The problem with everyone accepting Spiderman as a not-awful person and Wade and Peter finally being able to relax, was that Peter's discretion and common sense flew right out the window. Zhoom! There it went! Wave at it as it goes.

It should come as no surprise now, given this fact, that Peter was perhaps not thinking too clearly, lucidly one might say, a few days later when a fight took place in lower Midtown. Spidey fought alongside the Avengers, and miracle of miracles (that everyone saw coming) working together made the fight finish all the quicker and soon their foe was defeated, their adrenaline was still pumping, and for some reason the Avengers all took off in separate directions to do god knows what because Peter wasn't paying very much attention to anything that wasn't the gorgeous, katana-wielding man that was his fiancé.

And it didn't help that Wade couldn't keep his eyes off of Peter either, and his hands were only barely avoiding running up and down Peter's body.

Adrenaline pumping and the excuse of a celebration for defeating that day's baddy (who it was, neither could have honestly answered at the moment), Wade decided very vocally that they both deserved a roll in the hay, and Peter, as far gone as he was, only had the added clause that they not do the do on a roof this time, especially their apartment roof. (The thoughts of Spiderman and Deadpool being arrested for public indecency had haunted him since it had first occurred to him, so a private residence would have to do).

But their apartment was sooooo, far awaaaaay, (Wade complained as Peter swung him through the city, Wade's hard-on digging into Peter's back uncomfortably), so Peter made the awful, awful, awful decision to land at Avengers' Tower.

Awful.

"This is probably an awful idea," Peter muttered as he slinked across the landing pad towards the door to the Avengers common area with Wade still on his back.

"Probably," Wade agreed in a breathless voice that made Peter shudder in anticipation, and he jumped to the floor, "but all of the Avengers took off, remember. For once, this place is empty, and this is the one place we know they won't be."

"I honestly don't even care," Peter said, a little giddily, and began leading Wade through the room and into the elevator in order for them to go to Wade's rooms.

"What floor, Mr. Wilson, Mr. Parker?" Jarvis asked once the elevator doors had closed.

Mr. Parker?

Peter, much to his later chagrin, squeaked. "Excuse me?" He checked his face to make sure his mask was still on, and it was. He turned to Wade, but Wade looked just as stunned as Peter felt (again, how that man could convey such emotions through his mask Peter had no idea).

"What floor would you prefer?" Jarvis asked, and then in a slier tone, "I suppose Mr. Wilson's?"

Wade cleared his throat awkwardly and tried to speak but nothing came out. Peter jabbed him in the stomach hoping that that would spur him on, but still nothing came out. It wasn't like Peter knew what to say, and Wade usually had the talking bit covered. Honestly, most of the time he couldn't shut up. Why'd he have to go mute now?

The elevator began to move.

"How did you know?" Peter finally asked, and tugged town on his mask despite the fact that it was fastened securely already. Someone had to do the talking, and Wade was still incommunicado, so Peter did what he had to. He could yell at Wade about it later.

"I've always known," Jarvis stated calmly, and Peter squeaked again. "What I mean to say," Jarvis continued in a kinder voice, "is that it was impossible for me not to notice. All new employees are scanned and researched by me to make sure they are in no way dangerous to Sir or Miss Potts. I also have a… let us say, connection to SHIELD's database. There are several indicators that Mr. Parker is Spiderman, including your body movements, as recorded on surveillance cameras scanned by SHIELD, and your method of speech. As I am programmed to notice such similarities in order to help Sir with his work both with Stark Industries and the Avengers, it would have been impossible for me to not notice." He paused a moment and then said, "I did not alert Sir, as I did not feel that the information was relevant."

Peter's fingers fluttered against his chest as he tried to slow his heartbeat. A quick look at Wade showed that his fiancé found Jarvis's knowledge impressive as he was wearing his 'that's impressive' face which constituted him gaping at the ceiling in wonder. At least Peter wouldn't have to convince the ex-merc not to commit robot-icide. Impressed was much better than angry.

"Uh…Thank you?" Peter said to the all-knowing voice in the sky. Ceiling. Whatever.

"My pleasure, Mr. Parker," Jarvis said, and then the elevator came to a stop and the doors slid open. "Please enjoy the rest of the day, and congratulations on your victory this morning."

Peter blinked a few times and slowly backed out of the room. Wade scurried behind him.

"Thanks?" Peter said again, and his voice held a questioning tone. With a whirring that Peter had learned to interpret as a 'hmmm,' or a 'very good,' the doors closed and Peter was left alone with Wade once more.

They stared at the door another moment and then at each other, and seeing the frozen looks of shock on the other's face, they both burst out laughing.

