Chapter 42 - first a funeral

A/N: SM owns twilight. Okay - so this is a tissue warning folks, chapter is called funeral so you might tear up, I know I did. I don't dwell though so don't worry but if you have issues with funerals skip to the section I've marked ... and then... See you on the other side - love you guys.
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Jacob's church was bright and beautiful. Bella and Zafrina had decorated with hundreds of brightly coloured flowers with multi colored helium balloons tied to the ends of each of the pews.

All the children in attendance had a helium balloon tied to their wrist with a long string of curling ribbon. During the service Bella and I sat holding hands as Lil Bit snuggled to me on my lap playing with her balloon which hit me in the head on more than one occasion. It was a very silly distraction from the sad purpose for our gathering.

The church was overflowing with many people having to stand at the back since all the pews were packed. Bella had closed the bakery for the day so that all her staff could attend if they wanted to, which all of them did including volunteering to work the 'wake' afterwards for free. There were students and professors from Bree's law classes at the University as well as school children from Bree's little sister's school. I was surprised to see police officer Biers with quite a number of other policeman sitting near the family. He had been the officer to take Bella's and my statements at the hospital after she was mugged in the park. Bella explained that Bree's father was a retired police officer. He was young to have retired but he needed to care for his wife so he took early retirement on a half pension which is why the family's budget was so tight and Bella's support for Bree's schooling was so vital. I squeezed my girls hand, she was so kind to others.

Jacob stood at the lectern at the front of the Church, "Before Amber died she told me that she didn't want a sad funeral. She was sad to leave her family of course but she knew her time had come. Instead of a sermon Amber gave me very clear instructions on what she wanted me to share with you." At that comment there were knowing giggles, chuckles and head nods. Clearly Amber was a woman with a reputation for straight talking and the idea of 'instructing' the reverend on what she wanted at her funeral was no surprise to anyone who knew her.

"She asked for you all to do your best to support her husband Bill and their two beautiful daughters Bree and Tahlia." I looked over at the proud stoic man sitting in the front pew hugging his two daughters tightly to him.

"She asked me to tell you all to live your lives with courage and compassion; to live life to its fullest, love with your whole hearts and laugh as much as you can every day. Bill, Bree and Tahlia - Amber gave me personal messages for each of you which she dictated to me and to my wife Leah who wrote them out for her. They are not her Will but her loving messages just for each of you. Leah has them and will give them to you after the service as Amber instructed."

"She asked me to tell all of you that she was proud of her life, proud of her achievements and proud of her legacy." He looked to the small family sitting clutching each other close and I couldn't help but hold my own small family just a little closer to me and I wished that Anthony was here with us instead of having to wait another day for him to join us.

"Amber insisted that I not give a sermon but asked instead for me to read one of her favourite poems...

"As you love me, let there be
No mourning when I go,
No tearful eyes,
No hopeless sighs,
No woe, nor even sadness!
Indeed I would not have you sad,
For I myself shall be full glad,
With the high triumphant gladness
Of a soul made free
Of God's sweet liberty.
No windows darkened;

For my own
Will be flung wide as ne'er before,
To catch the radiant inpour
O Love that shall in full atone
For all the ills that I have done;
And the good things left undone;
No voices hushed;
My own, full flushed
With an immortal hope, will rise
In ecstasies of new-born bliss
And joyful melodies.

Rather, of your sweet courtesy,
Rejoice with me
At my soul's loosing from captivity.
Wish me 'Bon Voyage!'
As you do a friend
Whose joyous visit finds its happy end.
And bid me both 'a Dieu!'
And 'au revoir!'
Since, though I come no more,
I shall be waiting there to greet you,
At His Door.

And, as the feet of The Bearers tread
The ways I trod,
Think not of me as dead,
But rather -
'Happy, thrice happy, she whose course is sped!
She has gone home - to God,
Her Father.

We sat in silence for several minutes with our head bowed. The soft sobs of those who had suffered loss could be heard throughout the Church.

Then Jacob called our attentions back again, "I want to thank you all for joining us here today to farewell Amber and to show our support to Bill, Bree and Tahlia. There will be no graveside service as Amber requested a cremation. I welcome Amber's daughter Bree now to read another poem to finish our service today after which the family invites you to join with them in a festive celebration of Amber's life in our hall next door. Bree?"

