Part 2
It will be eighteen years next month.
Six thousand five hundred and seventy days.
It's still painful.
Eighteen times she's taken a dozen white roses and made the long cold lonely walk through the trees and between rows of headstones to where his name is etched. Emblazoned on the dark gray obsidian stone. Her fingers trace the lines, memorizing every touch he used to bestow, every bit of affection, each kiss and smile. It's all there in his name. She misses him. Everyday. For six thousand five hundred and forty two days, she has missed him.
Most people know now, in the weeks leading up the anniversary not to knock on the Mayor's door, or schedule office appointments, to give her space in the diner, and just let whatever happens happen. She needs it and is silently grateful they grant it to her.
It's a normal Tuesday night, slight chill in the air outside, threatening the first snowfall. The house is dark, save for the fire that flickers in the hearth across from where she is curled up in a thick wool blanket, a dark green she clutches tight to in these few weeks. Her wine glass could use a refill, and yet by the way her head buzzes, she should probably just turn in for the night. Another night alone.
Well not alone per say. Just not with him. For where there was him, there is now her. A quiet beloved intrusion that smiles softly but will glare deadly. A heart that has decided to love her, even till this day.
She hated it at first. The way Mal had stepped into her life, cocking a high eyebrow and all too knowing eyes. Where most would cower at the Mayor's emotional turmoil, the dragon waltzed straight into the fire, and has come out unburnt.
Turbulent. It's how she would describe their first years together as friends. There was a constant tension, more so on Regina's part than Mal, but she had lost her soulmate, her second chance at love, and for whatever irritating reason, no matter the curses and rage fueled meltdowns Regina threw, it was always Mal who extended a hand and pulled her up off the floor. The tension faded into odd comfort, built on an undying understanding of security. It mattered not how many fireballs were hurled, the amount of empty nasty threats screamed out, or how many tear stained pyjamas were ruined, Mal was her safety, always has been if she thinks about it.
Scowls turned into trepidatious smiles. Batting away of a reassuring hand turned to lacing fingers together and holding tight instead. They are together in a sense, in every sense really, but Mal knows there is a part of Regina's heart forever locked away, unreachable, untouchable, and without a key to ever open it. She understands, is grateful to love what she can, and to be loved back, even if she only holds a portion of space in the Queen's heart, even having a fraction will be enough.
October is always hard. Will always be hard. Mal knows now what to do, what to say, which moments she can touch and which she can't. She never met the thief, at least not in the flesh, though her castle had once or thrice been plundered by him and his band of men. And what would have made her blood boil at the thought of being stolen from, has been lost to a low simmering pain for the woman in front of her who stares blankly into the flames.
There are nights she wonders if she hadn't come back, if the Queen would even be here.
"Can I get you another glass?"
Regina nods, sighing as her eyes close. He'd said it once, and it rings true for her. His smile is there, in the darkness of her mind, in the midst of sleep, every time she closes her eyes, it's all she sees. Whether it brings her peace, she can't really tell. Half her heart beats furiously, glowing, bursting at the seams, wishing he would never fade. The other half singes, crumbles and craters, begging his smile to go away, for the pain is just too much. But what can she do? He is part of her soul, sewed into the inner beatings of her own, forever bound together.
"Here."
Turning, she gives a half hearted smile, reaching for the glass stem, tucking it into her chest as her eyes find the fire once more. Mal is fire. One of the only people who can keep her own fire flickering. Most inhabitants in the town have receded away from her. There are still the Charmings, but they are filled with their own lives. A heroic teenager to try and reign in, a daughter and her pirate lover whom have sprouted two grandkids to babble over. She doesn't fault them, she can't. They found their happiness and in a small seeded spot in her heart, she is happy for them. Zelena comes and goes, visiting every so often, but it's odd between them. The love her sister lost all those years ago, just isn't comparable. The reasons why Regina sits here without him, are still fuzzy in where the blame is to be placed. She's tired of blame though. Can no longer find the fight inside to storm and stew over what was taken, to run wild with insanity, hell bent on revenge of another lost love. She's just too tired.
A strange new friendship however has come from the woodworker, Gepetto. He is kind. Will sit down at her kitchen counter, drink a cup of tea with a crinkled grin and tell her whatever tales he can remember, recall whatever will bring a smile to her forever saddened eyes.
