AN: Merry Christmas, Lovelies!

Just a little note, there will be a couple of plethora of intertwining flashbacks that will help explain how Bonnie and Damon came to this point so don't think I'm just throwing you into their lives mid-crisis. Also, the next couple of chapters will explain why Bonnie waited until they were married to consider counseling.

Please Read & Review.

Damon loved the feeling that complete, utter control gave him. He spent so much of his childhood being told what to do and how to do it from an abusive father that he reveled i the fact that he could control anyone with a simple glance. It was a high that could only be comparable to the one felt when his blood lust was quenched. His confidence, the thing that Bonnie admire the most about him, came from his ability to control situations but right now, as he fell to his knees, searching the features of his wife's face, he slowly came to the realization that the control he thought he had over the situation had evaporated into thin air.

Panicked, his wild eyes slid closed as he attempted to venture into her mind for answers but was immediately blocked by a barrier erected by Bonnie with the sole purpose of keeping him out. He opened his eyes in disbelief. He taught her that technique and she was using it against him. She had effectively locked him out. He couldn't even feel her anymore.

The sudden loss of control left him paralyzed in a battle to contain himself. The old Damon, the one who killed for fun and drank away his cares with hard liquor, would've lashed out as a defense mechanism but this Damon, Bonnie's Damon, sat there in silence, fists clenched at his side because he was preparing for battle.

The elder witch shifted in her seat, gaining his attention, 'How did you—' She paused, trying to find the correct wording her next question. Her fingers made quotation marks as she spoke 'How do you accidentally fall in love? Surely there must've been some attraction formed before he chose you over her, Bonnie.'

'And I'm not doubting that, at least, not on my end, but to understand why I said accidentally, you would've had to know Damon and I before 1994.' Bonnie's glance went from her hands which were balled in her lap to Damon's questioning eyes and she found herself chuckling lightly. She was stumped. How did she fall in love with Damon Salvatore? The perpetual bad boy, the homicidal vampire. How did she go against everything she stood for and allow herself to be immersed in this unexplainable love? She had been asking herself the same question for a while yet she hadn't found an answer. Now, here she was, being forced to retrace her steps for the sake of their marriage.

She could blame it on magic but they both know that magic had only played a tiny role in their relationship. No, that couldn't be the culprit.

'It just happened,' Bonnie smiled at Dr. Smith 'It just happened...' She sighed, looking back to the man kneeling before her.

'Was it because he chose to save you knowing that Elena would die?' Dr. Smith questioned.

'She didn't die,' Bonnie cleared her throat as she ventured further into the uncomfortable conversation 'She was in a coma like slumber and he chose me believing that it would be a temporary fix until we figured something else out.'

Dr. Smith glanced up from the notepad on her lap, 'He still chose you, correct?'

'Yes, I did,' Bonnie pursed her lips as Damon spoke up 'She probably thinks otherwise but I would do it all again.'

Dr. Smith placed the note pad on the seat next to her, 'From what I'm hearing, Damon loves you, Bonnie. There has to be something else driving these concerns.'

Bonnie never told Damon her deepest fears, so now, as his blue eyes searched her emerald ones for an answer, she wanted to run. She desperately wished that she could have the same fate of the wicked witch because that's how she felt; wicked. She wanted someone to douse with a bucket of water. She wanted to dissolve into nothingness; Shit, she wanted to melt away just to get a piece of mind. She couldn't stand to see the hurt and confusion etched into his handsome feature. She knew what she was doing was unfair but she had to be sure. She knew what Damon's hate felt like just like she had his love committed to memory. She had to make sure that he was hers just as much as she was his.

But Dr. Smith was right, there was something else.

'I did something' Bonnie sighed, 'Six months after the situation, something horrible happened.'

Bonnie watched as Damon's facial expression changed to from confusion to anger as he scoffed and stood up, turning his back to Bonnie, 'You're going too far, Bonnie.'

'I need to do this,' She whispered 'You need to know what happened.'

'You don't think I know what happened? I had a front row seat!'

'Listen, Damon.'

He threw his arms up in defeat 'I guess I have no choice but to, huh?'

'I didn't want it to happen. I wasn't even safe around him.' Bonnie pleaded.

'Why wasn't she safe, Damon?'

