When she awoke the next morning, it was to the sound of the librarian, the one that caught her sneaking in a few years ago. The librarian was talking to someone about science experiments. Bridgette blinked a few times and rubbed the sleep from her eyes. She sat up and stretched her neck. Bridgette was still well hidden and knew that no one had any reason to be back there but she was curious what the librarian was doing and who she was talking to. Why would the librarian be concerned about science experiments?
Almost as if Bridgette had been splashed with cold water, she remembered why it was she had that day off to begin with. It was parent-teacher conferences. There would be people swarming the school soon enough and Bridgette knew that parents would wander all over that building. Parents are nosy like that.
For a brief moment, Bridgette wondered if her own parents would be attending but quickly tossed that idea aside. Her parents never went to anything. If they wouldn't go to conferences for Tim and Curly that actually needed guidance and assistance, they definitely wouldn't be there for Bridgette.
So at least she wouldn't run into them.
But that was only one of her problems. The most glaringly obvious problem was, of course, the fact that she had been sleeping in the school.
Bridgette chanced a glance around the bookcase and saw the librarian with a short man with a bald head. She was guiding him on where to set up the tables for the science experiments. Bridgette knew the conferences started at ten, so she figured it had be a couple hours before that.
She decided she needed to get out of that library as soon as possible. She had no idea where to go once she got out but she needed to take it step by step.
Of course, that was made more difficult as people started to file in, carrying tables for the science projects to sit on. Some of those people were staff and some were in student government. Bridgette kept looking over at the clock nervously, counting down the minutes until her escape.
Once it got to half past nine, Bridgette decided she really needed to do something. She couldn't get caught there in her pajamas. It would be humiliating and raise a lot of questions.
Her first step was to change into normal clothes. Since she had her bag with her she had plenty of options to choose from. When she went shopping with James, he insisted on buying her some "respectable" clothes. She figured if she was going to get caught, she might as well get caught wearing decent clothing. Her brothers would never let her live it down. Maybe if they saw her, they'd be too busy laughing to be mad at her.
She wiggled into a long tan skirt and a periwinkle sweater. She shoved everything else into her overflowing bag. She straightened her skirt and held her head up high. She marched right out from her hiding spot and joined the students setting up science experiments. She even grabbed one from the pile and positioned it in the next available space. She nodded to the girl next to her who did a double take. Bridgette set up a few more before slowing inching her way out of the building, pretending to help along the way. Mr. Schmidt even saw her and waved enthusiastically.
Once she was out of the building she realized her battle was only halfway won. Now what?
She hadn't walked more than two steps when she heard her name. She froze and looked around cautiously. She didn't want anyone to know she was there. It was stupid, since she had just made it obvious she was there by helping to set up, but she didn't want anyone to know she was there that could report back to her brothers or, even worse, James.
She was pleasantly surprised to find Darry. She waved at him and he gave her an unsure smile. He was clearly there for Ponyboy and she found herself suddenly very envious. Everyone in her family always gave her such a hard time about school but they never cared enough to go to any conferences or ceremonies. And they nagged her about soccer all the time but never bothered with her games. It was disheartening.
"Hi, Bridgette," he greeted with a warm smile. "It sure is good to see you."
"Yeah," she said simply.
"How are things?"
"Pretty good," she lied. "I just finished setting some things up."
"I didn't know you were involved in that kind of stuff."
"I dabble," she mumbled.
"Nice. So, um, I heard your brothers have calmed down. Curly finally convinced Tim not to kill that Soc."
"That's probably for the best," she said.
"Yeah. So you can probably try going home if you want to."
"I know my mom is better," she began, "but I think Tim needs another day or so."
"Okay," he agreed quickly. "Is everything working out with where you are?"
"Oh , yeah," she said at the same time he looked down and saw her bag full of clothes. She casually moved the bag to the side to hide most of the contents. When she looked up at him again he was looking at her knowingly.
"Tim has stopped checking our house for you," he said. "He knows you're too smart to go there. It might be nice for you to take a break from your friend's house and come back to greaser turf. We would love to have you."
"It's still kind of risky," she said.
"I promise you it's fine," he said. "Besides, Soda and Pony have been strategizing new ways to hide you all week. Soda liked the idea of letting you sleep on the roof and Pony likes the idea of building you a tree house."
"A tree house would be cool," she agreed. She met his gaze and bit her lip. "It wouldn't be for very long. He only needs another day or so."
"As long as you need. Glory knows we could use a feminine influence in that house."
"I don't take up much room. And I really don't eat much," she said.
"Bridgette, you don't have to sell it to me. Our house is your house."
"Really?"
"Really," he emphasized.
"Okay," she agreed hesitantly. She smiled shyly at him and he returned it. She couldn't believe that all three brothers could be so good looking. It didn't seem fair to the other boys in the world.
"Come on. I'll drive you."
"What about…?" she asked, pointing at the school behind her.
"I've got time. I can make it back," he said confidently.
She wanted to insist she would be okay but, honestly, she probably wouldn't be okay. The moment any of the greasers saw her back on that side of town, they would probably flock to Tim. She didn't understand the dynamic between Tim and the other people in town. Normally they didn't get along, but when it came to Bridgette, they wanted to be the first to kiss Tim's ass. It baffled her.
Darry knew that to. That's why he told her to duck a block away from their side of town.
"Can you believe it?" she deadpanned. "I'm a fugitive for working on school projects."
"They just worry about you."
"If they worried so much about me, they would probably do better not hurting me."