Bree kissed her father and her sister, stood and moved over to Jacob. She shook his hand and turned to face the gathering of friends and family. She hesitated, trying to brace herself to speak she looked desperately around the church until Officer Biers stood and walked to stand behind her. He looked over to Bill and they stared at each other for a moment before Bill gave him a small nod. Officer Biers reached his hands around Bree's waist, she leaned back slightly against him and he lightly kissed the top of her head. You could see her calm at his touch. It reminded me of the effect Bella's touch had on me when I was emotional or stressed.

In a clear calm voice then Bree spoke, "My mother was a woman of quiet strength. Before her illness she had so much energy and life. She was always laughing and singing and that is the way I choose to remember her. I won't forget her fight with cancer but I will focus on her courage rather than her pain. She asked me to read this poem for her ...

"Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am the sunlight and ripened grain,
I am the gentle Autumn rain.
When you awake in the morning hush,
I am the swift upflinging rush
of quiet birds in circling flight.
I am the soft star shine at night.

Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there, I did not die."

Tears fell from my eyes as I watched this brave young woman read these beautiful words. She was so strong and determined to honour her mother with dignity. I was enormously proud to know her.

She and her policeman walked over to her family where Bill rose and hugged his eldest daughter and shook the hand of the man who clearly loved her.

... and then...

My attention was pulled from the sad but intimate scene when Lil Bit's hand touched my cheek, "Time for cookies now Daddee?"

I chuckled, "Yes my little love, let's go out by the door so we can give everyone their cookies."

Bella, Zafrina, Leah, Seth, Lil Bit and I made our way to the front doors where we handed out cookies, sunflowers and daisies to all the guests as they left the church. Lil Bit was right of course, cookies do make people smile. People accepted her offering and rewarded her with smiles and hugs. She hugged each person wanting them all to feel better.

When we made our way into the hall Bella busied herself with the catering, she always worked through sadness or worry and this was no exception. She put the finishing touches on all the food and spent the next few hours roaming the hall offering food and drink to everyone. I watched my sweet one and wondered how I might try to take care of her when she needed to be comforted.

"Looking forward to our pre-marriage discussions this evening Edward?" I turned to find Leah standing by me with a teasing grin on her face.

I chuckled, "Yeah, I have to admit I am a little worried about Jacob. I think he's going to be rough on me but that's okay, I'll survive. I know he just wants the best for Bella."

"He wants the best for you too Edward. Jacob likes you, y'know. Don't tell him I told you that but he thinks you are doing great with both Bella and with Lil Bit."

"I sense a but at the end of that sentence."

She smirked at me, "Okay, yes he does have concerns. He's worried that going from single Bachelor of the Year to a domesticated father of three in so short a period of time is going to be too much for you."

I didn't answer her straight away, I just nodded my head and thought about his concerns. Lil Bit ran over to me so I opened my arms and picked her up, "Potty Daddee."

"Okay, little love. Let's go find you a bathroom. Excuse us Leah." I moved to walk towards the door.

Leah just smirked at me and patted my shoulder, "Jacob shouldn't worry though, you're doing fine."

I kissed Lil Bit on the cheek and smiled in gratitude at Leah's faith in me. After taking Lil Bit to the bathroom and singing 'Twinkle Twinkle' three times with her, we rejoined the others to find that most of the guests were packing up and Bella was organising delivery of the leftovers to the Shelter.

Rosalie and Emmett took Lil Bit home to our place while Bella and I went to join Jacob and Leah for our counselling session. We waited in Jacob's home office while they settled Seth down with a story and then his choice of movie. While we waited I took the opportunity to check on my girl.

"How are you feeling sweet one? It's been an emotional day." I snaked my arms around her waist and pulled her back against my chest.

She tilted her head to the side giving me access to her delicious neck, "Mmmm, it has been a long day but I am okay. It was a lovely service and wake. I think Amber would've been very proud of her family today, they handled it all so well."

I turned her in my arms and kissed from her shoulder up her neck to nibble on her earlobe, " I feel as though its been an age since we made love, although I know it's only been a couple of days. I need you love." I bit her earlobe a little harder to get my point across.

