Chapter 8
Alright alright here comes the excuses
1. Family problems
2. My ipad confiscated
3. Laziness
Now that that's out of the way…
It's currently around midday and everyone seems to be enjoying a picnic lunch in an unknown green patchy area where hills and lakes surround them including trees and a playground that seems kids used to play on a long time ago
Crim: it's called a park dumbass
Oh yea that's right
Crim: you really need to get your ass off the laptop once in a while
Says Crim while rolling her eyes
Crim: your not gonna start that shit again right?
Crim says annoyance laced in her words
Crim: nope! We are not starting that shit
Crim denies
You decide to break character for a moment
'You know who' are being assholes again
Crim: don't tell me they still haven't leaved us alone yet
BC: don't they have lives
Crim groans and BC sneers
Apparently not and we have to suffer for that
Crim: *sigh* fuck it come on let's get this story moving
What about 'them'
BC: don't wooooorry
You trust their words and move on with the story
Everything continues as if that conversation never happened
Tavros: This is Uhhhh,,, really good
Jane: why thank Tavros was it? Crim and I made them
Jane looks over at Crim with a smile and she responds
Crim: well you made it while I was busy setting half the kitchen on fire
Crim puts a sour face on and Jane laughs
Jane: Hoo Hoo now don't exaggerate you made those sandwiches didn't you?
Crim: that was because it was the only thing that didn't become charcoal
Crim finishes and takes a bite out of her semi burnt sandwich
Rose: oh I thought they were toasted
Rose looks down at her roasted sandwich but continues to eat anyway
Feferi: wh- en can w-e try your cupcak-es Jan-e 38?
Jane: right after lunch when everyone is finished
Karkat: THATS GREAT NOW CAN SOMEONE PASS ME THE FUCKING NAPKIN
Kankri: Karkat I kn9w y9u have a ha6it 6f yelling but c9uld y9u please try t6 c9nsider 9f h9w y9u are p9ssi6ly triggering pe9ple and tr9lls alike with y9ur l9ud v6ice and rude language futherm9re y9u sh9uld- 6lah 6lah 6lah 6lah
It seems everyone had lost Kankri on ha6it and has continued eating
Crim: here you go
Karkat: THANK YOU NOW CAN SOMEBODY SHUT THIS NOOKSNIFFER UP
Kankri: Karkat I have 6een trying t9 explain s6mething and it is very triggering-
BC: hey kankri why don't you try this sandwich
Kankri: thank y9u Crim or 6C is it? 6ut I was in the middle 9f having a c9nversati9n with my descendant here, futherm9re it seems y9u have taken a bite 9ut 9f the 9ne y9u are currently 9ffering which is very unhygienic th9ugh I h9pe I'm n9t triggering any 9ne 9f-
Kankri continues ranting without a care and seems oblivious to the internal screaming happening inside Crim and BC
Crim shakes her head miserably while her right arm shoots out and practically shoves the sandwich down Kankri's throat
Kankri: Crim! It is *cough hack* that y9u f9rcefully *nom chew* feed *cough nom* *chew swallow* …
Kankri goes silent as he thoughtfully chews
when he finally swallows he waits a moment before asking
Kankri: … d9 y9u perhaps have an9ther 9ne 9f th9se?
BC: we have a whole fucki-
Crim: *cough* I mean we made a full tray of those here
Crim shoves the platter of tiny sandwiches into Kankri's hands and he asks
Kankri: are y9u sure? s9me pe9ple might find it triggering that I have all these-
Crim: it's fine! Right guys
Crim turns to them with a desperate look in her eyes and they quickly nod
Eridan: yea it's fine I don't evven like those vvery much
Sollux: riight no one i2 goiing to eat them 2o no poiint iin wastiing iit
Nepeta: :33 yep!
Crim turns her head back to Kankri and smiles
Crim: see now go ahead dig in
Kankri: well… alright if y9u all say s9…tigger warnings include 6ut n9t limit t9 #greediness #lack 9f c9mmunicati9n #possible stomach ache
Kankri finishes and starts to bite into the small triangles
Dave: dude what did you put in there
Crim: peanut butter
Terezi: 1 THOUGHT 1 SM3LL3D SOMETH1NG NUTTY
Dave: that's probably just you
Terezi: H3Y :[ 1 SM3LL L1K3 BLU3 R4SPB3RRY SLUSH13
Dave: your still nuts
Terezi: H3H3
Karkat: HOW THE FUCK DID YOU KNOW THIS
Crim: oh I did a little research
Hehehehe
Kanaya: well maybe now we will be able to enjoy a peaceful lunch
Everyone sighs blissfully and start eating before a beeping sound is heard from Crim's phone
Jade: welp that ended quickly
Jake: you can say that again
Jade: wel-
John: he didn't mean it seriously Jade
Roxy: wash does it *hic* say?
