Trigger Warnings: Mentions of sexual assault, suicidal thoughts and actions.

Hello, my lovely readers. This chapter is one of the darker ones. You're been warned. On with the show…

Chapter 26: Forgive Me!

"Elijah, call me. Please." Genevieve's eyes drifted to the concrete. It looked so dull gray. Like someone had poured white paint into the can of cement before repaving. Her eyes moved up to the sky. Fat clouds hung above; obliterating the sun's gaze. Snow blew around, her in little gusts. A layer of newly blackened hair fell over her shoulder.

The past year and half had been the hardest that Genevieve could remember dealing with in her seventeen years on the planet. Her only friend had been Elijah but as his obsession with the twit, Hayley Marshall, took hold, she began to see less and less of Elijah. She would call. He wouldn't answer. She would drop by his house. He would be out. She would try to trail behind him, or beside him at school, like old times, and he would walk off, disappearing into the crowd, leaving her behind.

Genevieve didn't really know how to socialize. When she went places, she kind of just stood in the background, watching other people. She once tried to be like Elijah. She painted her fingernails black, dressed in leather and sharp heeled boots and stomped her way into school. It worked for exactly two minutes before Stefan Salvatore laughed in her face and asked her if she thought it was Halloween.

Since then Genevieve tried to avoid sticking out in crowds. Ever. Today she trudged into school, her long locks wet from snow and dripping on the floor. She passed Bonnie Bennett kissing her boyfriend, Enzo St. John. Kai Parker stood a few feet away, watching the two and writing in a notebook before slipping it into his locker. Jackson Kenner swept Amara Gilbert into his arms and spun her around while she laughed. Caroline Forbes was having an argument with Klaus Mikaelson. He threw up his hands and walked off while Caroline's shoulders sagged and tears ran down her cheeks. Matt Donavon gave Caroline a longing look, slammed his locked shut and hurried away.

Genevieve caught sight of Elijah down the hall. Her heart expanded and she sucked in a deep breath. She really needed to talk to him. Hurrying toward him, she only stopped when Silas Salvatore and Elena Gilbert shot in front of her, chasing after Damon Salvatore, who talked—loudly—about a campaign against bullying. "No way, Damon! I will not be the face of The Bully!" Elena shouted, jumping on Damon's back and smacking him on the rear. "Giddy up, My Pretty Pony!"

"I will pay you to never call me that again!" Damon cried.

"You can't," Elena retorted, kissing his cheek.

"Why not?" Damon groaned, adjusting her weight on his back and trying to look back at her while she moved her head back and forth, out of his view.

Silas answered for his friend. "'Cause she has your wallet."

"What?" Damon kept walking.

Genevieve moved forward, trying to avoid getting elbowed by Kol Mikaelson while he waved his arms about, talking to Anna Zhou and Liv Parker. "I did not. Anna, you can vouch for me. I am not good at lifting. No, I don't want to join the team. Do I look like I want to commit bloody social suicide to you!" he bellowed, causing people to turn and stare at him.

Continuing down the hallway, Genevieve saw Josh Rouza and his friend, Davina Claire, talking excitedly about their plans for the holiday break. "S'mores," Davina said.

"And ice skating. Aiden is going to come here this weekend." Josh told Davina. "You should bring someone."

"Like who?" Davina asked.

"How about Kol?" Josh suggested.

"Umm…why?" Davina looked confused. "He's just being nice to me because I'm friends with Klaus."

"You're friends with Klaus? As in Klaus Mikaelson?" Josh looked shocked.

"Yeah. You know that," Davina slapped Josh's arm.

"Yeah. I do. But it's still cool to say in front of the rest of the school just to see them stare at you like you're the It Girl," Josh teased, wrapping an arm around Davina's shoulders and walking off.

Turning a corner, Genevieve felt her heart slam in her chest, painfully knocking against her ribs when she caught sight of Hayley Marshall walking up to Elijah. They stared each other down until Elijah grabbed her by the hips and kissed her. The cheerleader's arms wrapped around his neck, dropping her crutches and nearly tripping at least ten students. The couple didn't seem to notice or care. Genevieve felt tears begin to run down her cheeks.

