Author's note: Sorry this took so long. Life is getting to me!
Sexy times in this chapter. As before, this is the cut version. For the full version, head on over to AO3.
Huge thanks to LavenderVanilla for her great beta work! You guys should keep an eye on her stuff. I know she's got some big ideas coming!
Happy reading.
Trigger warning: Talk of suicide.
Chapter Nine
Annie walked into the kitchen and saw the bowl of noodles sitting on the table. She wasn't hungry enough to sit down for a full meal after her breakdown, so she picked up a roll from the counter and headed further into the house.
She could hear Peeta's soft snores behind his cracked door and pushed it open. He was stretched out on his back, one hand rested on his bare chest and the other thrown out to the side. She watched the slow rise and fall of his chest as she finished eating and then she went to her room and changed for bed.
Only sparing a small glance at her own bed, Annie decided she'd rather sleep beside Peeta. She stepped into his room once more and made her way to Peeta's bed. He jerked awake as she moved the blanket, blinking several times until she came into focus.
"You better?" He asked softly as he slid over.
She shrugged. "I got upset over a piece of paper."
He sat up and touched her face. "It was more than that."
She wrapped her hand around his wrist, leaning into his hand. She felt the tears stinging her eyes. "I can't do it, Peeta."
"Do what, Annie?" His voice was gentle and made the tears fall freely.
She whispered, "I can't go on without him."
"I understand. But you have me." He pulled her onto his lap. "I'm not going anywhere."
"I know." She sniffed and wiped at her eyes. She turned her head and kissed him desperately, pushing him onto his back.
There were no more words as the emotions slowly consumed both of them. Her tears dripped onto his face and she whispered an apology against his lips as she tried to move away.
He held her close. "Not yet." He pulled her in for more kisses.
And as their mouths connected again, the emotions crashed all around them and through them. She slipped her hand down his drawers and teased the flesh at his hip. He groaned and pressed up into her touch as he pulled at the hem of her nightgown.
The sound and his actions undid Annie. "Peeta," she moaned, "I want—"
He rolled her underneath him, cutting off her words with his mouth. He trailed kisses down her neck, humming into her flesh as he sucked hard on her skin. Memories of Finnick flooded Annie's mind and her eyes popped open.
She grabbed Peeta's face and lifted it back into her vision. "Don't move out of my sight." She begged softly.
He nodded just before his mouth came crashing down on hers once more. She kept her eyes wide open, even though his drifted half closed. In the dark she couldn't see the sky blue color, but she reminded herself they were Peeta's sleepy eyes looking into hers.
He hovered over her and panted for several moments before he finally moved away, staring at the ceiling.
She slipped her hand into his and turned her face away as the tears started falling freely. "You can't be so sweet to me, Peeta."
"I can." He argued, squeezing her hand gently.
She rolled into him and pressed her eyes into his shoulder. "No, you can't."
He chuckled and wrapped his arms around her. "And what makes you say that?"
She chewed her lip as she looked into his eyes. What could she say?
Peeta pulled the blanket up over their shoulders and tangled his feet with Annie's. "The whole business with you being a burden?"
She nodded.
"I promise you are far from a burden." He assured her. "You've been a good friend in my time here. You helped me get used to a different life. And you make me laugh. You make me think. You keep me going."
She sighed and closed her eyes, snuggling closer. "I wouldn't still be here without you." She said softly.
"What does that mean?" He asked, alarm in his tone.
Annie opened her eyes and spoke tentatively. "Just that sometimes the water looks very inviting, but you're even more inviting." She never told Peeta of these thoughts of death. She figured if she kept it to herself and ever followed through, he wouldn't blame himself for not saving her.
His arms tightened around her. "Please don't ever leave me, Annie."
"I'll try." She promised around a yawn. "Time for sleep."
His arms loosened, but he didn't move away. He hummed something softly that sounded almost like one of the old sea chanties Finnick used to sing all the time. The thought of Finnick so soon after making love to Peeta sent a wave of regret through Annie's chest. She pulled the blanket up around her shoulders and pressed her eyes into his shoulder.