"Everyone worries in their own way," he said stiffly.
"Right," she shook her head. "Lucky me."
"Hey," Darry said. "This offer isn't only good for today or for this problem. Our door is always open."
"I appreciate it," Bridgette said earnestly. "It's just not always that easy with him."
"No, I suppose not," he agreed. Bridgette was surprised but validated when he said that. People always tried to defend Tim or her family. They tried to convince her that they really cared about her and were doing what they thought was best. She already knew that to be true and didn't need to be reminded. What she really needed was for more people to recognize that it wasn't all good times for her. Just because she had the grades and athleticism didn't mean everything in her life was grand.
They reached his house and he muttered directions to her. On his signal, she ran in front of him and let him be her shield as they walked into the house.
"Back already?" Pony called from the back room. "Did they tell you I was a super stud and send you home because I have nothing to improve on?"
"I didn't quite get that far," Darry said, grinning at her.
"Why? Because they made a giant poster to save you the trouble of walking inside?"
"No," Darry said simply. He rolled his eyes and Bridgette giggled.
"Wait a minute…what—?"
Pony had heard her giggle and he came stumbling out of his room. His entire face lit up and Bridgette smiled at him.
"You found her!" Pony beamed.
"I did. She was setting up for the conferences."
"Look at your clothes!" Pony gawked. "You look like a respectable member of society."
"I know," she said, scrunching up her face. "Weird, right?"
"Very weird."
"But nice," Darry added.
"Yeah, it looks pretty tuff," Pony decided. "Where did you get those?"
"Gina's mom," Bridgette said and Pony nodded deeply as if this all made sense.
"So are you going back home or…?"
"She's staying here," Darry said. Bridgette rather liked that Darry hadn't added, "For a few days." It made it sound more permanent, like she really was welcome for an extended period of time.
"Really?" Pony asked.
"Really," she shrugged.
"Oh, I see. Soda and I try to convince you and it's a no, but the moment Darry tries you're all for it. That's fine."
"He's much better spoken," she teased.
"How dare you, I got a solid B in debate two years ago," Pony said and Bridgette let out a good laugh.
"I'll let Pony get you settled. I have a conference to attend," Darry said.
"Okay," Pony said.
"Thank you," Bridgette said.
Darry just patted her on the back and headed out.
"What happened with Gina?" he asked. He leaned against the hall wall and crossed his arms.
"I don't really know," she said truthfully. "Everything seemed fine and then she said it was time I made up with my family."
"Did she kick you out?"
"Technically," she said uncomfortably, hoping that Pony wouldn't fact check by actually approaching Gina.
"That's so weird," he frowned. He chewed on his lip thoughtfully and Bridgette watched him shamelessly. He then broke into a big grin and said, "Works out for us, though."
"Why are you guys being so nice to me?" she asked curiously.
"I know you've been through a lot recently, but have you forgotten that we're friends?" Pony asked.
"You have lots of friends."
"First of all, no I don't. Second, why would that make a difference?"
"I don't know. I just…like, I know we're friends, but…I guess I'm just getting used to it."
"Getting used to being my friend?" he asked with a raised eyebrow.
"Well, yeah."
"Bridgette, it's been a few months now."
"Yeah," she said slowly. She decided to leave it at that. It would be hard, and a little embarrassing, to explain to him that a few months in the grand scheme of things was still very much new. Ten years really is a long time to admire someone. She felt like their friendship was still in the probation period and anything she did wrong would be counted against her. Then, at the end of a given amount of time, Pony would calculate whether or not being her friend was worth it. It was a weird thought process but that was how she felt.
"Come on. Let's get you settled."
"Aren't I sleeping here?" Bridgette asked, pointing to the couch.
"Nope. If you sleep there, people would be able to see you when they walk in and out. Now, I don't know what's happening, but a lot of people have been in and out of the house lately. Sometimes they sleep on the couch but most of the time they don't hang out around any longer than it takes for them to eat our food. Soda and Steve are at the rodeo tonight and won't be back until tomorrow so you have the room all to yourself. Once Soda gets back, he'll stay in with Darry and I'll stay in the room with you."
Bridgette gaped at the back of his head. Ponyboy Curtis was going to be sleeping in the same room as her?
They walked into what had to be Pony's room. Bridgette hung out in the doorframe and looked around in awe. His room. She looked around and realized quickly that it was Pony and Soda's room. There was an assortment of track trophies, academic certificates, pictures of a horse, pictures of the gang, and pictures of their family. There was a decently sized bed, dresser, closet, and a small desk in the corner that housed Pony's schoolbooks. Bridgette also noticed a makeshift bed on the ground below the window. It was composed of pillows, sheets, a duvet, and another blanket. It looked rather cozy.
"I'll sleep there," he said, pointing to the bed on the ground.
"You can sleep in your own bed," she insisted.
He didn't think that warranted a response so he continued his spiel.
"The kitchen is always open when you want some food. We kind of take turns cooking and doing dishes, but you don't need to worry about that. All you need to worry about is kicking back and enjoying our company."
"I don't want to kick either of you our of your own room."
"Bridgette," he rolled his eyes. "We want you here. We've had this all figured out the moment we heard you ran off. Don't worry, okay?"
"Okay," she agreed. Once again, she was touched that they had it all planned out.
"Let's see. The bathroom is right next door. I know we're a group of guys but Darry makes sure the house is still nice and clean."
"Great," she nodded.
"Any questions?"
"Yeah. How am I going to get to and from school without being noticed?" she asked.
