"And then after work," Wade said as he carded a hand through Peter's hair, "the Avengers confronted me with spousal abuse." Peter had his head pillowed on Wade's lap, and they were relaxing in their living room after a long day.

Peter tensed. "What?"

"Yeah," Wade laughed, "isn't it funny? Jarvis told me to meet the Avengers in their feaky-deeky conference room, and then when I got there they were all sitting around the table staring at me, and Stevie Wonder-boy demanded to know if I'd been hitting you."

Peter would have leapt to his feet if Wade's fingers running through his hair hadn't still felt relaxing and wonderful. "Excuse me?" Peter said instead, "They did what now?" He grit his teeth and staring up at Wade's serene expression. "I'm going to give them a piece of my mind. Oh, I'm so going to kill them!"

"Well don't give them the amygdala, or the cerebellum, or the thalamus," he was listing them off on his fingers, "or the cerebrum, or any of the important bits, ok? You wouldn't be my sweetie, Mr. Petey-pie if your brain was different. I'd still love you, of course, but I'd have to get to know the new you and I'm not about that life."

Peter rolled his eyes and relaxed back into Wade's lap. "That isn't what I meant, and you know it. Why aren't you more upset about this?"

Wade scoffed. "Because, Baby boy, I know I didn't hurt you, and you know I didn't hurt you, and we're the important people in this relationship. Plus, they only said it because they care about you, and I know that sounds cliché and I know I'll have to go drown this ninety's sappy rom-com shit from my system somehow, but they just want to protect you and make sure you're safe."

Peter rolled his eyes and snuggled deeper into Wade's lap. "Uh huh, sure. But then what happened?"

Wade shrugged "I convinced them that you hurt yourself falling down some stairs."

Peter raised his eyebrows. "How did you know that that's what I told them?"

Wade froze, and then slowly looked down into Peter's eyes, "You told them you fell down stairs? I had no…" He paused, and a gleaming smile split his face, "I knew we had telepathic love powers! Even the heavens believe that we are meant to be and have deigned to show us how important our love is by gifting us with magic! Love magic!"

Peter blinked up at his grinning fool of a boyfriend, raised his hand to his Wade's face and flicked him on the nose. Wade gave a little growl in response which made Peter giggle.

"They bought it?" Peter finally thought to ask. "The falling down the stairs thing, I mean. They believed you?"

Wade pouted. "I can be persuasive when I want to be." Peter gave Wade a look. "Persuasive in non-gun ways, I mean. Yeah, they believed me! I'm a very believable guy!"

Peter sighed, "Are you sure? Tony looked pretty pissed when he saw it."

Waded practically folded himself in half in order to press a warm kiss to the middle of Peter's forehead. "Darling, they were angry because they were afraid someone was hurting you. They questioned me merely as a formaility. I know real hostility, baby-cheeks. Don't forget that I worked for unscrupulous people as an assassin (emphasis on the ass) for a long time. And they weren't being hostile towards me at all. Natasha only had one gun drawn, and no one was green or affecting the weather. You know, for a boy genius, science prodigy guy you sure can be dumb sometimes."

"Mmmmm, I don't know about that," Peter said, "but I'm willing to forget it if you set up Mario Kart."

Wade made a face and the contortion pulled his scars, scrunching them up in places. He carefully upended Peter so he could get to the TV.

"You know, I don't have to do this every time. I know you know perfectly well how to do this, and you know I know you know how to do this, so why keep of this pretense every time you need to hook up the Wii?"

Peter gazed at the serene view of Wade bent over the console. "Your butt looks fantastic from this angle."

Wade wiggled it around a little and snorted before standing and holding the controller out to Peter.

Peter snatched the controller out of Wade's hand, "I get to be Bowser this time!"

Wade rolled his shoulders and flopped down next to Peter. "That's fine with me baby-face. I've got Peach, and she's prettier than you, so there."

"Bowser-me, or me-me?"

