You wouldn't have guessed it by looking at him, but Handsome Jack made for a surprisingly heavy corpse. It was probably the angle. Timothy had to forgo the usual carrying method – for obvious reasons – and instead was trying to awkwardly drag the body across the floor by a leg. Of course, this only succeeded in leaving a bloody trail across the floor rather than on him. Great, now all I need is a sign saying 'dead body hidden here'.
Jack's head thumped dully against one of the couches as Timothy gave the body one last heave. Pausing, Timothy searched his surroundings for the access panel that opened the airlock Jack was so fond of. He stooped to wipe the blood off his hands on Jack's shirt before punching in the keys on the panel. The bookcases and sitting area cleverly disguised themselves beneath the floor revealing the glass windows of the airlock. The bloodied crack still remained from where Gladstone's head had made an impression during his swift exit from Jack's service. Timothy couldn't help feeling a small sense of karmic retribution as he mule kicked Jack's corpse.
Timothy punched in another few buttons on the pedestal and one of the glass panels slid aside to reveal an opening. After another minute of grunting and huffing, Jack's body went crashing into the airlock interior. As he walked back to the access panel, he nearly tripped over one of Jack's shoes. How the hell did that get there? Turning back to the airlock, he threw Jack's shoe in with the rest of him and paused for a moment to check that Jack hadn't left any other extras behind. His assessment was cut short as he recognized the black bland on the Jack's wrist. Clambering down into the corridor, he removed the blood smeared accessory and added it to his own. No point in letting that go to waste.
It was a surreal feeling to watch yourself get unceremoniously flushed into space. Well okay, it wasn't technically him, but the uncanny likeness was still enough to make Timothy's skin crawl a bit. As he watched Jack's corpse slowly fall towards Pandora, Timothy couldn't help but think of the man's final days. For all of Jack's great plans, the only impact the man would leave behind would be a small smoldering crater on the planet's surface.
With a sigh, Timothy turned back towards the pool of blood decorating the office floor. How in the hell was he supposed to clean that giant trail up before someone came into the office? His own clothing would hardly suffice as a rag and he had the feeling that even Handsome Jack would be hard pressed to explain walking out of his office naked. Any thoughts Timothy might have had on evidence disposal were interrupted by the whirl of a cleaning bot entering the room.
A wet sucking noise emanated from the cleaning bot as it slurped up the last of Jack's remains. Satisfied that the floor was once again spotless, the small robot departed the office as quickly as it had arrived. For once, Timothy found himself very appreciative of the excessive automation present on the station. On the other hand, he also found it extremely disturbing that this was apparently a common enough occurrence for the bot to be on standby in the first place.
Looking around the once again pristine office, Timothy finally allowed his body to slump in relief. Jack was dead, he was alive, and no one was the wiser. Now all he had do was assume the role of a ruthless, charismatic, psychopath. How hard could that be?
Apparently, being a ruthless, charismatic, psychopath was significantly harder than the average politician would make you believe. Upon leaving the office, Timothy had been greeted by the shocked expression of Jack's secretary who seemingly knew better than to question the circumstances whenever Jack walked out of his office covered in blood.
Deciding to try his hand at 'Jack', Timothy adopted his most Jack-like smile, "Hey Babe, had a rough meeting today. I'm gonna head out for the evening."
"Yes, Sir," she carefully avoided his gaze. "Would you like me to reschedule your morning meetings?"
"Yeaaah, I might be a little late tomorrow."
"Very good, Sir. You have a pleasant evening then."
Having raised no suspicion, Timothy silently congratulated himself on a job well done. Summoning the elevator, he punched in the floor for the living quarters and began his descent. He found himself idly humming along to the elevator music as his journey down continued. His hum turned into a silent curse when the elevator suddenly began to slow. With a small chime, the door opened on the faces of three very startled Hyperion workers. Whatever conversation they were having was cut short as soon as their eyes fell on their bloodstained employer. As Timothy's eyebrow crept northward, one of them eventually managed to break his stupor long enough to stutter an apology.
"W-we could take the next one if you'd like."
"Yeah. If you could do that, that'd be great," they flinched when Timothy gave them a little wave as the door closed on their worried expressions. As soon as the elevator descended once more, he allowed himself to relax. It seemed like all he had to do to stay in character was remain covered in blood and everyone would avoid him like a plague.
