Harry could have sworn his heart was beating hard enough to burst from his chest. The scene before him was almost as scary as the duel with Voldemort in the graveyard. Not because Harry was in danger, although he really was. It was because someone he loved was in peril. It felt like a knife to his stomach to watch the werewolf grab Sirius in its unforgiving jaws. It shook him back and forth, as if trying to tear his arm from the socket. Sirius's face was frozen in shock. He tried to free himself from the wolf's clutches, but it was far too strong for him.
Hermione screamed and called for help. But help could not arrive fast enough. Sirius struggled with the wolf, and while doing so dropped his wand. Harry tried to run to help him, but Snape grabbed his shoulder and threw him onto the floor.
"YOU TWO GET OUT!" He demanded. Harry tried again to rush past him, but Snape held him back and tried to drag him out of the room.
Meanwhile, Nymphadora threw a hex at the wolf. "Reducto!"
The wolf let go of Sirius and he sunk to the floor holding onto his shoulder. The wolf backed into the wall, knocking down a table full of candles in the process. The candles set fire to the old, dry plaster walls. At first, the wolf paused and let out a bloodcurdling howl. Then it turned its sights onto poor Nymphadora. The spell had only enraged it more. It pounced towards her with great agility. Just as she was about to hex it once more, it whacked her across the face with its huge paws.
She landed hard on her knees. Blood trickled down from a scratch wound on her cheek. "Remus….remus.." She sobbed.
It snarled and went to snap at her when Sirius, still sprawled out on the floor, grabbed onto its hind leg. "Nymphadora run!" He bellowed. The creature kicked him off with its powerful hind legs. Sirius lay there helplessly as it approached him hungrily, its jars ready for the kill.
Suddenly, Snape shouted a spell and stopped the wolf in its tracks. Black ropes bound its limbs and it collapsed to the floor. It thrashed and whimpered as it fought ferociously to free itself. Tonks kicked Sirius his wand and got up off the floor. The wizards and the witch surrounded the struggling wolf.
"We have to sedate him." Snape panted. "Otherwise he'll eventually break free."
Black and Tonks nodded. The door opened and in rushed Moody, Arthur and Molly, and Kingsley. Moody cursed. "Bloody Hell! Don't tell me that's Remus!"
"Unfortunately, it is." Sirius panted, rubbing his shoulder.
"Sirius! Your shoulder! He bit your shoulder!" Hermione cried.
Molly rushed over to examine Sirius's shoulder. Harry rushed over as well.
Molly helped Sirius remove his dragon leather jacket. Sirius removed his shirt and checked out his shoulder. There were imprints of a struggle, but the skin had not been broken.
"Dragon hide leather jackets. Goblin made. Got to love them." Sirius joked.
Harry breathed a sigh of relief. His godfather would not suffer the fate of a werewolf. However, there still was the danger of the thrashing wolf in the room. The wolf seemed to be growing more agitated and began chewing at the ropes which bound it.
"Oh no you don't." Snape snapped. He reached deep into his robes and pulled out a dark purple vile. He popped off the top and held the vile over the wolf's head. In desperation, the wolf tried to bite his hand and opened its jaws wide just in time for Snape to empty the vile down its throat. The beast whined and fidgeted. At last, its heavy head hit the floor. The tense muscles beneath its fur relaxed and it began to snore.
Moody walked over to examine the wolf. He lifted up its head with his cane and looked fearlessly into its wicked eyes. "How long will he be out Snape?" He asked.
Snape looked down at the wolf and then to the clock.
"I gave him a concentrated amount of sleeping draught. That was enough to put anyone out for days, but I feel that it may not be as strong for the wolf. I'd give him five, six hours."
Moody nodded. He turned to the rest of the Order. Kingsley and Arthur were putting out the little flames that danced up the walls. Molly was nursing Tonk's cheek. Harry had embraced Sirius with a hug, glad to see that he was safe. Hermione was filling Ron in on what he had missed.
"Alright everyone here is the plan. We need to take turns keeping an eye on the wolf. Get into pairs and be prepared for a long night. Children, go to bed and make sure to keep your doors locked."
Moody walked to the door and motioned for Snape to follow.
"Snape, come with me and get some more of that sleeping draught. I'm sure we'll be needing it again tonight."
Snape walked lazily out of the room, cautiously eyeing the werewolf as he exited.
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A few hours had passed. The order members had broken up into groups of two, with the exception of Tonks who was sent to bed to get some rest. Kingsley was with Arthur, Molly was with Sirius, and Snape was with Moody.