There was a pause as Wade thought, and Peter put down his controller in order to better cross his arms and glare in faux-anger at his fiancé. "Uhhhhhhh," Wade murmered, and then shrugged. "Both, I guess."

Peter harrumphed. "How can I possibly compete with a flouncy blonde who can pull off that shade of pink?"

Wade scooted closer to Peter and leaned over to nuzzle his neck. "I was only kidding. My Peter-piper is the sexiest most hottest person ever, even when he is Bowser, and no way that frou-frou Peach (may she forever be loved) can ever compete with him."

Peter tried to keep glaring, but he couldn't hold back the smile that was threatening to grow on his cheeks.

"Ah!" Wade exclaimed, and grabbed his phone off the end table. "I know what will cheer you up!"

Peter leaned across Wade's lap to see what Wade was doing and scoffed. "Wade, why are you calling me? I'm sitting right—"

"And Sugar, we're going down Swinging!" Sang out from Peter's pocket and he gaped.

"Wade! Did you change my ringtone again?" Peter pulled his phone out and swiped to dismiss the call.

Wade nodded eagerly. "Yeah! Don't you love it? I was getting tired of Fergie (I know that's sacrilegious, please don't kill me). And plus, this one is so much funner!"

Peter blinked and turned over his phone, as if an examination of it would reveal all of the knowledge Peter wished to know. "When did you do it? It was My Humps at work. I haven't taken it out of my pockets since then. How did you do it?"

"Get it? 'Sugar, we're going down swinging!' Because you swing! From a web!" He tossed his own phone across the room where it smacked into a photograph of the couple from when they'd met years ago. "Ahhhhhhh! I'm so clever!"

Peter glared at the offending rectangle of technology since it had not, in fact, answered any of his questions. "That's nice dear," he said absent mindedly to Wade, "but how did you get it long enough to make that change. I've been—it's been in my pocket—how?"

Wade waved off Peter's inquiries. "I considered 'Itsy Bitsy Spider' but thought that was too obvious. I tried googling other songs but… meh, I got bored and ended up buying out Amazon's stock of floral oven mitts. Boy! That was an adventure."

Peter stuck his phone back in his pocket, then pulled it out again, looked at it, and stuffed it back into his pocket. "Maybe I left it out when I went to the bathroom?" he muttered to himself, but then he shook his head, "no, I remember playing crossy road…"

"Did you know that you can get oven mitts with daffodils and plum blossoms on them? I mean, the same oven mitt? Well, you can't, not anymore, since I bought them all. But then, you shouldn't buy them anyway because I bought all of them so you can just borrow one of mine. But you have to ask first, alright? None of that, because it's yours its mine bullshit around here. Nuh-uh!"

"Or maybe you're brushing up on your spy skills and nicked it from my pocket while you were petting my hair!" Peter accused Wade (not that Wade noticed), but then shook his head again. "But why didn't I feel it? These aren't exactly a loose pair of pants."

"Nah, I'm just joking, I'll let you have a pair. It's the least I can do, since I ordered them in your name. Not your credit card, don't worry, I know you're broke, but they banned me from having an account after I had three thousand gallons of candy corn gift-wrapped and sent to myself." He sighed in contentment. "That was a wonderful Easter." He shook himself and frowned. "What were we talking about?"

The question jolted Peter from his reverie and he blinked a few times to better focus himself in the present. "I'm not sure." He threw his hands in the air. "I give up! Let's just," he sighed, "not worry about it. Screw Mario Kart." He lifted his arms above him like a toddler who wanted to be picked up would. "Take me to bed."

Wade jumped to his feet, gave a little salute, and effortlessly picked Peter up into a bridal-style hold. "Anything you say, Mr. Parker. Anything at all."

Peter giggled a little and wrapped his arms around Wade's neck. "Oh Mr. Wilson, you are such a flirt. It's a good thing I love—wait! How many oven mitts did you say you bought?!"