"Darry said he would drive you as long as you don't mind being about forty minutes early."
"Seriously?" she asked.
"Yes?" he said. "Why are you looking at me like that?"
"You guys are being way too nice to me. I don't really know why but I really appreciate it."
"Because we care," he rolled his eyes. "Now come on, let's do our homework."
"I've already finished my homework."
"Of course you have," he smirked. "Well you can help me with mine."
"Okay."
"I was kidding."
"I wasn't. It would be a nice distraction."
"You are so weird," he shook his head but didn't fight her on the subject any further. He went to the front room to grab his books and returned back to the room. He sat down at his desk and Bridgette apprehensively sat on the bed.
"Anatomy," he announced as he opened his notebook. Bridgette had never taken anatomy and never would. He let her look through his text book while he worked on a worksheet. Every so often he would ask her a question and she would look it up. It wasn't exactly thrilling but it did prove to be a nice distraction.
Darry returned home and confirmed that all of Pony's teachers had nothing but nice things to say. Pony nodded deeply as if he expected this all along. Darry then made them dinner while they worked on his English homework.
Bridgette didn't understand it, but when she was with James it felt natural and she felt perfectly at home. While at the Curtis house, she felt like a guest. She knew she was a guest, but she couldn't ease into it like she had back at James's house. It had nothing to do with the Curtis boys, that much she knew. But it ate away at her. She even called it an early night as a means to have some time to think about things.
She didn't get much thinking done because she fell asleep right away. Apparently sleeping in a school library is kind of exhausting.
She woke up to a delighted Soda the next morning. He nearly tackled her when she walked out of the room as if he had been waiting for her. He took her into a spine crushing hug and she laughed nervously, patting his arm.
"Hi," she greeted.
"I knew you wouldn't be able to resist us long."
"Right," she chuckled.
"You're going to crush her to death," Darry warned. Soda released her but dragged her over to the living room to sit down.
"Darry, I think our guest needs some breakfast," Soda said.
"Am I the cook?" Darry asked.
"I don't need anything," she said.
"Relax, I already got her a plate," Pony said.
Bridgette looked down at her plate of breakfast in surprise. She didn't have time to thank Ponyboy because Soda started to tell everyone very animatedly about the rodeo the night before. He told everyone that Connie had been there and his brothers gave him a very knowing look while Bridgette wasn't sure if she should act confused or not. Soda went into a long rant about Connie and Bridgette felt intrusive. Soda ended his long rant by informing everyone that he won fifteen dollars and Connie ended up leaving with a guy named Ken.
"Fifteen dollars is not bad," Darry praised.
"What kind of a name is Ken?" Pony scowled.
"Like Barbie and Ken," Bridgette said.
"This was definitely no Barbie kind of guy," Soda shook his head. "He was tough. And he was high on something. He had two blades on him and they were not small. You know…I wonder if Connie is okay…"
He looked thoughtfully towards the front door.
"I've got to get Bridgette to school but I can swing by her place on my way to work to check in on her," Darry volunteered.
"You mean it?" Soda asked.
"I do. Bridgette, is it okay if we leave in ten minutes?"
"Fine," she said quickly. She shoveled the rest of her food into her mouth and ran to Pony's room. She put on some clothes, splashed on some makeup, and met Darry by the front door. She told Pony she would see him at school and waved to Soda who was buttoning up his work shirt.
"Are your mornings always this lively?" she asked.
"Yeah. Is everyone's morning not that lively?" Darry asked.
"Not everyone has a Sodapop," she grinned.
"That's true," he smirked.
"That's nice of you to take me to school," she said.
"It was nothing," he assured her.
He dropped her off at the front of the school. She headed into the warm building and went straight to the library. The science experiments were still displayed and Bridgette wondered what grade they were from. She walked along the aisles of different projects and studied each one closely. She figured out that they were from the sophomore class. The longer she looked at them, the sadder she became. She didn't understand it at first but then she realized she was feeling left out.
She had worked so hard to get ahead in school and get the scholarships so that she could go to college and get out of that town. She had perfected the art of studying and homework. Admittedly, she was probably the smartest person in school and she had always held that title with pride. After all, she worked hard for that title. Why shouldn't she proud of it?
But now, looking at the projects, she finally understood everything she had given up in her quest for academic perfection.
She had missed out on so much. She had taken so many advanced classes that she never was in class with the same people for more than a year. The people that should have been her friends since grade school were two years below her in school. They were agonizing over science projects. They might even have complained to their friends about it. They were reading books that Bridgette had either read already in school or would never read because she missed out. While the other kids Bridgette's age were stressing out about passing their driving test, she was worried about what college she should go to and what she should do for the rest of her life.
No wonder she didn't have friends prior to that year. She wasn't around anyone long enough to create bonds.
And now that she really thought about it, other people hadn't ignored her, she had ignored them. She was so caught up in school and the fact that she was a greaser that she hadn't given anyone else a chance. No one ever approached her because she had made herself unapproachable.
And now she was leaving school in only a few months and she would never see those people ever again.
She already missed people she didn't even know.
Bridgette went about her day in a self-pitying state. Pony kept asking her what was wrong but she didn't know how to explain it to him so she just shrugged unhelpfully.
Her chest and ribs were still sore and her coach had already gone over all the tactics he could think of so he told her he would sign off their meeting and she could go home after school.
She was so lost in her own thoughts that she didn't think twice about walking straight to Pony's house. Fortunately, she didn't run into anyone on her way home. She wondered briefly what greasers did all day but she didn't care to find out.
