"Giving birth does not make a mother…Placing a child for adoption does not make her less of one."

Unknown

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October had arrived and that meant Mia's delivery date, we heard her scream for less time than Linda but it was still just as strong. Caroline and I sat in our bedroom and prayed for it to be over soon, my friend gripped the crystal beds on her rosary as the minutes went by.

Mia had a baby boy and unlike Linda she did ask to see him. After you had your baby you were able to remain five days at the clinic but you could only see your baby during limited periods of time, they didn't let you feed him and when the day of the departure arrived they would let you be alone with your baby for thirty minutes in one of the upstairs room. The Goodbye room as the girls used to call it.

Up until that moment I had never seen it but I heard that it had white walls and a big window facing the back garden, the girls who had been able to see it said it was the most beautiful room in the house, how ironic is that it was the place where you would last see your child.

We were all having breakfast downstairs in the dining room when they took Mia's boy, the nuns were going to take him with his new family and the whines and cries of Mia were heard all over the whole house, she wanted her baby back.

"It's not enough" She cried "I need more time, it's not enough"

We all dropped our spoons and stared at each other in silence while Mia's pleas kept sounding emanating throughout the house. I think at that moment we were all thinking the same thing, soon our time would come and we would be in Mia's place, giving away a part of ourselves.

"I need more time, please" She cried

But no one gave her more time. The nuns disappeared behind the doors with the baby in their arms and hours later it was Mia's time. She didn't even come to say goodbye. Sister Evelyn told us that Mia was just too sad and she didn't want for us to see her that way.

And so, that October morning another one of my friends disappeared back to her old life, with the ghost of a baby in her arms.

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"I wonder when the bean will finally show up" Caroline said as we folded the sheets in front of us. We both worked in the laundry and in the time we had been here I was sure we had folded enough sheets to cover the length of Texas.

"You still have time Care" I said while I focused on the task at hand. Caroline had started calling her baby 'bean' a couple of weeks back and she was getting more anxious with every passing day, she was due in a few more weeks but she used to say that she felt like bean could pop out at any time.

"Well I hope it's faster than with Linda and Mia" She told me "I would hate to be in pain for so long" I chuckled as she finished with another pile of clean sheets.

"But why do I have to come and work here? I want to stay at the dining room. I like cooking" Caroline and I looked at each other when we heard the voices coming from above us.

"You will work here because I say so." The hard voice of one of the nuns answered "The dining room is full and more people are needed her"

The voices grew closer and as Caroline and I started with a new pile one of the nuns came in dragging one of the new girls called Karen. She was gripping her arm as she practically pushed her towards us.

"There's no need to treat her like that" Caroline said with a frown

"When I want your opinion Caroline I will ask for it" The old nun answered

"Excuse me but I think we deserve some respect" My blonde friend said angrily as Karen shied away towards where I was standing "You must be kinder to her, she's pregnant"

"As if I hadn't notice that" The nun buffed "If you wanted to be treated with more respect than you should have kept your legs closed" She spat and looked at us "All of you" She huffed and walked back towards the stairs.

"That evil bitch" Caroline muttered under her breath and Karen's eyes opened like plates

"Caroline" I chastised her while looking towards the stairs to make sure the sister was already up and hadn't heard my friend's words.

"What? I'm a catholic but I can spot a bitch when I see one" She chuckled and I couldn't help but laugh, you could always count on Caroline to make you laugh when you needed her. "Are you okay?" She asked Karen

The girl only nodded and stayed silent while working with us but after that day Caroline became a hero to her.

Later that day I stayed awake all night thinking about the sermon the father had spoken about today at mass. He told us we should feel blessed and be grateful that someone was taking care of us. He told us that being here was the best choice we had because no man would marry us if he knew we had sinned in such a way, that they would call our children bastards and there was no worst punishment for a little child. He told us we could earn forgiveness if we prayed enough and behaved as we should, on that last part he looked at Caroline and I knew that sister Genevive had spoken with him about the incident in the laundry room.

