Another chapter yay! Again, courtesy of my lovely beta Lorena.

I think many of us don't realize how hard it was for women at that time to find themselves in a situation where they would have to give away their babies, I think we can talk and we can think that we would do it differently but the reality is that we don't know or at least in my case I don't know and I mean let's just look around and see how hard things still are for women these days, just imagine fifty years ago when the shame of being a single mom was definitely the worst thing that could happen to you, the subject of unwed mothers during baby scoop era has always been deeply sad to me and it's in part why I decided to write this, for this story I read a very touching book called "The girls who went away" by Ann Fessler which collects a lot of testimony's of mother's who had to give their children away during that time and it's just heart breaking.

Anyway, the point of this very long author's note is please don't judge the characters too harshly, they did or didn't do what they thought was the right thing so please be kind to them.

Enough with my rambling, here we go.

"Never say goodbye because goodbye means going away and going away means forgetting."

J.M Barry

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Caroline went into labor on a Friday night. The pain was not sharp at the beginning so I kept her awake most of the night. We talked about Nicklaus, her teacher, and about Damon. We talked about our families and our babies and about everything we could think of.

"Have you thought about a name?" I asked while I moved the hair out of her forehead, her contractions were still very apart but she was sweating like crazy, I think it was nerves more than anything.

"I don't think we get to name them Elena"

"No, but we are allowed to write down a name on the birth certificate. Have you thought of any?"

She shook her head "Not really, what about you?"

I looked at her hand where the rosary was twisted around her fingers "Gabriela if it's a girl…I think it's a girl" I said and I saw her hand move towards mine.

"Gaby, I like it. It's a pretty name" She smiled at me while her hand gripped mine.

"His middle name was Gabriel"

"I'm sure she'd like to carry her father's name" Caroline told me.

We stayed in silence for a while; every time a pain hit her she would grip my hand tightly. The pain wasn't so strong yet and very far apart so she didn't want me to call any of the sisters, she wanted to go into the operating room when her water broke, that way she would spend less time in there.

"Are you afraid?" I asked

"Yeah, I mean I'm scared because of how much it's going to hurt, but I know I'll be okay. The virgin Mary is taking care of me" She smiled warmly at me.

I admired her faith, I didn't know if I could put my trust in something the way she did with God and her Saints. Sometimes I thought that it was the only thing that allowed her to be as positive as she was in a place as dark as this house.

"I don't have something like you do Caroline… I don't have someone to pray to"

"I know"

"It's not that I don't believe in God because I do but I don't have someone specific to pray to like you do" I said a bit aggravated. This whole thing was making me terribly nervous.

"Of course you do silly, you can pray to God" She stroked my hair softly "And if you want you can pray to the virgin as well. She doesn't ask you to believe in her, she listens to everyone who asks for her help"

"I'll try" I said. Her warm smile eased some of the tension inside me.

We continued talking nonsense for the rest of the night and in the morning I had to leave her to go to the laundry room to do our chores. She showed up there around nine o'clock wearing the most frightening look in her eyes "I think my water just broke" She said.

They didn't let me go inside with her. I wanted to hold her hand and tell her everything would be okay but I couldn't. In Stella Marie's no one was allowed to watch a delivery unless it was your own. I paced back and forth in the room while her screams were heard, they weren't as loud as Mia's and Linda's, but they still made the hairs on my arms stand up.

I prayed as I held the rosary she had left behind; the minutes seemed to drag on and on. I knew the whole house was in the same state as me because Caroline was very loved among all of us, and then finally a little bit over 12 pm we heard the cries of a baby. It was over. Caroline had delivered her baby.

We all knew what was coming, she would spend five days in the infirmary, she would decide if she wanted to meet the baby and if she did she would be taken to the goodbye room on the fifth day and after that she would hand over her baby to the new parents. But things didn't go as everyone believed. She refused to sign the papers, she took a look at the little bean and then all hell broke loose.

"I'm not going to do it Elena"

"Caroline you have to" I said in a whisper

"They can't make me do it" She said.

We were talking in whispers since I technically wasn't supposed to be here. I had sneaked into her room after sister Angeline went to sleep. Do you know how hard it is for a woman of seven months pregnant to sneak into a place? I was sitting on the floor next to her bed in complete darkness.

"Your parents won't let you keep her" I said

"Then I'll leave" She said, gripping the rosary I had brought to her.

"Oh Caroline, how are you going to care for her? How are you going to get enough money?" Tears were streaming freely down my cheeks. I stood up and sat next to her on the bed; I gripped her hands tightly and could feel both of us shaking.

"Where will you go?"

"Home. I'll go back home"

"But people will know" I sobbed "They will call her a bastard and they will close all of their doors on you." I said "You heard father Moore, they hate women like us Caroline"

"I don't care, Elena. I'm not giving my baby away to anyone"

"Oh Caroline" I cried

She wiped her nose with the sheet and smiled "She is perfect, she has my blonde hair and ten fingers and toes. She smiled at me Elena, she smiled and I knew I could never let her go" She cried harder as she gripped my hands "I'll do whatever it takes but I won't let them take her"

I hugged her as we continued to cry. I always admired Caroline but in that moment I admired her more than ever, I wished I had her strength. I wished I could fight for my child the way she was doing it.

