Thanks for the reviews, guys. Means a tonne…and then a little more. On with the story. Enjoy!
I own nothing. All characters/storylines belong to Shonda. I'm simply 'borrowing' them.
I Will Be
Two weeks. The longest two weeks of her life. Not only had she continued to decide against therapy, Callie had spent the majority of her time looking over her shoulder. It almost felt… new. A year ago, her ex-fiancé had been locked away from the public. A year ago, Callie felt like she could breathe for the first time in what felt like forever. A year ago, everything seemed good. Better. Now? Now, she spent her day working or locked away in their apartment. Arizona's apartment.
Every time Arizona returned home from work, she found Callie in the same position. On the couch, a blanket around her body. She knew that she was processing. She knew that she was worried, and had started to fear for her life again, but every time she tried to talk it out with the brunette, she would simply receive the silent treatment. Callie knew she was wrong to push her girlfriend away, but right now, she was out of options. Although she was satisfied that they were working, as a couple, anything else seemed impossible right now. She didn't feel that she could go to her girlfriend and tell her how scared she was. She didn't want to once again be the woman who people had to look after.
If the dates had been correct like she had figured out, Suzanne was out, and roaming the streets of Seattle. God, I hope she moved away. That sinking feeling settling into her stomach once again, she removed herself from the kitchen stool and moved towards the window. She had the next three days off, and although she had planned on spending it down at the hospital, working on her research, she was yet to leave the confines of her supposed safe place. Her girlfriend's apartment.
She'd wondered if Arizona had given any more thought to the idea of them both buying a house together, but knowing that they weren't exactly in the best place right now, the brunette had decided against bringing it up. She wasn't even sure it was what Arizona wanted anymore. Not after her Natalie issue and then freaking out. Maybe I should just ask. You don't ask, you don't get, right?
Pulling her cell out of her back pocket, Callie hit the messages tab.
Hey, hope the hospital isn't working you too hard. Can we talk tonight? - Callie x
Setting her cell down on the coffee table, Callie moved to the couch and once again wrapped herself up. I have to get myself out of this funk. I have to stop letting her rule my life.
The sound of buzzing flowing through the air, the brunette reached for her cell and unlocked the screen.
Sure. Everything okay? - A x
Yeah, we just need to talk. - Callie x
Okay. I'll be home as soon as I can. I love you. - A x
I love you, too. - Callie x
"I'm heading home for the night. Page me if anything changes with Charlie Johnson please, Tina." Smiling at the nurse she had worked most of her shift with, Arizona handed over her patient charts and left the station.
"No problem. Have a good evening, Dr Robbins."
"You too." Rounding the corner, the blonde made her way to the elevator and stepped inside. Unsure of what was on her girlfriend's mine, Arizona had felt a little anxious since hearing from her a few hours ago. Not wanting anything to ruin their night in, she had thought about hanging back at the hospital for as long as possible. Quickly dismissing the idea, she had decided to head home as planned and take whatever her girlfriend threw at her. She's been off since therapy. She knew that Callie held it against her, but she didn't regret the suggestion. She didn't regret trying to help her girlfriend. It was only a matter of time before Callie's past came back to interfere with their relationship, and that time had come, a little over three weeks ago now.
If I could just get her to try again. If I could help her myself, I would. But I can't. The wheels in her head turning, Arizona pushed the door to the locker room open and stepped inside. Maybe she just wants a general talk. Reminding herself that she had to stay strong, the blonde slipped on her street clothes and made her way out of the hospital. Whatever she has to say, just let her get it all out.