BC: oh they are some reviews coming in that Crim has been trying to avoooooid
Crim: I haven't been avoiding them just waiting for them to… pile up
Crim try's to find an excuse of why she's been too lazy to check them
Crim: hey! fine let's get started
Aradia: but what about lunch?
Crim: it can wait reviews are far more important
Crim's stomach grumbles hungrily
BC: thaaaaat's not what our stomachs saying
Crim: shoosh
Crim snaps her fingers and the peaceful 'park' disappears and morphs into the mansion everyone has come to know of
Jane: I'll go put the cupcakes and sandwiches in the fridge
Jake: by golly Jane do you need help carrying that?
Jane: well- uh um- you see…
Roxy: want me too help janey?
Jane: NO! I uh mean Jake's already helping me right?
Jake: sure am hand me the basket you take the blanket
Jane: sure!
John: I'm going to get a drink
Dave: AJ for me bro
Everyone else walks to the living room and find a spot on the couch, floor and on the beanbags littered around the room
John, Jake and Jane come back with trays of drinks
John: here Dave
Dave: thanks
John sits in between Dave and Vriska on the couch
Jake and Jane finish going around offering drinks and go to sit on the floor
Crim: alright let's begin
The first dare is from Red-DarkTemptress it reads…
Gamzee: bury your self in a horn pike for two chapters Sollux: what happens if you eat mind honey? BC: tell nepeta what quadrant you/crim ship Nepeta and Equius in Karkat: wear a bucket on your head for three chapters AND…Dave: remove your shades or have smuppets glued to your clothes and walk across a floor covered in Legos barefoot…
Crim: ok a whole jumble of truth and dares alike now let's begin…
Crim: Gamzee go sit in the corner
Gamzee: AwWwW wHaT dId I mOtHeRfUcKiNg Do ThIs tImE?
Crim: what? No your not in trouble you just have to go sit in the corner
Gamzee: tHaT's WhAt KaR sAiD
Karkat: I TOLD YOU TO SIT IN THE CORNER BECAUSE YOU TRIED TO PUT SOPER THE FUCKING FOOD
Gamzee: tHoUgHt iT wOuLd TaStE bEtTeR bRo :0(
Karkat: *SIGH* WE ARE NOT HAVING THIS DISCUSSION RIGHT FUCKING NOW
Crim coughs loudly
Crim: are you done?
Karkat: MMPH
Crim: good now Gamzee you are not in trouble you just have to sit in the corner
Gamzee: PrOmIsE?
Crim: promise now go
Gamzee walks and sits in the living rooms's corner with a lazy smile and spaced out expression
Crim: alright stay…right there
Crim runs off to the appearify room and sets a bunch of horns to appear on Gamzee
Crim runs back in time to see the pile of horns fall on the stoned troll
Gamzee: HONK! WoAh wHeRe DiD aLl ThEsE mIrAcUlOuS hOrNs CoMe FrOm?
Crim: sorry Gamz you have to stay in there for two chapters you fine?
Gamzee: ThAtS mOtHeRfUcKiNg FiNe
Gamzee's voice comes out muffled and you can only see the top of Gamzee's horns sticking out of the pile
Crim: hehe hang in there
Crim: now Sollux here's a question everybody has been dying to know
Crim: WHAT happens when you eat mind honey? Hmmm?
Sollux: you don't eat the miind honey you don't EVER eat the miind honey no matter what
Crim: but what happens if you do
Sollux: ii- ii lo2e control of everthiing and go ber2erk
Sollux: ii can't control my2elf anymore and ii hurt the people ii keep clo2e
Sollux:… iim 2orry AA ii really am ii diidn't mean iit
Aradia: it's ok Sollux I know you didn't have control it's not your fault
Aradia shoots a glare Vriska's way before walking towards Sollux and giving him a hug
Crim: there's a horns pile upstairs if you want to be alone for a bit
Aradia: thanks
Aradia and Sollux walk upstairs
Crim coughs before continuing
Crim: let's get that gloom Fest out of our heads with some shipping
Nepeta who was drawing something with a pale pink chalk stops and perks up immediately
Nepeta: :33 did I hear someone say shipurring
Crim: you heard correctly
Nepeta: :33 WHOOHOO! Finally something I'm good at h33h33 so so so what's the shipping question?