Peeta held Annie for a long time after she fell asleep. He knew she had been struggling with her memories of Finnick because he'd been thinking about Katniss the whole time. Her revelation about suicide was frightening. But it wasn't Annie's fault. None of it was. He loved Annie and cared about her but Katniss was still in District Twelve. And he would always love Katniss just as she would always love Finnick. He wished so hard that he could take all her pain away so she'd never even consider the ocean again.
Peeta gently removed himself from the bed and found his drawers. He pulled on his shirt and took up his sketchbook as his wife shifted in her sleep.
Annie slept on her stomach with her arms hugging the pillow. The blanket was just under her shoulder blades. He watched the gentle rise and fall of her body as she slept. Peeta drew furiously. She wasn't one to stay in the same position long and this wasn't the first time he'd drawn her when sleep evaded him.
She shifted and her arm reached across the bed searching for him. Finding nothing, she curled into her side, pulling the blanket over her shoulders and pressing her face into the pillow.
"Finnick." She muttered before burrowing deeper into the bed.
A pain shot through Peeta's chest at the name. He put the final touches on Annie's face in the drawing and then sat the sketchbook back on the table. Removing his shirt, he slid back into the bed beside his wife.
She squinted her eyes open as his arms came around her. She smiled and whispered, "Peeta."
"Annie." He pressed a kiss to her lips and then closed his eyes.
"Were you drawing me again?" She asked with a scratchy voice.
"I was." He kissed her again. "Were you having a nice dream?"
She hesitated a moment before she nodded. "Finnick was here."
"I thought we were forgetting." He said softly as he traced her spine. Why did he feel so jealous at the mention of the other man's name? It wasn't his place.
She shook her head and rolled away. "I don't know about you, but I'll never forget. No matter how many times we make love."
Peeta pressed his eyes into Annie's shoulder. "I know."
"And we can't tell our minds what to dream. Please don't be jealous of Finnick." She looked over her shoulder. "It was a bit of a struggle, but I swear it was you I made love to."
He kissed her slowly as she pulled him on top of her. They made love again, much more quickly this time and then fell asleep in a tangle of limbs.
They made love every night at least once. Sometimes it was furious and quick, not being able to come fast enough. Other times it was so sweet and slow that it lasted so long, but still not long enough. And then they fell asleep satisfied and more in love each time, even though they tried to deny it. Peeta still drew pictures of Katniss, but Annie's face smiled up at him from the page more and more.
He handed over more drawings of Finnick and Annie hoarded them, stuffing them away in cupboards and drawers so that they would only be hers. No more chance of Johanna stealing them or tearing them to bits. Not that Jo had been around much, just stopped by to buy bread and then left with barely any other words.
Peeta found Annie's pictures while taking out ingredients or putting them away and smiled sadly every time. And then drew another, slipping it in her hand or pocket in passing. It was his way of helping her keep the secret from Johanna.
Every day Peeta awoke refreshed and kissed Annie's skin all over until she woke up. Sometimes they made love quickly before starting the day and others they just held each other until they had put off getting dressed long enough.
One afternoon the following month, Peeta rushed home from town and pulled Annie into his arms. Kissing her deeply, he backed her up until she leaned against the wall.
She giggled and broke the kiss. "What are you doing?"
"I've been waiting to kiss you since I brought that last batch of bread." He kissed her again and then stepped back. "I want to show you something in town."
"What?" She took his offered hand and followed him out the door. "Are you going to tell me?"
He shook his head and continued to lead her down the road.
"So it's a surprise." She observed. "One that I'll like?"
"I hope so." He said with a sheepish grin.
They dodged a young boy carting rotten fish away from the market.
"Such a sad waste." Annie observed sadly.
Peeta nodded, but said nothing else. He pulled her along, the look on his face full of anticipation.
She suddenly pulled him to a stop as the houses started giving way to more businesses. "Wait."
"What?" He turned to her with a grin. "Don't you want to see my surprise?"
"I do, but you're moving too fast. I need to catch my breath." She reached up and trailed her fingers down his cheek. "Funny how you always seem to take it away in so many ways."
He caught her up in a sweet kiss and then let her go, taking her hand once more and pulling her quickly down the street. She laughed giddily as they weaved in and out of the crowds of townsfolk.
He led her to the center of town and stopped short in front of a building. "I bought us a bakery."
Annie looked at him in shock. "What?"
