The boys and Ninja slept in the cabin, and I stayed with Kirsti. No one spoke much as we parted ways. I was half tempted to stop Dean. I wanted to kiss him, tell him how much I wanted him, and thank him for… something. I hadn't thought it that far out. The rational part of me made sure I kept my stupid mouth shut.

My whole body protested when morning came. I was really banged up. I held a hand against my side as I hobbled out of Kirsti's bed. My ribs were bruised pretty badly. My face felt hot and swollen. It pulsed in time with the blood in my veins. I was a little surprised to see that Kirsti was up and out of the house. She may not have taken the physical beating I did, but last night wasn't exactly easy for her.

After a good long hobble to the bathroom, hobbling to the shower, and hobbling around IN the shower with the lights off, I felt a little like myself again. It took a few moments to work up the courage, but I finally flipped on the lights. I groaned at the face that stared back at me. The bruises from a few days ago were a sort of sickly green, and my new marks were a nice angry red and purple. At least my stitches had held. Each lump and bruise served as a reminder, just as the ones that had come before. The aches and pains sucked, and I certainly wouldn't be winning any beauty pageants any time soon, but I had survived, dammit. The girl looking back at me had made it. She had faced death, and come out stronger.

I threw on Kirsti's old terry cloth robe, my stomach loudly reminding me that even though gals need to eat. I shuffled to the kitchen, yawning. Eggs, bacon and strong coffee were just what the doctor ordered. I made enough for everyone. The thought of sitting down to breakfast with Dean…. I drifted, indulging and a happy homemaker fantasy that was impossible to achieve as I cooked.

"Eh-hem…"

"Sweet baby Jesus!" I nearly dropped my mixing bowl, spinning around. "Sam, you scared the hell out of me!"

Sam smiled, just turning up the corners of his mouth as he walked in to the kitchen. "Sorry."

I was still breathing hard, wincing as my lungs pushed against my ribs. "No problem." I rasped. "I'm just not used to being around stealthy men, I guess."

We slipped into our usual companionable silence as I cooked, scrambling up a big batch of eggs and frying a pig's worth of bacon.

"Smells good."

I smiled over my shoulder at Sam. It was clear he was just as complicated as his brother, but he was so earnest, it was hard not to feel at ease around him. It almost made me wish my heart had been a little more reasonable about which Winchester it wanted. "I used to hate eggs, but I'm all about a good breakfast now. Especially after having my ass kicked."

Sam's smile deepened, and I turned the food down, leaning on the island across from him. "How do you guys unwind after a hunt?"

Sam shrugged. "Booze, mostly. I run, and Dean gets la- Uh… Socializes."

I took a deep breath, grimacing from the twinge in my ribs as I nodded. "To each their own." I turned to go back to my cooking, but Sam's hand on mine stopped me.

"Dean puts a lot of pressure on himself." I cocked my head to the side. Sam was coming out of left field, as far as I was concerned. He pursed his lips. "He feels responsible for everyone."

I had to fight my instincts to run from the conversation. I assumed that Sam had come to let me down gently, either out of pity or because Dean didn't have the balls to do it himself. I gathered myself control, sighing as I waited for Sam to continue.

"When people get hurt, he blames himself. Especially if he cares about them."

That caught my attention. I met Sam's eyes. "When I went to hell-" I grimaced, and same smiled sardonically. "We've both spent so much time there, we should have a summer house." My eyes widened and he chuckled. "Anyway, Dean stopped hunting. He had a normal life with a great girl. He helped raise her son, and was generally happy. But, what we do… it leaks over, every time. He left to protect them. They almost died anyways because of a demon who wanted to get to Dean. If it weren't for Cas-" Sam paused, taking a deep breath. "It got to him. He cut ties to protect them, and I don't know that he's over it."

My brow furrowed. "What are you saying Sam?" I whispered. He huffed out a puff of air.

"Do you promise not to tell Dean about this conversation?"

I nodded once, confused. I didn't understand why Sam had come, and I definitely didn't get his point.

