Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.
I am Home
From my right Akio lets out a big sigh and rests his chin on his folded arms that lay on top of the desk. But I barely notice as most of my attention is on my drawing of a symbol of the one thing that I just cannot get out of my head. It has been haunting me for days now. It is to the point that when I close my eyes all I see is this fan, the same one that Akio and I saw right before we were evacuated from that ghost district.
"The application of a genjutsu should always be-" Iruka-sensei drawls on and on as I make the same shapes over and over again on the back of last night's homework. I sort of forgot about it because of all of the village repairs, and Asuma's death. But a couple days ago I woke up just before dawn after having this very weird dream about my father. He was instructing me on how to handle throwing weapons in the woods behind our house, and for some reason everything was crimson red and this fan symbol was everywhere, on the trees, on our clothes, in father's eyes, and on his weapons. And now when I close my eyes all I see are fans. What does that mean? Slowly, I shade in the red part of the fan. After that dream I have had this sense that I have seen this fan before I even set foot in that ghost district. Maybe even before I came to Konoha. But why is that? If I have seen it before why did I not recognize it straight away? A sharp memory and keen observation are up there in the list of most important shinobi qualities. Father made sure that I am average in all of those qualities. So why can I not remember where I have seen this fan before? I scrunch my nose up in frustration. "Though using genjutsu should only be when one's opponent-"I hear Iruka-sensei say as I finished shading one fan move on to make another.
"What'cha doin'?" Akio asked in a whisper, his eyes lingering on Iruka-sensei.
Without looking up from my paper, I answer, "I cannot get this symbol out of my head."
Akio picks up his head a little bit to see what I've been doing during this genjutsu lesson. Considering that I've filled up most of page I say that I have been pretty productive. "That thing? From when we got lost during the attack?" Akio questioned. "Why would that be stuck in your head?"
I take a long look at my latest fan before shrugging. "I do not know". If did know then I probably would not be obsessing over it so much. "I was thinking", I said as I looked at Akio. "Maybe we should go back to that district. Maybe we can find out what the fan means."
Akio opens his mouth, but before he could reply Iruka-sensei's voice finally reaches our ears. "Now for last night's homework I asked all of you to find a genjutsu, research it, and write one paper on it. So pass your papers up." Iruka-sensei ordered. Akio closes his mouth and we share a look. Perfect timing Iruka-sensei, as usually. I flip over my paper so that my finished assignment is facing up before handing it to Akio so that it can be passed to the end of the row and forward to Iruka-sensei. He always interrupts us. Most of the time he means to though, probably because we are always talking through his lessons. But even when he does not catch us he stops us. I guess that is what grownups would call a good teacher. Iruka-sensei collects the pile of papers and starts flipping through them, offering praise, as well as occasional asking a specific student for a more readable handwriting on the next assignment. When he was done with one he would place the report face down on his desk, and then move on to the next one. After he saw Izumi's report he commended her on attention to detail in her research of the first hokage's kokuangyou no jutsu. While all of this is going on I want to ask Akio about what he thinks of revisiting that district, but I know he wants to hear what Iruka-sensei has to say about his work. Akio takes a lot of pride in his work. I can tell because whenever he turns something in he always checks to make sure that his name is on it and that it is crease free. Iruka-sensei goes through ten other people's homework before he comes to Akio's. Iruka-sensei reads a sentence or two before he said, "I see that you asked your mom about one of her specialties. Good idea Akio." Akio smiles in pride, before slumping back into his seat having lost interest again. And then Iruka-sensei comes to my report. I had chosen to research the Kokohi no jutus, which is just an easy technique to change the appearance of things. Just like the transformation jutsu but for objects. That was the jutsu that father said he was going to teach me next. But thanks to those two scary men that destroyed my family it looks like I'll have to learn that one on my own. "Smart choice Manami." Iruka-sensei complimented. "The kokohi no jutsu would be a good one for any genin to know, I'm glad that you researched it. It's probably something that most jonin sensei would have their genin learn." He separates my paper from the rest of the pile to add it to the pile on his desk, giving the class a glimpse of all of my doodling. Iruka-sensei places my homework face down like everyone else's and gets ready to praise the next student. Though right after he looks back at the papers in his hands he pauses. A rare feeling of focused attention spreads throughout the classroom. What is Iruka-sensei doing now? Almost as if he is afraid to look Iruka-sensei slowly turn his eyes back to the pile of papers on his desk. He openly stares at all of the randomly placed fans that I drew, and his eyes get bigger. Why? I lean forward. Does he know what those fans represent? He clutches the papers that he is holding in his hand, making them crinkle. Almost as if he is examining every signal fan, his face pales dramatically. What does he know? His head snaps up and his wide eyes scan all of his students until they land on me. A shiver crawls up my spine. He's giving me the same look that he's given my before, the one that looks like he has just seen a ghost. "L-let's finish class early today", he said, having regained himself a little bit. But why would he have lost himself in the first place? "Everyone's dismissed."