Peeta's face fell. "I should have talked to you first, I'm sorry. But it was a steal."
"I'm not angry, just shocked." She assured him as she pushed open the door. "It needs to be cleaned." She observed, seeing piles of dirt all over the floor. At some point bits of the walls and ceiling started chipping off.
He wrapped his arm around her waist and looked at the debris all over the floor. Animals had made this building their home for several years. "It does. But it has ovens in the back that are in good condition. And there's an apartment above where we can stay if we want."
"You don't want to keep the house on the beach?" She asked, her voice dejected.
"We will if you want. We don't have to stay here." He rubbed her back. "I can build a counter and display cases for the windows with the wood from the stand and the rest of the stuff from the distillery. And we can hire one or two people once we get the rest of this off the ground."
She looked up into his face. "How much did this cost?"
He looked down, avoiding her challenging glare. "Almost all of our savings."
"What about baking supplies? All the flour? If we become even more popular, we'll have to order the grain and the sugar—"
Peeta pulled Annie close and kissed her. "I'll take care of it, Annie. I promise. So do you like it?"
She smiled. "I love it, Peeta."
"I'm glad." He kissed her again. "Let's go home and celebrate."
She giggled and ran out of the building.
With a happy laugh, he followed, dodging all the people in the street that watched them curiously. He let her outrun him until they were in their house where he kissed her breathlessly, leaning her against the wall.
A sharp knock on the door broke into their moment.
"Ignore it." Annie whispered.
"Let me in." Johanna called as she banged on the door harder.
Peeta sighed and stepped away.
Annie grabbed his arm and shook her head.
"I know you're in there." Johanna challenged. "I watched you slip in."
Peeta turned toward the door again, Annie's hand still on his arm.
"It's about Finnick." Johanna called softly.
Peeta and Annie exchanged a look before Annie threw the door open and demanded, "What about him?"
Johanna looked behind her and walked into the house, closing the door firmly. She sat down on the armchair and watched them both expectantly.
Peeta slipped his hand into Annie's and sat across from Johanna on the couch. "Talk." Peeta demanded.
Johanna looked at their joined hands and shook her head sadly. "I may be too late."
"Too late for what?" Annie asked. "Come on, Jo, tell us."
Johanna heaved a sigh. "Finnick is in District Twelve."
"Twelve?" Peeta asked. "What's he doing there?"
"Married to Katniss Everdeen." Johanna said softly.
Peeta froze, feeling the hurt welling up in his chest, but also relief. If Finnick was with Katniss, then he was safe for Annie's sake. And it meant Katniss wasn't with someone cruel or entirely uncaring.
"Married to Katniss." Annie said, barely comprehending the words. "How perfect."
Johanna rubbed her face. "I wasn't supposed to tell you. I'm going to get into so much trouble." She looked Annie in the eyes. "After what happened that day, I couldn't stand to keep it from you. I'm not entirely heartless."
"It took you long enough to come around." Peeta said.
Johanna grumbled. "I had to make sure no one would know. Like I said, I wasn't supposed to say anything."
A cry escaped from Annie's lips and she covered her mouth. Ripping her hand from Peeta's, she hurried to her room, slamming the door shut behind her. Peeta could hear her wails down the hall.
"Thank you, Johanna." He said as he made his way down the hall. "Please show yourself out."
"I can't." Johanna said.
Peeta turned. "What do you mean you can't?"
"I mean that now that I've told you the truth, I have to keep an eye on you." She sighed. "You can't leave Four. It could compromise everything."
"Johanna, you're making no sense." Peeta said, exasperated.
"Snow could have everyone you love killed if you try to leave. You have to go on with your life as though you know nothing."
More heavy sobs met their ears.
Peeta snapped, "You tell Annie to go on with her life." He stomped down the hall and let himself into Annie's room. "Hey, it's okay, Annie."
She threw herself into Peeta's arms and cried into his shoulder. "Why couldn't she have told us sooner?"
He gently rubbed her back. "Do you regret what's happened between us?"
"I do." She hiccupped. "But I don't." She sat back and wiped her eyes. "I still love Finnick. I won't ever stop. And whether I'm with him or not, I love you too. And I don't know what to do with that."