Ponyboy was already home when she arrived. He was lounging on the couch with his legs over the arm of it as he watched TV.
"Hey," he said in surprise. "You're back early."
"Yeah," she said simply.
"How did you get here?"
"I walked."
"And…and no one saw you?" he asked.
"Oddly enough, no," she shrugged. "Lucky."
"Right," he said slowly. "So are you going to tell me what's wrong?"
"Nothing is wrong," she said stiffly.
"It's fine if you don't want to talk about it," he said soothingly.
"Uh, thanks," she said.
"But you actually should tell me."
"You are impossible," she sighed but she did crack a smile.
"Come on," he pouted.
"I honestly don't really know what's wrong," she said.
"Oh, no. No. You're not using that line on me. Spit it out. Tell me what's bothering you."
Bridgette scowled at him but he just looked at her with wide, innocent eyes. She cursed her inability to resist him and plopped down on the couch.
"Look, it's not a big deal, okay?" she disclaimed.
"That's fine."
"I just, um…" she trailed off. She really didn't know how to word it. And she really didn't know what was wrong. She wasn't lying or trying to get out of telling him. It was just that so much had happened and it was all catching up to her. She was going to tell him about her discovery that morning about missing out on a normal experience because of her own mistakes. Instead she swerved at the last moment.
"I don't like being afraid of my own brothers."
She didn't know that was going to come out of her mouth when she started but she also didn't disagree with it. It wasn't something she was planning on ever talking about with anyone but she also didn't mind. It was a strange conflict of emotions and feelings.
"That would be rough," Pony agreed solemnly. She wanted to giggle or something but she felt that would be inappropriate. Of all of her problems at the moment, she never intended on addressing that one.
"I love them but they're not always very nice to me."
She winced after she said it because it sounded so childish. That was the definition of siblings. Siblings fought and had problems all the time; it was a normal part of the family dynamic.
"No," Pony frowned. "I imagine they're not."
"They're not mean," she clarified. "But they're not nice."
"I understand," Pony said. He repositioned himself on the couch so that he could face her straight on. "They care about your well being. There's no arguing that. But I've been thinking a lot lately and I started to wonder about something. I started to wonder if they care for all the right reasons."
"What does that mean?" she asked.
"I don't…"
"Pony," she said warningly.
"I just don't know how to say it. And I'm just an objective party that has no real insight into the situation. You know them better than anyone so if you disagree, then I trust you."
"What are you talking about?"
"I just don't think they care for all the right reasons," he said. "I know they love you and I know you'll always be their kid sister and they'll always feel the need to look out for you. But Tim and Curly don't give two shits about school or soccer. Curly was always in the reformatory too much to maintain any kind of good marks in school. And Tim got into too many fights. They never even tried so it's impossible to say if they were good at it all. And the only athletic thing they do is rumble. So I asked myself, why do they put so much pressure onto you for it? I can understand them trying to keep you away from the bad things this town has to offer but why put all that pressure on you?"
"And did you come to any conclusions?" Bridgette asked curiously.
"Your mom said you were going to save them," he told her, as if she was hearing it for the first time. "I didn't know what she meant at first but…I think the entire family thinks you'll save them. You'll get a good job and make lots of money and pay for everything for them. I mean, think about it, who do they credit for all of your success? Themselves. They think they deserve the praise because they kept you on top of everything. And they're your family. No matter what, you'd help them if they needed it."
"Are you…implying my family is using me for money?"
"Not in so many words, but yes," he said. She looked at him in awe. She wasn't mad or offended or annoyed. She was just amazed.
"I might be able to accept that for my parents, but Tim and Curly don't need money. What do they need money for?"
"No one needs tons of money but everyone wants it," he argued. "They could get nice cars and go on trips and move up in status. Tim and Curly love being hoods and would never accept a middle class lifestyle but they would embrace the money because no one ever turns money down."
"I still don't think they care enough about money to push me as hard as they have."
"No," Pony agreed. "But they would push you that hard to get you out of this town."
"Right," she said slowly. "For a better life. To be safe."
"True," he allowed. "Like I said, they love you and want you to be safe and happy and healthy. But I think more than anything they want to stop worrying about you all the time. They want you out of here so they can relax."
"So…now you're telling me my parents are using me for money and my brothers are just trying to get rid of me so they can live a happy and relaxed life."
"I'm saying they do care about you and want what is best for you, but they also have ulterior motives," he said and chewed on the inside of his cheek. "But again, you know them better so you would know for sure."
"I wouldn't know anything about them for sure," she said bitterly. "They've never included me in anything. Not since we were little. They don't tell me anything. They just tell me to do things without an explanation and I've just done it. I don't really know my brothers at all. For all I know, they're putting all this pressure on me in hopes of one day selling me into slavery. So you could be right, Pony. I still love them, though. I don't really know why."
"They're your family," Pony rolled his eyes. "Every family is screwed up in some way but we still love them, even if they don't always deserve it."
"I just wish I knew them better. I mean, I do everything they tell me and I don't even really know them. Do you know how strange that is for me to realize?"
"Want me to tell you what I know about them?" he asked uncertainly.
"Kind of."
"It's not all good."
"That's okay."
"In fact, most of it isn't good."
"Okay."
"Do you promise not to get mad or offended?"
"Maybe."