Making the short walk home to her apartment, she unlocked the outside door and decided to take the stairs. This is wrong. I shouldn't be avoiding going home. I should be excited to see my girlfriend. I should be desperate to get home and have her in my arms. Shaking her head and bringing herself out of her own thoughts, she suddenly felt a wave of fear hit her. Oh god, what if she is leaving me? What if she doesn't want to do this anymore? I've hardly been the best person to be around. Truth was, Arizona had been a little quieter than usual. Maybe it was just work getting in the way, or maybe it was the whole Natalie situation still playing on her mind. She didn't know. Now, it was eating away at her, and she couldn't help but think the worst. She's leaving me. I don't blame her. Knowing that Callie had felt insecure around her ex-girlfriend, Arizona had avoided all and anything that may bring Natalie into their conversation. She didn't want to replay that day ever again. She didn't want to be reminded of Callie's words as she allowed her to go back to Natalie…should she wish to. It still hurt three weeks on.
The intimacy had pretty much disappeared from their relationship. The usual excuse of them both being tired from work was starting to wear thin, and Arizona couldn't help but wonder if tonight's conversation was going to allow the truth to be laid bare. I don't want to do this. She'd desperately wanted to hold her girlfriend over the past few weeks. She'd wanted to feel her skin against her own, but the more she felt that she was being pushed away, the more distant she became of her own accord. Sex wasn't everything, Arizona knew that and yes, the sex was always amazing, but Callie had never shied away before, so why now?
Finally reaching her apartment door, the knowledge that the love of her life was standing on the other side, potentially about to end everything, caused tears to formed in blue eyes. Just stay strong, Robbins. If she is about to end this, then you have to be strong, for both of you. Slipping her key into the lock, she pushed the door open and was met with deep brown eyes. "Hey."
"Hi." A small smile formed on her girlfriend's face as she watched the blonde move through the apartment. "How was your day?"
"Fine," Arizona responded, a little short. It wasn't intentional, but right now, she was having an internal battle with herself. Desperately wanting to blurt out for Callie to say whatever it is she has to say, and desperately wanting her girlfriend to stay in her bubble with her for a little while longer, she was torn.
"Um, O..kay." Brown eyes narrowed. "Rough shift?"
"Look, Callie." Arizona stopped in the middle of the living room and ran her hand down her face. "J-Just say whatever it is you have to say."
"Ariz-"
"Actually, no, wait." She cut the brunette off. "If this is it, then you have to hear me out first."
"Uh, if what is what?" Callie furrowed her brow.
"This. Us." The blonde stated. "Look, I know I've been, uh, quiet lately. I know that I've not been fully here, but I don't know what else to do. I just, I feel like you are pushing me away. We've barely touched each other since we came back from my parents and I get it, okay. I get that you don't want to be around me after everything that's happened. First I terrify you, and then I force you into therapy, so I get it. And if you are leaving me because you can't do this anymore, then that's fine. I understand. I just, I want you to know that I love you more than I've ever loved anyone else, and I want you to be happy. Maybe I'm not the person to bring you that happiness, I mean, I thought I was, I really did. But maybe I was wrong. Maybe this, us, has run its course and you've finally realised that I'm just another woman, the same as the thousands out there on the streets of Seattle." Now pacing, Arizona was rambling. "I'd never force you to stay with me. I'd never make you think that you had to, so if me being here is a problem, if you just can't do it anymore, I will grab a hotel until you find something for yourself. I'd never allow you to be out there in a hotel. I can't let you be alone."
Shocked by the words coming from the blonde, Callie's eyes widened. Has she just assumed that I'm leaving her? Have I given her a reason to think that I'm leaving? Going through the past three weeks, Callie was struggling to find a reason for Arizona to think what she was thinking. Sure, they hadn't been intimate, and they hadn't really done much together, but she hadn't thought that it would result in this. She had just been processing. She had just been settling down at night after long and tiring shifts at the hospital. None of it was intentional, it just happened. I just thought we'd gotten into a routine. Comfortable with each other.
Taking Callie's silence as her cue to leave, Arizona dropped her gaze and gave a slight nod. "I, uh, I'll just go and throw some things in a bag. Y-You stay here as long as you need to, Cal."
