Wade was intently observing Peter's hand, curling and uncurling his fingers and twisting it this way and that, seeing which movement caused which reaction to see what was damaged.

"How bad is it?" Peter asked.

"As much as I'm curious to see if you actually broke your hand trying to break my face, I think we need to talk about," Steve paused in consternation, "everything."

"Yes!" Peter exclaimed, "I'm going to tell you, once and for all that—"

Wade clamped a hand down over Peter's mouth. "Nothing. Nothing at all. Spidey is just a little crazy about all these emotions. You know how spiders get stressed when they're faced with too many situations all at the same time."

Natasha cleared her throat.

"Except the lady spiders?" Wade questioned. "Sure, yeah, sounds good. Baby boy spiders are sexy—" he slapped himself on the cheek, "I mean dumb, wait, emotional? I'm not sure what I was trying to say anymore."

Peter pealed Wade's hand from his face. "I have no fucking clue, you ungrateful idiot. I'm trying to help us out here."

"What could you possibly say that would help in this situation?" Tony asked in all his snarky glory.

Wade ignored him entirely. "I'm pretty sure I told you I could deal with it. No need to—" he laughed nervously, "—say anything crazy."

"Crazy like what?" Tony demanded, and when no one deigned to answer said, "No seriously, what the fuck is going on?"

Peter glared up into Wade's face, trying to silently alert his significant other to the fact that said significant other was being an idiot and should just let Peter do the thing. Wade was glaring similarly down at Peter trying, no doubt, to convey that they really didn't have to reveal themselves, that despite the actual impossibility of any happiness being derived from this awful miscommunication, everything would all work out for the better. Peter glared harder.

"Someone's got to start talking," Bruce instructed, "before the rest of us blow up."

"Jarvis is fine with it!" Peter exclaimed, poking Wade in the chest.

"Jarvis is fine with what?" Tony questioned. "Jarvis? Jarvis answer me!"

"No, Sir," Jarvis stated with the minutest hint of mirth.

"Jarvis?" There was no answer.

"Clint," Natasha said, turning to the archer, "Do you know what's going on?"

Clint shook his head. "You?"

"Nope."

"Jarvis is a magical love robot," Wade explained to Peter, "it's in his programming to be accepting."

With the hand not still being massaged by Wade, Peter pointed at Thor, "That one's a god too! If it makes you feel better, we can flesh it out with him first, since apparently being a god is the only prerequisite to…you know… saying stuff."

Steve leaned over to Thor, "Do you know what is happening?"

Thor shook his head, "Nay."

Wade threw his hands up in the air. "Thor's not a love god!"

"Well why not Clint? He's pretty lovable!" Peter demanded.

"Aww shucks," Clint deadpanned from across the room.

"Being lovable does not mean one is a love god!" Wade sounded scandalized. "Being a love god means that you fight for justice and happiness, and you do whatever you must in order to bring on that occurrence."

Peter glared at Wade for a moment before slowly pointing at Steve. The both turned to face the suddenly confused superhero. "Oh my god," Wade said slowly and reverently, and let go of Peter's hand to kneel in front of Steve. "He is a love god! Jarvis! I have found another one of you!" He bowed his head down to the floor and tried to kiss Steve's feet, but the man stumbled backwards out of the way of Wade's uncovered lips. "Please, Love god, tell us what we must do?"

Steve whipped his head back and forth, trying to find an answer to what was going on. Or possibly an exit.

"Please!" Wade bowed down again. "Love god! We will let you decide what course we should take."

"I…" Steve straightened his shoulders, "What are my options?"

Wade opened his mouth, realized that revealing the options would actually just be choosing an option, and rolled to the floor in a slump. "I hate everything!" Wade moaned.

"Hah! I win!" Peter clapped his hands together, and then winced as his bones rubbed together in ways that were not supposed to happen.

Wade was on his feet and gently cradling Peter's injured hand in a split-second. He softly pulled the glove from Peter's hand and began once more began softly poking and prodding at the hand to see if he could find where the break was. He pulled at the joints, and was right in the middle of curling Peter's fingers when Tony let out a confused, "What is that?"

Peter and Wade both turned to face the man, only for the others to also make various noises of surprise and confusion.

"Is that a wedding ring?" Clint demanded.

Peter and Wade glanced down at his left hand, uncovered, and held before them. Peter was split between dying of embarrassment that he'd forgotten he was wearing his engagement ring, and glee that he'd won for realz, and now he would have no choice but to reveal himself, and as much as he would have loved to stay inconspicuous and safe, being able to have, like, six other people in the know would be a weight off his shoulders. If they didn't kill him, that is.

"Is that what you meant when you said he wasn't the only one cheating?" Steve demanded. "You also have a significant other that you've been cheating on?"

Peter let out a long moan. "I hate everything."

"Tony?" a voice called out from the hall, and everyone drew silent. Only the clicking of heels on tile echoed up through the hall. Tony gulped.

"Yes Pepper?"

Pepper walked into the room, and came to a dead stop at the sight that met her. In true Pepper fashion she merely held out a clipboard to Tony (which he took), and said, "You've got a meeting with the board at three, a socialite claims you're her baby daddy, PR wants to talk to you about the thing with Magneto and the orange slime," she let out a long sigh and finally pointed at where Peter and Wade were standing, "and why is Peter dressed as Spiderman?"

Peter couldn't do anything but shake his head in resignation and make an undignified noise. Of course it would be Pepper who figured it all out.

