Dean wasn't happy about it, but he was on board. When the boys and I approached Kirsti, I was really nervous about how she'd take it.

"I'm in." She said simply, after we'd explained the plan.

"You're sure?" Sam was surprised. "It'll be dangerous…" He also sounded reluctant. I couldn't blame any of them. I was terrified.

"I don't care. If this could stop him, then I'm willing to help."

I grabbed Kirsti's hand and gave it a squeeze. For all of her flaws, Kirsti was one of the bravest people I'd ever met. I knew she had a lot to process. We'd stood her whole world on its head in the last couple of days, and I figured it had to be tough for her. The boys went to prepare, and despite everything, I stayed behind to make sure my friend was okay.

"Are you okay?" Kirsti was being very quiet. It was unnerving.

"Hmm? Oh, yeah. I was just thinking about my real parents."

"Stacey and Jacob?"

Kirsti shook her head. "No, like, my mom and data that raised me. I thought knowing where I came from would be some great revelation. But it didn't change anything. This Stacey woman, I feel like, I don't know, I owe her for giving me this great life. If you're right about what happened to Jacob, then the least I can do for her is to set him free."

I wrapped my arms around Kirsti. I had been wrong before. Kirsti had changed. The wild rebellious girl was still there, but time had added a layer of self assurance that didn't come from knowing how good you looked in your jeans, but from knowing who you were underneath of them. I'd always secretly wanted to be like her, and now I looked up to her even more, not for who she had been, but for who she had become. It was infuriating. The least she could do was be a bitch so I could hate her.

We sat in silence for a while. When Kirsti pulled away, I could tell she had something to say.

"Whatever it is, just go on and say it." I stared her down balefully. People only had her look when they knew you weren't going to like what they said.

"Well, okay. Can I be honest?"

I nodded.

"I think you may be a little stupid."

I opened my mouth to protest, but she shushed me, tidal wave Kirsti back in full force.

"You do whatever you want with your life. It's your choice, and if you're happy, I'm happy for you. I don't know what is going on with you and Dean, but you are miserable. I've seen every one of your summer crushes, and you do this to yourself every time. I'm putting my foot down. No more." She was smiling, but I had a feeling she meant it.

I pursed my lips. What did she mean, I did this to myself? Maybe God was granting my wish, turning Kirsti into a bitch so I could feel justified for hating her. "Seriously, Kirsti? You know as well as I do, if not better, that Dean and I could never work. I obviously couldn't hold his attentions." I sighed, leaning back on the couch.

"The only people who know how a relationship will turn out are the negative people who say things won't work out. Because if you say they won't work out, they won't."

"Well, I've seen with my own eyes that he's not right for me. I heard he was pretty liberal with his attentions, but I think you'll remember that I saw it with my own eyes. He'll bang anything attractive that shows interest."

"He turned me down flat."

I felt like I'd been punched in the gut. My eyes widened. "What?"

"I tried to tell you that night, but the boys came in and… Well, Oli, you've never been the easiest person to talk to. I mean, you listen to my problems well enough, but anytime I try to talk to you about you… well, you know how you are."

I was still blinking from Kirsti's little revelation. My brain chose to ignore the fact that Kirsti may have been chastising me a bit. "So, you guys didn't-"

"No! Not for lack of trying on my part, but he just wasn't interested. He was trying to politely fight my drunk ass off when you came out. He tried to explain to you, but you didn't answer when he knocked on the door to your room. I went in the bathroom to sick up my Mike's Hard, and when I came back, everyone was gone."

"Shit."

Kirsti moved a little closer. "What are you going to do about it?"

"Nothing." I saw her face fall. "Kirsti, I do like him. But that stuff really isn't a part of my life anymore. Obviously I'm not equipped to cope with real emotional entanglement, and I'm not saddling someone with my baggage. And what if one of us got hurt, or killed? I'm not going through that again. And I'm not putting someone else through that."

"It seems to me that you are letting your hold on the people you've lost get in the way. It's not fair to them. Troy and Amelia loved you, and regardless of what happened, I know they'd want you to be happy."

Well. That was reading between the lines if I'd ever experienced it. When she said Amelia's name, I gasped. It felt like I'd been slapped in the face.

"Look, I'm sorry. I know it hurts to talk about it, and I know that unless you are forced you WON'T talk about it, and you can deny that it has anything to do with this if you want. But what kind of friend would I be if I didn't care enough to be honest? Maybe you and Dean aren't meant to be. Maybe you'll just screw around a bit and be friends. Maybe he's a tool, I don't know the guy, but not letting in the enjoyable parts of life, no matter how risky, is just plain dumb. Life is short, honey. You know that better than anyone I know."

Tidal wave Kirsti was just upgraded to a tsunami. "Are you done?" my voice was quiet. Kirsti's face was sympathetic but stern.

"I'll be done being honest when you are done being stupid."

I guess Kirsti was going to be honest forever. Our silence was drawn out.

"You're right."

"Of course."

"But I don't think Dean sees me as more than an obligations, or like, another case, someone who needs to be saved."

Kirsti was smiling. "You do need to be saved. I don't know how you missed this in Intro to Relationships, but it's usually good when a guy wants to protect you.

"He's not interested." I was being pouty, and I flushed a bit.

"How do you know that?"

"Because, we… umm… Hooked up. Once. Already. And I've been a bitch since, and he has plenty of chances to tell me if he was interested, and he didn't. He practically told me he wasn't."

"Did you ever let him get a word in edge wise, honestly?"
I blinked at Kirsti. Damn her for being right.

"So, you boned, have crap in common, make a room foggy with sexual tension, and yet neither of you brought up the fact that, at the very least, you find each other bangable?" Kirsti was incredulous.

"No! I mean I…" I trailed off. I brought it up a lot, actually. And every time it was to tell him that we wouldn't work, or to order him to back off. "Shit."

Kirsti didn't have time to say I told you so, but her face screamed it as Sam and Dean walked back in to the house. Our conversation was cut short, but it left me nearly catatonic as I considered the implications of what she'd said. I didn't even realize we were heading down towards the dogs until Kirsti gave me a nudge. My eyes followed Dean, my mind churning all the way to the dock house.