Shooting up from her seat, Callie followed her girlfriend down the hallway and gripped onto her wrist. Pulling her back, she spun the blonde around and took her hands in her own. "I-I, um, I don't know what that was all about. I'm not sure I even want to know what it was about, but I wasn't going to leave you. I'm not going to leave you." Callie scoffed. "I can't believe that is what you thought this was about. How could you think that I was going to walk away from you? How could you say those things?"
Blue eyes glistening as she took in the brunette's words, Arizona shook her head. "That's what you wanted to talk about, right? I mean, we've been off lately and I can see that you don't want to be around me."
"Why? When have I given you the impression that I'm not happy?"
"I don't know. I just, I don't feel like us, Callie. Nothing is the same since we came back from my parent's house. Nothing." Arizona sighed. "I just figured you'd had enough."
"I could never get enough of you, Arizona." Callie gave a sad smile. "I guess we've just been winding down. You know, getting into a routine. At least that's what I thought was happening."
"So, what did you want to talk about? You never text me at work asking if we can talk. I guess I just let myself worry."
"It doesn't matter what I wanted to talk about right now. What matters is that you know that I'm not going anywhere. Unless you want me to. I-Is this your way of ending us? Like, waiting for me to leave when it's really you that doesn't want to be here?"
"What? No!" Blue eyes widened. "Look, I'm sorry, okay? I just worked myself up. I shouldn't have assumed."
"No, you shouldn't have. What I wanted to talk to you about was so far from any of this. Really. Maybe it can wait for another day." Tanned shoulders shrugged as the brunette released the other woman's hands. She thought I was leaving her, so the idea of house talk is really not good right now. We so aren't there yet. "I'm going to start dinner. Maybe you should take a shower. You are very wound up right now."
Moving back down the hall, Callie entered the kitchen and began grabbing what she needed from the cupboards. Turning to find Arizona leaning against the door frame leading to the hallway, she gave her a smile. "Go shower, Arizona."
"I don't want to." The blonde stated.
"Then what do you want?" Callie stood with her hand on her hip.
Closing the distance between them, Arizona moved into the kitchen and stood inches from her girlfriend. "I want you, Calliope. I want us. I just want us to go back to the way we were."
"And how was that?" Brown eyes narrowed.
"Loving each other. Holding each other. Feeling each other." Arizona's voice broke. "I want you. All of you."
Placing a light kiss on pink lips, Callie felt the shudder course through Arizona's body. She'd be lying if she said she hadn't wanted to jump the blondes bones every night for the past three weeks, but for some unknown reason, that hadn't happened. Whether it was tiredness or simple miscommunication, it hadn't happened, and that wouldn't do. Lips millimetres from the blondes, Callie dropped her voice. "Then take me."
Hearing the words drip from the perfect lips in front of her, Arizona bit down on her own bottom lip before gripping strong thighs and lifting Callie onto the kitchen counter. Moving between her legs, she played with the hem of the brunette's shirt and brought their lips back together. "I'm sorry, Calliope."
"Don't be." Callie gasped. "This was totally worth your rambling before." Gripping onto blonde curls, Callie brought their lips together once again. The taste, the sensation, it was almost too much to bare. Three weeks since she'd had this woman in this position and she wasn't about to let her go.
Tugging on the brunette's shirt, she brought it up and over her head, throwing it behind her somewhere in the living room. Unclasping her bra, her mouth began watering at the sight in front of her as the straps fell from gorgeous, strong caramel shoulders. Discarding of the item, she latched on to a hardening bud and began sucking and nipping. Soothing it with the flat of her tongue, she glanced up to find deep dark brown eyes gazing down at her. God, she is fucking hot! Palming the other nipple, she was rewarded with gasps and moans from her girlfriend. Knowing she was about to take her on the kitchen counter sent the blonde's mind into overdrive. Her lips grazing down the gorgeous body in front of her, she reached the waistband of Callie's pants. Motioning for her to lift her ass off of the counter, she quickly removed the material covering the brunettes heated center and ran her finger beneath the waistband of black lace panties. "Jesus, Calliope. You've no idea how much I want you right now."