Crim: actually it's-
BC: a question for us about yooooou
Nepeta takes a step back and hisses
Nepeta: :33 I wasn't talking to you
BC: but the questions for me now hmmmmm… what quadrant do I ship you and Equius in…
Equius: D- e%use me?
Nepeta: :33 uh what you mean? we are pale fur each other
BC: sooooo? you still ship Aradia and Sollux for red and we know that ship sunk ages ago
Nepeta: :33 w-well that diffurrent
BC: how so?
Nepeta: :33 um uh
BC: exactly
Crim: enough my answer is I ship them pale I just find it so cute!
BC: *sigh* if I had to I would ship them red
Crim: I find that adorable too
Nepeta: :33 eeeeh?
Nepeta goes green and Equius coughs
Equius: D- I can assure you we are simply pale
Nepeta: :33 yep yep
Nepeta walks over to Crim and whispers
Nepeta: :33 he still has felines fur Aradia anyway
Crim: hehe a girl can ship can't she?
Nepeta walks back over to Equius while clutching something in her pocket
BC: let's move on shall we? All this shipping leaves a bad taste in my mouth
BC: ooooooh please let me say this one!
Crim sighs but allows her dark half to take over
BC: sorry Kitkat but this is too entertaining
Karkat: WHAT DO YOU FUCKING MEAN
BC: you have been dared to put a bucket on your head for three chapterrrrrs
By the time BC finishes dragging her sentence Karkat is already a flaming mess
Karkat: AHA NO FUCKING WAY I REPEAT NO F-U-C-K-I-N-G WAY
BC: hahahaha you will have to face today's new punishment
Karkat: …WHAT IS IT
BC: well thanks to musicalBlink's help the new punishment is tooooo…
Eridan: can you stop dragging your fuckin sentences and just spit it out
BC: hmph fine… the new punishment is you have to be in your birthday suit for the rest of the chapter happy now fish face?
Karkat: WHAT THE EVERLASTING FUCK IS A BIRTHDAY SUIT?
Rose: *sigh* you know… your natural state?
Karkat: WHAT IS A STATE?
John: you know…bare?
Karkat: DIDNT YOU TELL ME A BEAR WAS ONE YOUR EARTH BEASTS?
Dave: dude seriously it's like in the raw?
Karkat: I DONT ROAR NEPETA FUCKING DOES THAT ENOUGH
Nepeta giggles and swipes her hand up in a claw position
Nepeta: :33 h33h33 roar!
Jade: oh for gods sake you have to be naked!
Karkat: …OH WHY DIDNT YOU JUST SAY THAT
The kids facepalm simultaneously
Sollux snickers
Sollux: 20 kar what wiill you choo2e
Karkat: I HAVE SAID THIS TO ALL YOU NOOKSUCKERS MORE THAN ONCE AND ILL FUCKING SAY IT AGAIN
Karkat: I FUCKING HATE YOU ALL
BC: soooooo?
Karkat: GIVE ME THE FUCKING BUCKET
BC: in the closet over there
Eridan: wwhy in the ever lovin fuck do you havve a bucket in a closet
BC: it's the cleaning supplies
Aradia: that's disturbing
Before any of the humans explain *again* of how buckets were used in there world Karkat walks in with a bucket head
Crim: wait! Wait! Nepeta pass me your chalk
Nepeta: :33 *AC passes the moss green chalk to her furrend Crimkitty in a confused manner*
Crim runs over to Karkat (who kept bumping into the couch) and straightens him before assaulting the bucket on his head with the chalk
Crim: aaaand there
She steps away from her masterpiece and shows the group
On it she drew a blushing smiley face
Crim: welp this is the longest time I've seen him smile
Everyone tries to stop their giggling or snickering
Karkat: CRIM WHAT DID YOU DO I MIGHT NOT BE ABLE TO FUCKING SEE BUT I CAN HEAR YOU FUCKERS
Crim: oh nothing special Karkat they are just being stupid
Crim gives a wink and leads Karkat to a nearby beanbag
Crim: okay finally our last dare from Red-darkTemptress is for Dave
Dave: finally dude thought people were forgetting bout us humans
Dave: though it's too hard to forget about this strider right here
Crim: okay okay big-shot your dare is to take your shades off or have smuppets glued to your clothes while walking across a room full of Lego
Crim: bare feet
Everyone cringes not forgetting the wrath of the Lego
Dave: …
Jade: Dave are you seriously considering?!
