and mimed the universal head-shake and mini-flail for 'I can't hear what you are saying.'
He gave himself a little pat on the back for avoiding that awkwardness, and decided that to reward Wade for not murdering, or trying to murder everyone he would make, actually make, chimichangas for dinner.