After breakfast, Hermione found herself trudging slowly up the stairs. She felt so full that she swore her belly was going to burst. But she was on a mission. Time was running out before Dumbledore would return, and she could only begin to imagine his displeasure if the Order was still fighting amongst themselves. As in all things where the group must be put before the individual, Hermione had found herself taking one for the team and attempting the impossible; having a positive conversation with Severus Snape.
All though she was convinced her plan could work, she hadn't actually worked out what she was going to ask him to get the ball rolling. How was she going to get a cynical, cold, double agent to spill out his fond memories to her? She was actually pretty frightened. She wished she had someone to come with her so she wasn't all alone against his icy defenses, but having Ron or Harry in the room with him would only be counterproductive. Surely he was no fan of hers, and she couldn't say she liked him much either. But she knew a great deal about magic from school, something that he seemed to pride himself in mastering.
Naturally, the man didn't eat with the rest of the Order and preferred to be on his own. He had taken his food upstairs with him. Hermione reached the top of the stairs and began wandering down the halls in hopes of finding the professors hideout. At the very end of the hall she could see a dim light seeping from under a door. She approached the door slowly and reluctantly turned the knob. Sitting there in a chair decorated with unicorns was none other than Snape himself, holding bags of ice on his lap.
It took a moment for Hermione to take it all in. It truly was the queerest sight she ever did see. The room itself was girly and painted a light blush pink. The furniture was rather small, as if for a child. Paintings of unicorns, kittens, and flowers adorned the walls. Snape was seated in a tiny wooden chair, his swelling black robes clashing harshly with the pink background. He sat there glowering at her for a minute before finally opening his mouth.
"Miss Granger, is there any reason you are prying around in my bedroom?" He hissed.
Hermione swallowed. "I wasn't trying to be nosy sir, I just wanted to ask you a few questions." Her eyes were still wide with surprise from the queer scene in front of her.
Severus sneered. "What are you looking at Granger? You think I chose this room? It almost makes me choke on my own vomit. It was all that was left, Black saved it just for me. That bastard…"
Snape flicked his wand and made the ice bags disappear. "You were saying you had a question for me?"
Hermione nodded. "Yes, Professor, just a few questions."
"I remind you not to waste my time Miss Granger. Of what nature are these questions?"
"Oh, all school related sir." She squeaked.
Severus groaned. "All right, lets get this over. You may begin."
Hermione thought for a minute and then began.
"What was your favorite subject, you know, back when you were in school?"
Snape sighed in annoyance. "Of what relevance would that be to you?"
"Ummmm.." What was she supposed to say? 'Think Hermione, think' she thought to herself. Then it came to her. Snape loved to be exalted for his abilites. That was the key into his mind.
"Well, I was just wondering what classes you enjoyed, since you seem to be very knowledgeable in many things. You are a very accomplished wizard and I… err.. wanted some advice on how I could better myself too." She said nervously.
First, Snape's face looked puzzled. "Flattery will get you nowhere Granger." He warned. His face twisted into a prideful smirk. "But you are correct, I am rather knowledgeable. Why, I was the best of my year, much like you. I can surely recommend a few classes I found fascinating back when I was a student."
Phew Hermione thought. That was a close one! Snape was not easy to fool, but she had made her way around his defenses. Snape droned on about N.E.W.T. potion classes and D.A.D.A classes. Hermione thought she was going to fall asleep. He just went on and on about how well he did and how his O.W.L.s were extraordinary. None of this was going to be useful. If classes were out, what did they have in common?
"Ughh, sir…" Hermione interrupted. "What did you do for fun in school?"
Snape sighed. "Granger, I have no time for this stupid pursuit you call "fun". If you are asking me how I pass the time productively, I can tell you that I am an avid reader. I keep a herb garden back at home during the summer months. On weekends and holidays I occasionally watch a game."
Sports! That's perfect! Men and their sports! Surely, if they both liked the same team they could have a civil conversation, couldn't they?
"As in a quidditch game?"
"No, Granger a muggle game. Because nothing brings me more pleasure than watching muggles run around like lunatics for hours." He said slowly.
"Umm… sir?"
"Yes I like quidditch Miss Granger why do you think I bother showing up at amateur school games? I hope you didn't think it was for the dunderhead students."
'Actually, I thought it was to see your house attack Griffindor players' Hermione thought.
"Do you like any specific teams?"
"I do enjoy the Derbyshire Dragons, the seeker comes from my hometown."
Hermione didn't know what team Sirius liked, but at least she could try and get them to talk about sports.
Hermione nodded. "Umm, yeah, I don't know much about them.. thanks for your troubles professor…" With that she turned and ran, desperate to escape Snape's sneer. She accidentally slammed the door shut on her way out, and the hard slam of the door caused something to fall off a shelf and plop onto Snape's head.
Annoyed, he grabbed what looked like a stuffed animal off his head and sneered at it.
"Stupid thing, stupid room, stupid Black…" He snarled. Unfortunately, the animal wasn't actually stuffed. It was actually a sleeping cat that had been spooked by the door, which proceeded to leap on his head. Not pleased to have been so ruthlessly grabbed by a strange man, the cat bit deep into Snape's palm. Snape yelped and threw the cat off his hand. The cat escaped Snape's reach and ran under the bed.
He healed the wound with his wand and moaned.
"Why is it always me.."