She shuffles, lifts her legs as Mal slides back into the sofa, patting her thighs to rest over Mal's, tucking the blanket around them both, and settling back into the quiet of their home. "Do you want a hand rub?" Mal splays her palm open, testing to see if this is one of those nights where soft intimacy can be shared. She waits as Regina stares down for a half second at her awaiting hand, grimacing slightly before sniffing back the glimmer of tears and gently letting their fingertips touch.
Mal starts easy, playing with Regina's hand, squeezing the pads, tugging mildly at each knuckle, rolling and kneading the skin quietly as Regina's head falls to the couch cushion with a distant tired hum. Popping a few joints, Mal flicks her gaze up, finding her love's eyes glazed over as she stares down at their joined hands. Seem's her plan to soothe a sad soul isn't exactly working she dejects internally. These are always the worst few weeks, followed by holidays Regina never got to experience with Robin, birthdays, milestones and every other silly mundane thing that was stolen away.
"How do you do it?"
"Do what?" Mal smoothes into Regina's palm.
"You have lived for over a century"
She snorts, arching a high blonde eyebrow quipping "If you mean how do I look so good for my age, that's a sworn secret"
Regina smiles, kind of, sniffing back a lining of tears that break Mal's heart. Squeezing Regina's hand, Mal shifts, closing in the space between them "Tell me"
It's a thick heavy sigh in answer, Mal thumbing away a stray tear from whiskey brown eyes.
"You will outlive everyone, have lost so many people, and I just don't understand how you do it. Knowing that at some point this will be a distant memory"
It's not the direction she thought this conversation was going, but it is the truth. She has watched lifetimes disappear, the biology of her DNA tethering her to this world for centuries.
"Before Stefan, did you love someone else?"
Taking a moment to figure out how best to explain, Mal snags Regina's wine glass, sipping it down methodically as brown eyes watch silently. Clearing her throat, she lays their hands in her lap, toying the the ruby ring on Regina's middle finger, a piece of jewellery Mal has had since the day she first became the Sorceress Maleficent, the feared Dragon Queen of the Dark Forest.
"Stefan was more of an infatuation. I simply wanted to prove to those who doubted that should I want to have something, or in that case someone, I could. I don't know if I ever really loved him."
Mal muses for a moment, memories flooding back in of a life so long ago. "I have had two great loves of my rather long life" She grins cheekily as Regina huffs out a light laugh, moving to rest her head on her hand, waiting for the rest of the tale.
"I had become, The Dragon Queen on accident really. I was bored of my life, being the daughter of a blacksmith wasn't very exciting and I was restless. So a few weeks after my twentieth birthday I left home, traded things I probably shouldn't have, made a deal with a wizard who promised I could have everything I wanted. It seemed too good to be true. But I was young and naive."
Blinking back her shock at realizing she doesn't actually know Maleficent's beginning, Regina straightens, brushes back her fallen hair before quietly nodding for Mal to keep going, it's a nice distraction from the riddled pain swirling in her brain.
"It was maybe ten years into my magic training and whole "I'm now a dragon" thing, and the castle I was borrowing..." she smiles with a wink "was one night being looted"
"I take it they felt the wrath of Maleficent" Regina chuckles, pressing a kiss to the back of Mal's hand who returns the laugh, rolling her eyes as she sips another bit of wine.
"I didn't have much wrath or rage back in those days, but the dragon side of me is rather possessive of my things. I went down to the treasury and was confronted not by thieves, but by a single gypsy girl"
"A gypsy was robbing you?"
Mal nods, sighing as she turns to catch Regina's eyes "She had the most stunning green eyes I'd ever seen, black curling hair thick to her waist, and lips that only one other woman has ever rivalled in their beauty."
She leans in to kiss Regina's shy smile, soaking in the soft plump sugar textured taste. Kissing Regina is a delicacy in all it's own, a dessert she'd gladly sample every moment of the day. Pecking a last chaste kiss, Mal pulls back, humming happily before going back to her story.
"It apparently didn't take much to tamed the beast, not but a pair of pretty eyes and a sharp wit, which obviously hasn't changed. Anyway, her name was Esmeralda, and she was the most devastatingly sensational creature I had ever met. She loved being a nomad, roaming from place to place, seeking adventure, living free; something I had desired to do my entire life. We fell in love, or rather I fell in love." Mal laments, downing the last of the merlot.
"What happened to her?"
