Watching them was addictive in equal measure to its cruelty. My brother seemed so at peace when he had Tim with him but I could tell that underneath he was like a burning furnace, sometimes with anger but mostly with passion.

I wondered how we had ever managed to get past everything that had gone on between us and reach the point we were now at. Seeing them together only increased the inner guilt I felt. I had never seen Ivo like this. Ivo had never been one to long for what he didn't have and had always been relatively contented in life but I knew when he was alone that he was pining. He was lost without Tim.

Tim had such a child like grace to his actions, playfully pulling at Ivo's arm as they walked along the promenade and it reminded me so much of Ivo and myself as children. He would shake his head affectionately at Tim as he had with me and would scold him. The difference being that Tim could so easily manipulate a smile or a laugh from him, breaking down the barriers that Ivo believed he had perfected for years.

I hate to admit that I had watched them from the doorway one evening as they lounged across the sofa in the small cottage we had rented. Tim was curled up in Ivo's lap having his hair stroked and endearments whispered to him. I shouldn't have stood there as long as I did but I couldn't bring myself to look away from the scene of domestic bliss.

The entire weekend I could feel Ivo watching me carefully, evaluating the situation, trying to discern my feelings about it all. I found myself trying to portray someone who was happy in other people's happiness but I was jealous. It hurt that he had professed such a love for me barely a year ago and now treated me like a distant cousin. He only had eyes for my brother and I resented that I had been the one to prove to him he wanted no one else.

I could barely hold back tears as I heard them making love through the wall one night, the thought turning my stomach. I had expected Tim preferred my brother because of his ferocity and masculinity but I was entirely wrong. There were hushed whispers and declarations of love in a gentleness I had never heard from Ivo in the lifetime I had known him. It seemed he reserved all of his redeeming qualities for Tim and Tim alone.

I should have been happy for him, to see him so happy but instead I found myself trying to be coy with Tim, flirtatious even. I thought that I was being kind to my brother's boyfriend but that was a blatant lie to myself. It's no wonder Ivo was on edge the entire weekend. Tim was polite and completely above surface, trying not to spend too much time alone with me and verging no deeper in conversation than the weather when Ivo was absent. He was trying to pretend that nothing had ever happened between us and I so desperately wanted to ask how he could so callously lose interest in me.

I loved my brother above all else and it made me feel cold inside to know that he loved another more than he loved me, it hurt more knowing that I had brought it upon myself.