1/1/17: I accidentally called Grim Reapers Death Eaters. But I'm not really off the mark, eh?

So this was a myth about a U2 concert but y'know, it wouldn't be a myth when it would come to these two

Renji slow-clapped three times. 'Did you know,' he remarked. 'That every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies from starvation?'

Shinji looked up from his book. 'Then stop clapping, you idiot.'

'You know,' Renji wondered aloud. 'What if there is a parallel universe where we're all Grim Reapers ad fight ghosts that have gone bad before they eat humans? And we all have super cool samurai swords that have special powers!'

'Ha!' Shinji snorted. 'Sure. And there's a website where people write gay fanfiction about us shagging each other 24/7.'

'If I could have an America name, what do you think it would be?' Shinji asked.

Renji paused while unloading the dishwasher. He thought hard. 'I guess you'd be a Nate. You look like a Nate. Classy but a bit of a lad.'

'Hm. I wouldn't mind that.'

'What about me?'

'Oh, you're a Brad. Like, an American frat boy, smashing beer cans against your forehead, Alpha Pi Let's Get Wasted Brad.'

'…something tells me you've been meaning to say that for a long time and couldn't figure out how until now.'

We now return to the adventures of Shinji the kidnapper and Renji the kidnappee

'What're we doing?' Renji asked.

'I'm on a mission. YOU are ruining the mission so shut up,' Shinji muttered.

Silence.

'Sorry,' Renji whispered.

\\\

'Who is he?' Love asked, pointing at Renji. 'New recruit?'

'Oh, I'm not a kidnapper,' Renji said bashfully. 'I used to be a kidnappee.'

'A what?'

'A kidnappee. Y'know, I was kidnapped but now I'm free but I just hang around for fun.'

'O-kay?' Love looked at Shinji.

Shinji shrugged. 'I always wanted a dog when I was a kid.'

\\\

'What's that?'

'A gun.'

What about that one?'

'Another gun.'

'Hey, you don't have to simplify things for me. I know what a gun is. I wanna know more than that.' Renji pointed to a bazooka. 'What's that?'

'A bigger gun.'

\\\

'Can I have a gun?' Renji asked.

'No.'

'How come?'

'It's dangerous.'

'Aw! You're worried about me, huh?'

'No. You'll kill me.'