"Good enough," he decided. He took a deep breath and held her gaze for a moment. "I know you've probably heard other people say that Tim isn't a good person." She nodded. "Well, I am here to confirm that he really isn't. I have no idea what he's like at home, but the Tim I know is cruel and dangerous. He's impulsive and hungry for fights. He doesn't care about consequences so he does what he wants to whoever he wants to do it to. I've caught him multiple times bullying little kids. These kids are still young enough to enjoy themselves by playing jacks or cards and he takes that joy away from them. Greasers are all one big team against Socs but he's his own team inside of town. I don't particularly like him and I'm not alone."
Bridgette stared at him and nodded thoughtfully. She didn't know how to react or how he was expecting her to react. It made her sad to hear all of those things but she didn't think his words had as much impact simply because she had never witnessed it herself. She knew Pony wouldn't lie but she also couldn't quite grasp it. It sounded like Tim was the type of guy he was trying to hard to protect her from. Was he so hard on her because he knew there were guys like him out there?
"Curly is also a hood, though he's away in jail too much for any of us to really know him. We just know that he's kind of dirty and not to invite him over."
"Dirty how?"
"Dirty like…a pig. He makes all of these messes—literally and figuratively—and then leaves others to clean it up or fix it. And he's not very nice to girls from what I understand."
"He's nice to me."
"You're his sister."
Once again Bridgette just looked at him. She knew her brothers had their problems but she didn't think it was that bad. She knew they were hoods but she never really allowed herself to expand on that thought and to process what it meant for their character. She also figured that, since they tried so hard to shelter her, they would have some sort of resistance to the worst of that part of town, but it kind of sounded like they were the worst part of town.
Maybe…maybe they were sheltering her from the world but maybe they were also sheltering her from the truth about them. Maybe they didn't want their kid sister to know how bad they really were. After all, if she knew, there is no way she would obey them. Right?
"I don't know," Pony finished with a heavy sigh. "You'd know better. And the side of them that you see isn't fake, it's just different. Remember that."
She nodded slowly but couldn't think of anything to say. Fortunately, Soda barged into the house at that time so she didn't have to worry about it. The boys started to make dinner and they refused to let her help. She went to Pony's room to do her homework.
When Darry got home, the four of them sat down for a nice dinner.
"How was school?" Darry asked.
"Riveting," Pony said simply, piling food onto his plate.
Darry looked over at Bridgette and she grinned.
"It was fine," she shrugged. "How was work?"
"Tiring," he chuckled.
"Fun," Soda said through a mouthful of food. "A really good looking girl stopped by and asked us to change her tire. Steve and I fought over it for awhile before we changed another tire for her for free."
"Wow," Bridgette snorted.
"Who was it?" Pony asked.
"Some girl from Texas. Told us she was running away to family in Colorado. I told her she should stay for a night so we could show her some greaser hospitality."
"And how did that go?" Pony asked.
"Great. I'm meeting up with her tomorrow morning. She had to take care of some things tonight."
If it had been any other boy in that position, Bridgette would have assumed this girl had pulled a fast one on him. There was no way she had anything to do that night if she was running away. She would have assumed that the girl only told him that so she wouldn't have to reject him to his face and then just kept driving.
Not with Soda, though. She was probably taking that time to shave her legs and get in a nice shower.
"When I was at work today, you know what Steve reminded me of?" Soda asked.
"What?" Darry replied.
"When Pony used to insist on playing doctor with us," Soda grinned fondly, ruffling his younger brother's hair.
"I don't remember that," Pony defended.
"Well you were only four or so," Soda shrugged. "Mom and Dad bought you a little medical bag for Christmas and you would not let it go. By the end of that first night we all had Band-Aids all over us. Mom had to go get some more the next day to keep you from crying."
"I did not," Pony argued.
"Did so," Darry laughed.
"And you thought the stethoscope took our temperatures," Soda continued. Bridgette looked between all of them in amusement. "Every night for, like, a week you would line us up and put the stethoscope to our foreheads."
"Mom and Dad tried to explain it to you but you refused to listen," Darry remembered with a small smile.
"You informed Darry every night that his temperature was too high and he needed rest. Then you'd put a Band-Aid on his forehead and give it a kiss," Soda finished.
"That is so cute," Bridgette gushed.
"Oh god," Pony groaned.
"You didn't really know what you were doing but you were the cutest doctor in the entire world," Darry said simply.
"This is embarrassing," Pony whined, hiding his face in his hands. "Why would Steve bring that up?"
"That cute girl had a medical bag in the trunk of her car," Soda replied.
"Ponyboy, that is the cutest thing I've ever heard," Bridgette declared. This elicited more groans from him.
"I'm going to do my homework before anyone remembers anymore stories."
"Oh, we've got plenty," Soda assured everyone and winked.
"Need any help with the dishes?" Bridgette offered.
"No, I'm okay," Darry promised.
"Okay. Is it okay if I go and sit in the backyard?" Bridgette asked.
"Uh, yeah, of course," Darry said.
She scooted her chair back and headed to the back of the house. Like most houses in their part of town, the Curtis backyard was relatively small. It was enclosed with a tall wooden fence that maintained privacy and had a small barbecue in the far corner. Off to the right of the yard was a large tree. It hadn't snowed or rained in a few days so the ground was dry enough to sit down so she plopped down under the tree. She sat against the tree with her back to the house so the view she had was of the brown fence.
It was cold outside but she hadn't thought to grab a jacket and now she was too lazy to make the trek back inside to grab one. Instead she brought her knees to her chest and nestled her arms between her chest and her knees.