Her hands came up my arms and into my hair, "Baby we can't do this here, we're waiting to talk to the Reverend, this is all kinds of wrong," she giggled.

I pulled away just enough to kiss her on the nose, "Yes, I know. You're right but I ache for you love. When we get home, I want to hear you call out my name as I kiss you ... all... over." I kissed her passionately until we heard a throat clearing cough from the doorway.

Jacob strode in to the room and sat behind his desk, so I took Bella's hand and we sat on the loveseat together.

"Leah will join us in a few minutes, she's just gone to make us some tea and coffee. Edward, Bella, I wanted to talk with you today to start you on a journey. Many couples go into marriage full of love for each other but not really knowing each other, without any plans for the future. I know that you are both intelligent, successful, mature-minded people but you have quite different backgrounds and Bella you are still quite young."

He held his hand up to us as he could see we were both ready to defend ourselves and our relationship, "Please, please don't get me wrong I have no intentions of blocking your marriage."

You better believe it Jacob, if I had my way I'd have stolen Bella off to Vegas by now but I wanted her to have her wedding with friends and family about us and I wanted that too, I suppose but if he's going to be a prick about this I won't hesitate to steal her away.

"No really Edward, I can see you don't believe me. All I want is to be sure the two of you have thought about the future and made sure you're on the same page for what you want from this marriage."

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes and leaned over to kiss Bella's temple and pull her closer to me. She felt tense in my arms, I suspect she was also thinking about running off to Vegas and skipping this interrogation altogether. Another thing my sweet one and I had in common - we were private people. She was only really just opening up to me and I had kept my secrets from my family for years before Bella helped me to open up. I hope Jacob didn't think he was going to get either of us to open our relationship up here for him to pick through, not going to happen.

"Well normally we would start our pre-marriage discussion talking about intimacy, birth control and the virtue of waiting for the wedding night," he gave us both a mock glare. "But clearly that ship has sailed."

Bella blushed and I just grinned smugly at Jacob. If he thought he was going to make me feel guilty about having sex with Bella before our wedding he was crazy. if he only knew how close I was to taking her here on his damn desk just a few minutes ago.

"But seriously are there any issues with regards to your intimacy you'd like to talk about?"

He looked earnestly at both of us as if he actually thought we'd talk about our sex life with him. Bella blushing beetroot red, shook her head slowly while she squeezed her lips shut. I just snorted and cocked my eyebrow at him. Was he really going to offer us advice in the bedroom? I. Don't. Think. So.

"Okay. I can see you don't want to talk about sex, so let's talk money... Bella have you organised the pre-nup as Jane advised?"

"No," she stiffened at this topic. She and I had had actually argued about this over the past few weeks. I wanted her to have the pre-nup but she wouldn't have it.

I turned to her, "Bella I think you should reconsider."

She turned to me, "Are you planning to cheat on me?"

"Don't be ridiculous, of course not."

"Are you planning on leaving me?"

"Sweet one, what are you talking about, of course not."

"So why do I need a pre-nup?"

Jacob intervened, "Bella, no-one goes in to a wedding planning to cheat or leave, but sometimes things happen," he gives me the stink eye. "What if Edward strays? Don't you want to protect yourself?"

"What the hell Jacob? I am not going to cheat on Bella. I would rather be dismembered and burned than hurt my sweet one. She is my saviour, my reason for being, how could you even suggest that I could do anything so heinous. Seriously Jacob. I know you don't think much of me but I had hoped you understood just how much I loved this woman. And what about Lil Bit and Anthony not to mention my baby in her womb? Do you honestly think I could betray them? Are you insane?" I stood up and reached out for Bella's hand, "Come love, let's go. I won't stay here and listen to this bullshit."

Bella looked at Jacob, cocked her eyebrow and said calmly, "No Jacob, there will be no pre-nup. Sit down baby, Jacob was testing you."

I looked over at a smirking Jacob. I scowled and sat down again.

"I'm sorry Edward, I needed to hear it from your own lips. I still think you both should have a pre-nup drawn up but I don't believe either one of you would knowingly hurt each other."

I huffed my dissatisfaction with Jacob's methods but was glad he seemed to finally understand that I would hurt myself before I'd hurt my family.