"What just happened?" Peter demanded through his giggles.

"I don't know—I think Jarvis likes me!"

"What?" Peter snorted and punched Wade's arm, "You know what never mind. I just, he knew this entire time!"

Wade grabbed hold of Peter's hand and pulled him down the hall and into the unused living area. "Jarvis is magical," Wade explained slowly, "He is the god of a small island off the coast of Russia—"

"Isn't Russia's coast, like, almost always frozen over?" Peter interrupted, but Wade was already talking over him.

"—He runs the economy and makes sure that everyone there is happy, married to the person they love, and own at least three Water Buffalos. In the seventeen hundreds—"

"Seventeen hundreds?!" Peter exclaimed. "Wade, Jarvis was created in the past, like, two, three decades at the most."

"—he immigrated to the United States where he started a trade route with some time-traveling Vikings and won the civil war single-handedly by possessing both General Lee and General Grant."

"I…" Peter frowned, "you didn't pass history class did you? This isn't even a ramble to ramble, or a rant to rant, this is a rambling of complete nonsense. Wade, why are you—"

"Shhhhhhhhhh!" Wade pressed his index finger to his lips. When Peter had fallen silent he continued, "Since then he's been roaming the world, helping lost causes and bringing villains to justice, all in search of the man who'd killed his father."

"WHAT?" Peter threw his arms up. "This is a plot point that was never mentioned before! Wade, I like the story, but you can't just throw things in like this! Jarvis's father? I didn't even know he had a—OOHHHHHH! You don't mean Tony do you?"

Wade waggled his eyebrows.

"But wait!" Peter exclaimed before Wade had had a time to start again, "Tony's dead?"

"Or is he?" Wade asked in his mysterious voice (which was one notch above his extra-gravelly, sinister voice). "Anyway, Jarvis roamed the world looking for the man who'd murdered his father in cold blood, but also bringing together lovers who were fated to be separated forever. He wandered until he found Stark Industries. A lead told him that his father's murderer worked there. He went undercover as a computer and searched day and night for the man only to find his father instead! Whole and alive! He discovered that his father had never really died, but had gotten…amnesia! Now he continues working undercover, trying to bring his father joy, all without telling his father who he really is, or who his father used to be. Now he bides his time, enjoying his life, and takes pleasure in surprising his friends with his extraordinary knowledge and bringing together lovers OhMyGod!" The pitch of Wade's tone increased and his words started to slur together in excitement. "Jarvis is the one who gave us our love telepathy powers! Peter, Jarvis is our guardian god angel person! He watches over us and makes sure—"

Peter cut Wade off with a kiss. He pulled back slightly to lift up the edge of his mask and pulled Wade's up over his nose as well. "Shut up," he moaned and pushed Wade backwards before descending on his mouth again. Wade took the initiative to begin running his fingers up and down Peter's torso.

"Sirs?" Jarvis asked, his voice sounding slightly nervous. "If I might recommend perhaps postponing this liaison until a further time?"

It took a moment for Peter's mind to process what had just been said, but when it finished Peter blinked and pulled back from Wade to look at the ceiling. Wade lowered his lip to Peter's jaw and Peter had to concentrate very, very hard on making a sentence in order to respond to Jarvis. He only partially succeeded.

"Ummmm, what's going on J?"

"Please Mr. Parker, Mr. Wilson. I believe it for the best if you transfer to another location."

Peter stepped back from Wade to give them both space to think more clearly, but Wade followed, and continued his assault up Peter's jaw and to the side of Peter's neck. Peter's eyes fluttered closed for a second before he forced them open again. Jarvis sounded worried.

"Ok, Jarvis," Peter said breathlessly, and grabbed Wade's hands so he could push them away and hold them there. The mouth he would just have to try to dodge.

Wade made a low keening noise in the back of his throat, and tried to suction his face to Peter's again, but this time Peter ducked out of the way. "Whhhyyyyyy?" Wade whined, and tried again, only to meet similar results.

"Because, Sirs," Jarvis said in an exasperated tone, "I do not think it prudent for you to meet—"

Jarvis cut himself off as the sound of the elevator doors opening echoed down the hall, and Steve's voice followed. "Deadpool! You better be in here. We've been looking everywhere for you. Do you know how to contact Spiderman? I want to—" Steve stopped short as he turned the corner to see Peter and Wade standing before him. They had sprung apart as soon as they'd heard Steve's voice, but their rumpled clothing and the line of hickies trailing down Peter's neck made it obvious what had been going on. Steve's mouth closed with a click, and when he spoke again his voice was icy. "I see that you know exactly where Spiderman is."