She thought about everything Pony had told her about her brothers. She knew for awhile that they weren't good people but she never really considered them bad. It was naïve of her not to. Her brothers really did do a good job of protecting her but that didn't mean she was impervious to the world around her. For years she heard people talking about them in school, probably unaware that she was related to them.
It wasn't the fact that her brothers were rotten people that was getting to her. It was her discovery early that morning, the one where she realized she had been the one holding herself back for so long. If that was true for school and friends, was it possible it also held true for her brothers? She always credited her lack of freedom to her family's overbearing ways, but maybe that was her fault, as well. Maybe she let it all happen. Maybe it was all her fault.
She didn't like it but she also didn't feel like trying to stop it when she started to cry silently. The tears streamed down her face but she made no move to wipe them away. Why shouldn't she cry? She was unhappy. Crying was supposed to make people feel better so she figured she might as well let it.
The back door opened and Bridgette rested her chin on her knees, cursing her bad luck. Again, she thought about wiping away her tears and putting on a brave face but she didn't care anymore. She was done trying. All she ever did was try.
"Aren't you freezing out here?" Pony asked.
"Yeah," she admitted. He sat down next to her and looked at the fence as if trying to figure out what she had been staring at. Then he turned to her and his smile melted from his face.
"Bridgette? What's wrong?"
She laughed without humor and shrugged as if to say "What isn't wrong?" She tilted her head back and rested it against the tree so that she was now looking at the low hanging branches. Pony stayed quiet but he wiggled out of his leather jacket and maneuvered it around her shoulders. She looked down at the sleeves hanging in her lap curiously before slipping her arms into it. She tried to thank him but she couldn't talk at the moment.
The jacket was heavy and warm. Mixed in with the smell of leather was the smell of aftershave, smoke, and a fresh scent that she couldn't place. It smelled like him. She wrapped her arms around herself and took a deep breath. He looked at her expectantly and she diligently pretended not to notice.
"Bridgette," he said sternly.
"I'm just tired," she sniffled.
"Did you want to go to bed?" he asked obliviously.
"No, not that kind of tired," she shook her head. "I'm just tired of…everything."
He nodded deeply and looked at her with focused eyes. She ran her fingers through her hair and sniffled.
"Like with your family?" he asked.
"Yeah."
"Why don't you…" he began. He chewed on the inside of his cheek and tried again. "Why don't you stick up to them?"
"How?"
"What do you mean how?" he frowned. She wiped under her eyes but more tears escaped so she gave up. "They put all this pressure on you, right? Your mom even said you were going to save them. So tell them that if they want you to keep being as perfect as you have been, they need to let up. You've only ever done what they've asked so they need to get off your back."
"I could try that," she said, knowing in her heart that would never happen. Pony saw right through her and huffed.
"Bridgette, you don't have a backbone," he fumed.
"What?" she asked in surprise.
"You don't. You do what you're asked without question. You never stick up for yourself. You're like their little pet and you don't even fight it. You don't even seem to care. You just let it happen."
"Just let it happen?" she repeated quietly. She could feel more tears leaking from her eyes and she felt a huge lump in her throat. What the hell was his problem? "Why are you attacking me?"
"That's another thing," he reeled. "It's always what other people are doing to you. How everyone else is wronging you. Not all of us are the bad guys, you know. Some of us actually care."
"I know, but—"
"No, you don't. I tried to tell you I had a bad feeling about Mr. Midland and you refused to listen to me. You went on and on about what a good friend he was and how he was the only one to notice you and all that. I saw it from your perspective but you never even tried to see it from mine."
"That's not—"
"Bridgette, you could have hoards of friends if you just let yourself. You could have everything you want if you just tried. You've never even tried but you're so quick to make everyone else feel bad about it."
"I wasn't—"
"And, I know, you were scared of Tim. But that brings me back to my original point. Why can't you just fight back? Tell him how you really feel. He's a jerk to everyone else but he actually does love you so he's more likely to listen to you than anyone else."
Now she was really crying. She managed to control her sobs but everything else about her was a mess. She came outside to have a nice relaxing moment alone to gather her thoughts. And now she was being scolded by Ponyboy about things she had discovered for herself only that morning. She was being told off for never fighting the system, something she had been told from a very young age to never do. Her only influence for years was her family and she didn't know anything different. Why should she feel guilty for trusting them and listening to them when they were the ones that had been there from the start? Sure, they were dysfunctional but what family wasn't? And now she was being told that it really was her fault. Everything was her fault.
"It's always my fault, isn't it?" she agonized. "It's always something I shouldn't have done or should have done. I should have studied harder. I should have practiced more. I should have made more effort with the people in my class."
"I'm not saying it's all your fault," Pony said quickly. "I'm saying you lost that fire in you that you used to have. What happened to that kid on the playground that wouldn't stop hugging me?"
"She grew up!" she cried. Now she couldn't even control her sobbing. She stumbled to her feet and took a few steps away from him. Her vision was blurred and she was having a hard time controlling her breathing. "That's what everyone told me to do so I did it. I stopped hugging people and I stopped following them around town because I had a crush on them. I stopped fighting everyone's authority because that's what I was told to do and I do everything I'm told, remember? I was different. I was better. I wasn't allowed to be like anyone else in town. I wasn't allowed to think for myself. And I'm sorry if it offends anyone or if people don't think I tried hard enough."
She felt the energy drain out of her with every word. When she finished her rant, she collapsed on the ground in the fetal position and sobbed. It was all very dramatic but she didn't care.
