Summary: Small children's innocence and imagination oftentimes get them into trouble. Dangly bits ahoy!

Doctor, Doctor!

"Great idea, Hiccup!"

Now there's a phrase one seldom hears. Hiccup always seemed to have his head up in the air, coming up with strange ideas that eventually caused people very severe issues.

His suggestions would usually catch grown men off guard; apparently his thought process – and even his choice of vocabulary – were deemed troublesome or unsuitable for Vikings. Especially for Vikings as young as he was.

The Chief's son seemed to have a bit of a knack for getting into trouble and sort of dragging everyone along with him. Like that time when he convinced all the kids his age to go searching for trolls. Obviously the most surefooted way to catch one was to build traps using left socks.

There had been an argument about which sock was the left one as soon as they arrived at the first household. They eventually agreed they would use both socks, and see what would happen.

As a result, the baffled inhabitants of Berk came to their homes and were met with a series of crooked contraptions in which their socks were the decoys. Others found their socks hanging at odd places in the forest, pinned on trees or under rocks.

Some other time Hiccup suggested they set up "proper traps" to catch dragons with, since the ones the adults used were "not helping". Said traps consisted in tying ropes from one house to the other, so ("theoretically", said little Hiccup; none of the other kids understood what that meant but they nodded anyway) when the dragons flew between the houses they would get caught in them.

This, of course, only caused several adults to trip over during a dragon raid.

They got grounded for weeks in both occasions.

The other children were beginning to become wary of Hiccup's troublesome ideas, and so didn't entirely trust him with suggestions for games.

But this time the idea seemed harmless enough. Fishlegs was the first to agree – he hated fighting despite his clear size advantage, so he liked the idea of having a doctor oversee their wooden sword fights.

Even if that doctor was just another five-year-old with a bunch of grass and flowers ("healing herbs") in his hands.

"Okay then," Snotlout said, "You and Hiccup can be the doctors. You two can't fight anyway."

Hiccup and Fishlegs nodded, unaffected by that last comment, and began to gather their supplies.

"Boys fight boys and girls fight girls!" said Snotlout, as if it were the most obvious rule EVER.

"But why?" Astrid enquired, balancing her wooden sword on her right hand testily.

Snotlout didn't pick up the threat in her voice; he was still too young. He hadn't had enough time for his self-preservation instinct to kick in yet. Had this scene occurred a few years later, he might have thought out his words better… might.

"You're a girl," said Snotlout dismissively, "and girls are weak and bad at everything."

Astrid huffed and shoved Snotlout straight into a puddle. He yelped and shuffled to stand up, but she pushed him back down by stomping her foot firmly on his chest.

"I'm not weak!" Astrid roared despite her petite frame, her blond double-tresses waving behind her head as she pointed the wooden sword at the fallen Snotlout, "And I'll prove it. Fight me."

Snotlout removed her foot from his chest with a push and stood up, dripping like a wet dog and smellier than one. "Fine. Just don't get too close, I don't want gross girl cooties on me."

Tuffnut laughed and nodded as if agreeing with Snotlout, but his sister immediately pulled on his shoulder-length hair.

"I'm a girl, you idiot!" She snarled.

"No need to remind me of that! Let go!" The male twin snapped back, dropping his sword. Well, technically it was one of Hiccup's spare wooden swords; the twins only had one of everything, except clothes (and at that age they wore each other's clothes often). On the other hand, Hiccup had one too many toy swords which he seldom used, much to his father's dismay.

Swords forgotten, the twins wrestled with each other on the muddy ground. The other children spared them a bemused glance before setting to their own activities.

Of course, as is typical with small children, ten minutes into it the "doctors" were already elbow-deep into "tending" wounds: scratches, bruises, you name it.

Astrid wound up giving Snotlout a swollen lip. She made him admit girls aren't week, and high-fived Ruffnut triumphantly when he did (Ruffnut was sitting on her brother, pulling his hair).

But in the end, Astrid assisted Fishlegs in treating Snotlout. Even Ruffnut stopped to appreciate Hiccup's careful work on Tuffnut (who kept moaning "Ow ow ow! I am hurt, I am very much hurt! My hair hurts!")

Every one of them was beginning to enjoy this new variation of the game, much their surprise. Someone tripped and fell over, call the doctor. Someone got hit in the head, call the doctor. An imaginary herd of wild yaks trampled over Ruffnut, call the doctor. The romans invaded Berk and cut off Snotlout's hand, call the doctor.