With a sad smile, Mal stares down at her hand, still laced into Regina's, "She got restless being in the castle with me, and I was to afraid to leave. We got into an argument of sorts where I said some things I regret to this day, and she left".
Heartbreak. It's written all over the Dragon's face, surely matching the strangling feeling in Regina's soul.
"Did you ever find her?"
Wiping away the brimming of tears, Mal nods, sniffing hard, "I was lost without her. Spent nearly eight years searching for her, and by the time I did find her, it was too late. She had been hung for being a gypsy, the only thing Esmeralda loved being, herself"
Silence encompasses the pair, the fire across slowly dying out, draining the heat from the room slowly. Regina shifts, crawling over and cradling herself into Mal's arms, resting her cheek against the dragon's warm skin, listening to the staccato arrhythmia she's grown accustom to lulling her to sleep. Loving love, it does something to the heart, bruises and batters it to the point it's unable to heal, forever pained, and Regina feels it. Eighteen years later, it hurts in every breath she takes, her heart soundlessly breaking with each beat, a hidden constant anguish that won't go away. How much is a heart supposed to take before it's too much.
"Do you think there is a limit?"
"To what love?"
"How much heartache one is supposed to live with?"
Mal sighs, pressing a kiss to the crown of Regina's hair, carding through the long chocolate locks she so loves to play with. "I think heartache is what keeps us human."
"I suppose, doesn't make it any easier"
"No. It doesn't"
The room goes quiet again, thick emotion suffocating between them, years of far too much torment and far too little moments of peace.
"Do you want a refill?" Mal breaks the silence "I mean, technically I drank all of yours".
Regina nods, lifting her legs to let Mal stand, grabbing both empty wine glasses on her way up and stepping around the coffee table.
"Mal?"
"Mmmmm?"
"You said you have had two great loves, Esmerelda your first, but Stefan was only an infatuation..."
Maleficent turns, smiling sweetly at Regina's confused expression, still wrapped up in a green thick wool blanket, hair tousled and fallen imperfectly perfect, thick plum rimmed glasses hanging from her grey silk shirt, no longer the lost turmoiled Queen Maleficent once met, but someone far more precious.
She sets the wine glasses back down on the table, hovering above Regina for a moment to cup her soft cheek, she loves this woman, the Queen of her heart. Smiling Mal leans in to kiss Regina, soft and sweetly, "You're right, I have two great loves of my life." Mal glows as Regina beams, a spattering of deep pink blush painting her cheeks. "Now back to refilling the wine," she hums into Regina's forehead, pressing one more kiss there, before heading back to her earlier task.
Fortunately they have multiple chilled bottles ready for disposing for nights such as these, and Maleficent sets to her task quickly, fishing out the wine opener, knowing her magic could do it quicker, but the simple mundane things make everything seem better, more real, and when a pair of arms wrap around her waist, she hears her own internal voice sighing, finally understanding what this feeling is, being happy.
A thud at the door, pulls Regina reluctantly away. No one comes around the mansion right now, unless it's Snow, but even then, she knows better than to just show up out of the blue right now. Frowning, they cast a glance at one another, both not ready to give up their night for something that is going to be irritatingly disturbing.
"I'll get the door, you keep pouring that wine" Mal huffs, glaring at the entrance.
She hears Mal leave, her tall heels clicking on the wooden floors, the door opening and then Regina can't find it in her to really listen, has hopes that Mal will just glower and send the intruder away quickly. But when the door doesn't shut and she hears Mal walk outside asking again "Who are you?", Regina growls, setting her delicious wine down, and marching to the door. Hell hath no fury like the mayor kept from her wine.
She is just about to send her own daggers and sharp tongued attack when it all just stops. Goes deadly silent, the background of the world fading away as the "intruder" turns around, ceasing the beating of her heart in the same fraction.
It can't be him. She lost him. Without even getting the chance to fight to keep him here, with her. It can't be him...but the unruly wild brown curls are like a stab to the gut, deep set dimples on the side of chiseled cheeks another punch to her lungs.
"Oh. My. God."
She is shaking, uncontrollably, but her feet move on their own accord, past Mal who stands dumbfounded at the door, down the one single stone step and six paces to where he is standing still as a statue, refusing her meet her eyes, but she knows their color, dark warm hickory brown, bright as the sun.
"Roland?"
His tense inhale of breath, steals her own away. And he looks up, and Regina can't find any words as she stares into the eyes of her lost soulmates son, her lost son.
"Hi"
TBC.