"Oh, Beej," Pony grieved. He walked over to where she was lying on the ground. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
He lifted her slightly and placed her in his lap. She fought him at first but then she gave up. She let him hold her as he repeatedly told her how sorry he was. It took her a long time to calm down and she was amazed that the other Curtis boys hadn't come out to check on them. Even if they had somehow managed not to hear their outburst, surely they would be concerned for them out in that cold.
"Beej," Pony said gently. "I didn't mean what I said. I wasn't thinking."
"You're right," she croaked.
"I'm right about some things but not all of the things. And I definitely didn't convey it all the way I wanted to," he grimaced. "I just want you to be happy. I don't want your family to control you and use you. You're better than that. You do have a fire in you, even still. After all these years of your family trying to extinguish it. You're strong, Bridgette. One of the strongest people I know. I respect you and how hard you work. And I respect that you're still willing to try."
"You just said I don't try."
"That's one of those things where I was wrong," he sighed. He wrapped his arms tighter around her as if worried she would try to run away. She wished desperately she was able to enjoy his arms around her. Instead she just felt tired. "You do try. I know you do. And I know better than anyone that standing up to your brothers isn't easy. But I can also speak from experience and say having a real talk with your brothers can really make a difference. I just think that if you told your family how you were going to run your own life, there really isn't much they can do. I mean, you're already in college. They kind of need you alive and well. And if they try to hurt you again, you'll always have a place here. It's worth a try."
"Especially since they're not all that great to begin with," she murmured.
"As the most successful person in that family, I feel like you should be the one calling the shots."
"I wish I could."
"You can. I know you can," he implored. "You don't have to make any decisions now, but I want you to at least think about it. Please."
"I'll think about it," she decided. "Can I tell you something?"
"Of course."
"Just this morning I was thinking about how I feel like I missed out on life. I'm only sixteen and I know I have a lot of time ahead of me, but I do feel like I missed out on a lot. And, to be honest, I discovered that I really am at fault for at least some of it. I'm too focused and I'm too driven. And I think one reason I let Tim control me so long was because it was easier than putting myself out there. I didn't want to be rejected or humiliated."
"Why would anyone reject your friendship?" Pony challenged.
"I don't know but I wasn't willing to find out," she shrugged. "The only experience I had with anyone outside of my brother's gang was that time I hugged you and stalked you. You weren't so excited."
"Beej, I was eight," Pony said, astounded by her words. "Please tell me you didn't let that sway you."
"A little," she admitted, looking down at her hands. His jacket was too big on her and the sleeves covered her fingers. She closed the sleeves over her hands for added warmth. She wondered how he was fairing against the cold and considered giving him his jacket back.
"Glory," he mumbled. "I was eight. The only girl I knew was my mom but no one really thinks of their mom as a girl, you know? The guys were giving me a hard time. I was just trying to fit in. I was the youngest and I didn't want them to see me as a baby."
"I understand," she said. "Sorry if it made you uncomfortable."
"Oh, please," he rolled his eyed. "I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings. But I really was—"
"Only eight," she interrupted. "I know. I get it."
And she did get it. As she had discovered that morning, it wasn't his fault. He was just being a normal boy. And she was just being a normal girl. Neither of them were really at fault and neither of them should feel bad about it. But what she did feel she could be blamed for was the fact she never tried anything else with him. She followed him around town for years but never attempted to make conversion or say hi. She just watched him from afar. Even when he went through that ordeal with Johnny and he really could have used a friend, especially at school, she still didn't approach him. Because she was scared. She was insecure.
That really was her fault. Not his.
"The point is that I deprived myself of a lot," she said. "Tim had a tight grip on my life but he couldn't watch over me at school. I was more than able to make friends if I wanted to. But I didn't try."
"You're doing it this year," he pointed out softly. "We started talking in math and you went to that sleepover for soccer and you made a good number of friends there. And good friends. You're already making a change."
"I just wish I could go back in time and make things easier from the start," she sighed.
"Don't we all," Pony said.
They sat in silence for a second and Bridgette finally relaxed enough to appreciate the moment. He had propped himself against the tree with his legs extended in front of him as he held her. She was sitting sideways on his legs and her legs were hanging off of him in the dirt. He had one arm wrapped around her back and rested on her waist while the other hand was resting on his hand on her waist. He was strong and she could feel his muscles ripple whenever he adjusted his arms. He had been wearing a normal white t-shirt that clung onto him snugly and Bridgette noticed with a blush that the fabric was struggling against his muscles. She knew he had to be cold.
She looked up to his eyes and her heart skipped a beat. She had never been that close to him before and it made her nervous. He was so handsome and he was holding her in his strong arms and it was all she could do not to collapse.
Everyone kept telling her that she should just kiss him. For a wild second, she actually considered it. But there was a time and a place for that moment if it ever happened and that was not it. She liked him so much that it hurt sometimes. And even if he responded enthusiastically to the kiss and insisted she be his girlfriend at once, she didn't think her brain could handle it. She was already overwhelmed by everything that had happened and she honestly felt like she would have a breakdown if anything big happened.
So it would just have to wait.
"Come on. Let's get you inside before you catch pneumonia," she said gently.
"You ain't a woofin'," he chuckled. She climbed out of his lap and felt cold immediately. She went inside and found the others watching TV.
She took a shower for the first time since being in the house. She made sure it was quick and changed into something to sleep in. Pony took a shower after her and she used that time to go about her minimal night routine of towel drying her hair and taking her painkillers. She crawled into bed and stared at the ceiling. She wished she could go for a run or kick the ball around to help clear her head.