Clint pointed at Peter. "That's not Peter dressed as Spiderman. That's actually Spiderman."

Pepper scoffed. "Don't think you can get one over on me, boys. I recognize his engagement ring." She paused before sighing dramatically. "And his voice." Then, turning to Peter and Wade she said, "And really you guys, I didn't think I'd have to warn you about not making out on company time, but I'll do it if I have to."

Peter scratched the back of his head, and said the only thing he could think of. "Sorry Pepper. Won't happen again."

Wade nodded solemnly. "Cross our hearts." He drew an X across his chest.

Tony dropped the clipboard.

"Peter?" Bruce asked in a strangled voice, and Peter finally, finally, removed his mask.

He waved a little awkwardly. "Uh, hmm, well," he cleared this throat and rocked back on his heels, "Hey, guys."

Clint had gone dead pale. "I almost killed Peter," he mumbled, "I was shooting at Peter."

Thor was gazing at the yellowing bruise on Peter's cheek. He stepped forward, a regretful expression on his face. "I apologize most aggressively for my unfortunate actions towards you." He gestured at the bruise.

Clint's eyes were wide, and he couldn't keep his eyes off the Peter that was standing unfortunately in his Spiderman suit. "I almost killed you. Peter, I almost killed you!"

Peter shrugged. "I know that, you know that, we learned a lesson, and now everything is A-ok… unless one of you murders me for being Spidey and not saying anything.

Natasha was frowning horribly. "You've been Peter the whole time?" She demanded.

Peter nodded. "I mean, I was born Peter, but I've been Spiderman this whole time too. I'm the only one, as far as I know."

Pepper stepped forward, now a little unsure. "What's going on?"

Wade sauntered towards her and said in his sweetest tone, "Your intern is secretly Spiderman and Captain America just broke his hand."

"Steve!" Pepper looked ready to hurl someone through a wall. Her head whipped around so she could stare Steve in the eyes, but the intelligent Captain America was already backing away, shaking his head and waving his hands back and forth.

"No! I swear I didn't do it on purpose. I've just got very strong cheekbones," he tried to explain to the enraged redhead.

"I'm more concerned with the fact that this little tidbit didn't come up the last time we caught you," Clint said, somehow refocusing his renewed guilt into finding answers instead of doing something less productive like drinking away his misery.

"Ah yes," Peter prevaricated, "about that…I blame Wade!" He pointed a finger at this boyfriend who huffed in mock-indignation.

Natasha raised an imposing eyebrow and Peter backtracked.

"What I mean to say, is that when you guys caught us the first time I thought the secret was out. I thought it was obvious that Spiderman and Peter Parker were interchangeable because kissing-Wade reasons, and the sass, and the voice, but then you guys pulled a plot twist and went off about infidelity and being a good person and whatever."

A light blush dusted over Steve's cheeks and he lowered his head in embarrassment.

"And you guys were tearing Wade a new one and I was not about that life, but Wade said he had a plan so I let it go thinking it would be a smart one," he glared at his boyfriend who stuck out his tongue at him.

"It was a good plan," Wade insisted.

Peter shook his head. "But then, I later find out, the plan was just to let you all blame him so I could keep my secret identity. The protective little shit made me feel guilty for wanting to tell the truth because he looked so god-damned happy to be helping me out. With his puppy dog eyes, and his quivering lip syndrome. Damn you, Wade."

"To hell and back, sweetcakes."

Pepper stepped forward, having followed the conversation pretty well for someone who'd missed most of the drama. "So you just continued lying through omission—"

"And being treated like crap," Natasha added.

"—just so your boyfriend would feel happy he was able to help?" Pepper finished.

Peter nodded and the women groaned. "Men are idiots," Pepper declared, and Natasha nodded in agreement.

Peter shrugged, and in a faux whisper added, "And maybe he was scared that if my identity got out I'd freak out and up and run or something."

Wade slapped the back of Peter's head, but then pulled him in for a close hug.

"And then!" Peter continued, because this next part still made Peter angry, "Then you guys wouldn't even let me explain! Like, I kept saying you didn't get it, but you wouldn't let me talk!"

Steve coughed into his fist. "I apologize for that."

Peter nodded solemnly. "Damn straight."

Wade clicked his tongue. "Shame on you. You shouldn't disrespect your elders like that."

"Shut up Wade." Peter turned once more to the mostly silent group of Superheroes (Pepper included, that woman was amazing) and sighed. "But now I'm just…tired. Thank you, Pepper, for recognizing me, 'cause all I wanna do is be able to make out with my fiancé after a fight, like we used to, and maybe have some friends who know who I am and don't freak when I run out on them to fight a baddie. Hopefully that will be because you guys are also fighting the baddie with me. So, please, let bygones be bygones? Please? I'll understand if you don't want to, because I've been lying to you, but—"

"Duh," Tony exclaimed, and Clint was nodding emphatically behind him. "It'll be nice to know I can trust another guy on the field."

"We'd be honored," Steve said solemnly, "if you would continue being our friend. We haven't exactly done the best job recently, but we promise to get better."

"And I would apologize to you both," Thor sounded too solemn, but thankfully Wade patted him on the back which brought a small smile to his lips. "I acted without thinking, but I hope you can forgive me."

"And me," Clint grimaced.

Peter cracked a large smile, and stepped closer so he could hang his probably broken hand over Wade's shoulder. "Of course guys. What are friends for?"