A/N: Hello! Thank you all for the wonderful response to the last chapter, it is a lot more than I was expecting for my first fic, the number of follows is much more than I was expecting for my first fic, I'm super thankful for that, the favs and specially to the readers to take a minute to review, it really means the world.
I used to reply to every review, sorry I didn't do it this time, I made a mess with the notifications, leaving some for later because it has been a busy month for me but then I wasn't sure which ones I replied to. Don't let that stop you from reviewing again.
This chapter is a bit short but I feel this is a transition one, I think it was necessary for the story to be this way. Thanks for reading
Chapter 8- Decisions
"Mommy?" I hear my daughter's voice, raspy with sleep, but I'm disoriented by daylight. I feel something heavy on my back, and I struggle to try to place where I am. As I slowly regain consciousness I see my Prim, looking at me with curiosity in her azure eyes. I fell asleep on the couch? That's odd.
I look to my left and, as it so happens the weight on my back is Peeta's arm. Prim makes a gesture for me to keep quiet, putting her index finger to her lips. I'm starting to fret as I get up slowly, trying not to wake him. Looking down at Peeta I figure there's no way he could have slept very well with me toppled over half of him, but he is so selfless that he probably didn't want to wake me.
I take Prim's little hand and lead her to the kitchen. As I'm walking I make the splendid realization that I didn't have any nightmares. It's been so long since I've had a restful night and I never sleep this well without pills. Could this be because of Peeta? It's certainly coincidental if it's not because of him. Nonetheless, I feel rested and surprisingly happy this morning.
"Let's make daddy's breakfast. What do you think, honey?" I say to Prim in a hushed voice. I let myself enjoy the illusion, if only for a moment, of pretending to living this way, as one family. I don't want to listen to the panic rising on my chest, but I don't want to scare my daughter either so I decide to act like everything is normal. The panic turns to a bit of loneliness and sorrow and I can't help wishing it could be this way all the time, no matter how independent I tell myself I want to be.
I decide to get to work and hopefully take my mind off whatever confusion it has planned for me. Or is it my heart I need to distract?
Prim is in that age where she loves to feel useful so I ask her to carefully bring me the eggs from the fridge while I remove the frying pan from the cupboard. She hands me the eggs and then I send her to get the jam and I turn on the coffee maker. I hear her try to stifle a giggle and almost instantly I feel a pair of arms surrounding my waist.
"Morning, beautiful." His voice sounds sexy from sleep and his soft, deliciously warm breath tickles my neck while his strong body is pressed to my back. This makes the thoughts I was having before vanish to an unknown place far away from here. In a gesture completely unlike myself, I melt into his embrace, resting my head on his shoulder. He moans softly, I think because he wasn't expecting a reaction like that from me. Hell, I wasn't expecting that reaction out of me.
He turns to face Prim without letting me go. "Hello, little beautiful," she laughs and raises her arms for him to hold her. He takes a deep breath of the scent of my hair and removes himself from me to oblige Prim.
"We were making you eggs, Daddy," she tells him proudly.
"Mmmm, that sounds awesome but what do you think about letting mommy rest while you and I make breakfast for her?"
"I'm not going to poison you with a pair of eggs." I say to him, flashing my trademark scowl.
"No, I know that, but I want to spoil you. Maybe that way you'll keep me around." I look up to him and wonder why the hell he wants me to keep him around? I don't quite believe what he just said and I really don't understand what he can possibly see in me beyond trouble. I accept his offer though, partly because I'm saving everyone around from having a pretty average breakfast in exchange for the promise of a wonderful one. And who am I kidding? I could definitely use some time to myself. I could spend it uninterrupted, thinking about all these things my heart wants but my mind is rejecting.
I take my time in the tub, savoring every moment because this never, and I mean never, happens to me. Even at night when Prim is asleep and I don't have to work, I'm unable to relax. I always think maybe she could wake up sick and I won't hear her. Today is different, though. I know she is having a great time with her dad and he is so wonderful with her. I think about how he's so great at pretty much everything and I can't keep the confusion of why he wants to be with me from being the star of these thoughts. I wonder when the bubble will pop because, surely it will. I'm Katniss Everdeen, perpetual mess and champion at keeping people at arm's length.
I never thought I wanted this, but then again, I never wanted to have kids, either. Life just keeps proving to me that I can't control her.
Prim makes my life happy but today I feel complete. Waking up in his arms, the whole happy family making breakfast scene. It feels surreal. Since he came into our lives everything has been better. Prim is definitely happier, and I'm not about to deny that I don't know what it's like to grow up without a father, I don't want that for my girl and maybe it's time for me to cast my fears aside and take a shot; for my girl, for this wonderful man, and for myself.
I dry my hair, put on some jeans and a plain t-shirt and walk to the kitchen with a new state of mind and a decision made. I don't know what's going to happen tomorrow, I don't even know what's going to happen after breakfast, but I do know that this element we're in, right here, right now, is blissful and perfect. And I want to conserve as much of it as I can, for all of us. If I can give us these memories, then far be it from myself to stop them.
I enter through the kitchen doorway and walk towards my girl and her daddy. They are laughing as always, God knows about what this time. He turns to look at me and I walk closer to him. He will understand this. if I do this in front of our child maybe he'll get it. I take his face in my hands and pull him to me. I kiss him tenderly, hoping with this gesture he knows what I want to tell him and it will be impossible for me to do it with words. I accept. That's my unspoken answer.
When the kiss ends, he looks straight into my eyes to make sure he got it right. As he let's go of the breath he was holding, I know he knows. He hugs me tight and pulls Prim to us. I laugh to myself and hug them back. I've never been good with words, but this is a language I understand.
Breakfast tastes like glory, not only because of the amazing cooking skills Peeta has, but because everything feels right.
He appears to be on cloud nine and if I'm being honest, I'm right there with him. He turns to me and smiles just about every sixty seconds, or so it seems. Prim is, of course, blissfully oblivious to all of this. Eating and chatting nonstop, they're so alike it makes me smile.
We finish breakfast and Prim goes to play with her toys while I insist on cleaning the dishes. Standing at the sink I feel Peeta come to stand behind me. He brings his palms to my shoulders, chest to my back and mouth to my ear.
"Thank you." He whispers it in such a way that I can hear the gratitude flowing from the tone he's using.
"What are you thanking me for?" I cautiously ask him, trying not to get caught up in the emotion of the moment,
"For making me this happy." He kisses my cheek and suddenly I feel that it's not enough. Before I can react he finishes his thought. "I have to go to work. Can I come later?" I nod even though I feel myself shaking. I can't let him walk out without saying something, giving him some sign that I want more. I watch him give Prim a big hug and a "see you later, Alligator", to which she responds "after while, Crocodile" the way he thought her. Just as he's about to walk out the door I acquire the courage to say what's on my mind and I hope he can't sense the tremor in my voice or the jelly in my legs when I say it.
"I have to work later, but you can bring a change of clothes and wait for me to come back… if you want." I look away when I add this last part, hoping against hope that he does in fact want to, but giving him an easier out than just straight up rejecting me or agreeing to something he doesn't want to do.
To my immense relief, he nods, smiles and gently closes the door behind him. Forgetting the rest of the dishes I walk into the living room and fall flat onto the couch, grinning all the way.
Gigantic thanks to Peetabreadgirl, my amazing beta.
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