"Show me." Callie husked. Her panties ripping from her body, she gave a throaty laugh and tangled her fingers tighter through blonde curls. "Mm, a good way to start."
Placing a hand on the brunette's shoulder, Arizona pushed her down until her back connected with the cold marble surface. Receiving a gasp, the blonde knew it was time to heat things up. Her tongue running along the area that had previously been occupied by the waistband of her girlfriend's panties, she watched on as Callie began writhing beneath her. She wanted this more than anything, and the more she teased, the more she felt like she was torturing herself. The brunettes arousal evident, and the heat emanating from her center, she wasted no time in diving right in.
Her tongue running up the length of her girlfriends center, Arizona moaned. The vibrations only adding to Callie's arousal. Nothing mattered right now. The worry, the disagreements, the idea of the brunette leaving her. Nothing. It was all irrelevant. Knowing that she made Callie feel like this left her feeling more aroused than ever. Yes, it had been three weeks and that had a lot to do with it, but she knew that while she was making love to Callie, Suzanne was sat realising exactly what she had lost. She had lost the most amazing woman to walk the earth, and she had gained exactly that. The force on the back of her head told Arizona that Callie needed more. More of her. Teasing her entrance with the tip of her tongue, she gripped onto strong thighs, pulled her towards the edge of the counter, and entered her swiftly.
"Holy shit, Arizona." Callie gasped as she rocked against the blondes perfect mouth. "Yes, don't stop! Don't ever stop!"
Thrusting her tongue as deep as physically possible, Arizona revelled in the brunette's juices. Shit! She tastes amazing. This woman is the only one for me. Ever. Gripping hard on those gorgeous caramel thighs, the blonde forced her tongue impossibly deep and moaned. Knowing that Callie was nearing the edge, she removed her tongue and brushed it against her clit. Slipping two fingers in deep, she glanced up to find Callie now gripping onto the edge of the kitchen counter. Never letting up, she felt her girlfriends walls beginning to clench around her fingers. Curling them, she hit that spot that made Callie go crazy. The laboured breathing and the tensing of the body she was deep inside of told Arizona that Callie was about to topple over the edge. "Come for me, Calliope." Those words falling from perfect pink lips was all Arizona needed to know that Callie's climax was about to hit.
"Fuck, yes!" The brunette hissed as her entire body ignited. Rocking hard against the blonde's hand, Callie felt her body crash through every emotion. "Oh god." Chest heaving, she brought the blonde up to meet her face and planted soft lips on the pink hovering over her. "Y-You, I, god, I needed that so much."
"I know." A dimpled smile appeared. "You've been wound so tight, lately."
"Mm, you too." Callie groaned as she felt her girlfriend slip out of her. "Maybe I should return the favour."
"Oh?" Arizona smiled. "Maybe you should."
Settling down for the evening, Arizona grabbed a beer from the fridge before pouring her girlfriend a glass of red. Sure, the day had started out different, but the end result had been amazing. No matter what they went through, they always managed to pull through. Yes, it wasn't ideal, and yes, both women hated the situation they had found themselves in, but Arizona had a little something up her sleeve that she hoped would open up her girlfriend a little more than usual. Some of the questions she planned on putting to the brunette….she had never even thought about asking before now. Maybe it would be a failure, but maybe it would turn out to be the best thing they'd done.
Setting their drinks down on the coffee table, Arizona took a seat and waited for her girlfriend to join her. Hearing the soft padding of feet coming from down the hallway, she glanced up to find beautiful brown eyes staring back at her. "Hey."
"Hey, yourself." Callie smiled. "Can I join you?"
"Um, of course, you can," Arizona replied. "I figured you could use a glass of red so I did the honours."