Her parents arrived the next day. We were all piled up on the stairs trying to hear what they were saying but we couldn't figure out any of the words being said. There was a lot of yelling and crying and more yelling, but at the end of the day Caroline's parents didn't want to lose their child, and she wasn't giving up on the baby, so they agreed on letting her come back home. She would get a job and would live with them until she could be independent enough to do it on her own.

And that was it. Caroline had done it. She was keeping her little bean.

They let us say goodbye to her, but we weren't allowed to see the baby. There were hugs and cries and promises to see everyone again. The house was very gloomy the day she left; she was always such a bright light in the darkness that surrounded this place.

I sneaked out once again when she was leaving, I stood at the gates and watched as they walked out, she went to me and I was able to see the baby behind the bars "You're so beautiful" I whispered in awe before placing a soft kiss onto her forehead. She was wearing a yellow hat that matched with the yellow knitted shoes she was wearing. She was five days old and was incredibly big.

"Will you come visit Elena?" She had written her address on a piece of paper and had begged me to come see her once I was out of this place.

"I promise" I said while my voice broke down

She leaned her head into the bars right next to mine "You'll be okay Elena" She said while a few tears fell from her eyes "The virgin Mary is going to take care of you" I nodded

"Caroline it's time to go!" Her mother shouted from the door of the cab

"I'm coming!" She yelled, looking over her shoulder "Say goodbye to Auntie Elena baby" She raised the baby so I could kiss her forehead again

"Goodbye Lizzie" I whispered and stroked the little chubby cheeks of the baby

"I love you Elena" She said

"I love you too Caroline" I sobbed.

We gripped our fingers through the bars of Stella Marie a few seconds longer and then she was gone. I felt like I was going to die, I cried and stayed there trying to absorb the fact that my best friend had left and I was all alone here. I got up long after the cab had disappeared into the street and only because the cold was becoming too much. My legs were numb from sitting for so long; I got to the fountain and was going to grip it for support when I realized I had something in my hand. Caroline had put her small rosary around my fingers. I gripped the crystal beds until they left marks on my fingers, as if that were the only thing that could keep giving me strength.

I knew in my heart that Caroline and I would see each other again, so I started walking back to the house. I still had two more months here and I was going to need all the strength I could get.

My new roommate arrived a week afterwards, she was a fifteen-year-old girl from Texas who was as sweet as honey and loved to chat but I simply didn't have it in me to bond with her, not after Caroline. I had realized how dangerous it was to get attached to the people in here.

After she left I spent a lot of my time in the church, I went there and watched the statue of the Virgin Mary while holding Caroline's rosary, I asked her for a signal, for something to tell me what I should do because every time I closed my eyes I saw the baby in my friend's arms.

I knew I had a baby, I talked to it and sang to it and loved when I felt it kicking but up until I saw Lizzie I didn't think I truly understood what it meant to have a little human growing inside me. How was I going to be able to let them take my baby away?

Pauline was showing me how to sew so I used to spend most nights awake feeling my baby move while sewing. I managed to write my baby's name on the blanket Pauline had given me for my birthday, something inside me knew I was having a girl and I wanted to make something pretty for her.

After a lot of thinking I decided to go to sister Evelyn and tell her about my doubts, we were sitting on a bench in one of the gardens when I told her, she gripped my hand and looked at me straight in the eye "Are you sure this is what you want Elena? Do you completely understand the implications of this?" She asked

"I know. I know it's going to be hard" I said, my voice breaking

"Raising a child is not an easy task Elena" She told me "And you understand that people will talk"

"They say we are bad, that we have sinned and we are women with no morals. But sister, I saw the baby Caroline was holding, I feel my little one growing and kicking inside me and I wonder… how can we be bad and create something so perfect?" Tears were running down my cheeks "I don't care what the people say, I can't let her go"

She looked at me with sympathy "My sweet Elena, I've always had a soft spot for you" She said with a smile "And of course I understand, it's normal for you to feel this way"

"I want to keep it" I sobbed "Sister I want to keep my baby" She held me while I cried, said soft words and promised she would be on my side when the time came. She told me to write a letter for my parents exposing my point of view and all the reasons I should be allowed to keep my baby.

I did as she told me and I begged my mother and father for their support. I told them I would work and would find a way to support the baby but that I needed their help. I said that I didn't care about what people thought and that I was going to be the best mother for my child, I told them no one else was going to love it like me and that I needed for them to give me the chance to prove that I could do this.

We sent the letter on a Monday morning but days passed and I never got an answer.

December came and as Christmas neared my mind kept going back to Damon and wondering where he was and what he was doing. I went back to Caroline's words and thought if maybe she could be right, maybe he didn't leave because of the money, maybe something happened to him.

But it didn't truly matter anymore because he wasn't here and I was on my own. I still had no response from my parents and Sister Angelique wouldn't allow me to call them.

On the fourteen I woke up in the middle of the night feeling the most excruciating pain I had ever felt and knew it was time. My baby was coming.