Author's note: So sorry this took so long. But we're into the meat of the story and we should be getting some bigger answers very soon.
Thank you so much to my beta LavenderVanilla. This story wouldn't be the same without you! (Go read her stuff already)
Happy reading.
Trigger warning for talk of abortion and suicide.
Chapter Thirteen
The weeks passed and Annie's stomach began to swell as the baby within her womb grew. It fascinated Peeta and he sketched her almost constantly when he wasn't at the bakery, which they had just opened officially.
Sundays were their day off. Annie liked to spend the day on the beach. Peeta usually followed with a picnic lunch. The afternoons alternated between naps and walks until Annie tired herself out. Sometimes he joined her, but mostly he sketched.
Peeta stared at Annie as she stood in the surf. Setting his sketchbook aside, he leaned forward. It was cooler out here by the water than in the house. Peeta had discovered in his two and a half years of living in Four that it never got cold like it did Twelve. He missed the cold. And the snow. Building sand castles wasn't nearly as fun as building a snowman. He so wished the baby growing in Annie's womb would get to experience snow at some point.
Annie turned and smiled at Peeta. "Are you not coming in?"
He shook his head. "No, I'm watching you. It's too cold out there anyway."
She smoothed a hand over her stomach and looked back to the sea a moment before she sat down beside Peeta.
"I always miss him most this time of year. He loved the gift exchange. We never had money, either of us, but he figured it out somehow."
Peeta lifted his hand and placed it on Annie's stomach. She smiled and put her hand on top of his. They sat that way for several breaths until Peeta slowly pulled away.
He smiled nostalgically. "I always made Katniss cheese buns and she gave me some extra burn cream or something for my bruises."
"From your mother?" Annie slipped an arm around Peeta's waist.
He nodded and pressed his nose into her hair. "Getting away from her is the best thing about all this."
"What about your father and brothers?"
He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her onto his lap. "I'm worried for them. Mostly for Dad. But if what Johanna says is true and his involvement in something got me here, then I don't worry about her actions, I worry about whoever Dad is fighting against."
She touched his face with the tips of her fingers. She whispered, "Are you holding me because someone could be watching?"
"I'm holding you because I want to hold you." He whispered back. "You stopped sleeping in bed with me and it gets lonely. What am I supposed to do?"
"Think about Katniss." She moved away. "Or move on like I'm trying to."
He felt stung. "That's not fair."
"None of this is." She reclined on the blanket and placed her hand on her stomach. "If we had known…"
He looked down at her. "I still want you. And then I hate myself for it." He stood, but she caught his hand.
"I understand. Believe me. But it's been so long, Peeta, and I'm carrying your baby. We should let ourselves live again." She wiped at a wayward tear. "We don't know that we'll ever see them again. And I just need you. I want you to need me, too."
He nodded and squeezed her hand. "I'm just so conflicted, Annie." He leaned down to kiss her knuckles and then made his way to the house.
She followed just a few steps later, walking in with the blanket and the picnic basket. Peeta looked up from the latest Finnick drawing and saw Annie holding out the other sketchbook. "You left this."
"Thanks." He took the book and went back to work.
"Did I do something wrong, Peeta?" She asked, sitting down beside him. "Or say something wrong?"
He shook his head and continued to scratch away at the smile on Finnick's face. "I'm dealing with me, Annie. It's not you." He paused in his drawing and placed his hand on her stomach. "And it's not the baby."
She grabbed his face and leaned her forehead against his and whispered desperately, "So what do we do now?"
"I don't know." He pulled away and went back to the drawing. "I really don't. I just..." He put the pencil down and looked at her. "Can you let me think?"
She nodded and cupped his face again. "But just know that the baby and I will always be here for you. Because I love you, Peeta. No matter what our future holds, I love you." She brushed a kiss over his lips.
He placed a hand on her stomach and the other behind her head as he returned the kiss.
He pulled away and he watched as she bit her lip uncertainly. He turned back to his latest drawing and felt her watch him for a while before she finally got up and wandered away. He lost himself in the scene he was creating, inch by inch. He'd included Annie wrapped in her lover's arms. She was pregnant. They stood in the water and they were radiant. The smile on Annie's face wasn't haunted by the fear of what was lurking in the shadows.
The house grew dim and Annie came in to start making dinner, lighting a lamp in the process. She tried to talk to him, but Peeta ignored all sound and kept drawing.
"Why aren't you talking to me?" She demanded after her fourth attempt.
He sighed and looked up. "Because I'm scared of what I'll say."
"You don't have to be." She sat a plate beside his work, pulled the pencil out of his hand, and closed the book. "Please, eat." She requested as she pushed the plate in front of him.
Eyes on her middle instead of her face, he nodded. "For the baby."
"Sure, for the baby." She slowly slid her fingers into his hair and tilted his head back. "But for me and for yourself too, please."
He swallowed. "Okay." He pushed the sketchbooks aside and pulled the plate towards him. He slowly started eating, watching Annie across the table. He noticed she looked a little green. "Are you all right?"
She nodded and sipped some water. "Just haven't eaten enough to satisfy the baby, I guess." She put a small bite in her mouth and chewed slowly. "Are you?"
"I go back and forth." He said, scooting the food around his plate. "I have too much time to think on our days off."
"I think Finnick and Katniss would understand." Annie's voice was uncertain. "I hope."
"We should try writing again. Let them know what's going on. They deserve to know." Peeta sat back and pushed the plate away with a sigh. "Maybe Johanna could get it to them."
There was silence as she finished eating her meal. He watched her movements and examined her face. She was so troubled.
Annie pushed her plate away and sat back. She absently rubbed her hand over her stomach. With a smile, she stood quickly and hurried around to him. "He's moving." She grabbed his hand and pressed it to the bump. "Can you feel it?"