Turning around, Genevieve ran. She ran into the nearest bathroom and vomited. Yes, she knew that they were screwing but she didn't know that they had decided to make it public. Tears continued to run down her cheeks as she fell onto her ass in the stall. Why couldn't he love her back?

Genevieve sat in the bathroom for a long time; trying to calm down. When she got up, no one noticed her or that anything was wrong. She walked into homeroom and no one spoke to her or looked at her as she slipped into her seat. They just buzzed their way through the day.

After school, Genevieve walked in the snow, shoving it around with the tip of her boot. She walked to Elijah's. Maybe he could be at home. Just once. Just be there. She walked up the sidewalk, her breath coming out in little puffs.

Raising her closed fist, she knocked on the door. It took what felt like a third of her life before Rebekah answered the door, her long blonde hair pulled into a ponytail. She wore less makeup these days. Looking more like a sixteen-year-old girl, than the punk rocker chick she looked like last year. She leaned in the doorway. "Yes? Oh, Genevieve when did you do that to your hair?" she asked, peering at Genevieve's hair.

Genevieve felt herself blush. "You're the first person to notice," she said, taking a lock and twisting it around her fingers, feeling nervous. "Is Elijah home?"

"No. He's at the Salvatore's. Babysitting. Believe it or not," Rebekah smirked. "Only Tom and Cami would think that 'Lijah could not scare the bloody hell out of a baby." Laughing, Rebekah shut the door.

Shifting from foot to foot, Genevieve debated the merits of going to the Salvatore house. She might run into Stefan, never a good thing, or she could run into Damon who didn't really know who she was.

Heading back down the sidewalk. She forced herself to walk to the Salvatore's. The house looked bigger than she remembered it. She started to tremble. Remembering the feeling of her head spinning, spinning, spinning. Her body wanted to sit down in the snow, not stand out here.

Her hands felt so cold. Stuffing them into the pockets of her coat, she walked to the front door and rang the bell, listening to it chime through the house. After a long minute the door opened and Elijah stood in the doorway. "Genevieve?" He looked confused. "What are you doing here?" he asked her.

"I need to tell you something," Genevieve's voice sounded hoarse to her own ears.

"Elijah, who is it?" another voice called and then Hayley appeared with a burbling baby on her hip. "Oh, hey, Genevieve, come to help us babysit?" Hayley asked with a light laugh. "She is just the most precious thing ever," she cooed at Rene.

"Umm…" Genevieve shook her head. "No. I have to go. Sorry." She took off, running back down the sidewalk.

The next day at school, Genevieve quietly slipped through the day and the next one, until they were on break. She went to her holiday job, at the local mall, dressing up as an elf and handing out sample sugar cookies. Stefan Salvatore came over to her with his buddies and looked her up and down. "Nice look," he said, winking at her. "Want to come by my place and play with my toys?"

"No," Genevieve said flatly.

Stefan shrugged, picked up a cookie, took a bite, and then spat it out, chewed up cookie falling on her pointy elf boot. "That has way too much baking soda in it. Tell Santa to not quit his day job," Stefan grumbled. "Man, I need a drink." He walked off with his friends, laughing and hassling other girls.

Jeremy Gilbert came toward her, holding several bags with happy holiday decorations on the sides. "Hey, Genevieve," he greeted her, shifting from foot to foot. Last year had been awkward since the time they nearly had sex. She always felt bad about what happened and screwing up his relationship with Anna who seemed nice enough.

"Hi, Jeremy! Cookie?" Genevieve said, forcing a smile.

"Thanks," Jeremy took one of the cookies, took a bite and grinned. "They're not bad," he said. "Did you make them?"

"No." Genevieve shook her head, the little bell on her hat tinkling. "Jeremy, I wanted to apologize for last year. It was stupid. Elijah was angry at Sage and he asked me to…seduce you. And I'm sorry. I'm really sorry about you and Anna. I know you really care about her."

Jeremy choked on his cookie. "What?"

"I'm sorry," Genevieve began to cry. Christmas shoppers turned to stare, a few of her classmates took pics of the crying elf with the sad cookies. "Can you take these? I have to go!" Shoving the plate of cookies at Jeremy, Genevieve took off.