Dave: …
John: Dave just take your shades off
Dave: no way dude my eyes aren't natural
Jane: oh I'm sure their not that bad
Dave: yes they are
Dirk: dude I know what you feel bro but they are your friends I don't think they'll judge you
Dave: …
Dirk: bro I have weird ass eyes too so just take the shades off bro
Dave: …fine
After that brother command Dave prepares to take his shades off
He holds them by the rim
And carefully…carefully takes…it…-
BC: oh for crying out loud gimme that
Before Dave takes the shades off BC snatches it from his face
Dave was temporally blinded before opening his eyes
The room gasped
Dave: give me that.
Dave quickly takes the shades back and puts it on
Rose: I must say Dave your eye colour is… unique very interesting
Jade: your eyes are beautiful I don't know why you hide them
John: yea who cares if there red
Terezi perks up
Terezi: R3D? YOUR 3Y3S 4R3 R3D D4V3? COOL :]
Terezi: 1 W1SH 1 H4D R3D 3Y3S
Aradia: you do Terezi
Terezi: OH… TH31R ST1LL COOL
Crim: see now was that too hard?
Dave: don't you ever touch the shades again
Crim: BC did that
Dave: oh
Crim: but I suggested it
Dave lunges to strangle her but she ducks away in time
Unfortunately (hehehehe) in Dave's miss his lands on top of Egbert and Crim trips on Karkat's foot
John: uh… hi Dave
Dave: sup
John: mind getting off dude?
Dave: not really but fine
Dave rolls off John
Karkat: OW MY FOOT
Crim: Ow my face
Crim rubs her nose sorely and BC takes the opportunity to tilt her slightly forward
Karkat&Crim: OW
In that moment she smacks her forehead on his bucket making a loud crash
BC: hahahaha oh I couldn't pass that opportunity
Vriska: hahaha not bad
The girls high five
Karkat: NOT FUCKING FUNNY I THINK I'VE GONE DEAF
The girls continue to laugh as if he hadn't said a thing
Karkat: YOU JUST FUCKING WAIT
Crim: alright alright let's continue
Crim cuts off the giggling and moves to the next review
The next dare from HSFanFrench reads…
You think "KILL LA KILL" is "very pervet" well… good thing I didn't dare you to watch "panty and stocking"! So for the truth and dare:
Karkat: yo boss troll you must dance the "Macarena"!XD, BC: your not allowed to hurt nepeta physically and emotionally for two chapters and you must summon Cronus!, Kankri: when Cronus will be here go in the closet with him and do a seven minutes in heaven n/n
Crim: no worries HSFanFrench were fine no need to dare us that!
Crim: yo Karkat! Do the Macarena!
Karkat: HOW ABOUT UH FUCK NO?
John: aww come on Karkat it's easy I'll teach you!
Jade: let me help!
Together they stand between Karkat and Crim starts the music full blast
Karkat: UH LIKE THIS?
Jade: yeah that's it!
John: keep going!
Nepeta: :33 that looks like fun! Come on Equius do it with me!
Equius: D- uh Nepeta I do not feel comfortable doin-
Nepeta: :33 oh come on!
The pair join in besides Jade
Nepeta: :33 come on Aradia join us this is fun!
Aradia: hmm alright
Soon everyone joins in and the song comes to an end
Crim: …well that happened
Crim: now BC you have been dared to be nice to Nepeta and I WONT LET YOU DO THE PUNISHMENT
Crim: YOU ARE IN MY BODY NO THANKS
BC: hmph fineeeeee
Nepeta: :33 haha!
Nepeta sticks her tongue out and BC growls
BC: just you wait the two chapters will be gone soon
Crim: oh and you have to summon Cronus
BC: NO you do it
Crim: sorry it's your dare
Crim snickers and everyone moves upstairs
Will BC summon Cronus? Will kankri do the dare or lose his dignity? Find out in part two (next chapter) ;D