'At the time, I wasn't in the best state of mind. She wasn't safe around me and I made sure to let that fact be know,' Damon mumbled, flopping down on the floor and bypassing the cup of bourbon for the entire bottle, 'I wasn't myself.'

'How so?'

Damon took a long sip of the bourbon 'I turned it off.'

ThreeYearsPrior.

Bonnie Bennett didn't know how to be selfish.

She didn't know how to turn her back on anyone and even when she knew that she should have, she didn't think about herself. Alone time and her soul must've not mixed well when God created her because she could never catch a break, not even if it was thrown at her by a toddler. It just wasn't possible.

If Bonnie could catch a break, her phone wouldn't have rung at 3:16am. If she could catch a break, she would've been asleep when said phone rang and she was called to the Salvatore boarding house by the brother of a psychotic, heartbroken vampire on a rampage.

Bonnie glanced over her shoulder at the younger of the two vampires as he paced back and forth, making her more nervous than she was initially.

'Stefan, could you stop? You're going to break her concentration!' The blonde-haired vampire screeched from the sofa that sat in front of Bonnie's place on the floor 'Sorry, Bon.'

Bonnie looked up from the map in front of her and smiled weakly 'You know Stefan, always the hovering parent.'

Stefan stopped his pacing and sat next to Caroline on the sofa, taking her legs and placing them in his lap 'Well, pardon me for being nervous about my murderous elder brother.'

'This is no way to celebrate Bonnie's return.' Caroline sighed.

Oh, but what a return it was.

Immediately following Elena's memorial, slumber party, whatever, Bonnie left. Retreating to a place so far away that whenever she brought up where she was from, people would scrunch their noses and pull out their phones 'Oh there?' was the response she would hear often.

Yes, there.

The place she never wanted to go back to. The home of the man she was terrified to see but Bonnie knew that wherever she went, she would soon be summoned, and duty came calling one night just as she had finally begun to adjust to a semi-normal life in Louisiana. Now, here she was; chasing an over dramatic, emotionless vampire. In the six months that Bonnie lived in Louisiana with cousins Lucy and Dominique, Damon went on a spree in Mystic Falls. He was two hops and a skip away from becoming a ripper and that was saying something. He had killed over 10 people, mostly brown haired, cinnamon skinned women who favored, but were not, her. When Caroline called to deliver the news, it was clear. His humanity was turned off and he was dangerous, but most of all, her best friend was hurting.

'You're not the only one nervous,' Bonnie mumbled as she watched the pendulum stop on the location of the wanted vampire. She stood up, wiping her sweaty hands on the front of her dark jeans 'He's at the Mystic Grille. Let's go.'

'What?' Caroline screeched, shooting up from the sofa and to Bonnie's side 'You're can't go! Stefan, tell her that she can't go!'

Stefan eyed Bonnie, attempting to see her logic while noting the look of determination in her eyes. They both knew that with Damon no longer holding on to his humanity, there was no doubt in his mind that his brother would attempt to hurt her in the state he was in. Best friend or not, she wasn't safe, 'Bonnie, I think it would be best if you stayed behind. You can stay here, safe in the boarding house.'

'You think that I'm safe?' Bonnie snorted 'If I was safe, I wouldn't be here right now. We have to stop him. I can help.'

Caroline sighed, understanding what Bonnie meant without her saying it, 'You shouldn't have to deal with this, Bonnie. He made the choice and he should be able to live with it like a man.'

'It is my fault,' Bonnie said, grabbing her jacket, 'And you both can come with me or I will go own my own, but I've ran from this long enough. I'm ending this tonight.'

Bonnie knew what she had to do and frankly, she didn't care anymore. She would do whatever she had to, to save innocent people.

Stefan sighed, knowing that there was no use in trying to talk Bonnie out of it, she wouldn't back down, 'Let's go.'

Present.

There was a loud noise followed by the sound of glass shattering and the smell of bourbon in the air. Bonnie looked up from her hands to the corner of the room where Damon had thrown the bourbon bottle and back at him as he stood up and yelled, 'Are you trying to make me relive all of the evil things I've done? Huh? I don't have to listen to this shit.'

Bonnie shook her head and smiling at the handsome man standing before her. That was probably one of the reasons she fell as hard as she did. He had the facial structure and allure of a god.

He paced in front of her, running his hands through the messy, black hair on top of his head. Bonnie watched him carefully before speaking again, "Please, just calm down.'