"So you won't talk about intimacy within your marriage and you won't take any advice on protecting yourselves with regards to money. Shall we try talking about children?"

We chuckled lightly and looked at each other, this was a subject we were both very happy to discuss.

I started us off, "We want a big family Jacob. We've already agreed about that."

Bella joined in enthusiastically, "Yes, I've agreed to use birth control for two years after the birth of each baby but after that we take what we are blessed with."

I reached out my hand to take hers and I kissed the back of her hand, "Unless we receive medical advice to make us reconsider, we have agreed on our path."

"It is good to hear that you have discussed this in so much detail. You'd be amazed at how many couples marry without ever thinking about talking about these big life issues. It is good that you are talking and making these big decisions together. Planning for a big family you are going to need a big house."

"Well... actually I already have a house..." I blurted it out without thinking.

There was a stillness which came over the room and I looked over to Isabella. She was staring at me.

"Edward? What are you talking about?" her voice was a little too calm.

Jacob smirked and sat back in his chair, "This should be good."

"Sweet one..."

She held her hand up, "Don't you sweet one me."

"Isabella... I... " but before I could say anything more she turned to look at me. Her beautiful brown eyes were narrowed and her lips were pursed.

"Edward Anthony Masen Cullen, are you telling me you bought a house without even discussing it with me?"

"No, love, of course not."

Her shoulders slumped and a wave of relief washed over her face, "Thank goodness. Then why did you say you had a house?"

I shifted uncomfortably in my seat, I was a little nervous about her reaction, "Well... love... you asked if I had bought a house and I didn't, but..."

She cocked her eyebrow and her eyes narrowed again, "But?"

I took a deep breath and braced myself, "But... I have a house. It was my parents house, my childhood home. I still own it. I haven't lived in it since my parents died but I could never sell it."

I looked over to her, she wasn't saying anything so I thought I'd try to sell her on the idea, "Masen Manor is actually quite close to Carlisle and Esme's place which would be very convenient ... I hadn't thought of the house until that night we spent in front of the fireplace and I remembered that my parents house had fireplaces all over the house..." I looked over and she let a small hint of a smile start on her face at the mention of our night spent making love in front of the fireplace.

"It's large too love, it has eight bedrooms, a pool and a tennis court, there's even a separate apartment which would be great for Mrs Cope."

Bella looked in shock so I went in for the kill, I grabbed her hand and sat forward to show my enthusiasm, "And sweet one the kitchen is extraordinary. You'll love it, but I promise that if you don't you can change it."

There was a few minutes silence and I thought it best to just let her think about it for a few minutes. So I sat back and waited. I hoped she wasn't angry with me but I honestly wanted it to be a surprise. I was going to tell her about it when we got back from Paris but talking like this with Rev J. I just couldn't help but blurt it out.

Finally she spoke, "Edward? Why didn't you tell me you owned a house? Well a mansion by the sounds of it. I mean, did you forget? How do you forget that you own a Manor?" By this time her voice had gone up an octave, she was up and pacing the floor. "I mean do you have any other surprises for me. Honestly Edward ... a house... you forgot to mention you own a huge mansion of a house?"

I was about to answer when Leah came in with a tray, "Tea or Coffee anyone?"

She looked at each one of us in turn, taking in Bella's stressed expression, my nervousness and Jacob's enormous grin. She placed the tray down on the desk forcefully put her hands on her hips and turned to Jacob, "Jacob Black what did you do?"

A/N: Well Bella Edward can give me this house anytime he likes! I searched the real estate sites for a fabulous house for 'masen manor' and i found the perfect house, it really is gorgeous. Do you think Bella will be happy or angry? Will Jacob get in trouble with Leah... yes that's a given I think. I'd love to hear your thoughts. See you soon lovelies.

Book credit:
Rev J's poem: Adieu! and Au Revoir by John Oxenham
Bree's poem: 'Do Not Stand At My Grave And Weep' Anonymous
both poems were sourced from: For Weddings and a Funeral: Special Poems for Special Occasions. Editor: John Marsden. Publisher: Pan Macmillan Australia Pty, Limited, 1996. ISBN 0732908523, 9780732908522