Dipper vs. Manliness: Part 1
Dipper, Mabel, Stan and Sous were at the local diner having breakfast.
"Alright, I have a question for you three." said Dipper. "What's it gonna take for me to get chest hair on my body?"
"As soon as ya turn 18, you'll be having the most disgusting chest hair known to man." said Stan. "Wanna see mine?"
"NO! He doesn't." said Mabel, frightened.
"You're just scared of seeing Stan's disgusting chest hair, sis." said Dipper with a smirk.
"Oh yeah? Well...I know you too much, that I know that when it comes to muscles, you've never even wrestled a bear."
"Okay, that was a good one. But I bet you I can find and wrestle a bear and become more manly and awesome then I was before."
"Kid, there's more to being a man than just wrestling a bear." said Stan. "You have to actually kill one."
The waitress of the diner, Lazy Susan, comes to the table.
"Hello, boys and girl. Everything okay here?" she asked.
"Oh yeah. Everything is just fine." said Stan in a falling in love way.
"Good to know." said Susan, walking away.
"Ugh, what can I do to get a girl like that?" said Stan.
"OOH! I feel a love emergency coming on! EEK!" squealed Mabel.
"Dude, I think I know what's going on here." said Sous. "Mr. Pines is having a staring contest with Lazy Susan."
Dipper and Mabel face palm.
"Although, seriously." said Dipper to Mabel. "If I can take down a bear and emerge victorious, you have to spend the rest of the day massaging my feet."
"Gross." said Mabel. "I hope you lose. Where are you even gonna find someone who can help you find a bear to hunt down?"
Suddenly, Wendy and her dad, Manly Dan, come over to their table.
"Hey, dudes. What's up?" asked Wendy, giving Dipper a kiss.
"Not much." said Dipper. "Mabel is gonna help Stan with his love emergency, and I'm gonna go out into the woods to kill a bear."
Wendy stares with utter shock.
"Okay, the love emergency I can take, but the bear hunt...I think you better bring my dad with you." she said worriedly.
"Oh, that's perfect! I need a support team, and your dad was my first choice, considering how he helped defeat those wax figures." said Dipper, getting up. "I'll see you all when I kill a bear. Mr. Corduroy, you and I are going on a bear hunt."
"Good! Because I'm gonna show you how a kill a bear, MAN-STYLE!" said Dan.
"Awesome!" said Dipper following him.
"They're not really gonna go out and fight a bear, are they?" asked Wendy, a little taken-back.
"Dude, if ya ask me, Dipper has the guts of an awesome dude." said Sous.
"That's what I'm afraid of."
"Okay, now. Let's see what we can do about Stan and his love emergency." said Mabel who grabs Stan by the arm and drags him out. "Come on! We're gonna give you a make-over." Sous and Wendy stare in awkwardness.
"Ya think we should follow them and make sure Mabel doesn't do anything crazy?" asked Wendy.
"Dude, I'd be concerned about Dipper, but yeah, we should." said Sous, as he follows Wendy who follows Mabel.
Meanwhile, near the entrance to the forest, Dipper, Manly Dan and Tyler are gathered around.
"Before we go in there, Dipper, I want you to know that if you die...I AM NOT GOING TO BE HELD RESPONSIBLE FOR IT!" said Dan loudly.
"Oh yeah. I respect that." said Dipper calmly.
Suddenly, Sheriff Blubs, Deputy Dur-land and the old kook arrive on the scene.
"What's with all the screaming?" asked Sheriff Blubs. "I can barely hear the radio in my car."
"Oh, it's nothing, Sheriff." said Dipper. "Just some men going out to hunt a bear and bring back its head."
"Really?" said the old kook. "Perhaps we can come along and do them fancy things you said."
"Well, I could use some fresh forest air." said Deputy Dur-land. "And I'm sure the sheriff could too."
"Deputy, you read my mind." said Sheriff Blubs smiling.
"Six men going hunting for BEARS! YEAH!" said Dan.
"Yeah, but I don't just wanna hunt down any bear." said Dipper, pulling out his journal and flipping to a page with a six-headed bear. "I wanna hunt down this thing: The Six-Headed Bear. It's got six heads and six legs."
"Sounds kinda crazy." said Sheriff Blubs. "But I'll believe it since I saw those wax figures come to life."
"Darn tooting, Pines. Six men against a six-headed bear." said the old kook.
"I know. It's the perfect bear. Plus, it'll work since we got four men." said Dipper.
"It's settled then." said Dan. "We find this six-head bear and bring back ALL ITS HEADS!"
"YEAH!" everyone shouted.
"Mystery Gang?" said Dan.
"I thought you hated that name." said Dipper.
"Well, it's growing on me now." said Dan.
"Oh, okay then." said Dipper. "Off we go to victory! I've always wanted to say that."
Dipper, Manly Dan, Tyler, Sheriff Blubs, Deputy Dur-land and the old kook go into the woods, not knowing what they're getting themselves into.
Well, that's it for this. So what do you think of six men vs. a six-headed bear? Please write in the reviews about what you think of that. Ciao.