"Dean needs people, even though he won't admit it. He lives and dies by the people he saves. It would be hard for him to watch someone he cares about face the things we face. Dean needs someone who can protect themselves. And maybe him sometimes, too."

"Sam, I'm super lost."

"I guess I'm saying, I approve?"

My laughter was nervous and little forced. I grimaced at another twinge in my ribs. "Approve of what? We aren't-"

"Maybe you should be."

Sam was so serious, it brought me up short. "That's not just up to me." I sighed.

Sam tried to conceal a smile. "If it were up to either of you, I'd be spending the next 20 years, miserable, listening to the two of you bicker while you avoid the subject."

I blushed, looking down at the counter top for a moment. The corners of Sam's mouth were turned up in a small smile. Clearing my throat, I turned back to the food to avoid fidgeting. I turned the burners off, grabbing plates and handing them to Sam as I grabbed silverware. He followed me to the table, and we laid everything out like a nice family meal. I don't know what possessed me, but I opened my mouth, spilling out my lingering doubts.

"Sam, what if… One of us could get hurt." My lower lip trembled, and I felt foolish.

"I know you'd look out for him."

I pursed my lips. Sam slipped an arm around my shoulders, giving me a friendly squeeze. "You and Dean are so stubborn, you'd kill each other long before you ever let anything hurt either of you." I snorted, shaking my head. Sam stepped away so I could make my way back to the kitchen.

I moved as quickly as I could to Kirsti's room and her well stocked closet when Sam went to collect his brother. I didn't want to face Dean in a bathrobe, or last night's hunting clothes.

I tried to find something simple, but in Kirsti's closet, that was quite a task. Even her gym clothes were bright and form fitting. I finally dug out a pair of black yoga pants with the tags still on them and tossed them on to the bed along with a deep eggplant tank top. It was loose enough that it wouldn't fit like a second skin, but it still clung to me in a way I hadn't allowed my clothes to do in a long time. The neck line as low, but Audrey Hepburn low, as opposed to Marilyn Monroe. I was getting ready to call Kirsti about the pants when she breezed in.

"Morning!" I was startled by how bright she sounded.

"Hey. How are you?" Kirsti smiled at the concern in my voice.

"I should be asking you that." Her face grew somber as the surveyed my battle scars.

"I'm great. Never better. Well, I'm alive, and it's a good day for a big greasy breakfast. Hey, I don't want to eat in my robe… could I-"

"You don't even have to ask. The boys are already at the table. I gave Ninja some left overs, and Dean looks ready to eat his arm. He's pissed that he has to wait but the dog doesn't. I gave them strict orders, no breakfast until we are joined by the chef."

I knew better than to respond to any one of her statements until she slowed to a stop. I gave her the required beat to make sure she was done, getting dressed. I cringed, partially from trying to ignore the pain in my side and partially from how tight the boot cut black lycra was. "You didn't answer my question." I peeked over my shoulder at Kirsti. She was freshening up in front of the vanity.

"Hmmm? Oh, I'm fine."

"Fine, or 'fine?'" I did air quote around the second fine, because I'm lame like that.

"Both. It's a lot to take in, but I know I'll be okay. I went to church with mom and Dad and asked them about Jacob and Stacey. They confirmed everything. Not that I needed it, after last night. I guess they knew- I mean, know, Stacey pretty well. She didn't' want them to tell me, but she gave them a letter to give me if I ever asked about her.

I met Kirsti's eyes in the vanity reflection. She looked surprisingly at peace. "I owe her a lot. I owe her everything, actually."

"She did right by you in the only way she could." I shrugged, suddenly feeling a pang of my own feelings of loss as I considered how Stacey must have felt, giving up her baby girl and the last piece she had of the man she loved because it was the right thing to do. Almost in unison, we wiped a tear, blinking back more. "we are a sorry pair." My smile was watery.

"Maybe. Although I'd like to think we are a fabulous pair of girls with a couple of hungry, hu8t guys waiting in my kitchen."

My heart fluttered and I flushed, thinking of Dean. Kirsti grinned at my reaction and took my hand, leading me out of the bedroom.