It's the law

Norway and Sweden were taking a walk in the forest by their shared border when they happened upon a man peeing on a pole. The two looked at each other.

"Han är på din sida av gränsen, vad bjuda lagen?" Sweden asked. Norway spaced out for a moment, but soon replied.

"Den som krenker grensemerkene på riksgrensen mellom Norge og Sverige skal henges i nærmeste tre til skrekk og advarsel for likesinnede," he quoted thoughtfully. "Men det virker inhumant." Sweden nodded thoughtfully.

"Det är möjligt att hänga honom utan att döda honom," he pointed out. Norway stared blankly at him for a moment before his lips twitched in an almost smile. They waited in silent agreement, apprehending the man before he had finished relieving himself would be cruel. And awkward. And so they waited in cover of the trees, awkwardly watching the man relieve himself. Well, doesn't that make them sound like two old creeps?

The insolent stranger was finally done and had zipped up his pants when a large hand fell heavily on his shoulder. The man started and twisted around to face them, stumbling a couple of steps back when he found Sweden's face uncomfortably close to his own.

"Hvad fanden- Oh. Eh. Hej med jer~! Hvad en overraskelse at møde jer her… Oi Sve! Hvad fanden gør du! Norge få ham til at sætte mig ned! Norgeeeeeeeee!" Both the Scandinavians felt like facepalming for the tall, insolent, loud, obnoxious, blonde was obviously a dane, and not just any dane but Denmark himself. Not that it changed their plans, and with a shared glance and two unnoticable shrugs Sweden dragged the drunk dane towards the closest tree and Norway rummaged through his backpack for the rope he knew was there somewhere.

Denmark's eyes widened as he saw Norway tie the customary knot on the end of the rope and he began struggling futilely to escape his captor.

"Hej Norge," he began with a nervous laugh, "Du laver sjov… ikke sandt? Du du vil ikke gøre dette, ikke egentlig… Norge? Norge! NORGE!" His babling became more and more panicked as they fastened the rope and slung the other end over a fir's branch, but it was cut off rather abruptly when Sweden put his weight on the rope and began hoisting him into the air like a flag on a flag pole. When he finally finished he tied off the rope and turned to Norway.

"Är det bra såhär?" he asked, glaring at the smaller nation. Norway glanced up at the flailing dane.

"Ja. Dette er… underlig tilfredsstillende. Takk for hjelpen."

"Det var lika mycket för min skull." Norway nodded in acceptance.

"Kaffe hos meg?" he invited.

"Ja tack," Sweden answered, and then they strolled leisurely back the way they had come, as if they had not just hung the Kingdom of Denmark in a tall fir tree on the border between their countries.

Next World Meeting

"First case today!" Germany shouted, "DENMARK has filed a COMPLAINT on NORWAY and SWEDEN for aggravated ASSAULT, TORTURE and attempted MURDER! Will SCANDINAVIA EXPLAIN themselves so we can STOP WASTING TIME on this subject!"

Norway immediately stood up. His emotionless mask stiff and unmoving as he spoke in an eerily carrying tone.

"Innocent of all charges. We only hung him." And that was the cue for Germany's facepalm.

"People often die when you hang them, that is why it is considered a form of 'capital punishment'." Norway's icy stare was turned a bit over Germany's left shoulder.

"I am aware," he said politely, "which is why I fastened the rope under his arms." The German sighed.

"You hung him from a tree, with the rope fastened under his arms, and left him there. That is torture at the very least, he could have died."

"I am not a barbarian, I do not torture people and I do not kill them. It is forbidden by the law."

"Yet you did it."

"I beg to differ. My actions were in compliance with the law. It is a warning, not torture and absolutely not something as barbaric as murder. I further believe this is an internal matter, I am certain that I, Sweden and Denmark will discuss this matter and come to an agreement." Germany nodded slowly and closed the subject before the Scandinavian insanity spread to the rest of the world. Though looking out over the rest of the nations it was probably too late anyways. Yet another pointless meeting.

When most of the other nations where occupied with the World Brawl Norway turned slightly towards Sweden.

"We should have hung him uppside down." Sweden just hummed in agreement.

-:- -:- -:- -:- -:- -:- -:-

Translations:

Han är på din sida av gränsen, vad bjuda lagen? (swedish) - He is on your side of the border, what does the law say?

Den som krenker grensemerkene på riksgrensen mellom Norge og Sverige skal henges i nærmeste tre til skrekk og advarsel for likesinnede. (norwegian) - One who offends/violate the border marker on the border between Norway and Sweden shall be hung in the nearest tree as a terror and warning to others of like mind.

Men det virker inhumant. (norwegian) - But it seems inhumane.

Det är möjligt att hänga honom utan att döda honom. (swedish) - It is possible to hang him without killing him.

Hvad fanden- Oh. Eh. Hej med jer~! Hvad en overraskelse at møde jer her… Oi Sve! Hvad fanden gør du! Norge få ham til at sætte mig ned! Norgeeeeeeeee! (danish) - What the fuck- Oh. Eh. Hello you two~! What a surprise meeting you here… Oi Swe! What the fuck are you doing! Norway make him set me down! Norwaaaaaaaay!

Hej Norge. (danish) - Hi Norway.

Du laver sjov… ikke sandt? Du du vil ikke gøre dette, ikke egentlig… Norge? Norge! NORGE! (danish) - You're kidding… right? You won't do this, not really… Norway? Norway! NORWAY!

Är det bra såhär? (swedish) - Is it good like this?

Ja. Dette er… underlig tilfredsstillende. Takk for hjelpen. (norwegian) - Yes. This is… strangely satisfying. Thanks for the help.

Det var lika mycket för min skull. (swedish) - It was just as much for my sake.

Kaffe hos meg? (norwegian) - Coffee at my place?

Ja tack. (swedish) - Yes, thank you.

Right. Sorry for not writing the conversation in english, but I kind of liked the way this looked? I don't know, I am sorry if it was an inconvenience. I am not fluent in either swedish or danish, but I am pretty confident that I did not do too bad. If there are any native speakers who would correct me or tell me if I was right that would be appreciated.

Histroy/Norwegian Law lesson:

'One who offends/violate the border marker on the border between Norway and Sweden shall be hung in the nearest tree as a terror and warning to others of like mind.'

This was an actual valid law that was in effect until 2002, though capital punishment was abolished in 1905. This was basically me wondering how one would carry out this law without breaking another.

Author's note:

So, like I just wrote, this is just me thinking and somehow I could not get this law out of my head. And let's face it, Denmark would do something this stupid when drunk.

Apologies for the short chapter.

Now to the part you're probably not interested in;

I am still biking. We are in New Mexico, heading for Arizona and then into Mexico and continuing into California. We are on the last part with only five weeks and ca. 1000 km away from the goal.

On another note, I just found that my seven-year-old brother rather would read political plays by 19th century writer Henrik Ibsen in the original two hundred years old Danish-Norwegian mix, instead of reading children's authors like Astrid Lindgren or C.S. Lewis or something meant for his age and written in a language that actually resembles the one we speak today. The worst part is that he actually understand what he is reading. I read those books in school! Act your age boy!

I hope you are doing well, I probably won't tomorrow. It's just a feeling, but the clock is 2.30 am and I am supposed to be up by 6 am… Anyways, remember to sleep, apparently it is important…

So… Good night, I guess?

Shrizyne

(Please review and excuse my rambling. I blame … I don't know who to blame … I'll just shut up. Bye.)