It seemed like all she did was run away from things and people. Tearing off her elf hat, she tossed it into a trash can on her way out the front door. She took a bus as close to home as she could get and let herself into the apartment that her mother barely came home to. She worked as a back-up singer and was on the road most of the time.

Trying to calm down, Genevieve walked over to the couch and sat down. Last Christmas break had been worse than this one; she kept trying to tell herself. "Last year was worse," she said to herself.

Last year Genevieve went to a Christmas party at Damon Salvatore's. Loud music played. Stefan Salvatore greeted each girl that passed through the door with a kiss on the lips; pointing at the mistletoe as an excuse. Spiked eggnog was offered up. Damon Salvatore and Elena Gilbert got into an epic fight that involved her throwing eggnog in his face. Klaus had hit on Liv while Caroline listed off the reasons that a football player and a cheerleader were a cliché. Tom and Cami sat on a couch; ignoring everyone else.

Genevieve had kept trying to get Elijah to dance with her. "Please? Just one?" she cried, taking his hand and tugging on it. They were in the great room of the Salvatore Boarding House and Elijah refused to get up. Giving up, Genevieve plopped down beside him.

Hayley came into the room, in a tiny Mrs. Clause outfit and got on the coffee table, dancing for the crowd who cheered her on. Anna and Liv joined her while Kol clapped and then climbed on the table, dancing with Hayley. Elijah's face had darkened and he got to his feet, striding out of the room.

Genevieve got up and followed him into the kitchen. "What's wrong?" she asked him, placing a hand on his back.

"Nothing. Where is the bloody alcohol?" Elijah snarled, trying to find a bottle in the cabinets.

"Forget the alcohol!" Genevieve snapped. "Why can't you just have fun? Just once!" she yelled. Yes, she was drunk.

Elijah spun around and glared at her. Genevieve grabbed his face between her hands and kissed him. It lasted under five seconds when he peeled her off. "What is wrong with you?" he demanded. Self-disgust had coursed through her and she left the kitchen.

On her way down the hall, Genevieve saw Andie Starr. The other girl pulled out a bag from her purse, popped something into her mouth and then placed the baggie back into her purse. Gingerly, Genevieve walked over, opened Andie's purse and took out the bag. She knew what ecstasy looked like. Slipping a pill into her hand, she carefully replaced the bag and closed the purse. Walking away, she accepted a cup of eggnog from Stefan and popped the pill when no one was looking.

The next day Genevieve woke up, sore and scared. She didn't remember what happened last night. Looking at the guy next to her, she knew he was on the basketball team. His name started with a K. Liv had heard something bad about him during Oliver Kenner's memorial service but she didn't remember what. She couldn't remember a lot of things about last night; like why she was naked. Getting up, Genevieve got to her feet, got dressed and slunk out of the room.

"This year is better than last year," Genevieve kept saying to herself.

Genevieve got to her feet, beginning to pace around the living room. She walked into the bathroom, staring at the purple, bruise-like half-moons under her eyes. Opening the medicine cabinet, she pulled out a bottle of Ambien her doctor, Dr. Maxfield, gave her because she had nightmares. She had two. Never used the first bottle but got a refill—without argument—from the pharmacist.

Slipping the first bottle, and then the second into her purse, Genevieve looked around the sad little bathroom. She walked back out of the apartment and locked the door behind her because her mother would kill her if she didn't which seemed ironic now. She walked back out, into the cold air and then down the street. She kept walking until she got to the nearest bus stop, just outside town.

Genevieve got off the bus and walked into the hotel closest to town. Removing a hundred and fifty dollars from her wallet, she paid for a room for the night—still wearing what was left of her sad little elf costume. The girl manning the front desk smiled politely, slid her card key over the desk and Genevieve walked away.

The elevator left her with a feeling of eerie detachment. She could sleep in there. No worries, no sense of time moving, just the quiet. The doors slid open and Genevieve walked down the hall. She opened the door with her card, having no idea that Katherine Gilbert stayed in the same room for Valentines' day last year.

Sitting down onto the bed, Genevieve kicked off the pointy-toed elf shoes and slid off the tight top, short skirt and tights. She walked over to the closet in her underwear. A fluffy white robe hung off a hook attached to the door. She pulled it on, feeling better already before going over to the bed. Genevieve looked around. She opened a drawer to the nightstand and found a pad of paper, a pen and a Bible.

