Lee had waited for several minutes after watching her saying goodbye to her sons on the doorstep from the safety of his Porsche. Now that he was here, on her street, seeing her normal suburban life, he was losing his nerve – what right did he have to come and cause her all the upheaval he was going to inflict?
But what if she marries that Doug guy and commits bigamy?
His courage back in place, he got out and walked up the path to the front door, took another deep breath and pressed the bell. Braced for a shocked Amanda, he knew he'd probably done a poor job of hiding his own surprise when it opened to reveal a pretty middle-aged woman with blonde hair and familiar dark eyes.
"Mrs. King?" he hazarded, not knowing what else to try.
"Mrs. West," said the woman, giving him the once-over with real interest. "Mrs. King is my daughter."
"Oh," he said feeling stupid. "Is she home?"
"For you? I certainly hope so."
The woman – his mother-in-law, he suddenly realized – was smiling at him, and he found himself smiling back.
"Oh my," murmured his mother-in-law. "You know when you smile, you go from a ten to an eleven."
Lee stared at her, now completely off-kilter and with absolutely no answer for that. Mrs. West's smile broadened at his obvious distress and then she decided to take pity on him.
"You wait right there, I'll go fetch her."
A few seconds later, the door swung open again and for the briefest second, Amanda's face lit up and he found himself grinning goofily back at her; she was as pretty as he'd remembered. And then the smile vanished as she took in that he was actually on her doorstep and she was stepping back with a horrified expression. "No, no, no, no, no, no," she chanted as she started to slam the door in his face.
"Amanda, wait!" He jammed his foot in the door unthinkingly, then let out a yelp of pain as it got crushed.
Instantly it swung open again and Amanda, looking slightly apologetic, leaned out and hissed, "You cannot be here! My mother is here! Go away!"
She went to slam the door again but before she could, he thrust their marriage certificate toward her through the gap, only just barely yanking his fingers out of the way before it slammed shut. He waited a few seconds and then the door slowly opened again. Amanda was white as a sheet, hands trembling as she held the certificate in her hand.
"Now do you want to talk?" he asked.
"This isn't real – this can't be real," she whispered. "You've faked this up as some kind of cruel joke. You're a film producer right? This is just a prop, isn't it?" She sounded so hopeful, he almost couldn't bear to break her heart. "It's a Candid Camera stunt, right? You've got guys hiding in my bushes and Allen Funt is about to surprise me? Because if it is, this is really mean!"
"Afraid not," he shook his head. "We had a busy night, it seems. I found it just after you left."
"Oh my gosh." She looked back down at the paper, although he wasn't sure how she was reading it, she was shaking so hard. Finally she looked back up at him, eyes shiny with tears. "What do we do now?"
"Well, I have a plan," he said quickly, "but you don't have to cry – it's not so bad being married to me, is it?"
To his relief, he'd actually managed to get her to laugh, even if it was just a slightly hysterical, watered down version of that husky chuckle he'd heard the morning before.
"Gimme a day or two to get used to the idea and ask me again," she replied, a half-smile on her face.
"Gimme a day or two and we won't still be married," he countered.
"Really?" she asked hopefully.
"Well, no," he admitted. "If we can get back there right away we can get the annulment process started immediately, but it will take a couple of weeks for it to be finalized."
"An annulment? We can't get an annulment! We, uh…" she waved her hands helplessly between them.
"This handy State of Nevada brochure says different," he grinned, handing it to her. "Look, do you really want to keep having this conversation on the doorstep?"
She wavered for a moment and then to her horror, Dotty's hand appeared over her shoulder and plucked the brochure and the certificate out of her hand.
"I really wouldn't, Darling. Edna Gilstrap will have her binoculars out if you two stand out here any longer. Now why don't you come in, Mr. ..?" Her eyes dropped to the certificate and then she looked up again, face full of mischief. "Stetson. And you and Mrs. Stetson here can tell me all about how you got in this pickle." She turned and walked back toward the kitchen. "What a good thing I just put on a fresh pot of coffee – I feel like we're going to need it."
"Oh Mother," sighed Amanda, suddenly deflated. She stared at the floor for a moment before heaving a sigh and looking up to meet Lee's concerned expression with a grimace. "I'm never going to hear the end of this." She pulled the door further open and gestured for him to enter. "Come on in – mi casa es su casa, apparently."
"Well, at least you can see the funny side of this," he said, trying to sound encouraging as he stepped past her into his worst nightmare – a family home in the suburbs.
"My mother is only seeing the funny side of this," she groused. "Might as well just go with the flow."
He followed her across the foyer and down the steps into the sunny kitchen – all the signs of busy happy boys everywhere, from the basketball on the counter to the Halloween decorations on the bulletin board.
Amanda's mother had already poured three cups of coffee and was setting them out on the table, having already carefully placed the marriage certificate right in the middle. "Alright then, Mr. Stetson – how about you come sit down and tell me why you married my daughter without my permission."
Lee could tell she was enjoying herself hugely from the way the dimples were dancing in her cheeks. "Please call me Lee, Mrs. West," he began as he edged into a chair.
"Please call me Dotty, Lee," she reciprocated, now openly grinning.
Amanda was still standing, obviously undecided about where to sit.
"Get your keister in that chair, Young Lady. You have a lot of 'splainin to do," teased Dotty, pointing to the spot opposite her.
Amanda sunk into the spot beside Lee that her mother had directed her to. "Well, to be honest Mother, I'm not sure how much explaining I can do. I was – I mean, we were – a little bit drunk."