"I don't either." He cupped her cheek. "Johanna…"
"Why didn't she say anything before? Everything is so different now."
He rested his forehead against hers. "She said she wasn't supposed to. It could cause Finnick and Katniss harm if we try to leave or if our knowledge is discovered."
"So what do we do?" Annie asked hysterically.
Peeta stroked her cheek with his thumb. "We go on."
She scoffed. "It's not going to be easy." She stroked a hand down his side. "All I want to do is touch you. But now that thought is so frustrating."
He gave her a gentle smile. "Well, it doesn't have to stop completely."
Her eyes were so sad. "Doesn't it feel wrong to you?"
"There are bursts of wrong in all the right." He said softly. "You still dream about Finnick and I still dream about Katniss. And now we know for sure they're together—"
"It just makes it hurt more. After what we did…" She looked up. "Do you think they…" She quickly got out of bed. "I dug up some oysters this morning." She sniffed some more. "Better distract myself."
Peeta watched her leave and then followed, grabbing his sketchbook as he went. He sat down and drew Annie as she shucked oysters and then went about peeling and cutting up potatoes for stew. Glancing outside, he saw Johanna moving around the perimeter of their house.
"Go invite her in for supper." His wife said softly. "She's been lurking out there for a while."
He reluctantly stood and stepped outside. "Hey, Jo." He called.
She stopped and turned. "What?"
"Annie wants you to join us." He said, a bitter tinge to his voice.
"Do you want me to?" Johanna challenged.
Peeta shrugged. "I don't know what I want anymore, Jo. I used to. But that was taken from me a long time ago. So now I just make the best I can of every day."
She walked up to him and said softly, "I'm sorry you fell in love with someone else's girl. I have no say over that. No one does. The reasons you were brought here are still unknown to me. I just know that Snow's men are behind it and they are still everywhere." She looked over his shoulder and he followed where her eyes landed. Annie stood in the doorway a few feet behind. "Just don't do anything stupid and you should be okay."
Peeta turned back to Johanna. "One of us should have followed that bit of advice a few weeks ago."
"Do you think it would have changed anything?" Johanna asked. "I think it would have made you both angrier than you already are." She slipped past him and took Annie's hands in her own, speaking softly. Peeta walked up and heard her say, "I'll find out all I can, but I do know Finnick is okay. It was one of the things I have always asked. I'm so sorry about the picture, Annie."
Annie shrugged. "I know how hard that apology must be for you." She turned into the house and Johanna followed.
"You could be a little nicer about it." Johanna snapped.
"I'm not the one that needs to be nice, Jo." Annie fired back.
Peeta laughed.
"What?" Both women said at once. Both sounding annoyed for very different reasons.
"Johanna, I think Annie is well within her rights to be a little snippy. You should start groveling." He pulled the flour over and picked up the pitcher of water. "I'll make some flat bread while the stew finishes."
"And how can I help?" Johanna asked.
Annie opened her mouth, but Peeta placed a staying hand on her back. "How about you just sit there and act like nothing is happening?" He rubbed his wife's back and went to work on the bread.
Johanna huffed and crossed her arms. "I didn't do this on purpose." She explained. "I actually volunteered when I heard it was you. Finnick was my friend, if you remember."
Annie continued to ignore Johanna and instead asked Peeta, "When do you think we'll be able to start at the new bakery?"
"I hope in just a couple weeks." He said. "I looked over the ovens and they really are in good condition. Just like the rest of the place, they need a good heavy cleaning."
Johanna asked, "You're getting a proper bakery?"
Annie continued to ignore her. "So do you want to live over it in that apartment?"
Peeta gave Johanna a glance and then turned back to his conversation with Annie, separating out the dough he made into smaller balls of equal size. "It would be easier to get there to make the bread so early in the morning. But I know this is your childhood home and I know how difficult it is when you have to leave the only home you've known."
Annie smiled. "Thank you."
"I can just get up a little earlier. It's no problem." He kissed her cheek and went about flattening the dough with his hand.
He caught sight of Annie watching him and winked. She blushed and looked away.
"Damn." Johanna said softly. "There's no way to fix this."
Annie looked away from Peeta, her face full of embarrassment and regret. Johanna was right. There was no fixing it. And he knew that it would break Katniss's heart.