I placed a hand on my belly and felt the baby move, it moved like crazy at night and I used to stay awake for as long as I could just to feel her or him move. It was the only moment where I felt close to my child. An idea had been swirling around my head ever since Mia had her child, what if the best thing for my baby was to stay with me? No one was ever going to love it like me, the baby was a part of me and a part of Damon, I could give it all the love in the world. If I could convince my father maybe he would help me out, he would find a way for me to keep the baby but as soon as those thoughts started to appear in my head an inside voice told me I was being naïve, just as I had been when I thought Damon and I would be together forever.

I didn't want my child to be called a bastard, to be excluded from everything. What could I possibly do to keep my child? How could I provide for him, what could I offer it? Love, love was all I had to give and I knew in my heart that love wasn't enough.

"Come on, open it up" Damon whispered with a childish smile while we sat next to the small Christmas tree tucked in the corner of his small living room. I was holding a small box wrapped in blue and white wrapping paper, it had a dark blue ribbon and a card that read

From: Damon

To: Elena

"Do you like the wrapping?" He said "I did it myself, I asked Stefan for his advice on the paper, just to not mess up" He was so nervous that it made my heart ache for him. I loved the moments when this childish vulnerability appeared in him, it was as if he needed me to reassure him that he was doing things right, like he needed a reminder that we were together and I loved him.

"Damon, it's beautiful" I whispered and smiled at him before taking the paper carefully as to not break it, inside there was a black box and when I opened it I saw the most beautiful bracelet I had ever seen. It was made of silver and the design was two chains wrapped together, it was delicate and perfect and it was the best gift I had ever received. "Oh my God, I love it"

"Do you? Really?"

"Of course, it's beautiful"

"It's just like us you see" He said while touching the two chains "Always together" He smiled at me and I wanted to cry right at that moment, I had so much love in my heart for that boy. I leaned over and took his face between my hands and kissed him

"It's the best gift someone's ever given me" I told him honestly. I didn't even want to think of how much it had cost him or for how long he had to save up to buy it. I knew that giving me things made him happy so I wasn't going to call him on it. "Merry Christmas, Damon" I whispered next to his lips

"Merry Christmas doll" He answered before kissing me again.

I woke up the morning of my eighteen birthday with that memory fresh in my mind, I had been dreaming about him for about two continuous weeks already. Truth be told he was always on my mind, but lately I had been thinking about him more than usual, maybe it was because my due date was nearing or because today marked the day we were supposed to be free.

We were going to run away and lay low until I turned eighteen "Then they won't be able to keep us apart sweetheart, we'll finally be free doll" he had said but instead here I was. Locked away in Stella Marie and he was nowhere to be found.

"You're my girl, Elena; I will always keep you safe"

How could he say those words to me and then disappear with the money my parents had given him? My mother told me these were all things he said to get in my bed but I knew, something inside me knew that his words were true, I could see it in his eyes when he looked at me. "I will always love you" he used to say. And something inside of me refused to believe that money had been able to erase all of those feelings.

My birthday was a bit different than previous years; my parents didn't even call me. How different it was from Caroline's birthday when her parent's came to visit her with cake and food for everyone. I thought it was going to be a lonely and sad day but it wasn't and I think I loved it even more. Sister Evelyn let some of the girls into the kitchen at night and they prepared me a beautiful birthday cake. They took it up to my room and we all locked ourselves there eating cake and treats that they had managed to get.

They sang me a happy birthday and hugged me, wishing me the best. Even Pauline, the girl with the learning disability was there, she had made me a beautiful blanket with my name on it, it was pink and the fabric was so soft that it almost slipped through my fingers. I thanked her and hugged her tightly and felt like crying without really knowing why.

These girls who were so different from me, who came from so many different places and lifestyles, these girls who I had nothing in common with except our ghost babies had showed me more love and acceptance than even my own parents. Perhaps it was because we were all in the same situation and inside this cold house we only had each other.

We laughed, joked, sang and even danced around for four hours. It was a nice birthday and perhaps the last true happy moment I spent in that house, October was coming to an end and with the winter coming so was the worst part of it all.

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