Peeta spread his hand out trying to feel what Annie was feeling. There was a soft jab in his hand and his eyes went wide, a gasp escaping his mouth. He whispered almost reverently, "Hey there, Baby." The baby moved again and Peeta chuckled. "Did you hear me? Did you hear Daddy?" He looked up. "It's amazing."
Annie nodded. "It's getting stronger. Like he wants us to know he's really there." She raised her hand and touched his cheek. "I'm a little tired. Do you mind cleaning this up?"
He shook his head and leaned close to Annie's stomach once more. "Daddy loves you, Baby." He looked up at Annie. There were so many words on the tip of his tongue to say, but he just sat back and let his hand drop. "Will you please sleep in my bed?"
"Are you sure you want that?" She touched Peeta's face again and he leaned into it.
"I don't want to listen to you crying half the night. I always feel so helpless just hearing it. I don't know if you want me there or not."
"I want you there." She assured him. "I always want you."
He stood and wrapped her in his arms. "You don't have to stay the whole time, but I would like to be beside you for at least a little while." He rested his hand on her stomach. "You and our baby."
She nodded. "All right." She pressed a quick, soft kiss to his cheek and then moved away.
Peeta finished his meal and then quickly cleaned up the kitchen. He heard Annie talking softly in the other end of the house and realized she was talking to the baby. He put the Finnick book away and picked up the other.
Leaning just outside of his bedroom, he listened to Annie's one sided conversation. "I'd really love for Finnick to meet you." She was saying softly. "Your daddy will love you forever, but I think Finnick would love you too. And Katniss. The way your daddy talks about Katniss makes me think she'd adore you."
Peeta wasn't entirely sure that was true. Katniss only wanted a few children and she wanted them with him, just the two of them. The prospect of having to marry other people was over their heads from early on. Maureen paraded several girls in and out of the bakery and even spoke to other parents trying to arrange something. And Peeta was sure Katniss would end up with a Seam boy if he was forced into a merchant marriage. But they often talked about running away like Katniss's parents had. He thought it was romantic, but she saw it as a necessity.
"I won't be able to live with anyone else." She whispered late at night when they ever brought the subject up. "No one else puts up with me like you do."
If Katniss found out about this baby, she would probably be angry. Definitely not at the baby, but at the whole situation. That he'd just given up.
He wiped a frustrated tear from his eye before he stepped into the room, setting the sketchbook on top of the dresser.
Annie looked up with a smile. She leaned against the wall, her hands on her stomach. It seemed bigger with fewer layers covering her. "Hi."
"Hi." He pulled off his shirt and stepped toward the bed, dropping his trousers just before he slipped under the blanket.
"You didn't open the window." She pointed out.
"You don't like the window open." He countered.
She shrugged and rolled out of the bed.
"Don't open that." He protested as he watched her prop it open. "You'll get cold."
"I won't get that cold." She slipped back into the bed. "Sleeping next to you is like sleeping beside an oven."
He chuckled and rested his hand on her stomach as she rolled closer.
"Feel here." She took his hand and moved it a little closer to her navel. "He moves a little more this time of night. Settling in, I guess."
Peeta felt the baby shift and a grin formed on his face. "Getting ready to sleep, Baby?" After staring at her belly for a few moments, his smile dissolved.
Annie rubbed her thumb over the back of his hand. "What are you thinking?"
"A lot of things." Pulling his hand out from under hers, he rolled to his back and looked at the ceiling. "If we never see them again, it will be okay." He turned his head away. "But Katniss is going to hate me, I know it."
"You don't know that, Peeta." She rolled into him and pulled his face to look at her. "If Katniss loves you half as much as you love her, she'll forgive it all." Wrapping her arms around him, she rested her forehead against his. "She's going to be angry, but I know you still are, too. You don't mind the baby, but you hate everything else."
"It's not true, Annie." He clung to her. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
"I want them with us. But I don't know how. Not with our baby in the way."
He swallowed the lump in his throat and asked in a voice barely above a whisper, "Did you think about...getting rid of it?"
She nodded slowly, tears forming in her eyes. "Before I told you. Just for a moment. And that thought haunts me more than any other bad thought I've ever had about killing myself." She started crying. Great, heaving sobs shook her whole body. "I'm so cruel, Peeta. That I would leave you alone without me, without the baby. In a town full of strangers."
"Don't think like that, Annie." He said softly. "You're not cruel, you just feel too much."
"You think so?" She asked softly, her voice full of uncertainty.
"I do." He rubbed his hand over her swollen belly, smiling every time he felt the baby shift.
He would be lying if he told her he hadn't thought about getting rid of the baby too. He hated himself for the thought. He and Annie had created the baby out of love, even if it was misguided.
Feeling their baby move made it more real. And he knew there was nowhere else he wanted to be. This was his life now. He needed to push thoughts of Katniss away and focus more on the life growing his his wife's womb. He deserved to let it go.
The thought brought on a wave of grief and he let out a sob.
Annie's eyes popped open. "What's wrong?"
"I have to let her go, Annie." Peeta cried. "It's not fair to you that I'm holding on. You're right. We may never see them again and we have this baby and this life and we deserve to be happy. You deserve to feel like you matter to me and I'm going to make it happen. I promise."
She slipped her fingers into his hair as she covered his mouth with hers. After only a moment of hesitation, he pulled her close and deepened the kiss. He smiled against her lips when he felt the baby move.
"You may be holding me too tight for his liking?" Annie whispered.
Peeta loosened his grip and renewed the kiss. He cradled her against him, loosely this time, and lost himself in the feel of their lips moving against each other.