'Why does any of this matter?' He growled every word with intended force 'I love you. We're married. Why now? Why bring this up now?'

'Why don't you want her to talk about it, Damon?' Dr. Smith questioned.

'Because of what he thinks happened.'

Damon eyes widened 'Because of what I think happened? I'm pretty sure that the proof is sitting right in front of me.'

This was the moment that Bonnie had been dreading since waking up the morning after 'Damon—'

'Tell her!' He spat 'Since you're divulging all of other dirty secrets, tell her everything. Tell her how I force-fed you my blood and then because of me—'

'I took my own life.' Bonnie whispered.

'What?' Damon's eyes grew large as he stared at the woman in front of him that suddenly seemed so small 'You did what?'

'I know what you think happened but I had to do something to stop you' Their eyes met as Bonnie began to tell her deepest, darkest, secret. The one that had driven her to consult with Dr. Smith in the first place, 'I did it.

'S-Stefan said...' Damon began, staggering back a bit, fighting the hardest battle he had ever fought. His legs felt like noodles beneath him. He didn't know whether to feel rage or to be thankful that her plan hadn't gone through.

'Stefan told you exactly what I told him to tell you.'

ThreeYearsAgo.

'Damon, stop!' Bonnie yelled, running towards him. He was exactly where she suspected him to be; in the middle of an alley with his mouth pressed to the neck of a girl pinned against the wall. He turned towards Bonnie, that devious smirk of his making emerging before he turned back to his meal of the moment and tore into the girl's neck once more. Bonnie looked on in horror as he let the girl's unconscious body fall to the ground at his feet.

'Looks like the fun police was a little too late!' He laughed 'And you've brought a friend. Bonnie Bennett, just the girl I was looking for.'

Bonnie heard Stefan take a step forward but she motioned for him to stay back. This was her fight 'Damon, turn it back on or so help me, I will give you the aneurysm of your miserable lifetime.'

'Do you worst, witch,' He spat, 'I'll turn it back on when you're dead.'

'You're hurting, I get that. Let me help,' She pleaded 'I can't help you if you don't let me.'

Damon rolled his eyes, 'You've helped me enough.'

'If your problem is with me, talk to me. You don't have to kill these innocent people.'

'That's the point of not having humanity, Bon,' Damon looked past her and to his younger brother 'Am I right, brother? You are the ripper of the family.'

'This is between me and you,' Bonnie focused, raising her hands and bringing him to his knees 'Stefan, take Caroline, get the girl, and get out of here.'

'Bonnie, we're not leaving you out here with him.' Caroline spat, grabbing her arm.

Bonnie smiled weakly at her worried friend, patting the hand that was placed on her forearm. This would be the last time that she saw Caroline but she couldn't bring herself to tell her plan to Caroline and Stefan. She knew that they would try to stop her but this was Damon's only chance at humanity.

'Trust me, I'll be fine.' She lied.

'I'm staying.' Stefan declared.

'Of course, you are,' Damon laughed at the exchange 'Always the noble one. You can't save her, Stefan. You know how I am when I want something. I always win.'

Bonnie sent another wave of magic his way which sent him back to his knees, 'Get her out of here, Caroline.'

Caroline looked at her friend, nodding her head slowly before grabbing the girl and speeding into the darkness.

'Damon,' Bonnie began, her voice barely above a whisper 'This isn't you.'

'Oh, this is me, Bonnie,' He spat, 'You've simply missed all of the action.'

'I want to help you. Let me help you.'

'When I needed you the most, what did you do? You left!' He shouted, struggling to stand up 'You were my best friend. You abandoned me after everything that I sacrificed for you.'

His words stung because they held a truth that Bonnie couldn't deny but she wouldn't be the only one to blame, 'Did I ask you for that, huh? I didn't ask you to abandon anything for me, Damon. Especially I would've known that you would act like this.'

Stefan grabbed her arm, stopping her from moving towards the vampire, 'That's close enough, Bonnie.'

'No, let the witch get closer since she seems to have a death wish,' Damon stood straight up 'You've owe me dinner and I have something in mind, little witch.'

'Why did you save me?' She asked again. This time, tears she didn't even know there were streaming down her cheeks 'If you were going to hate me so much, why did you do it?'

'Because!' He yelled at her.