"A little bit drunk, Amanda? 'We got married and didn't remember it' isn't a little bit drunk, Darling."
Amanda turned to Lee. "Are you sure? I mean, maybe we just picked up a joke souvenir licence in the gift shop or something?" she asked hopefully.
"No. Believe me, I checked," he answered, shaking his head. "I had to go to the Clerk's Office to even find out where you lived – we definitely did."
"Oh." Amanda was silent for a moment and then looked back up, hopeful expression back. "But you said we can get it annulled?"
"Yes, do tell, Lee," interrupted Dotty. "From what Amanda just said, I didn't think annulment was an option."
"Mother! Could you please try not to enjoy my humiliation quite so blatantly?" Amanda said plaintively.
"Are you kidding? This is the most fun I've had in years!" quipped Dotty. "But seriously, Lee, annulment is possible?"
"Um yeah," he recovered from watching the by-play between the two women. "According to the brochure, there's a 'want of understanding' clause we could use since we were-"
"Completely pie-eyed?" interjected Dotty.
"Mother!"
"Drunk," said Lee firmly, trying to get the conversation back under control. "We just have to apply in person to the Clerk's office and if we do it together, it can be cleared off the books in three weeks."
"What do you mean 'in person'?" asked Amanda wide-eyed. "I can't go back to Las Vegas – what would I tell the boys?"
"The boys are only 8 and 10, Darling. You could tell them you're going to the North Pole to deliver their Christmas list to Santa and they'd believe you," replied Dotty. "And you know, I'm perfectly capable of looking after them while you're away."
"Well, if only one of us makes the application, it can take up to 15 weeks, longer if they decide one of us needs to have six months' residency!" said Lee. He was exaggerating for effect, hoping she'd go along with Plan A to get them out of this as quickly as possible. "But if we fly back out there today, we can be there by tonight, apply for the annulment first thing in the morning and fly home – and you could be back in time to put your sons to bed tomorrow. I mean, as long as your mother is willing to help us out with that." He turned his most winning smile on his mother-in-law who beamed back.
Amanda was looking only slightly less panicky. "So you came all the way here to find me just so that you could fly me back to Nevada?"
Lee shifted uncomfortably in his chair. "Well, it wasn't really all that far. I, um, live in D.C."
"Oh how nice!" exclaimed Dotty. "You can come for family dinner on Sundays! Assuming the divorce is amicable, of course," she added when both Lee and Amanda looked at her slack-jawed.
"It's not a divorce, it's an annulment," muttered Amanda.
"Of course, silly me," Dotty smiled into her coffee cup.
"So?" asked Lee turning back to Amanda with a desperate look. "There's a flight out of National at two this afternoon."
Amanda groaned, dropping her head into her hands. "I cannot believe I have to get back on a plane when I've only been home nine hours."
"Nine hours?" Lee looked at her in amazement. "How the hell did you get home? Ox cart?"
"Very funny. No, I could only afford the flight that went through Houston and Chicago so I got home at midnight," she muttered, not looking at him.
"Amanda! I offered to buy you a replacement ticket! Why didn't you tell me you were short on money to get home?"
Amanda turned in her chair to glare at him full-on. "Because I didn't want to owe you anything! You weren't responsible for me missing my flight, why should you have to pay for it?"
"Well, if you'd stuck around long enough to let me, we'd have found that certificate and we wouldn't be having to fly back now, would we?" he vented.
"If you hadn't seduced me and married me while I was drunk, we also wouldn't be having to fly back now, would we?" Her voice was rising now to meet his in volume as she mimicked him.
"My recollection of the other night may be somewhat hazy, but I do remember that the seduction was pretty much mutual!"
"Mine too, but it was your idea to get married, not mine!"
"Are you sure?" he jeered. "Because you were pretty hot on the idea of finding a way to dump Dan as I recall!"
"Dean! His name is Dean! And I don't know why you're so sure this is all my fault when you didn't remember marrying me either!"
Amanda pulled up short at the sound of the smothered giggle across the table and rounded on Dotty.
"And Mother, would you please stop laughing – this isn't funny!" She finished with a slight hiccupping sob and lifted her hands to cover her face.
Dotty reached across the table and pulled her hands down so she could wrap her own around them. "Amanda, Darling, I'm sorry but it is a tiny little bit funny and if you weren't so tired, you'd see it too. But it's not so bad, is it? Lee came and found you and all you have to do is go back and file some paperwork and it'll all be water under the bridge, right?" She looked at Lee for confirmation.
Lee was looking slightly terrified at the sudden appearance of tears, but managed to nod. "Right. By this time tomorrow, we could be in and out of the clerk's office and on our way home."
"Fine," sniffled Amanda, dragging herself to her feet. "I'll go pack an overnight bag." She looked back and forth between her mother and her – unbelievable but true – temporary husband with a worried expression. "Mother, behave yourself."
Dotty looked at her with a much too innocent face. "Of course I will, Darling. I'll just take this time to get to know my newest son-in-law before you get rid of him."
Amanda looked at Lee, who was looking back at her, frozen like a deer in headlights.
"Hurry," he mouthed at her and somehow, knowing he was equally uncomfortable about this whole thing made her feel better. As she turned to jog up the stairs, she could already hear her mother.
"So Lee, tell me – any chance you've made me a grandmother again?"
"Mother!" Amanda stopped dead halfway up the stairs, ears straining to see if Lee would answer, and then to her relief, she heard: "No, Dotty. No chance at all."