"You know that place between sleep and awake, that place where you still remember dreaming? That's where I'll always love you. That's where I'll be waiting."

J.M Barrie

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It was the most horrible pain I had experienced in my young life. They took me to the operating room, prepared me and strapped me to the table. I can't remember how long I was in there; I just remember that I kept praying for it to be over. Nobody talked to me; nobody said what was going on. It wasn't that they were treating me badly; it was just that everything felt so clinic-like; I just needed to be there and push when they told me to.

I was so scared and lonely, tears were streaming down my face and I wished for Damon to be there with me, or Caroline, or my dad or anyone to hold my hand and tell me everything was going to be okay. The room was too cold and dark, I don't think I'd ever felt more alone than I did in that moment.

As if someone had heard my prayers a soft hand took ahold of mine and I was able to crane my neck enough to see the sweet smile of Sister Evelyn there "It's alright sweet Elena, you'll be fine" She whispered and I gripped her hand as another contraction hit me. She stroked the hair out of my face and whispered sweet words to me during the rest of the delivery.

After what felt like hours to me I felt some pressure being relieved from my lower body and between the haziness that was my memory I heard them say her weight and height as I felt them untie my arms, they were numb, but I tried to move them around as Sister Evelyn was telling me I should do.

Then I felt them putting a baby in my numb arms. An incredibly small baby and I knew it was her. Sister Evelyn placed her in my arms, I looked down as her tiny eyes opened and I was unable to breath. This was the signal of the Virgin Mary. This beautiful human being resting in my arms was my daughter; she was mine and only mine.

She looked at me as if she already knew who I was; I stared at her in return. Counted all of her little fingers and toes, I memorized every part of her. Her soft knees and tiny ears; her small nose and her plump little mouth. She had lots of dark hair, a dimple on her left cheek and dark lashes framed the bluest eyes I had ever seen. She was wearing a tiny bracelet in her wrist that read "Girl. Gilbert. December 14, 1960. 2:40 PM"

I couldn't stop staring at her; I couldn't believe she was real. She was so still, completely quiet and looking at me with Damon's eyes. So calm and quiet in my arms. I touched her little hand and she wrapped her fingers around mine. I felt a tear rolling down my cheek and I didn't care about who was watching me cry, it was as if the world had disappeared and it was just us two, just the two of us and nothing else in the world mattered.

Then all too soon they took her away from my arms. I protested but they said I needed to rest and so did the baby. They put me to sleep after that. I woke up feeling disorientated many hours after that and asked to see her but they told me it wasn't visiting time.

They never allowed me to be with her alone, there was always one of them in the room when they brought her to me and they only brought her when it was feeding time, not that I could breastfeed her. No, she could only be fed through a bottle. I held her and watched, feeling marveled at how she sucked from the little bottle and the dimple appeared in her cheek. I kissed her everywhere, caressed her little head and her soft cheeks. I wanted to hold her for forever.

I was to remain in the clinic for five days like with any other normal delivery, the only thing that wasn't normal was that after those five days I was going to go back home without a baby.

Welcome to the town of ghost babies, Caroline had said. She couldn't have been more right.

How could I leave her? How could I walk away from here and leave this little angel to strangers, with someone who wasn't her mother, that wasn't going to love her like I would? She was mine and I loved her, I couldn't let her stay here all alone, she needed me.

My parents came on the fifth day and both refused to meet my little angel. We locked ourselves in father Moore's office; him, my parents, Sister Evelyn and I. I pleaded with them to let me keep my baby, I just needed their help for a while and then I was going to be able to support myself on my own, just like Caroline. I just needed for them to help me out at the beginning.

"Absolutely not" The evil witch, also known as my mother, said as she paced frantically around the room. I can still remember her gray dress and the pearl necklace resting on her neck. My father was sitting on a chair in the back of the room with his head down and his elbows resting over his knees "We don't even need to be arguing over this Elena; the baby will be given up for adoption"

"But my letter-"

"Oh we read your letter" She spat "Pure nonsense" She shook her head "This is ridiculous, Elena, how can you possibly believe that you will be able to raise a child, you're just a child yourself!"

"Mrs. Gilbert, maybe there's a way-"Sister Evelyn started to say but my mother interrupted her

"No Sister, I cannot believe you were this irresponsible to let the girl think she could keep the baby" My mother spat and I saw sister Evelyn look down in shame as father Moore threw her an angry glance "The baby will be left with him like we agreed, there will be no change of plans"

"I was never okay with this" I shouted between sobs "I never said anything, I didn't even think about a baby at the moment…. I didn't know, I don't know what I was thinking" I cried, Sister Evelyn put her hand on my shoulder and squeezed

"There is no way you can help her out?" The sister asked my mother. My father remained in silence.

"I can get a job, mother, please" I said

She turned around so quick that I was surprised her neck didn't crack "Doing what? You barely got your high school degree. Elena, you've never worked in your entire life"

"I could… I don't know I could work in a store"

"Oh my God hear her out!" She laughed sardonically "Work in a store? This is just proof of how childish you still are. You have no idea of the money it takes to raise a child" Her eyes looked at me hardly "And where would you live? Not with me, that's for sure, not as long as you have a child. I won't have the neighbors murmuring behind my back" I looked at my father for help but he remained still, in the corner looking down at his shoes. "You're not strong enough for this Elena"

"With all due respect, Mrs. Gilbert" Sister Evelyn said "If this is what Elena wants she can do it, with the help of God"

"No, she can't" My mother looked at me once again "Tell me, Elena, just tell me what you think you can offer your child"

"Love" I wanted to shout. I can give her my love, but I remained in silence because I knew that that would not be enough for her.