The first watch was given to Arthur and Kingsley. All was still and quiet. After their turn passed they went into the kitchen to have some coffee and a light nap. Molly and Sirius began their turn. Sirius had many things on his mind from the conversation he had with Snape. How could it be that he had protected the Potters? And what was he going to say before he was interrupted? Sirius could have sworn he heard Snape say that he loved someone. A woman with bright green eyes and red hair crossed his mind. 'No.' He thought. 'Snape didn't mean that he was in love with…'
"Sirius you are being very quiet. Is something on your mind?" Molly asked.
Sirius smiled. "Well, my best friend did just try to tear my arm off and is currently a huge snoring dog on the floor. There's bound to be something on my mind." He joked.
Molly gave him a curt smile. "We are all so lucky that no one was hurt badly. Someone could have been killed. Poor Remus, he'll feel so guilty when he changes back."
Sirius nodded. "I don't think he'll ever forgive himself for hurting Tonks."
"Yes, yes. There is a quite a romance blooming between them isn't there?"
"Anyone can see that." Sirius remarked.
Molly sighed and leaned back in her seat. "By the way, why were all of you down here so long after the meeting?"
Sirius fidgeted in his seat. "I was talking with….Snape." He answered.
Molly eyed him suspiciously. "About what?"
Sirius explained the conversation to Molly. She listened quietly and gasped at some of the topics. He went on to explain how Snape's answer was drowned out by Hermione's scream.
"I just cannot understand it, Molly. Who was it that he loved?" Sirius asked.
"You aren't saying he was in love with James now are you?" Molly said.
The two looked at each other for a moment and began laughing.
"No that's ridiculous! And he denied caring for James." Sirius giggled. Molly continued chuckling.
"I know, I was only kidding. But who do you think he cared for so much?" Molly asked.
"I… I...have a theory." Sirius stuttered. He knew that Snape and Lilly had been friends for years, ever since they were children. Sirius never thought he cared for her more than a friend, well until he called her that name. He figured that Snape really believed in the blood nonsense and stopped caring about Lilly altogether. Was it possible that this was not the case? He tried to remember something that James had said third year about Snape, something about him and Lilly…
"So who do you think?" Molly asked.
"Hmm.. well I can't be sure. I can't seem to remember something that James said about Snape and Lil…"
The wolf let out a long groan. It began to pant and roll around the floor. It was waking up.
Molly jumped up and looked at the clock. "It's been about four and a half hours since Snape sedated it. We'll have to give it some more sleeping draught. Go find Severus and get some, please Sirius."
Sirius got up. "What about you Molly?"
"I can hold my own. I'll stay here and watch him."
Sirius nodded. "I'll be back in a minute."
Black left the room and went to the kitchen to find Snape.
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Severus was tired. He felt drained. The serum had him admit some of his darkest secrets. He had made himself look like such a heinous person in front of the order. He had wanted to earn their trust and respect. But no matter what he did, he realized that he could never clean his hands. He felt guilty about the things he had done.
And worst of all, he was to blame for her death. He almost admitted his love for her there in front of Black, Remus, Tonks, Granger… and Potter. He would never have been able to show his face to them if it wasn't for that Granger girl's awful scream. No one besides Dumbledore could know. Least of all Potter. They would never understand. He could imagine how Black would laugh at him. He would never hear the end of it. Remus probably wouldn't laugh at him though. The wolf was far too sentimental. Besides, he was never good enough for her. He didn't deserve her. He was far too poor, too ugly, too cold to make her happy. But none of this kept him from still loving her.
He wanted some peace and quiet to reflect on his thoughts. He took his coffee and went into the study to relax. Maybe he could find a book to read and take his mind off things. As his eyes drifted from shelf to shelf he saw it.
'Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry: Class of 1978'.
He pulled the yearbook out and flipped the first few pages. He just wanted to see her face again, the way he remembered it. Warm and loving with bright intelligent eyes. Not the way he saw her last; cold, dead, and crumpled on the floor with dull lifeless eyes.
His fingers anxiously skipped over pages of his former classmates. Familiar faces flashed before his eyes. Many of these people were now deceased. The first war had claimed so many young lives. He passed quickly over his old 'friends'. Most of which were now in jail or had rejoined the Dark Lord's ranks.
As he was flipping through the slytherin section he came across a teenage picture of himself. He sighed. He was in his Hogwarts uniform. It had been second hand and tattered. His shoulder length hair had been even greasier back then but had more sheen and was not speckled with gray quite yet. His mouth was in its usual emotionless expression. He had not yet grown into his long, hooked nose. He was the epitome of the awkward teenager.
But that was in the past. He skipped far ahead to the Gryffindor section. She would be there. He came across Black's handsome picture and snorted. He remembered how girls used to fawn over him, however, he was far to arrogant to notice. A couple pages later he was in the E's. He turned the pages slowly. At last, there she was.