'Because of what?' She spat back and found herself pinned against the wall.

'I saved your pathetic life because you saved mine and I don't like owing favors, but now you owe me. I gave up everything for you!' He yelled, applying pressure to her throat as she struggled against his hand 'And you will repay me.'

'Let her go, Damon!'

Stefan took a step forward 'Stay back or I will kill her.'

'That's not true,' Bonnie forced out 'That's not why you saved me.'

'Why else? You're nothing to me now.'

She didn't let the words faze her 'Then kill me.'

'Or I have a better idea,' Damon bit into his wrist before forcing it into her mouth 'A fate worse than death.'

'Damon, are you insane?' Stefan shouted, rushing to Damon's side attempting to pull him off as Bonnie squirmed beneath his grip. Eyes wide as the metallic tasting liquid ran down her throat causing her to gag and panic.

This wasn't a part of her plan.

Bonnie felt Damon's grip tighten and for the first time since finding him in the alley, she was terrified, 'Damon, please.'

'No begging. It'll be over in a minute.'

'Damon, think about what you're doing' Stefan begged, afraid to move any closer, 'You'll regret this.'

'Not this, brother,' He sneered 'Not when she's the one thing standing between me and happiness.'

She looked the vampire in his eyes, 'I'm so sorry, Damon.'

His shoulders hunched before he pushed her into the wall again, this time letting her body slide to the floor. Stefan rushed to her side, 'You were supposed to be here for me and you weren't. I'll wait seventy years for your death but know that you're dead to me now, Bonnie Bennett.'

'Damon, this has got to stop. I'm sorry that I left but I am here now!' She felt herself growing weaker but she had to get him to turn it back on or her plan would be in vain 'Elena wouldn't want this. She specifically told you to live your life.'

Damon turned to her, 'You don't get to play that card with me. If Elena wants anything, she should come tell me herself.'

'Damon, stop!' Stefan boomed as Bonnie fell to her knees, 'Stop!'

'Stay out of my way until she's dead or I will kill you all.' Damon sped away, leaving Bonnie and Stefan alone in the alley.

'Bonnie, I'm sure he didn't mean—' Bonnie's state of being stopped Stefan in his tracks. She was on her knees, murmuring lightly with blood draining from her eyes and ears. He dropped to his knees next to her, 'Bonnie!'

Present.

Damon punched the nearest wall and growled, 'What the fuck did you do?'

'I'm so sorry, Damon,' Bonnie sobbed 'I should've told you.'

'All these years—' He choked on his words 'Why?'

'I cared about you more than anyone else, Damon and for you to hate me like that? I felt as alone as I did when I was stranded in the prison world.' Bonnie stood up and made her way towards her husband, 'I wanted you to be happy again.'

'Stefan told me that you were in an accident on the way back to the boarding house. I saw the car!' Damon whispered, 'I saw the damned car.'

'You saw what I asked Stefan to make you see. I didn't want you to feel guilty.'

Damon shook his head, 'You committed suicide.'

'I didn't know what else to do, Damon.'

'You didn't know what else to fucking do?' Damon shouted 'How about fucking live? Do you know how I've felt? The guilt I've carried thinking that I was the reason for everything?

Bonnie stepped back from him, 'I didn't plan to die with your blood in my system and I couldn't stop the spell.'

'What if I hadn't given you my blood?' He ran his hands through his hair in desperation before grabbing her by her arms, 'What the fuck were you thinking?'

'I was doing what Bonnie does best.'

'And look where that got you!' Damon snapped, turning to head for the front door 'I need to get the hell out of here.' He spat before grabbing his jacket and heading out into the evening air.

'Damon, we're not done!' Dr. Smith sat up and Bonnie rolled her eyes, fine time for her to say something.

'We're done.' He spat, considering Bonnie's eyes and slamming the door behind him. A few moments passed before the familiar sound of his Chevy Camaro's engine filled the air, 'He's gone.'

Dr. Smith pursed her lips for a moment, 'Do you want to continue, child?' Bonnie shook her head in agreement before she continued 'Can I ask you a question?'

'Yes, ma'am.'

'How are you alive, dear?' Dr. Smith asked.

'That must be one rumor that hasn't reached you,' Bonnie sunk to the floor, wiping the stray tears from her lash line, 'I'm a vampire.'