Chapter 13

"Oh no, the whispers are back Will!" Diana almost dropped the knife she was using to cut the vegetables for the now weekly dinner with Fr. John and his sister,Joan. They had been doing this for years,it was 1980 and they all were close friends now.

"How's that making you feel?"

"Very upset, but I'm not going to listen to them. I'm going to put on some Carole King and sing loud."

"Great coping strategies,honey."

After putting the album on Diana said,"Will,I think I'm pregnant."

"Oh you do, really?"

They had decided to have a child, but the medication Diana was on made it harder to get pregnant and he didn't know if he was ready to deal with it yet. They had a plan in place, for who would help Diana out with everything,but still the possibility was a lot for him to grasp, especially that she'd probably be advised to go off her medication for a while.

"Can you watch the sauce while I go check?"

"Diana, let's set up a doctor's appointment too. When did you buy a pregnancy test? oh never mind, let's make a compromise."

"Are you upset?"

"Surprised, let's wait until everyone has left and then do the pregnancy test."

"Why?"

"I want to be there when you test. We also need to watch the sauce." William never thought he'd be so grateful for Alfredo sauce.

"You don't want Father to know?"

"Not yet sweetheart." He kissed Diana wishing there would be a day when the negative symptoms, ones that took away the expression of emotions and produced apathy and depression would go away. He hated staring into those vacant eyes and longed for a warm smile. It was also difficult to have a spouse who also had trouble communicating, difficulty understandanding emotions and had a difficult thought process.

The evening was very pleasant. Diana, William, Fr. John and Joan had many things in common and enjoyed each other's company very much.

"So what I really wish I could be doing is testifying at that hearing on the mental health bill with our First Lady tomorrow" said Joan.

"You'd actually want to talk to the government?" Diana almost whispered.

"Yes,it's not that bad now. I used to think Nixon was after me."

"Me too! It was horrible, but your brother helped me."

"Ladies, I hate to break up your little support group but who wants dessert?" Will asked.

"It's mint chocolate chip ice cream,Oreo,fudge and lots of butter in the Oreo crust,my favorite dessert ever" declared Diana.

"Sounds wonderful" Said Fr. John.

"Did I do alright as lector last night, Father?"

"Oh, just fine Diana."

" I can't do that too much you understand same with cantoring. I like it, but all the extra concentrating makes me tired."

"I totally understand, Diana."

"At my parish, I talk to the children about being sick and how they should end the stigma around mental illness,that even our First Lady doesn't want people to be cruel by calling people crazy. But I can only do one talk a week,otherwise it's too stressful" said Joan.

"That's wonderful Joan, is that something you'd like to do Diana?" Asked William.

"Maybe if I ever have a kid. Mom had so much stigma and I don't think I liked that, but I still wouldn't want to tell a bunch of little kids I hear voices. They'd hate me."

"I don't think so Diana, some kids who are a bit different seemed in awe that I was able to talk about something scary like that, without being scared of the bullies in the world."

"You are brave, I was so scared to tell Dad and he doesn't know what to do with me."

"Give him your friend and sister's book."

"I did, I still think he thinks I will turn into Ed Gein or Jeffrey Dahmer."

"He's an ignorant old man then."

" What a delicious meal and dessert,are you getting tired Joan?" Fr. John asked his sister.

"Yes actually, back to Dr. Hartley's I go."

"Your brother must have patients think he's Bob Newhart" said William.

" He looks like him too."

"Is he funny too?" Asked Diana.

"Not as funny as Bob himself. He's going to let me co lead a support group for people with Schizophrenia."

"Wow" Diana didn't know what to think. She really admired her role model, but she was tired and no other words were coming to her.

After everyone had said goodbye Diana said "Let's go see if I'm pregnant."

"Alright Diana, but are you up to helping me dry dishes after?"

"Let them drip dry."

"Fair enough."

Once William was sure Diana understood how to administer the test,he stood outside the bathroom door that was open just a crack.

"It's positive!"

"Really, Diana we should make an appointment to confirm."

Oh William Reid ever the argumentative lawyer. Don't you love me? Are you mad?"

Yes I love you and no honey,I want to double check with the doctor and see what he says about medications too." He held Diana close.

"I don't have to listen to the voices. I won't even if they are loud."

"We will get through this, Diana." William knew they would.