The rest of his ride passed uneventfully and Timothy soon found himself at the station's living quarters. This would actually prove to be the easiest part of the deception since he and Jack were already the sole occupants of this section anyway. Between Jack's cloaking wristwatch and a bit of old fashioned smoke and mirrors, only a few people on the entire station even knew of Timothy's existence.
"Biometric scan and voice authentication required," a feminine robotic voice stopped Timothy at what was once Jack's door.
A hazy blue light washed over Timothy and he sputtered his surprise, "Wait – what? You mean like a password?"
"Scan complete. Bio and voice signature confirmed. Come inside, Sexy."
Oh, well that's convenient.
As the door slid open, Timothy was treated to his first view of Jack's living room. The massive expanse of the living room could have comfortably fit his own quarters inside of it three times over. The room's layout was sparse, yet modern. Enough metal and leather adorned the furniture to make Timothy wonder if Jack might have had an automotive fetish. A large wooden liquor cabinet stood as the sole exception to this theme. How the hell do you even get wood in space?
Timothy decided to forgo a more thorough search of the apartment in favor of personal hygiene. Eager for a shower and a change of clothes, he followed the long hallway towards the back. As he made his way through the hallway, he couldn't help but notice the distinctly familiar articles of clothing littered on the ground. Well that put to rest any question as to what Nisha and Jack had going on.
The layout to the apartment wasn't too dissimilar to his own rooms and he found the door to the bedroom easily. Timothy started to shrug out of his bloodstained jacket as the door slid shut behind him. He finally allowed the tension to drain out of his body at the thought of a relaxing evening alone to prepare himself for the coming days.
As it turned out, an evening alone was the last thing on the mind of the room's other occupant. "Howdy, Handsome."
The room's automatic lighting began to brighten at his entrance to reveal the figure of Nisha propped on the edge of Jack's bed, her hat pulled low over her eyes. Of course, her hat was the only thing she had decided to wear.
OH, FUCK ME.
Timothy didn't trust himself to speak. He concentrated solely at keeping his gaze locked on her eyes. Her perfectly formed, perky, squeezable… ohgoddammit. Since closing his eyes wouldn't be an option, his mind screamed at him to say something. Anything. Now.
"Heeey, Good Lookin'," Timothy managed to force out. "You're looking… good."
"I hope you're planning on doing a little more than lookin'..." Nisha trailed off as her hands slid down her thighs before slowly parting them.
OH COME ON. Of course she wanted to fuck. Timothy already knew that she and Jack were knocking boots. It's not like she had exactly been subtle about it. This was bound to come up sooner or later. He would have just preferred it would have come up a lot later. There was no way in hell she wasn't going to figure out he wasn't the real Jack within ten seconds… if he lasted that long. Never in his life had Timothy been put in the position of trying not to have sex with someone.
"Look, Kitten… I'm not really in the mood this evening. Had a bit of a rough day at the office as you can see." Weak excuse, but it had worked on the secretary.
"Ohhh, why don't you tell me all about it," Nisha's eyes brightened at the prospect as one of her hands slid between her legs.
...Seriously? Of course that wasn't going to work on Nisha. Timothy had fought alongside Nisha enough times to know she got off on violence. The sadist in her would love to hear all about Jack's gruesome end. Suddenly, Timothy had an idea of how he might just come out the other end of this alive.
Timothy plastered the most shit-eating look on his face as he confidently sauntered towards the bed. "Oh, yeah? Well uh… I had to terminate my body double," he peeled off his blood encrusted jacket
Nisha snorted with contempt. "Finally, that guy was pathetic. Just a spineless nobody."
Well, this 'spineless nobody' killed your boyfriend. Timothy chuckled, "Yeah, it really was somethin'. You should've been there to see it."
"Then tell me about it," she growled out as her hand reached out to grasp him through the front of his pants.
Timothy jumped at the contact, "Whoa – hey there! Now how am I supposed to tell my story with that sort of distraction?" Timothy grasped her wrist and removed her hand from its grip on his dick – if not a little slower than was strictly necessary. He gingerly placed her hand back while trying his best not to look at what the other was doing. "You just ah... keep doing what you're doin'."
Nisha raised a brow. "Didn't take you for the watching sort."
"I'm not watching, I'm helping. Now where was I…?"
"You were just about to tell me how you killed that whiny little bitch."
"Oh yeah. Weeell, after our little meetup today, my Double decided to stick around after the two of you left. Wanted to chat about our plans for those bandits in New Haven. So, he starts spouting this lame speech about 'oh no, think of the innocent children' or some bullshit. Turns out, this guy suddenly got a case of cold feet when it comes to dealing out our justice on those limp-dicked backstabbers."