Sounds of confusion break out from everyone in the class room. Some are muttering about what their mothers will say when then come home an hour earlier than usual. But everyone stands up from their desks anyway. Usually we have another half hour of lessons and a half hour of application before the school day is over. There must be something about that fan signal that is really spooky. As I stand up I touch Akio's arm with the back of my hand. He responds by nudging me with his elbow as he gets up to his feet. Now we are both on high alert. With Akio in front we start for the door. But Iruka-sensei calls out, "Manami stay behind please." Akio looks back as I stop walking and gives me a look, meaning that whatever Iruka-sensei says I will have to repeat to him. Akio is the last one to leave before I turn around to face Iruka-sensei. He motions for me to come closer to his desk and him. And I do as I shove my hands in my pockets. Once standing in front of him Iruka-sensei puts the down the papers that he is holding and picks up my paper, and holds it out so that I can see all of the fans that I drew. "Do you know what these are Manami?" He asked me in a slightly nervous voice.
I stare at my drawings for half a second, before raising my head to make eye contact with him. "They are fans."
Iruka-sensei nods his head in a hurried manner. "Yes but do you know what the fan means?" He asked holding out my paper closer to my face.
I shake my head and take in Sensei's reaction as he lets out a huge sigh of relief. But why? "What do they mean?" I asked, trying to read Iruka-sensei's body language.
Iruka-sensei quickly shakes his head and puts my paper back on his desk, before sliding it under all of the other papers, out of view. "That's not important." He said with barely any pause between his words.
What are you hiding Iruka-sensei? "I do not know what that fan symbols mean", I said in a purposely slow voice. "But I know that I have seen that symbol before I moved to Konoha."
Iruka-sensei breaks eye contact with me and looks up at the ceiling, scratching the back of his head. "Ah well…" He started as he tries to think of something to change the subject. "I'm sure that Akio is waiting for you." He said, gesturing towards the door. "Have a nice afternoon, and make sure to finish today's homework." And he practically pushes me out the door before he races out of the class room, heading somewhere in the direction of the staff room.
"He really just changed the subject on ya?" Akio asked as we walk away from the academy with no real destination in mind.
I nod my head as I scuff the tip of my sandal into the dirt. "He definitely knows what the fan means." I said as Akio waves at a shopkeeper that is friends with his father in passing. "We need to go back to that district. Do you remember where it is?" I asked after Akio lets his hand fall back down to his side.
"Yay, I can find it!" Akio said. "I guess this means that we can skip trainin' with Neji-sensei today. All those pull ups have been givin' me nightmares!"
Akio steps ahead of me and starts the lead the way. His head is swiveling left and right, looking for the right direction to the ghost district. I pull my hands out of my pockets before asking, "How can pull ups give you nightmares?"
An amused smirk grows on my lips as Akio freezes and I watch a shudder climb up his spine. Without turning around he said, "A couple nights ago I had this dream that Neji-sensei was making us do pull ups and then suddenly the ground disappeared and Neji-sensei was floating, and he said, 'if you want to live you'll have to do pull ups forever'" He said drawing out the word forever in this low, slightly creepy voice.
"That sounds like fun", I said with a snicker as I stop walking once I am shoulder to shoulder with my best friend.
Akio throws me a glare as we start walking again. "It wasn't cool!" He insisted. "I woke up clinging to my bed post and couldn't fall back asleep for the rest of the night!"
This time I don't respond to Akio and simply let him relive his torment. If he had experienced some of the dreams that I have had then his pull ups dream would look fun. Instantly I'm remembering that fan dream all of again. That wasn't a scary dream, but it definitely is an unforgettable one. "I think it's this way." Akio said as he pointed to the right side of a fork in the road.
I shrug and start heading down that direction. "Your guess is as good as mine." I said.
It takes us three wrong turns, five dead ends, and retracing our steps at least seven times before we find the ghost district. And it is just as eerie in the daylight as it is at night. I walk up to one of the walls that have the fan symbol embossed on it. Reaching out with my right hand I let the tips of my fingers trace it. Where have I seen this before? Being back in this place, surrounded by fans kind of makes me feel like I am stuck in that dream. But why? Why is this symbol so important that it is all I can think about?
"Manami", Akio called from where he is standing in the middle of the road, not touching anything, and looking a little uncomfortable. "Maybe we should look inside some buildings or something. The sooner we get clues the sooner we can leave. This place kind of makes my skin crawl." I take one last look at the fan on the wall before nodding. I have to agree with Akio on this one. This place is so quiet compared to the rest of the village that it kind of feels like we are not even in Konoha anymore.