Eventually, even Astrid accompanied Hiccup on a "quest" to search for Yggdrasil, the Tree of Life. It was highly necessary in order to save Tuffnut, their Chief, wounded while fighting a horde of enormous dragons.

She was the one wielding the biggest sword, to fend off potential attackers from the healer – who also carried a sword with him just in case, but was much clumsier with it. And so they went, fighting goblins and trolls, dragons and dark elves, and even a jötun, all of those within the first twenty yards of the forest.

Astrid swung her sword at said invisible Jötun with extravagant verve.

"Die, fiend!" She yelled valiantly at it, slashing her toy sword viciously at the empty air… and hitting little Hiccup instead, right on the groin. He fell to the ground with a wimper and a thud, his hands instinctively acting as a barrier against further assaults.

"Doctor down, doctor down!" Astrid yelled in concern at the sight of Hiccup splayed on the ground, writing about. She actually fount it rather comical, but was in such a mood for their roleplaying that she wanted to do this right.

She could not wait for Fishlegs to arrive, so she bent down on the ground and shook Hiccup with her arms.

"Stop moving!" She scolded the "mortall"y wounded boy, tugging at his pants.

He just barely had time to register the pulling. "WHAT are you doing?" he whined.

"I'm saving you," she replied in matter-of-factly, "Or you'll bleed to death!"

Hiccup suddenly became very, very wary of their game of make-believe. "No, I won't! I'll be okay! I am fine!"

"I want to see if your leg's okay!" He struggled, she pulled. He tried to push her off, but she was stronger.

"You didn't hit me in the leg!" He tried to tell her, but by then it was too late. She managed to yank his pants down to his knees, but unfortunately for him his skivvies went along the ride.

Astrid stopped immediately, staring, her eyes wide.

"What is that?" She asked in complete disbelief. What the Hel was that thing dangling there between his legs?

"Nothing!" Hiccup yelped, taking her moment of distraction to pull his pants up and scramble back to his feet. In the meantime, the rest of the gang arrived.

"What's wrong?" asked Fishlegs, concerned.

"I think I hurt Hiccup," Astrid said with her hands covering her mouth, preoccupied that she'd somehow damaged the boy. "It's swollen."

"What is?" Snotlout asked, taking a step further and staring at Hiccup's red face. It didn't look swollen at all.

"Between his legs," Astrid said, pointing at the worrisome area. Everyone shifted their gaze there, making Hiccup even more uncomfortable.

Hiccup groaned and glared at Astrid. "Nothing is swollen, I'm fine now. That's just how it looks."

She seemed taken aback, but was teeming with curiosity. "I don't have that," Astrid said, "What's it called?"

They all jumped to look at Ruffnut when she let out a loud "Oh!" and smacked her right fist on her left palm.

"That's where boys pee from," Ruffnut explained to Astrid, looking smug about knowing something Astrid didn't. She then added thoughtfully, "it looks pretty stupid."

"Hey!" Tuffnut grumbled and shoved his sister, nearly tripping her. "You're the one to talk! Girls look like someone forgot to put something down there."

"Is that why girls don't pee standing?" Fishlegs asked out of sheer bookish curiosity. "Where do they pee from, then?" He seemed both confused and preoccupied.

"Duh," Ruffnut droned whilst pulling her brother's hair, "from the same place, only we don't have that silly snake-thing."

"I bet that's where their cooties come from," Snotlout added+, shuddering exaggeratedly.

"We don't have cooties," Astrid warned, then added out of sheer spitefulness, "And you're right Ruffnut, it does look pretty stupid."

Hiccup made to protest - he resented having one of his favorite body parts being called stupid or silly -, but was ignored.

"I bet yours looks stupider," Snotlout spit back. Challenge accepted.

And that's how they all got grounded – again. Termagent Ingerman came in looking after her son Fishlegs, and found the bunch of five-year-olds staring at each other's exposed body bits and laughing like maniacs.

END

A/N:

I wonder WHO never went through this stupid little moment as a small kid. xD

And of course boys think their wee-wees are the coolest thing every because they can pee standing up... Which, admittedly, is cool and useful.

But I digress.

I always imagined Hiccup was very charismatic ever since he was little. But the other kids eventually got tired of his eccentricities and his troublemaking - oddly enough I think that not even the Twins caused the same problems ,or at least when they did it was between themselves and not the other children. :)

Hiccup was eventually deemed an oddball by the adults, who influenced the other children's opinions, and the rest we all know...

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