Celty walked away to let me think about it. Did I have feelings for him? I mean, I don't hate him. I'm not even sure when I stopped hating him. I do know that it was a while ago and not recently though. The sound of the kettle hissing snapped me out of my thoughts. I must have spaced out again. I went and took it off of the oven and a few minutes later, the tea was ready. I picked up the cup of tea I had poured out for Izaya and started walking back to the room when a thought brought me to a sudden halt. Don't people do nice things for those they care about?

I shook the thoughts out of my head. I need to just focus on helping Izaya get better so I can return to work and my normal life. Now that I had a goal in mind, I opened the door to see Shinra sitting on the couch talking to Izaya. I couldn't really hear what he was saying, but it was probably just doctor stuff or stories of old times. Izaya was sitting up with his legs dangling over the edge of the bed and he appeared to feel better.

"I made some tea; thought it might help you feel better." I brought the cup over to Izaya and handed it to him.

"Good thinking Shizuo. Izaya also told me that you patched him up earlier. He showed it to me. It's not the best, but pretty good considering you aren't a doctor. I fixed it up a little, but I'm glad you did that earlier." Shinra acknowledged. I just nodded, not knowing how to respond to that.

"Thanks for the tea." I looked away from Shinra to Izaya. He looked much better. He was sitting up straighter, had more color, and was even swinging his legs slightly. It was a tad cute, almost a child-like action. Wait, what in the world am I thinking? Izaya was a guy after all. I mean, I had never really liked someone before. So I guess I didn't really know my sexuality. But still, this was Izaya I was talking about.

"No problem." I could feel my cheeks heating up.

"Well, I'm going to go to my Celty. Let me know if you start having pain or if you need anything. That goes for both of you." My cheeks got even warmer at Shizuo's mention of leaving us alone. I wasn't like this earlier. The talk with Celty had really messed up my usual thought rhythm apparently. Shinra walked out and I took his spot on the couch. I sat there in silence, suddenly at a loss for words. Izaya sipped his tea silently.

"Are you alright?" Izaya's voice broke me out of my attempt to think of something to say.

"Yeah, uhum, why?" My voice cracked and I had to clear my throat. It's like I am a teenager trying to talk to people again.

"Your face is red. Do you think you might have a fever?"

"No, I am fine. It's just a little warm in here."

"Sounds like a fever talking." Izaya sounded almost motherly and I looked up to see him hiding a smile. I don't think I have ever seen Izaya have a legitimate smile before. The only smile I have seen of his is his trademark evil smirk. A genuine smile did him good. It made him look younger and as if he glowed slightly. It was charming, really. Even more heat rushed to my face and I was forced to look down in hopes he couldn't tell.

"No, it was a comfortable temperature in the kitchen and living room. It's just warmer in here."

"That is weird, but whatever Shizuo. If you don't want Shinra to make sure you don't have a fever, then I won't tell him. I will however…." And then his hand was on my chin, bringing my head up so his other hand could have access to my forehead. He left it there for a minute before pulling it away. I swear, I don't even know when he got up. I must be getting a little rusty.

"You feel fine but your face is even more red than it was a minute ago."

"Heh, see…I'm fine." He probably saw right through my attempt at a believable smile.

….

The remainder of the evening was extremely awkward between Izaya and I. That was mostly my fault. I had been lost in my head and spaced out. When Izaya would say something I would have to get him to repeat it and then I ended up just giving a half assed response. I couldn't figure it out. Izaya didn't feel the same as Celty or Tom. So, he wasn't a friend. Maybe it's where I wasn't 100% positive he wouldn't go back to how he was. Yet, I still wanted to trust him. Part of me wanted to protect him even though I knew the flea – no, Izaya could hold his own or escape. The only reason he hadn't before was because I was stupid and walked away when he was visibly shaken. Those bastards had used his fear against him. That was the only reason. But what if someone used that against him again? I don't know what I…

"Shizuo!" My head snapped up. Izaya was looking at me with a worried expression.

"What?"

"You are crushing the arm of the couch. I said your name three times before you heard me." I became aware of the pressure of my hand and released my muscles.

"Oh…. Sorry."

"I don't care, but Shinra sure might. You okay?" Izaya hopped off the bed and started walking my way. I panicked. I wasn't ready to talk to him without having sorted myself out.

"Yeah, yeah. I was just thinking and got lost in thought again." I sped through the words, trying to get him to stop his advance. I changed the subject before he could inquire what I was thinking, "What did Shinra say earlier?"

"Oh….he was just talking about my getting nauseous. He thought it was where I hadn't eaten in a while too. He said that it didn't seem like I had any internal bleeding. We would know by now if I did." He said all this nonchalantly, but the look he gave me proved that he realized I had changed the subject. Guess I should have figured he of all people would notice. He had sat down on the other end of the couch while talking and I suddenly felt that it was way too close for comfort at the moment.

"I'm glad you are okay…..We should go to bed." Way to go Shizuo. Not awkward at all. When I looked over at Izaya, He looked hurt. Pain stabbed my heart. I can't believe I just made him feel bad. I just don't know how to act right now. Izaya got up and flipped off the light and shuffled in the dark to the bed.

….

I laid there trying to sleep for what felt like ages. I had suggested we go to bed, but I just did it to have an excuse to end the interactions with Izaya. I wasn't even sleepy and my thoughts were running out of control too much for me to sleep even if I was sleepy. After a while of my going around and around with myself though, I got tired and just wanted to be able to sleep. I rolled over on the couch with a frustrated sigh.

"Shizuo?" I thought about pretending to be asleep, but there was no point. I wasn't going to sleep soon anyway, might as well talk.

"Yeah?"

"Just checking if you were awake…. Can't sleep either?" His tired reply came. I worried for him. He hadn't healed completely and sleep would help with that.

"No, I can't. Why can't you sleep? You sound tired enough to." There was a pause. I couldn't see his face or his reaction. The silence stretched on for so long that I began to think he fell asleep. I was about to accept my fate of lying there until sleep would take me when Izaya spoke up.

"Do you hate me?" That straight up floored me. Why on earth would he think that?

"No….. Why?"

"Well, you have been really distant this evening. You have barely responded to me when I tried to start conversations."

"I don't hate you, I've just been thinking."

"About what?" And I could hear the worry. He didn't sound convinced at all. I didn't know what to say.

"Earlier, after Shinra had gave you some medicine, you said you loved me while you were out of it." Wait… Had I really just said that? Shit. Izaya burst out laughing.

"I say all kinds of crazy stuff when I am loopy. One time I told Shinra that Namie was the best assistant."

"Shinra said that it just loosened your lips, but that it didn't make you say stuff you didn't mean." Izaya went still and you could probably hear a pen drop in the room. We both laid there in silence for what felt like solid minutes, neither of us knowing what to say. "I think I love you too".

I don't know why I had said the last part. Of all the things I could have said, that was probably the worst. Izaya gave no response. I listened for a sound from him, anything. Nothing came but his breathing, which sounded steady. I guess he fell asleep. It's probably a good thing he had, too.

….

Okay, I admit it. I, the once great Izaya Orihara, panicked. I didn't know what to say, so what else was I to do but feign sleep. I used to be able to play anything off like nothing with a witty response, but now I don't know. I mean, how was I supposed to respond to what Shizuo had said? Sure, I felt the same way, but I would never tell him that. At least, not when I was fully in my right mind.