The first building that we go to looks like it was a small grocery store. The front is all boarded up so we have to squeeze through the gabs. Whoever nailed the boards on must have thought that no one would try to break in because it is far too easy to get in. Once in everything that we see is covered in dust. The shelves, floor, front counter, just dust everywhere. Akio and I leave footprints every time one of us takes a step. And everywhere I turn my head I can spy a fan. "I am" I start but my voice gets caught in my throat. This place almost does not feel real. "I am going to check behind the front counter. Maybe there is a clue there." I don't wait for Akio to respond as I make my way for the counter leaving a very vivid trail behind me.
"Then I'll keep look out", Akio said a bit uneasily. We both know that he volunteered to do that because he doesn't want to go snooping around an abandoned place like this. And I cannot say that I blame him.
Once behind the counter I am hesitant to stick my hands into the storage space under it, but the constant, haunting thought of the fan symbol eventually has me feeling around for anything that could have been forgotten. My want for answers is greater than my fear of whatever can possible be hiding in the corners of this dark, dusty place. I run my hand over every surface that's under the counter, looking for wrappers, or recites, anything that could possibly be connected to the fan symbol. My hand gets covered in so much dust that it looks like I have painted my hand gray by the time I squat down and hug my knees. "There is nothing here." I called out to Akio.
From where he is peeking through the gaps to see the outside world Akio turns to face me and asked, "Do ya want to check somewhere else? Maybe a house this time? There might be more clues there." I nod my head as I unfold myself. There has to be something left behind in this district.
The moment we slip back outside the deserted grocery store we both take big breathes of fresh air. And I take the time to free my hand of the collected dust. Then I take the lead. Akio choose the grocery store so it is my turn to choose which house we will explore. We head deeper into the ghost district, searching for the residential area. But about every three seconds I see a new fan and forget about the house search. If Akio was not here with me I would probably just be staring at fans my entire time in this district. Why are the fans so important? Where have I seen them before? I can feel the answer somewhere in the back of my mind but I just cannot recall it. And that's when I see it, right in front of me. My breath catches and I freeze. "Father", I whispered, making Akio halt as well.
"What?" He asked confused, trying to see what I am seeing.
But I barely hear him. All I can focus on is the house right in front of us. It is small, and clearly has not been occupied in years but all of the details are there. The brown slanted roofs, the blue door with a window right in the center of it. Then two square windows to the left where the kitchen is and one to the right where the living room is. And I bet that on the other side of the house there is three more windows. One belonging to a small bathroom and the other two belonging to two bedrooms. This is my house. This is the house that my family and I lived in. Or at least it is exactly like the house that father died protecting, and the house that mother and brother were murdered in, and it is like the house that I fled from.
"Manami", I heard Akio say carefully as he placed a hand on my shoulder. But I am still too frozen to answer. How can there be a house in Konoha that is identical to my home in the land of Earth? I blink but when I open my eyes again I am no longer in Konoha with Akio. I back home with my mother and brother, sitting around the dinning table, waiting for father. I look to be about five, and am sitting in between mother and my brother. I remember this. I was trying to mimic mother as she delicately sipped her tea. Mother was always so graceful, and it that was one thing that I never could master. A loud clap of thunder sounded out and my five year old self jumped and latched on to mother's sleeve. A soon as the thunder ended Brother laughed and mother giggled, but I only stuck my tongue out at my brother. "Oh Manami-chan", I remember mother had said, before she put down her tea cup down, detached me from her sleeve, and then she had pulled me into her lap. I remember her lap being a very warm and safe place. After that she had said, "No need to be afraid. The thunder is just the world's way of letting out its emotions." And next…. What happened next? I think she had given me a hug, with her head resting on top of mine.
"But father is out there!" The little me had said. Then brother had said, "He is fixing the roof Father is fine." I miss my brother so much.
Back in reality I feel Akio shake my shoulder and call my name louder, but I stay fixated on my memory. I'm not ready to go back yet. I want to stay her with my brother and my mother. After my brother had said that I remember that mother had nodded and said, "That's right. This house is very important to your father. When he first moved to the land of Earth your father built this house with his own two hands. And after we got married and I moved in he told me that he made this house look exactly like the house that he had lived in with his parents back in his hometown. Your father said that when he moved here he wanted to live in the same house so that he would always know when he is home." Mother then kissed the top of my head and grinned at her son. "So when your father walks through the door and says, 'I am home' let's giving him the biggest welcome we can muster."
I blink again. And this time I see flashes. Flashes of the two scary men that ruined my life, flashes of mother's and brother's terrified faces, flashes of Father's body being thrown through the kitchen widow, and then flashes of the blood. So much blood, everything that I have not allowed myself to remember since I first ran away. I feel one tear run down my left cheek and I blink again. This time I am not in the land of Earth, I am back in Konoha, in the ghost district, staring at an abandoned house with Akio shaking my shoulder like it is a handshake. "I am home", I said, still ignoring Akio's calls as my head starts to feel too heavy for my body and I fall backwards, as my knees collapsed under my weight. "I am home." I said one last time but no one welcomes me back.