Her bright green eyes were captured so perfectly in the picture and the darkened room could not dull their beauty. Her hair was like a fire. Red and wild, but enchanting. He remembered how it smelled. Like strawberries and vanilla. Every time they had hugged he made sure to take a discreet sniff of it. It may have been a tad creepy, but nothing soothed him more to this day than that smell. Her lovely smile warmed his heart. How he had loved to make her smile. He would do any silly thing to make her laugh. He found himself smiling back at the picture. He traced the photograph with his fingers and read the caption.
Lilly Evans – "Thank you all for this wonderful experience! I have learned, laughed, cried, and loved. This place will always be a part of me, for it has shaped the woman I am today."
His heart fluttered. How wonderful a woman she had been. How terrible it was that she was taken from this world so young. How disgusting it was that he had caused her demise.
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Sirius was on his way into the kitchen when he saw the door to his study wide open.
He thought about Harry and the yearbook. "Oh, Harry." He muttered. Harry had mentioned seeing his parents in the graveyard that night. The poor child must be in there now looking at the parents he would never get to know.
Sirius entered to comfort Harry and escort him to bed. But when he entered the room, to his surprise, Harry was not there. It was Snape. He had the yearbook open in his hands. He was tracing a page with his finger and staring at it longingly. Was he looking at pictures of his teenage self? The slug club?
"Umm, Severus..?" Sirius began.
Snape jumped and looked up, covering an eye with one hand.
"Sorry to bother you Snape, but Remus is waking up. Could you give me some more sleeping draught?" Sirius asked.
"I'll give it to him myself." He said.
"Is everything… alright?" Black asked.
Snape didn't answer. He brushed past Sirius quickly and rushed to give Remus the potion. As he was leaving he had dropped the book onto the desk. Sirius was curious about what he had been looking at. He walked over to the desk and examined the book. When Snape had closed it shut so suddenly, the pages he had been viewing had folded over and acted as a bookmark.
Sirius opened the book where the folds were and gaped at the page. It was Lilly Evan's page. Right above her picture was a small, round droplet. Sirius went to wipe it off with his sleeve. Snape must have spilled coffee on the page. But when he went to wipe it off he realized that it wasn't coffee. It was water; a tear drop. No wonder he had been covering his eyes. He had been crying.
'Snape crying!" Sirius thought. 'And he was looking at pictures of her, of Lilly..'
As if by magic the memory he had forgotten returned to him.
He and James had been sitting in the common room. It had been late at night and the two were up studying for a transfiguration test the following morning. They had gotten sidetracked and were talking about their latest prank on Snape.
"That was a bloody genius move, James!" A young Sirius said.
James chuckled. "And his face! Ha! He was so embarrassed!"
"How did you even find that spell? You transfigured his trousers into a tutu! I never would have thought of that!"
"Easy stuff, actually. I found it in the textbook after I did my homework."
"You nerd!" Sirius joked. "Haha, I really didn't need to see him in that little skirt though! Yuck!"
James stuck out his tongue. "It's not like we saw him in his underwear! I would have puked!"
Sirius coughed. "My eyes would have caught fire and burned out of my head!"
The boys held their sides laughing.
"Hahaha. I'll never get why Evans hangs out with him! She's far too nice! And pretty!" Sirius remarked.
James grew more serious. "It's Snape. He acts so nice to her because he wants her all to himself."
Sirius cocked his head to the side. "What do you mean?"
"He has deeper feelings than friendship for her, if you know what I mean." James explained.
"Oy, you're not telling me that he likes her!"
"Isn't it obvious!" James fumed. "He's always looking at her hungrily, greedily…"
"Don't worry mate. She'll never like him. I bet his mum can't even love that face."
James smirked. "I would go as far to say that he loves her." His smirk faded away.
"I'm so afraid that she may come to feel the same. After all, they are best friends. They get along so well together.."
Sirius wrinkled his nose. "You are taking this to a weird level James! No one is in love at 13 are they? And by the way, you and I are best friends. I'm sorry, but I'd rather snog Professor Mcgonagall than you, mate."
James laughed. "You're right Haha! How silly of me! Love at 13? That is silly. And snog you? Forget it!" James said as he punched Sirius gently in the arm.
The boys giggled and began talking about the last quidditch game…
Sirius couldn't believe it. His theory was confirmed. Why didn't he see it sooner? Snape had liked Lilly. No, he had loved her. He had sought to protect her from Voldemort. He loved her up to the day she died.
Then it hit him. No, not up to the day she died. His love for her had continued after her death.
Severus Snape, former death eater, potions master, spy, member of the Order of the Phoenix, was in love. In love with his late best friend's wife. With Harry's mother. With the beautiful and vivacious Lilly Evans.
Snape was in love with a dead woman.