"Mmm, so what did you do?" Nisha's hand suddenly reached up without warning and placed his hand on her breast.
Timothy panicked as he fumbled – literally – with what to do now. Damn, that really is a nice- no. FOCUS. All things considered, this was probably something he could manage. All he needed to do now was hold it together long enough for Miss Naked Gun to get off and he was safe. Of course, between her increasingly erratic sighs of pleasure and feel of her breast beneath his hand, this was a tall order. Being limped-dicked was the last of Timothy's problems at the moment.
"Well, I had to remind him what I did to the last assholes that had the bright idea to tell to me what to do. So he starts freakin' out and begging for his life, and I grabbed that one statue of me – I showed you that right?" Timothy didn't bother to wait for a response since he didn't think he'd get a coherent one at the moment. "And I bashed his skull in with it," he squeezed her breast for emphasis.
Apparently, this was too much for Nisha and her body arched off the bed, hat askew. "Oh, yes! Harder!"
...Really? Timothy decided to oblige and he pinched the nipple under his hand. "So he starts struggling on the ground, right? Blood's just flyin' everywhere and he's crying out for mercy. So then I smashed it over his face again, and again, and again..." He trailed off as her cries of pleasure punctuated every word and her whole body shook as she furiously worked at her clit.
As Timothy waited for the shuddering of her body to subside, Timothy couldn't help the direction his thoughts turned. You know... that was actually kinda hot. Nisha definitely was a very interesting brand of crazy. It just wasn't his brand of crazy.
Nisha finally recovered enough to roll over on an elbow. "You know, that was pretty fun. We should try it again sometime."
That's one way to put it. "Yeah, next time I off someone I'll uh... I'll letcha knooow."
"So is it my turn now?" Her hand teasingly slid across his thigh until it brushed up against the bulge at his crotch.
Timothy damn near jumped out of the bed. "Nooo, no. I got too much stuff to take care of tonight what with uhhh... with the dead body and all. So, rain check...?"
Nisha turned away from Timothy as she slowly got up off of the bed. "Fine. Not like I'm the one missing out."
Oh thank god. It looked like she wasn't planning on trying to cuddle through the afterglow. Timothy wasn't sure how he would have handled that one. The idea of sleeping in the same room with that woman was exactly the kind of thing that would have prevented him from getting any. He was so caught up in his own thoughts, he didn't notice as Nisha circled around behind him.
In a flash of movement, the lawbringer spun him around and pushed him back onto the bed. As she leaned down over him, Timothy could feel her entire frame pressed up against him. He felt the brush of her lips against his ear as she whispered, "Just remember, next time I won't take it easy on you."
Any reply Timothy may have made was cut off as Nisha's breasts pushed into his face. She pulled back with a smirk, her cowboy hat once again resting on the usual spot atop her head. Leaning backwards, her nails slowly raked down his chest as she slid away from the bed. Turning around, Timothy couldn't help but watch the sashay of her hips as she made her way out into the hallway to reclaim her discarded clothing.
As Timothy followed her out into the hallway, he bit back his impatience at the exaggeratedly slow manner in which she dressed. He worried if she expected him to walk her to the door or kiss her goodbye, but any questions he had on the issue were solved when she turned back and kissed him instead. Her arms crossed around his neck as she nibbled at his lip. Pulling away, he noticed the frown on her face. Had he done something wrong? What if Jack had a particular way of kissing? Why the fuck was he thinking about that?
"Lose the mask next time," Nisha intoned with one last kiss. "It's ugly and tastes terrible."
As the door slid shut behind her, one thought dominated Timothy's mind. Next time? Fuuuck. On the other hand… damn. Timothy allowed himself to slump back against the door. How the hell was he supposed to keep this charade up? There was no way he could keep Nisha fooled for long and he was going to have to do something about it. Maybe she'd have to take a one-way trip out the airlock too...
"Holy shit."
Did he really just think that? The gravity of his situation finally hit him as hard as a gold statue to the face. To play Jack, he might have to be Jack. As he made his way down the hallway, Timothy suddenly felt the need to shower for more than a few reasons. Looking down at the tent his pants still made, he figured it would need to be a cold one.
A/N: If this chapter made you painfully uncomfortable yet slightly turned on, we were totally aiming for that. You're welcome. Not much else to say here other than thanks so much for the reviews!