Pony entered the room wearing pajama pants and an old track shirt.
"I think I'm calling it an early night, too," he announced. She just nodded. He turned off the lights and stumbled to his bed on the ground.
They were quiet for a long time and Bridgette assumed he had fallen asleep. She couldn't sleep. She was thinking about what Pony had told her, about sticking up to her family. At first she had no intention of following through but the more she thought about it, the more it appealed to her. Even if they threw a fit and beat her to a pulp, she could always stay with the Curtis brothers. Tim would try to get to her, but the Curtis crew was more than capable of holding their own. And if all else failed, she could sleep in her sanctuary. Besides, she had been the one holding herself back for so long and now she wanted to take charge.
"Bridgette?" Pony whispered, startling her enough to make her heart race.
"Yeah?"
"Are you awake?"
"Yes," she said.
"Are you cold?"
"A little. Are you?"
"A little. I think there's a draft from the window."
"Do you want a blanket?" she asked.
"No, that's yours."
"Why don't you just come up here?" she offered. She didn't mean anything suggestive by it and she knew Ponyboy would know that. "That way we can both have more blankets."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah."
She scooted over so that he would have more room. He made a lot of noise as he stood up and she wondered if he was okay. Then she felt the bed sink beside her. Ponyboy got settled and then spread the duvet and blanket he had been using over them both.
"This is better," Pony decided.
"You have a comfortable bed," she informed.
"Thank you. I like it."
"I can see why."
"Bridgette," he said hesitantly. She hummed to show him she was listening. "Can I talk to you about something?"
"Sure," she allowed.
"It's something I wanted to talk to you about for years but I just…" he trailed off and Bridgette turned to look at him. He was sitting against the headboard so she scooted higher onto the bed so that they were at eye level.
"What is it?" she asked.
"I wanted to thank you."
"Thank me?" she scoffed, not at all expecting that. "For what?"
"For what you did for Johnny."
Now she was really confused.
"What did I do for Johnny?"
"Helped him finish the book," he said quietly. She looked over at him and he was twiddling his thumbs.
"How did you know about that?"
"Johnny left me a letter and a note when he passed," he said, determined to look anywhere but at her. "The letter was really nice and something I really needed. The note was just a scribble on a piece of scratch paper and it only said, 'Bridgette Shepard digs okay. Something special.'"
"Special?" she asked in confusion.
"I just connected the dots," he shrugged. "But thank you. It meant a lot to him."
"I'm glad."
She reached out and took his hand in hers. Nadine would be proud but Bridgette wasn't trying to flirt. She was trying to comfort a friend who needed some comfort. He looked down at their hands and smiled before giving her hand a squeeze.
He scooted down so that his head was on a pillow and Bridgette did the same. She didn't feel like being far away from him. And she was convinced her brain was fried from the day because without thinking of the consequences or the implications, she rested her head on his shoulder and let her hand rest on his chest. He really was quite strong. He didn't think much about it as he wrapped his arm around her. She closed her eyes and savored the moment.
"I can't believe it's been four years," he said without emotion, but she could feel his heartbeat under her palm and knew this was hard for him. "It gets easier but it never gets easy."
"Tim still talks about Dally sometimes like he's here," Bridgette said. "Then he'll get kind of quiet."
"I always thought Dally was invincible," Pony said.
"I think we all did."
"Johnny went too soon. He should have lived a long life. He should have gotten out of this town with me. He should have known what it was to be happy."
"He knew what it meant to be happy," she frowned. "Every time he was with you guys he was like a new person. He lit up."
Pony was silent so Bridgette chanced a glance at his face. He was staring intently at the ceiling but she could see his eyes were watering. She pretended not to notice and wondered if that was the right thing to do.
"Do you have any fond memories with your brothers?" Pony asked after a moment of silence.
"I have one," she mused.
"Only one?"
"I think so," she said. She told him about the three of them wrestling when she was a kid in the park. It made her sad to talk about it out loud.
"That is nice," Pony agreed.
"Can you tell me stories about you and the gang growing up?" Bridgette asked. "I always saw you guys around town but it would cool to hear stories."
"What kind of stories?"
"Any kind of stories," she shrugged. "Like the one about you being a doctor."
Ponyboy huffed but Bridgette just grinned. He caved and told her a few stories.
One was about Darry trying to teach them how to play football. Darry had always been naturally athletic so it was easy for him to throw and catch the ball. He would practice all the time with their dad. Pony caught on pretty quickly, as well. He was fast and he liked running to catch the ball as Darry or their dad told him to go long. Soda was never much of an athlete simply because he couldn't focus for that long. Darry would call out a play and everyone would do it except for Soda who would create his own plays without telling anyone. Or he would actually catch the ball and then dance with it across the field.
Another story involved their mom teaching them how to cook in the kitchen. Darry, again, picked up on it quickly. Pony attributed this to Darry being older. Their mom put Soda in charge of stirring to burn off some energy and put little Pony in charge of flipping the meat in the skillet. Pony started to daydream about riding around in a fire truck when he accidentally left a towel too close to the stove and it caught fire. Their mom managed to put out the fire in time but Pony was banned from the kitchen for a full year and received a very stern scolding from everyone.
Pony was telling her a story about Steve being openly rejected by a girl at the DX when Bridgette felt her eyelids getting heavy. She tried to stay awake to hear the rest of what sounded like a funny story but she finally gave in.