"Your mother is right Elena" Father Moore spoke for the first time since this meeting had started "Do you want your daughter to be called a bastard, do you want her to grow without a father? The family who wants her is a wealthy family; they could provide things for her that you on your own could never do" His warm hazel eyes stared at me as I kept sobbing quietly "Do you want her to have a better life? To grow up in a house with a normal family? To be happy, those are the things the adoption can give her"

I broke down in tears, full on sobs as Sister Evelyn held my hand and stroked my hair "But she's mine" I said

"You're young, Elena, there's still a life for you out there" He continued "You'll go to college and you'll meet a good nice boy and then get married. And after that you'll have more children, with time you won't even remember this one" My head shot up and I wanted to start yelling. How could he say that? I won't even remember this one? Like my baby was something I could just shove under the rug like it never existed, the man clearly had no idea what it meant to be a mother.

"You see Elena? I am right" My mother said harshly "There is no way you can provide enough for this child, you'll do her best if you send her away" She turned around and walked towards my father "We will be leaving this night and the child will remain here, I will not let you carry a baby at eighteen. God knows I won't let you ruin your future like that."

I looked at her and I remembered feeling a hatred so pure and raw, I felt ashamed of having the same blood as hers running through my veins "I was so alone and so scared and it hurt like nothing before but when they put her in my arms and she looked at me" I said as tears ran down my face "She opened her beautiful eyes and looked at me and she knew…she knew she was mine" My father's eyes finally met mine and I could see the regret in them "She is mine and I am hers. I am her mother and no matter what you do or who you send her with, that's never going to change. I am her mother"

Now you may think I was strong enough and told my mother to go to hell. That I took my baby and ran away from her but I didn't. Sister Evelyn talked to me and told me about ways the church could help me, even father Moore said that if I really wanted to keep the baby they could help me find some place decent to stay. I listened and listened and wanted for everything they talked about to work out, but I knew, I knew my mother was right. I wasn't going to be able to do this without her. Unlike Caroline I was going to be alone in the world, with no one backing me up. My daughter would grow up in the worst conditions and feeling rejected from the world. I had to do what was best for her, I had to give her a chance to grow up in a nice family who could provide her with things I couldn't.

At the end of the day I proved to be what I always thought I was. A coward. I let my daughter slip through my fingers, proving, God forgive me, that my mother was right in everything she said about me.

I wasn't allowed to sign the papers inside Stella Marie so I drove with the lawyer and Sister Evelyn to a diner a few miles away. We sat there at the table, it was the first time I was out in the real world in six months but I didn't care. The lawyer put the documents on the table and then asked in a hard voice, "Is someone forcing you to do this?"

I gripped the table and could feel the blood draining out of my face.

"Are you good Elena?" The sister asked me softly "Need to throw up again?" I had done it twice before leaving the house. I shook my head and heard the voice of the lawyer once again.

"Elena, did someone force you to do this?"

"No" I answered.

It was the truth right? No one had put a gun to my head and told me I needed to do this. I made that mistake on my own. I don't remember the rest of the questions or what happened afterwards, everything is foggy in my memory, I signed the papers and that was it. I, Elena Gilbert had given up my daughter.

When we returned to Stella Marie, Sister Angelique was waiting for me at the door. With a kind smile, one I had never seen in her before, she led me to the room in the third floor. The goodbye room. The girls had been right; it was the most beautiful room in the house. The walls were so white that they made the place look brighter, huge windows were framed by white lace curtains that were currently blowing in the air and the smell of fresh flowers could be scented all over the room.

A beautiful wood rocking chair was placed next to one of the windows and it was there where I sat with my baby. It was the only time I was going to be alone with her. Thirty minutes. Just thirty minutes and then she would be out of my life forever.

I sat there with her, her little finger wrapped around one of mine, her eyes were open and she looked at me with such peace. I wanted for her to remain like this forever, innocent and peaceful.

"My sweet Gaby" I whispered "My little angel"

They were wrong, they were all wrong. How could anything of what happened with Damon be wrong if God had allowed us to create something so pure and perfect?

While I held her in my arms I tried to explain everything to her, I told her she would have good parents who were going to care for her more than I could, I asked her to forgive me because I wasn't strong enough to keep her but that I knew she would grow up to be stronger than me because half of her was her father, and he was the strongest man I'd ever known. I told her about Damon and how much I loved him and I told her I was sure he loved me too. I said to her that it didn't matter how things had ended up, she was a product of true love and that made her very special.

I sang to her for a while as I rocked her and tried to memorize every single part of her. Her smell, her eyes that were so much like her father's, I kissed her forehead, her nose, her cheeks. I held her against my chest and cried because I wasn't strong enough.

Then I told her what I had written in the birth certificate, I told her I had named her Gabriela Salvatore Gilbert because even if we weren't married, I wanted her to have both of our names. I said that it was likely her new parents would change her name but something inside her would always tell her who she truly was.

I got up and walked around the room with her pressed to my chest while I kept singing softly to her, then I kissed every part of her body again and wrapped her in the pink blanket Pauline had given me on my birthday, the one that had both of our names. I looked into her eyes and I told her I was going to meet her again someday, that no matter the hardships or the time I was going to find her. Then I wrapped the rosary Caroline had given me around her wrist so that the Virgin Mary would always look out for her, it was the only thing that meant something to me in this place, the only piece of me I could give her.

I looked at her once again, trying to drink her all in in that last look. I kissed her forehead and breathed in her scent, and then I finally opened the door.

Up until this day there's nothing I regret more in the world than opening that door and letting them take my daughter away.

Please try not to hate me too much. Review?

And don't worry, we will hear Damon's side of the story soon.