"You are too good to me, Ms Robbins."
"Nonsense. Sit your gorgeous ass down, Torres." The blonde smirked.
Taking a seat beside her girlfriend, Callie sighed. It had been a long day, and although it hadn't started out the best, she was thankful that Arizona had chosen not to leave earlier. She still wasn't entirely sure what led to the blonde ramble, but she was happy that they were sat together. "You, um, you okay?"
"Yeah, I think so." Arizona smiled. "I'm sorry about earlier. It's just, well, you never ask me if we can talk, so I kind of freaked out."
"It's okay. I'm sorry I led you to believe that the worst was about to happen." Callie took her girlfriend's hand in her own.
"No, I never should have reacted like that. You just wanted to talk so…my bad."
"Arizona, really, it's fine. Honestly."
"Okay." The blonde gave a slight nod. "I, uh, I wanted to talk to you about something."
"Nope. Me first. Then you can say whatever it is you have to say. Would that be okay?" Callie raised an eyebrow.
Swallowing hard, Arizona agreed and took a drag of her beer. "Sure."
"Look, today when I was asking if we could talk, it wasn't anything bad. I just, I had something I wanted to ask you." Tanned shoulders shrugged. "I mean, it's something we've spoken about before, but I wasn't sure it was still what you wanted." Watching Arizona furrow her brow, the brunette decided not to allow her girlfriend too much thinking time. "I wanted to ask you if you still wanted to buy a house together."
"Wow, now I look like a total asshole," Arizona stated as she placed her almost empty beer bottle down. Taking the brunette's hands in her own, she gave her a small smile. "Calliope, I will always want to buy a house with you. Always."
"You will?" A megawatt smile appeared. "Really?"
"Of course. Why wouldn't I?"
"I-I don't know. I just figured that you would want to think about it after everything that's happened over the past few weeks. I wouldn't blame you if you needed to think about it."
"No, I don't need to think about anything. You are all I'll ever want, so nope, no thinking required."
"You're sure? I mean, there's no rush. Well, there kinda is, but if you don't want to rush into anything, I totally understand." Callie sighed as she ran her fingers through her hair.
"O..kay?" Blue eyes narrowed. "Why is there 'kind of' a rush?"
"I just, Suzanne is out and I'm worried that she will turn up here. I really don't want that. I just want to be happy with you. I don't want any more drama. I'm not sure I could cope with it." The brunette stated. "But if you think we are rushing, it can wait."
"Are you scared, Calliope? Please be honest with me." Arizona gave a pleading look.
"Yeah, I guess I am."
"Then I have some houses to show you that I looked into a little while ago." Arizona smiled. "I was checking them out the day you went to therapy. I've found some that I like, but I wanted to run them by you before setting up any viewings."
"Sounds good," Callie stated as she sipped on her red wine. "I just wasn't sure it was what you wanted anymore."
"Baby, whatever makes you happy. We both have good jobs. Both bring in enough money. I don't see the problem. If I could give you the world, I would. You know that, right?"
"I love you." Was all that Callie could muster up right now. Arizona continuing to be amazing and gorgeous all at once had left her speechless, almost.
"Maybe we could go through the list tomorrow. We both have the day off so maybe we could take a little road trip to the different ones you've looked at online?"
"Perfect," Arizona stated as she drained the last of her beer. Standing, she made her way into the kitchen and grabbed another. Bringing the bottle of wine she had opened for Callie, she set it down in front of the brunette and settled back down into her seat. "Callie?"
"Yeah?"
Knowing that this was about to change their entire evening, Arizona thought about leaving the conversation she was about to start. Realising that they needed to be confident in their ability to tell each other anything and everything, she decided not to put it off any longer. "T-Tell me about her."
"Who?" The brunette furrowed her brow.
"Suzanne."
Thanks for reading, guys. I look forward to all of your reviews. Calzonafan123 - you are about to get your answers based on your review of Chapter 25.