Pulling out the three items from the drawer, Genevieve examined the Bible. Maybe she should have visited Father O'Connell to confess before coming here. But she couldn't. Maybe they were wrong. Maybe her plan was not a sin. Should she have joined the abstinence club? Would they have taken her in? Would they have told her she was unclean; that what happened to her last year was her fault? She thought of what Elijah said about the abstinence club being a bunch of hypocrites.

Sighing, Genevieve put the Bible back up. God couldn't help her now. Tears began to run down her cheeks again when she pulled the pen cap off and began to write. She wrote her first letter to Anna, saying how sorry she was for what happened last year and she hoped that Anna's mother recovered from her surgery.

Her next letter was to Hayley. "I'm sorry I pushed you." She began before tearing out the piece of paper and tearing it up. "I love Elijah and you took him away." She ripped that one up, too. Then she started writing again.

The last two letters she wrote were to Elijah and to her mother. They both ended with "I'm so sorry." Sorry felt insufficient and there was a smaller, bitter part of Genevieve that thought that maybe they should be saying they were sorry to her.

Genevieve picked up the phone and called room service. "Hi, I'd like to order… What's really expensive?" she asked with a smile.

Turning on the TV, Genevieve flipped to Its Wonderful Life before flipping to something with Charlie Brown. A knock on the door sounded and she answered to find Jackson delivering her food. "Hi," she said.

"Don't we go to school together?" Jackson asked with a smile.

"Yeah. We do," Genevieve nodded with a smile of her own.

Genevieve opened her purse and handed Jackson a fifty dollar tip. "Whoa! That's way too much!" Jackson tried to give it back to her but Genevieve shook her head.

"Take it. It's the holidays." Genevieve pressed her hand over Jackson's until he stopped trying to give the money back. "Get Amara something nice. Something that says you care."

"I'm not sure money can do that," Jackson said but pocketed the money. "Thanks."

Genevieve closed the door before eating the Duck a la Orange, with a glass of cranberry juice in place of wine and a thick slice of cheesecake with a cherry on top. The mini fridge had a card lock, so she couldn't get at the alcohol, not that she wanted to after her last experience with booze. Finishing her meal, Genevieve placed the plates on the tray and then placed the tray in the hallway. Closing the door, she locked it before dumping her purse out and getting her bottles of Ambien. She wanted to go to sleep.

Walking into the bathroom, she turned on the hot and then the cold water, testing the temp as it filled the bathtub. The water looked relaxing. She wished she'd thought to buy some bubble bath. Going back into the main room, she picked up a glass and returned to the bathroom, filling it with cold water. Popping the first bottle open, she began to pop the pills into her mouth, one at a time. No need to rush it. Too many might make her puke. She didn't know how many she needed.

Finishing off the first bottle, she turned the tub off and then opened the second. When all the pills were gone, she felt kind of woozy. Her knees began to buckle beneath her. She fell to the floor and then struggled over to the tub. Gaining control again, Genevieve, moved to sit on the tub ledge, slipped out of her robe, bra and panties. She climbed into the tub, her foot sliding up to turn the hot water on again with her toes. It felt nice, like a happy dream. Her mind began to drift as sleep slid over her like a warm blanket and she slid, slid, slid into the water as the warm water filled, filled, filled the tub. "I'm sorry," she muttered before her head sank under the water and she drifted into the elevator-like quiet.

BTW, there's a line in the story that I could take out. Sorry, I suck with technology.

Thank you for reading, faving, following and reviewing.

Answers to guest reviews:

ScarletRose: Thank you enjoying it.

Guest: Ah, thank you!

Guest: Awesome!

Guest: Thank you. Sorry about this one being so dark but that's where the story went.

Guest: I know. Who knew that crackship could be so great?

Guest: We're going to see a lot of Delena in chapter 28.

Guest: I know. I'm sorry. I kept getting sick in December and January and my updates and backed up. :/

Guest: Thank you! I love Delena, too, and hope to see them in the series finale! Fingers are crossed!

Peace,

Jessica